FEAR AND LOATHING IN KONOHA
Title: 3. The suspiciously convenient bed
Suggested by: desbutterly
Rating: R (for some language and a whole mount of adult situations)
Length: 775 words
Disclaimer: I wish!
Fic A/N: something I wanted to share… A little gag from this winter's Animatrix(4u):
"Giiirls… Who are you cosplaying?"
"We're not girls. We're proud shinobi of Konoha!"
First time Sasuke and Naruto had sex, they had it on Naruto's old sofa, creaky and uncomfortable. It was narrow and in heat of foreplay they did fall off it, crashing on the floor in a heap of tangled limbs. When, laughing, they climbed back and went on with what they'd been doing, neither had a single thought of inconvenience. Because to both of them that piece of furniture seemed to be the comfiest… of all they'd tried before.
Ground & grass (and forest friends)
"Sasuke, I think it's neither place nor time for this kind of… activities," Naruto said seriously, trying to catch Sasuke's eyes, which was hardly possible, as the latter had his mouth latched onto Naruto's collarbone and didn't intend to look up.
"Why is so?" he moved even closer, pinning, nailing his boyfriend to the tree and letting his hands wander under the other's tee-shirt. Naruto, occupied by two kinds of feelings at the moment – heat of Sasuke's body and pattern of tree's bark digging into his skin, gasped.
"I'm…" he shifted and winced "uncomfortable here."
"Er?" Sasuke blinked, but then lifted Naruto and carried him a few feet away before lowering to the ground and continuing with his harassment. He spared a moment to take off his shirt and Naruto cursed:
"There's a damn root under my back!" he began to rise, but Sasuke, too aroused to even change his position, pinned him back to the ground.
"You're a shinobi, live it through!" he smirked and nearly ripped Naruto's shirt off him.
"I'd rather… do it in a more convenient place." Despite his words, Naruto had his hands rummaging over Sasuke's body and currently tugging his pants and boxers down.
The Uchiha had a very delicious pale ass, that's for sure. No wonder that, when Naruto's hands retreated to cup Sasuke's face before kissing, one little black-and-yellow bee stung this ass.
Sand & rocks (and forgotten plastic shovel)
It was beyond romantic – to have Naruto here, on the beach, when the sun was setting… Sasuke leaned to him and planted a sweet kiss on his boyfriend's whiskered cheek.
Pulling him closer for a deeper kiss, felt sand crawling under his clothes like an army of small insects. He ignored it nevertheless – what we do for love… - caressing Naruto's inner thigh. It extracted an almost inaudible moan from his and Sasuke let his hand go further… and further… and further, until it cupped his groin, emitting a pleasured mewl from the blond. Sasuke smirked evilly and …received a blow on his head from behind.
Naruto blinked.
Sasuke blinked.
"What the..?" the raven-haired shinobi turned around to see a little kid with pink plastic shovel, fuming angrily at him.
"Don't you hurt Naruto-niichan!" with these words he smacked Sasuke with the shovel – now across the face.
Naruto gasped. "It's okay, Shinji-kun, he did it unintentionally!"
"Really?" the kid weighed up his shovel dangerously.
"Yeah, yeah!"
The kid threw a warning glance at Sasuke and waved Naruto goodbye before leaving.
Trying to get sand out of his pants, Sasuke didn't see Gai-sensei and Lee run past them to the sunset.
Desk & chalk (and tests to grade)
"Iruka-sense-eh-ei can … be back… any minute… gah!" Naruto gasped, his fingers entangled in Sasuke's hair.
"Don't pull," the Uchiha looked up, before positioning himself between the blond's legs. "Those annoying pants…" he muttered, before tugging them away and throwing over left shoulder. He assaulted Naruto's manhood again, getting a reward of another series of pleased moans and groans.
"Sa-sasuke!" Naruto gasped, interrupting him again.
"What?" the Uchiha's irritated look could kill – he didn't like to think his ministrations were not good enough to give Naruto room to think of anything else.
"I'm a cactus."
"What!"
"I've got a whole thousand of splinters in my ass. I can't take it anymore!"
The Uchiha looked dumfounded for a second, before crashing to the desk between Naruto's bent legs laughing. He was in hysterics, bumping his fist on poor furniture.
He was a damn powerful man, no wonder that the desk cracked and broke in two halves, burying half-dressed Naruto and crying Sasuke under itself.
Iruka-sensei was furious.
In public toilet they crashed out of the booth right under legs of Kakashi-sensei. (And Naruto got a few scratches from a broken door of the stall).
In a river everything was just perfect until Sasuke spotted a frog, as he said, 'looking intently at them'. He accused the poor creature of spying for Gama-bunta and refused to continue.
So, you see, old Naruto's sofa was a perfect polygon for them. Despite the fact it broke in the process.