POV Santana

There were a lot of things I expect to come out of Quinn's mouth but that was not one of them. And the best thing I did was laugh. I laughed so hard my stomach was hurting and Quinn is just looking at me with his crazy look on her face.

"Santana what's so funny?"

"Seriously Quinn? You don't find this funny in any way?!" I'm cry because this all absurd.

"Santana. Take this seriously. She ruined our relationship with her meddling and insecurities about her feelings. How are you not mad about this?!"

I stop laughing ones i hear the seriousness in her voice and it brings me back to senses.

"I was mad Quinn. I was mad for 4 years. But I went to counseling and therapy. I worked through a lot of issues I had. Excuse me for thinking this is funny because I honestly never saw that coming. I figured she was in love with you with how obsessed she was with you and everything you did. But let's be honest Quinn she didn't ruin our relationship. You did the moment you let her get into your head, the moment you decided to listen to her and not talk to be about the concerns you had. You did the moment you told me i was just dreaming and that "Love wasn't enough". I'll take the responsibility for my part in all this. I will admit that i went about things the wrong way also and let my pride and emotions take over. I should have told you what my plan was but I was scare and for that i apologize but I NEVER let anyone influence our relationship and you did. So don't blame Rachel for our falling out. Take responsibility for what YOU caused."

I honestly can't believe I just told her all of that. I honestly don't ever talk about how hurt I was when Quinn left. No one besides my parents and Puck and Dani knew i was going to therapy. But something clicked two years ago and it made me have a different outlook on life.

Flashback 2 years ago.

"So Santana we've been meeting for two years and it seems we've made a lot of progress. We've cleared out a lot of trauma from your childhood and we were able to find a way for you to make amends with your grandmother and be back on good terms with her. Now that we have been able to make all that progress lets talk about Quinn."

"Well what can I say about her? She was and may always be the love of my life. She taught me a lot about myself and what it is that I wanted out of life. But when everything was starting to look up she left. She gave me some bullshit excuses and walked out."

"Okay, and what did you do in that moment?"

"I let her leave. She said that maybe we were just in love with the idea that we could work rather than actually being in love and she left. I honestly thought she was always way to good for me and the moment she left all i wanted to was to get drunk and forget about her. But i didn't i numbed my emotions and left to the studio and started to live in the apartment above it. I drowned myself in work and in less than a week i had my first album written. It was all songs about her. But i promised myself that I would never allow anyone that close to me again."

"So she hurt your ego and your feelings all at once."

"Yes, she broke me and walked way as if i was nothing to her. Of course my ego was hurt. My world revolved around her. I would have moved heaven and earth for the girl. She's who i wanted to marry, have children with and grow old with. If she said jump i would ask how high. She didn't just hurt me. She destroyed me." By this time i'm full on crying.

A few minutes pass and i'm able to control myself and it feels as if there's a weight lifted off my chest.

"When was the last time you cried over this Santana?"

"That night, when she left i couldn't hold back the tears but i whipped them off and left the loft. I poured everything I had into writing my music and recording it."

"So you let your music speak for you?"

"Yes, my first album was nothing but song basically dedicated to her and the only time i let myself back into that mindset is when i perform them."

"Why do you think you hold on to all of that hurt?"

I'm confused now because I thought i was letting go of all the hurt by writing and recording my music.

"You've achieved everything you wanted. But you're still holding on to that hurt and pain. At the moment you went from living to surviving and that's understandable but what are you surviving now? You have all you've wanted and your dream has become a reality. I've sat here and i've watched many people cry because they didn't get their way but I just watched you cry with the emotions of someone who was grieving the loss of a loved one. You let that pain become a part of this version of yourself.

You had this whole idea of how things would go and you pictured Quinn in every single one of those and you drew up a life with her that when she left 90% of who you were left with her and now you survived that emotional part of your life but you also numbed yourself like you had said. You threw yourself into your work and into your brand that you figured that would fill that void in your life. But look at where we are now. We've managed to work through your life and you even have your grandmother back in your life in full support but somehow you seem numb and lost and that seems exhausting So let me ask you this Santana. Who are YOU?"

I'm letting what she says sink in and she's right.. i've allowed my pain to become a part of me but i'm scared to know who i am without it. All my life i've had a crutch to help me. Growing up it was my abuela and my parents because i needed them. In high school it was being popular and Britt. After all that ended it was Quinn and the life we had planned for each other. But once she left i felt lost and decided to focus on me work. Yeah it wasn't all that healthy because i would get lost for days or would hook up with whatever random girl wanted me for that night and i took none of them seriously or I wouldn't eat or talk to anyone for days. I worried Puck and Dani till they had to call my parents and they sat me down and became more active in my life. I was sabotaging myself and it wasn't healthy. But i'm not sure who I am.

"I'm not sure who I am if i'm being honest. I guess i build this version of myself to protect me and no one else. I am exhausted and i exhaust my body so that I can actually sleep. So what do i do?

"You let go Santana. Without an explanation you just let go. You move on without answers. Because remember that what others do to you and how they treat you is not a reflection of you but of who they are. If we expect an explanation from anyone that hurts us, we will be waiting for the rest of our lives. Let go and move on. Maybe one day you'll get your answers but you can't keep putting your life on hold. Live your life to the fullest, smile, laugh, cry and if it comes down to it fall in love again. But most importantly fall in love with yourself and your life again and before you know it everything else will fall into place."

Present time

POV Quinn

I can see she's been waiting years to let that out. To tell me what she really thinks and she's right. I did allow Rachel to get to me and I walked out even when I didn't want to.

"I'm sorry Santana, you're right. I walked out and I left you. I should have communicated with you and not her. It was never my intention to hurt you."

"But you still did. Look Quinn you had your doubts and that's fine. I'm not excusing you because that's your life and you went on and became who you wanted and you live the life that you want and that's great and I am super proud and happy for you. But you can't come back and say that i'm missing from your life and expect me to jump at that opportunity ."

She's right but I can't help but want her back and get her to see that we can make us work. I thought i was okay and i did my life and yes i dated but it never passed a few dates before i would call it quits. My longest relationship after her was about a year and it was never right. Hearing her voice and that song just confirmed to me that it's her. That it will always be her and i want her and i will fight for her no matter what. But i have to play this smart because i can not lose her. Not again.

"Give me the opportunity to be a part of your life again Santana. Allow me to prove myself to you as a friends. I'm not asking you to marry right now or to fall in love with me again. I know deep down you still love me. That song you performed the other night proves it."

"Of course that songs proves i was madly in love with you Quinn but it also shows how hurt it was. Yes I still love you but i may not be in love with you anymore. Not like i once was. It took a me a long time Quinn but i let you and that part of my life go and i've moved on."

I won't lie that hurt a lot. I'm trying my best to hold my tears back and not run out. I deserve that but i can't give up.

"Okay, I deserve that. How can i prove myself to you?"

She looks at me with soft eyes and her expression changes completely

"You don't have to prove anything Quinn. You're here and you haven't ran out yet which means you really want this. Be yourself and be happy with who you are. We can be friends and actual friends this time and get to know each other in this part of our lives and no leave the past where it belongs in the past."

I'm so happy to hear those words and I'm also touched because she really has grown a lot and she's a whole different person but so am I and I know i love her with every part of my being. I will win her back. Baby steps Fabray

"Okay, I like that.. Friends. Can I hug you?"

She smile and we stand up and for the first time in six year i hug the love of my life. And it feels like coming home. I hold her tightly and she squeezes me. I inhale her perfume and her hair smells live vanilla. Being back i her arms is so healing that i can not understand how i went for so long without her touch or her scent. We hug for a what seems a second but in reality was more. We lean back and we make eye contact. I look from her eyes to her lips and she does the same. I feel us leaning in to kiss and i am dying inside to kiss her again, to feel her lips on mine. To show her how much I love her and want her to be mine. We are so close I can feel her breath on my lips and as i'm about to lean in completely theres a knock on the door and she leans back and turns toward the door. She smiles and walks away. Damn it! I was so close.

"Miss. Lopez, here are your subs and i know you said to clear everything from the schedule but Miss. Gomez called and said she would be here in the studio today. She flew in early for an interview she has at the radio station and will have her things taken to her room."

"Thank you Marley, please call her back and tell her that's fine. I will be in the studio when she gets here and please have Bubba go meet her at the radio station and personally escort her here. Thank you."

With that Marley leaves and she invites me to sit down again and we eat.

"You're very busy I see.."

"Yes it's usually hectic but i love it. I like what i do and who i'm around. After we eat do you want to see the studio and and see how things work?"

I smile because it seems like there was been a shift. I kind of want to ask her about the almost kiss but i don't want to push it.

"Of course I would love that!"

We eat and make small talk and banter back and forth and honestly it feels like we haven't lost any times. She's tells me about all these places she's been and the stalkers she's had. I tell her about the crazies i've seen in the court room and we laugh and joke.

We finish our food and make our way to the studio and she's telling me about the pictures on the walls and the crazy stories and she's laughing and excited about it.

"And this on is where puck fell backstage." She's laughing so hard and i see Dani come out of an office and Puck right behind her.

"What's so funny? I want to laugh too." Dani says

"Remember when puck busted his ass backstage of the Victoria Secrete show while flirting with that model?" Santana can't stop laughing. Dani starts laughing at the memory

"Man screw you both. I could have gotten her number." Puck says laughing half heartedly

Looking at them three i am so glad Santana had them by her side. No one ever though these three would amount to anything but look at them now.

"So i'm guessing she let you back in." Puck says as Santana and Dani walk in front of us. I nod

"Yeah we talked for a few hours and seem to clear some stuff out. She didn't ask as many questions as i thought she would. She grown a lot."

"Of course she didn't. You were a topic we couldn't touch. You were like lord voldemort. We couldn't mention your name in any way. You fuckin destroyed her Quinn. She lost who she was for years. Dani and I thought we would never get her back. She's worked so hard on herself to be where she is now. That pictures she was laughing at was the first time after you had left that she actually laughed. It was at my expense but i will take that any time. She laughed for a long time and Dani and I were so happy that it didn't matter. If you're here to hurt her again do us all a favor and just leave."

"I'm not going to hurt her Puck. We agreed to be friends. It was her idea but i'll tell you this. I will win her back. I will get the love of my life back."

He starts laughing and just looks at me

"Okay Fabray. Good luck. You'll need it."

I look at him confused because he says that like it's impossible .

"What do you mean? You think i can't do it?"

"Oh i'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying you have one hell of competition." He smirks.

We get into the studio and there are platinum albums hanging on the wall from them three and many other artist. I am surprised and blown away if i'm honest. Dani is talking to puck and he's laughing while she looks surprised. Santana is seated in front of sound board and she looks hot working. I go to sit next to her.

"This is the new song we're working on and its my first collaboration with any other artist that isn't Puck and Dani. I am super excited."

She looks like a little kid in a candy store and I am so happy for her. I wish i could have been here from the start. I open my mouth to say something when the door opens and this beautiful shorter Latina walks in and Santanas body guard walks her in and he leaves and shuts the door.

"You better be excited because we've put a lot into this song." She says and Santana gets up quickly and goes to hug her.

"Hey! You're here" Santana say with excitement in her voice. I look over at Puck and he's laughing and I look at Dani who look amused but awkward at the same time. I turn back around and see the two Latinas embracing

"Hey, of course i am... I've missed you babe." They lean in and kiss and my heart stops. Well damn.