first: sorry for taking so long. i really am, but i won't bore you with my reasons. also sorry to the wonderful wonderful person who suggested the Sam and pond incident - unfotunately i wrote your name down on a bit of paper, emptied inbox, and can i find the note anywhere? nope. so thank you, and have some virtual cookies!
disclaimer: i don't own anything stargate related, believe me if i did there would be jack/sam relationship confirmation.
spoilers: Lost City reference, really anything up to mid S9
It wasn't. It couldn't be. She had to be hearing things. Dr McKenzie was going to love this one. Sam closed her eyes tightly and hoped that when she looked round he wouldn't really be there.
"Earth to Carter…"
Oh god, he was. Opening her eyes, she turned around slowly, praying that the Asguard would beam her up. Like right now. Or hopefully the ground might suddenly decide to swallow her up.
No such luck.
"Hi Sir," she smiled weakly.
"Carter, what'cha doing?"
It was then she remembered that here she was; sitting in his back yard, feet still dangling in the water. Scrambling up to greet him, she misjudged the height of the dock, and promptly fell back into the icy cold pond.
Jack watched surprised as she ducked under the water, and then broke the surface, gasping desperately for air. He rushed over and held out his hand for her, trying desperately not to laugh.
She grabbed hold of his arm, using it to pull herself onto the deck. Now completely and utterly embarrassed – and soaking wet – she stood up beside him.
He couldn't hold it in. Smiling he asked, looking completely innocent, "Nice swim Carter?"
She glared at him saying nothing.
"I'm sorry. It was funny though!"
"Wasn't," she insisted, shivering in the dulling day.
"C'mon let's see if there's any dry clothes for you."
He headed back to the cabin, stifling his laughs, as she trailed in behind him, dripping water everywhere.
"Uh sorry sir," she indicated to the wet patches across his hall.
"No problem," he assured her, still smirking.
"Thanks Sir," she said sheepishly.
"I swear Carter, if you call me Sir one more time…"
"Sorry Sir," she winced at saying the title again, and quickly corrected herself, "Jack."
He wandered into the bedroom and returned, presenting her with a bundle of clothes.
"Sorry this is all I've got."
"It's fine, thank you." She rushed into the bathroom and pulling off her wet clothing and replacing it with the warm, dry ones he had given her.
It smelled like him. Oh god, she'd want to cuddle into it all day.
Walking into the living room, Jack handed her a steaming mug of coffee, which she took gratefully. She grinned at seeing his Simpson's collection, and thought back to the day he decided it was going to Siler.
She had wanted to tell him then, fearing that the ancient knowledge would kill him. But he was saved and the continued on as they were.
She sat down on the couch, curling her legs under her, and waited for him to ask the question she was dreading.
"Carter, I hope you don't mind me asking, but really – what are you doing here?"
Her cheeks flushed red, showing her obvious embarrassment, as she searched for an answer.
"I don't know. I was out driving in my car-"
"Is this another one of your funny stories?" she smirked.
"Maybe," she smiled back.
There was a brief silence before Jack spoke, "So you don't know why you're here. Fair enough." He sipped his beer, hoping she would elaborate.
"Well I sort of do. But I don't."
"Once more Sam, you completely baffle me."
Jack didn't' even notice he had let her name slip, but she had, and was secretly delighted in the way it sounded coming from his mouth.
They sat for a few moments in an awkward silence.
This is stupid! I've done scarier and crazier things than this, Sam yelled to herself.
And suddenly she realised that if she didn't talk to him now, she probably never would. Gathering up all her courage, she uncurled her legs and turned to face him.
"I miss you."
Jack was rather taken aback at her confession. They had always kept these sorts of feelings hidden, never wanting to go too deep into what they meant.
"Phone not good enough?" he joked weakly.
She hung her head, "It's not the same."
"I know." He lowered his eyes to the bottle in his hands. "I missed you too Sam," he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear.
He glanced up, and she looked into his eyes, flashing a brief smile.
"Jack, I want, I need…" she tried to explain, words failing her, and took a deep breath. "I need to know if you still feel the same for me."
She studied his face, trying to determine what his expression meant.
"I need to know if there will ever be something more for us. Or are we going to continue on, only letting our true feelings through when faced with death?"
Taking his silence as a cue, she continued.
"I know we aren't very good at this Jack – dealing with our feelings – it's who we are. But I need to sort this out."
"Sam you know how I feel."
She nodded slightly, knowing exactly that.
"But I can't answer you about the rest."
Feeling frustrated, Sam pushed him to explain.
"Why not Jack? Don't you want something for us?"
"I can't Sam. I can't allow you to possibly throw away your career away, or for people to doubt your talents."
She began to protest, but he continued on.
"What if they think I've been favouring you all along? What if they question every promotion, every decision we made over the years!"
Sam almost laughed at what she thought to be bad excuses. "I don't care what they gossip about, I don't care what they think of me … not if it means having you."
"But I do!"
Sam stared out the window; feeling tears beginning to form in her eyes, and quickly jumped to her feet. There was nothing more to be said, she concluded, and put down the mug. Walking briskly to the door, she thanked him coldly for the clothes and headed out.
"Sam…"
She turned to see him standing in the doorframe.
"What? What do you want from me?" she shouted, "I've taken the step – crossed the invisible line between us, yet you're still holding back. What more do you want from me?"
Before he could answer, she opened the front door, and slammed it shut behind her. The fury was beginning to dissolve away, leaving her full of heartache and regret.
Eight years. Eight years she had loved him in secret. She had given up her chance to have a family and a life with Pete, because she her dad urged her to find happiness. She knew it was what she needed to do, and she knew Jack was the only one who could give it to her.
Remembering she had left her keys, Sam continued walking down the drive and followed the road. The gentle trickling of rain on her head, warned her that it was going to start pouring down soon.
She started walking faster, and faster, her heart beginning to race. Eventually she was running, not allowing herself to cry like she needed to. She didn't deal with emotions well, and pushed away all the woe she felt at the moment.
Five minutes later, she was completely drenched for the second time that day, and constantly having to wipe the water from her eyes. Looking around, she realised that she had no idea where she was. Finding Jack's cabin, she could probably manage, but she couldn't go back, not right now.
"Sam!" She heard a voice in the distance yell. Turning around, she saw a figure running towards her.
"Sam!" the voice cried again, and she then recognised the figure.
Spinning round, she walked off in the opposite direction from him. She could hear his rhythmic padding getting closer and closer, and she found herself unable to run from him.
A hand on her arm twisted her around to face him.
"I have wanted you for so long Sam. I always hoped we'd have our chance, but when it came … I got scared ok? Scared that I might let you down, that I wasn't worth what others might say, scared that I wasn't who you thought."
Sam looked up into his chocolate-brown eyes, rain thundering around them, but all she could see was Jack.
"I love you Sam."
Finally hearing the words come form his mouth, caused her heart to lift, all the worry and issues melting away.
She broke into a grin, lighting up her whole face, "I love you too Jack."
He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her fiercely.
"We should probably get back, it's a bit wet," he joked, after a while.
She laughed into his chest, "Yes that is a good idea."
Jack pulled back and looked into her eyes, brushing her cheek with his thumb and tucking back her wet hair.
"I know of another good idea," he whispered.
Cupping her face in his hands, he pulled her into kiss full of passion and longing, ending eight long years off wanting and opening the door to their future.
THE END