FEAR AND LOATHING IN KONOHA
Title: 2. Naruto's Magically Healing Asshole
Suggested by: desbutterly
Rating: R (for language and adult themes)
Length: 600
Disclaimer: I suddenly realized that I'd never put a disclaimer till now! What a shame. Though no one would think Naruto's mine anyway, am I right:sigh:
Fic A/N: when I got to write it, I was really confused, not knowing how to start… But then the story took its course :shudders: I'm really scared. And sorry for Naruto's dirty mouth. But I wanted him to sound really angry.

"That's magic, man, pure magic!"

Naruto laughed unnaturally and crawled away from Sasuke's part of bed.

"Magic?" Sasuke's left eyebrow twitched, which for a more emotional person would equal his brows merging with hairline. Naruto wasn't watching though, currently busy with searching for his socks under bed. "What are you talking about?"

"I tell you it's magic!" he repeated stubbornly, fishing out what looked dusty little version of Gai-sensei's spandex, only colored black and with Uchiha fan on the back. "Sasuke, what is this doing under your bed?"

The Uchiha turned red immediately, snatched the spandex out of Naruto's hands and threw it under the bed again. "Don't change the subject!"

"What subject?" Naruto blinked sheepishly, getting an irritated exhale from Sasuke.

"How do you manage to heal so quickly after sex? Your ass must hurt – and it doesn't. It's unnatural."

"How do you know, for fuck's sake? You're not the bottom!" Naruto replied angrily for some unknown reason, blushing.

"That's common sense, idiot. I don't have to be bottom to know that."

"Who are you calling idiot, bastard?" Naruto shouted, jumping to his feet. Sasuke contemplated starting a fight with his lover – he'd do it without a second thought, knowing that afterwards they'd move to kinky sex on any available surface (depending on where the fight would end)… But Naruto was just getting him off the subject, again.

"Is it some secret Konoha's technique Kakashi had taught you along with One Thousand Years of Pain?" Sasuke smirked profusely at Naruto's infuriated expression. "Share it with me then."

"Fuck you, Uchiha!"

"Fuck you, Uzumaki, and with great pleasure. So?"

"So what?"

"Tell me, or I'll tug this out of you."

"Know what?" Naruto jumped off the bed and started hurriedly putting clothes on. "Go fuck yourself and get to know how it heals on your own behalf!" and with these words he stormed out of the bedroom, and then – the house, leaving completely confused Sasuke behind.

Why was Naruto so angry, ask me? Well, actually, ask him, but he wouldn't speak anyway. Then ask Kyuubi. He'd tell.

"Kukuku…" Kyuubi cackled at Naruto. Hadn't the fox been too big for his cage, he'd fall on his back and start rolling, laughing his ass of. Because the sight of Naruto, with pained expression caressing his own butt, was really something…

"What the heck are you laughing at, stupid fox?" he moaned, rubbing his poor rear. "Better heal me right now. I can't wait for some freakish hours to be healed."

"No way, kit. I'm not doing it at all! I want everyone to have the pleasure of such a sight!" and the fox continued laughing.

"What the fuck?" Naruto jumped, shaking fist at his inhabitant, but as he stood straight a bolt of pain stroke him through the spine, making him bent over and caress his butt some more. The fox nearly cried.

"Okay, demon, now listen here." Naruto hissed dangerously. Though it didn't sound as dangerous as he wanted, because he was still half-bent. "If you don't heal me now, I'll go all tell everyone that you're gay!"

Kyuubi nearly choked on his own laugh but then said: "I don't care for humans' opinion, kit. Do whatever you please… Hahahahaha!"

"Don't care for humans'… then I'll go all the damn way to the Sand and tell Gaara you're in love with Shukaku!"

Kyuubi shut up.

See now? All the humiliation Naruto had gone through was burned in his minded. So Sasuke, with his stupid questions, wasn't helping live it down. "How does it heals, my ass!" Naruto muttered angrily, walking home.