"Okay, so one more time folks, what do we do?" Jack asked.

OoOoOo

CHAPTER FOUR: SAM INTERRUPTED

Sam's POV…

Jack said goodnight and left a few minutes ago. It's quiet now. I'm here alone, at least until someone comes to check on me.

I'm relieved to be here. It sounds strange, but I feel safe. Here in this cold, sterile, closely observed place, away from the people I love, I feel safe.

When Jack told Dr. McKenzie he wouldn't commit me against my will, I told him I'd sign the paper myself. I know I need to be here for awhile. I don't think I'd ever hurt the kids on purpose, but I'm not about to take that chance. And today, dear God, what did I do today?

I know there's something wrong with me, but I can't even begin to figure it out. I can hardly concentrate long enough to navigate my way around this hospital room. Someone else will need to figure out what's happening in my head. I can't do it. I wish I knew the woman everyone tells me I used to be; seems she could do just about anything. Right now I couldn't find my way out of a paper bag.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could disappear. I don't want to be here anymore. It's just too hard. I don't think I'll ever be that woman again.

OoOoOo

A few hours earlier ….

Dr. McKenzie had recommended a brief period of hospitalization for Sam. At first Jack reacted with his trademark outrage. All he heard was McKenzie giving up on Sam and committing her to an insane asylum; Jack O'Neill had no intention of standing by for that and, as always, he let his opinion be known.

In this midst of Jack's protest, Sam had reached out, touched his arm and met his gaze. All she said was, "It's okay, I'll go". Something about the timbre of his wife's voice told him this had to happen.

"It won't be long, right?" he asked, to no one in particular.

"Jack, the purpose of hospitalization is to stabilize the patient," McKenzie explained, trying unsuccessfully to put some warmth into his clinical statement. "We'll start a regimen of medications and talk therapy. I'd like to see some remission of acute symptoms before we discharge her to an outpatient program."

In the end, Sam wordlessly reassured her husband that she was willing to follow McKenzie's recommendation.

It was less than a twenty minute ride from the SGC to Memorial Hospital where Sam would be admitted. Dr. McKenzie would be her attending psychiatrist given his knowledge of the classified information involved in her case. As McKenzie walked his patient through the admissions procedure, Janet waited with a distraught Jack O'Neill.

"Jack, I want to apologize. I never would have left her alone, even briefly, if I'd understood how bad things were getting," Janet said, clearly looking for forgiveness from her friend and colleague.

"I know. Hey, I wouldn't have gone to Washington either, now would I? I really thought she'd just snap out of it," he said, stopping to think about his words. "That's sounds really stupid now, doesn't it?"

"Not stupid Jack. Normal. I think family members struggle with this, asking themselves, why they didn't see things until …"

"Until something happened? I can't believe Sam would ever hurt any of the kids."

"Sam's not psychotic or delusional, Jack. This isn't a case of postpartum psychosis like the infamous stories everyone's heard on the evening news. No, Sam would never set out to harm any of them. But her judgment is impaired; we saw a glaring example of that today."

"The kids could have been hurt today, especially Jon," Jack stated, letting Janet know he understood. "That's what you mean, right? I'd never forgive myself, if my stupidity let that happen."

"But it didn't happen. And we have the chance to get Sam the treatment she needs."

"Do you really think she needs to be locked up, Janet?"

"Jack," she started, leading him to a more comfortable area to continue the discussion, "I know you don't particularly like Dr. McKenzie, but he is very competent in his field. He's concerned about Sam, especially about some of the passive suicidal ideation he heard from her. In light of her overall level of depression, he felt she was at risk."

"He thinks she'll attempt suicide?"

"Sometimes very depressed people are more apt to attempt suicide once they have the energy that an initial antidepressant trial gives them. He wants her under observation for that period of time."

"I can visit, right?"

"Yes, of course."

And visit he did. Jack came every day during the time Sam spent at Memorial. McKenzie insisted the daily visit be no longer that an hour. Though Jack was more than irritated by the restriction, he understood that Sam was exhausted and needed time to focus on her therapy. It wasn't till the end of that first week that she began to carry on any sort of meaningful conversation with him. Much of what she had to say was full of self blame and a terrible sadness that broke his heart. He remembered the feeling of profound sadness and guilt he'd experienced in the months after Charlie's death. But Sam, what did she have to feel guilty about? This was different and he struggled to understand what his wife was going through. If I can understand, I'll be able to help, he thought.

When Jack wasn't with Sam, he was a full time father, responsible for the day to day care of all three children. Fortunately, none of the child care responsibilities were really new to him. What was new was trying to explain to the twins why their mother had been acting so strangely and why she had to stay at the hospital.

After the first two days, Sam started to talk with Jake and Grace on the phone each day, usually while Jack was with her. The treatment team had decided face to face visits with the five-year-olds would be counterproductive at this time. Too stressful, too emotional for both Sam and the kids, McKenzie had insisted. But little by little, as Jack listened in, Sam was starting to sound like 'Mommy' again. That was reassuring to him and he knew it would help the kids feel better as well.

By the end of the week, Jack started to bring little Jon to his mother while the twins were at school. Jack stayed with her as she held the baby, softly talked to him and fed him.

It was as though she was meeting the infant for the first time.

A week turned into two weeks. As they approached the end of the second week, Sam, Jack and the medical team solidified a discharge plan they hoped would insure a successful long term recovery for Sam and the whole family.

TBC