All I am gonna say…he he...This is the angst chapter. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Belgh. I hope you all get it by now…
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The rain rolled off my windshield as I drove through Forks. Mistral had told me to meet her on the infringement of town, just past where the Cullens' lived. I felt bad not telling Jasper about my double life. However, it was his (and my) own safety. I didn't want conflicts to come up. Besides, what would he say about me as a slayer? Nothing good.
With a sigh, I turned into the small cove near the forest. The dirt path wove deep into the foliage, darkened by the onslaught of torrential downfall. Cautiously, I got out of the car, it was weird Mistral had summoned me during the day. The qualms it gave me did nothing to help the situation.
It's nothing, I thought weaving through the trees. I'm just being melodramatic.Finally, the bright gold hair caught my eye up ahead. Before me, Ami was excitedly scanning data, her dark hair falling over her glasses as her nimble fingers typed.
"Hello dear." Mistral stated, "I'm sorry to have called you out in the middle of the day, but we have some news to share with you." A smile spread across her face as she nodded toward Ami.
"Ok here's the news," Ami started in on cue, "the vampires we've been tracking are confirmed. They seem to be living somewhere around here. There are seven of them living in a so-called 'family'. That is all." She turned to me with a grin before mistral spoke once again.
"We're counting on you Amber. Make me proud." Her words had a tinge of acidity in them that made a shiver run down my spine. Was she a workaholic? Dismissing any thoughts of Mistral from my head, I nodded and walked back to my car. They were in the area. I was close enough to feel the adrenaline pulsing through my veins.
As I got in the car, I turned up my tunes. It wasn't until I was driving down the road I realized something: the Cullens' were the vampires they were hunting.
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"Damn it all! Why didn't I realize sooner!" I yelled once home. Danny was out getting groceries so thankfully no one heard me scream. With a growl, I struck my fist into the wall of my room, making a nicely sized hole. I'd blame the doorknob on that one.
Frustrated and angered at myself, I stuck my head in the pillows hoping I would suffocate; however, I was too chicken to do so. Coming up for breath, I turned over on my back and crossed my arms.
"There has to be someway to fix this." I said to myself while taking deep breaths. I was being irrational. It couldn't be the Cullens'. They were vegetarian vampires. They didn't eat people. What harm would they do?
I sat thinking a good while before slipping into sleep. I awoke from my nap around sunset. The orange sky was lit up over the grove of pines surrounding my house. The moisture carefully glistened in the rays. The delicate shimmers looking like glitter.
I had an idea. I didn't like this idea, but it would have to do. I had to do it this way. With a sarcastic smile, I looked out at the sunset, shaking my head. "God must not like me. Whenever I play poker my cards never do come out right…"
Getting out of bed, I carefully stepped to the window. Placing a hand on the cold glass, the smile faded and turned to a serious desperation. Slowly, shaking my head, I grabbed my coat. "I'm sorry it has to be this way…" I whispered as I slipped out of my room.
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I arrived at the Cullens' at about twilight. I had a job to do. No matter what, I had to accomplish this mission. I had to save them no matter what. They were my family. Even Alice and I got along on occasion, Rosalie and I shared secrets, and Edward was like a brother to me. I couldn't just leave them to be slaughtered. It wouldn't be moral.
Stopping the car, I took a deep breath. Here I go, I thought. My heartbeat started to accelerate as I neared the door. My breathing became labored and I had to keep myself from hyperventilating. About halfway to the door, my knight in shining armor stepped out with his brilliant smile. He started walking towards me with a gleam of happiness in his eyes. I had to stop him before I melted.
"I didn't expect you here love." He stated as he hit the edge of the porch. I stopped in my tracks.
"Don't! Don't…come any…closer." I said as forcefully as I could. I couldn't bring my self to look at him. I felt ashamed and even furious, but I had to get done what I came here for.
Jasper suddenly stopped. A confused look washing over. "Why? You came to see me didn't you?" I could feel the burning in my eyes. God must have a wry sense of humor. He always pitted everything against me.
"Look," I stated, nearly on the verge of a breakdown, "I can't go to the dance with you." Jasper started advancing again. "STOP!" I shouted, clenching my fists at my side, "Don't come any closer."
Jasper looked pained as he once again stopped. It was like red light green light. Only more emotional. Ha. I crack myself up sometimes. Or maybe the hysteria was getting to me? Either way, I was stressing-- big time.
"Honey, I don't understand…," he said softly his purple gaze filled with vexation. The glitter in his eyes was gone now, all that remained was the dull purple I had seen him with on the first day of school.
I swallowed hard. It was now or never. "Of course you don't! You never get anything! We're two completely different people. Different races! This could never work out in the first place, I don't know what fairy tale you read, but it won't work!" I yelled.
"Amber, wh--" He started in, however, I cut him off.
"I'm not done talking yet! So shut up and listen!" I boomed. I snapped my eyes to meet his. I probably looked like a crazed horse. I had my teeth fixed in a gritted position and my eyes were narrowed and vicious.
"You know, we should have never met. I'm just a kid living in a personal hell every day of my life. You on the other hand, have a family, you're smart and you have a fan club. No matter what I do, you look better. No matter how hard I try, you always get better grades. Whatever I do, you do better. So damn it! I'm fucking tired of it Jasper.
You might think this is a joke. It isn't. Welcome to reality Jasper! While you were off playing make believe, something happened. I got over you. I hope you're as happy as I am. 'We' is no longer. It's just 'you' now. Have a good life."
With a furious turn, I headed back toward my car. Silence filled the air. I could feel his gaze on my back as I walked away. I desperately wanted to turn back and say it was all a lie, but I couldn't. not after going that far. In fact, I thought I went a little overboard. Hysteria can do great things to acting skills.
The moment I touched my car door, I felt a rush of wind followed by a cold body pressed against mine. I stared at the car door. I wish I could burn holes in it. Maybe then, he would give up.
"What the hell do you think you're doing Jasper? Didn't you hear? It's over." I yelled opening the car door. However, Jasper's hand flung forward shutting it again. I felt his cold breath on my neck as I stared at the door. I couldn't get in now. He had me pinned between him and the door. I couldn't escape either.
The arm around my waist tightened as I struggled to turn and hit him, or do any sort of collateral damage. However, due to his inhuman abilities, I was defeated early on. The rain was falling once again. What was once orange turned grey. Everything was shrouded in it, no birds sang, nothing but silence and the rain.
I felt Jasper rest his head on my shoulder. I was glad it was raining. The moment I started crying, he wouldn't be able to see the tears. The tears were coming, I knew this for a fact, but I held them back as hard as I could. It was too late to back down.
"I don't know what made you so mad at me, but I'm sorry. I didn't ask for this any more than you did." He whispered softly into my ear. The hand on the car door gently floated down and joined the other around my waist. He began to rock back and forth and against my will, I found myself swaying with him.
We sat rocking for several minutes until I broke the silence. "Why? Why do you keep trying?" I muttered. Several seconds passed. His grip tightened around my waist and I could feel his cold lips against my neck.
"Why? Because I love you. You are the reason I can keep on living. The reason I care about life. Someone once said, 'people have hope because they can't see death standing behind them'. I have seen death. I live in it. You are my hope. Things are in a different light thanks to you.
I don't know if I've ever said this, but I'm not letting you go. Ever. You're the best thing that has happened to me. I know what it feels like to be in hell. I live it everyday too. We both share the same struggles. Don't take them on by yourself. I don't want you to break. I love you Amber. I need you."
His words were soft and velveteen. The tears in my eyes were stinging now. I held them back regardless. I couldn't give in. This is saving him. I reminded myself. Hurt him to save him. You have to.
"Go make your own hope. I have none left. My world is as grey as the skies. Then again, you wouldn't understand, would you?" I turned to look at him, his amethyst eyes filled with sorrow and grief. The sincerity in his previous words cut at my heart. I couldn't ever leave him. My heart would forever be with him no matter how hard I would try to forget. His scent, his eyes, the contours of his body, everything was etched into my mind.
A small pained smile graced Jasper's lips. "If that's the way it has to be, then can I at least have a good-bye kiss?" I returned the pained smile and nodded. Our lips touched briefly before I pulled away. I couldn't get sentimental. I was almost done.
"Good-bye." I whispered. Jasper reluctantly let me go. Quickly, I got into my car. My body was shaking heavily. I didn't want to do it. I needed him too. Every part of my body longed for him, pined for him. Aversely, I put the key in the ignition and turned to drive off. Behind me, Jasper sat out in the torrential rain, gazing at the back of my car as I drove off. Taking a final glance back, I noticed Edward opening the door. A confused looked passed between my car pulling away and the back of Jasper's head as he watched me drive off.
"Good-bye my sunshine, my knight, my everything." I whispered. The tears I fought so hard to keep back were now streaming down my face.
I wish it didn't hurt, hurt like this
To say these things to you.
I'll sacrifice one moment for one truth.
If we get through tomorrow then we'll be fine.
We'll wait for forever and see how close we get.
It's just another day, one more chance
to get this right.
I'll sacrifice forever please just for tonight.
If we get through tomorrow then we'll be fine.
We'll wait for forever and see how close we get.
The worst is over for now.
Take a breath now let it out.
Post Script-Finch