FEAR AND LOATHING IN KONOHA
Title: 1.Wonders of butt!secks
Suggested by: gonrie
Rating: R (for language and adult themes)
Length: 598
A/N: This was, primarily, a challenge to make fun of those things that peeve us in SasuNaru fics (like, Mysterious Lube of Doom). This one was supposed to be a parody for "OMG, WTF, am I gay!".The result is notquite what I wanted, but nevertheless, it seems rather funny. Oh, and there's an ilustration to this fic, which can be found here: http/ chibi-miles. livejournal. com/ 494. html

"The fuck?.!"

Sasuke's determined pace was abruptly interrupted by Naruto's exclamation and a tug on left sleeve.

"What?" the Uchiha took several steps back, taking place beside Naruto, who couldn't tear eyes off the scene he was staring at. Sasuke threw a nonchalant glance as well. "And so? Never seen anyone having sex? What are you, ten years old? Loser." He che'd and went further, not looking back.

"Oi, Sasuke," Naruto seemed to have missed his friend calling him a loser, keeping his eyes on the two hamsters behind the glass.

"What?" Sasuke, way too annoyed by the fact that he had let Naruto take him to Konoha's zoo, didn't want to play a good character; what he wanted was to get out of here as soon as possible, and Naruto, spending half an hour at every cage wasn't helping him achieve this goal!

"Sasuke… Come here. Look, no, really, look." he obeyed and went back with an irritated sigh, wondering how he could let Uzumaki do with him whatever he wanted.

"Well?"

"Sasuke, just look. Aren't those two both … males?"

The Uchiha stared. "Well, yeah. So, what?"

Naruto gasped, finally looking away from two hamsters having a full session of gay sex in broad daylight. His sky-blue eyes bore into Sasuke's charcoal-black ones.

"But how's that possible?"

They were sitting on a bench in a secluded area of a park near the Hokage building. Naruto, his head down, was drawing in dust what seemed like little hamsters with his toes, though Sasuke couldn't actually tell, because he was trying to explain his innocent friend what it meant to be gay and while doing it, he was watching anywhere but at the kyuubi-vessel.

"So you see there are those men, who don't feel sexual desire for women, while other men, in reverse, appeal them…" 'Why the fuck I am doing it?' he wailed inwardly. 'Could have sent him to Iruka-sensei or else!' "So, seeking not only emotional closeness, but physical as well, they have sex!" 'Oh my God, what am I talking about! Someone, shoot me now!'

"But… How's this possible?" Naruto muttered, still looking down. "Men do not have… like… you know…" his voice trailed off.

Sasuke wanted to die. Right there. Right then. If he had thought the day was bad when he found himself in the zoo… How was he supposed to explain Naruto all the wonders of gay sex?

"But…" Naruto started again, giving the Uchiha a little break, "you said, those men who have emotional closeness… is it like – like you and me?"

Sasuke jerked back and nearly fell off the bench. All leftovers of his more or less coherent thoughts mutated into one big "The fuck?".

"No, no, no, Naruto, no way! It's not like you and me, not at all!"

"But how then!"

"It's like… Like love!"

"And how do we know if we love each other?"

Sasuke stood up and took several steps away, as Naruto, eyes lit with determination, stood as well and neared him. "How do we know if we're gay, Sasuke? We kissed, if you remember!"

"It was long ago and not true!" the Uchiha panicked. Inwardly, he was summoning hordes of fangirls come and save him now.

"Let's discover the truth, Sasuke, let's kiss again!" and Naruto went in for the kill. Sasuke considered shamefully squealing and running away, but then the Uchiha Pride awoke and took the problem in its hands. He stepped forward, caught Naruto running to him and kissed his teammate himself! Proudly.

So? How's it to you:shy: The next part is called Naruto's Magically Healing Asshole and was suggested by desbutterfly (in lj).