Disclaimer: I don't own SoN or any of its characters.
Author's Note: This is a one shot even though I'm posting it and the sequel at the same time. Which...I guess means it's not so much a one shot. Anyway, I decided not to post it as chapters because I feel they both stand alone fine. It's angsty. Enjoy.
Open For Destruction
The air was thick and Spencer was finding it hard to swallow. As she reminded herself to breathe, each inhale seemed to bring more pain into her already aching chest. Glancing over at Ashley she could see the same heartbreak reflected back at her. Surprisingly that didn't bring any comfort. Her legs ached to get up and leave this place, to run away from the problem, pretend it didn't exist and just move on with life. But her heart was so heavy she honestly didn't believe she could cross any distance without falling one more time than she would be able to get up again.
Her eyes fluttered shut in an attempt to hold in the tears, in an attempt to stop looking at the girl she would always love. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't even feel said girl move until she felt fingertips brushing across her cheek. For a moment she unconsciously leaned into the touch, needing that physical desire to pull her away from her emotional turmoil. But then her head cleared and she moved away, her eyes flashing in Ashley's direction, desperately trying to hold on, looking for any handhold she could as she slipped down the mountain.
Ashley's eyes were wet causing Spencer to stiffen. It wasn't her right to hurt, it was Spencer's right. Her pain began to mix with a sense of righteous anger, building and boiling inside her stomach, rising until it solidified in her chest. She angrily pushed Ashley away from her, wanting to speak but unable to formulate sentences. Her heart thundered in her ears drowning out whatever apologies Ashley was throwing out.
She watched the brunette's lips as she spoke. Her heart beating words instead of blood. Anger. Pain. Hate. Love. Sadness. The ball in her chest seemed to grow with each beat, threatening to explode in a moment of fury and bitterness. She wanted to leave. She couldn't leave. She hated herself for her inability to act in one direction or another. And she hated Ashley for putting her in such a moment of weakness.
Ashley stepped towards her again, her hand reaching for Spencer. The place where she made contact burned Spencer's skin. Her skin felt alive there. It was painful, but it was real and uncomplicated. As Ashley's hand moved to grasp Spencer's forearm lightly the same jolt shot through the blonde. This wasn't complicated. There wasn't emotion needed, no confusion, just passion…just desire. It wasn't right, but that didn't matter to Spencer. She sought a moment of pure bliss, a moment of nothingness above her physical self. As Ashley touched her, her heart began to beat out a new story. Need. Want. Desire.
Spencer's hands wrapped themselves in Ashley's hair, surprising the girl who was unaware of the shift inside the younger girl. Spencer captured Ashley's lips with her own, tasting the salty tears and the taste uniquely Ashley. Her lips burned with the touch and it spread through her body, warming the cold places and pushing her problems into the core of her being, locking them away for the moment.
Ashley didn't move, still shell shocked by the turn of events. Spencer didn't speak any reassurances, didn't offer any explanations. Ashley didn't deserve them. Breaking the kiss she looked deep into the soulful brown eyes which were full of apology in the form of tears. She pulled off Ashley's shirt, their eye contact only breaking as the satin material came between them. Pushing one bra strap down her shoulder Spencer leaned in and tasted the glistening skin before her.
Ashley finally reacted, her hands gripping Spencer's back causing fireworks in Spencer's brain. Even now, even in this moment her touch could do that. Breaking away from her touch Spencer took off her own shirt and then her pants. Her underwear followed until she was standing naked in front of Ashley. Ashley quietly followed suit, taking off the rest of her clothing.
They came together in a moment of misery. Neither leading and neither following. It was a dance they had perfected and even if this time the music was different, they still knew the steps. Somehow Spencer found the bed and Ashley was on top of her. Ashley's mouth explored her neck and down her chest. Her hands gripped Spencer's hips, rocking her against her thigh with a motion known to all. Spencer bit her lip, her body bursting at the seams. This feeling she could handle. This feeling she understood.
Her head rocked back as Ashley sucked on her nipple, her tongue roughly running across it. Her hands found Ashley's hair again, stroking the back of her head, urging her motions forward. Ashley kept up her ministrations with her mouth even as she rocked Spencer harder against her. The friction made Spencer want to cry out, but she didn't want to give Ashley's the satisfaction. Not now. She bit back a moan, swallowing it down to mingle with her repressed emotions.
She pulled Ashley back up to her face, kissing her deeply. She wanted Ashley to taste her emotions, to really understand what she had done. She poured out everything into the kiss which seemed to get harder. Teeth hit teeth with a surprising force. Lips that got in the way were nipped at with surprising intensity.
Ashley's hand moved between her knee and Spencer's legs. She entered her fast and hard. The kiss continued on just the same, the girls only pulling back for a moment to breath and then entering back in with just as much emotion as the last time. Ashley's fingers were deep in Spencer the same time that Ashley's tongue was deep in Spencer's mouth. But that hard ball in Spencer remained just far enough away, Ashley could never reach it now. It was too far gone.
Spencer felt her body melt into the bed below her as Ashley's body rested on top of hers. She felt herself begin to shake and tighten around Ashley's fingers. But it wasn't enough. Breaking the kiss she saw Ashley had begun to cry. She was surprised to feel her own tears streaming down her face. Ashley's face fell into the crook of Spencer's neck, her own body shaking as she sobbed, but she kept her hand moving. Ashley's thumb circled around Spencer, giving her the last bit of motivation she needed. Spencer's body joined Ashley's trembling together. One from anguish, one from climax. Both driven by a passion they only brought out in each other.
The sex, the outcome, had the desired effect for Spencer. The exact moment of climax and everything was gone. It was a brief moment of heaven, or at least as close as she ever expected to come. There was no conflict or compromise. There was nirvana. Silence. A moment of understanding beyond normal comprehension.
And then she came back down again. Her silent sobs beginning yet again as she stared at the ceiling, the body on her no longer transmitting the heat it had only moments before. Now, even when wrapped up together, they were miles apart.
Look for the sequel, Closed to Repairs, if you're interested in Ashley's POV