TW for meltdown, brief mention of abuse
Over the next several days, Skye did her best to remain on her best behavior. They were starting to develop a routine now: breakfast, school, lunch with Fitz, waiting in the library for Phil to pick them up, homework, dinner, and bed. It wasn't the most exciting life, but Skye didn't mind. She had had plenty of excitement in other foster homes, and she was content to settle into a rhythm, even if it was a little dull. Jemma seemed to be doing well with the consistency, which didn't surprise Skye. She and Fitz continued to be fast friends, and even though Jemma still wasn't speaking to anyone in school, she was starting to get positive feedback from teachers on her written assignments, which Skye knew was making her really happy.
Miss Hill seemed not to have remembered the trouble from Flex time the first day, much to Skye's relief, and The Giver started making a little more sense once Skye figured out that the whole thing was supposed to take place in some weird version of the future where everything was different from how it was in real life. Not surprisingly, Ms. Amador's computer science class quickly became the best part of her day, besides the time she got to spend alone with Jemma at home, of course, and even gym class wasn't so bad. Grant Ward still glared daggers at her most days, but he had been keeping his distance ever since Skye stomped on him that first day.
Despite how well things seemed to be shaping up in school, Skye was still glad when Saturday finally rolled around. She was ready to have a day off from school, not to mention she was curious what Phil and May were going to be like on the weekends. It always varied from place to place, in her experience. Some foster homes preferred for you to stay out of the way on the weekend, out of sight, out of mind, while others wanted you to use the weekend to take care of all the chores you couldn't get to during the week, like window washing and laundry and scrubbing the floors and bathrooms. The worst houses were extra bad on the weekends, since it meant more time for angry foster parents to get mad and yell and smack you around, but Skye knew that wouldn't be the case with Phil and May. She hadn't let her guard down completely, and she knew that things changed in a heartbeat sometimes, but so far everything about Phil and May had signaled to her that she didn't have to be worried about getting hit just because it was the weekend.
As had become her habit, she woke up early in Jemma's bed and slipped back into her own room for a few more hours' sleep before getting up for real. On school days, Phil had been waking her up, and he was always nice about it, but Skye was happy to be able to get up on her own time. At St. Agnes, the nuns never let anybody sleep past seven, even on Saturdays, so when Skye padded into the kitchen and saw that the clock read a little after nine, she was quite pleased.
May was sitting at the table with her usual mug of tea, but Phil was nowhere to be found, which struck Skye as odd.
"Where's Phil?" she asked, once she and May had exchanged greetings. May smiled and chuckled into her mug.
"He's back in the den with Jemma. He wanted to introduce the two of you to his Saturday morning tradition. Fix yourself some cereal and you can go back there with them." Intrigued, Skye obliged, filling a bowl and wandering towards the back of the house.
The sight that greeted her when she entered the den split her face into a massive grin. Phil, still in pajama pants and a Captain America t-shirt, was sitting on the couch, balancing his own bowl of cereal and completely absorbed in bright cartoons on the TV. Jemma sat beside him, perched on the edge of the couch and trying to eat as carefully as she could. Neither one noticed Skye as she came in.
"So in the last season, the Avengers were trying to keep a robot from taking over the world," Phil was explaining to a bemused-looking Jemma. "And now, because of what happened with the robot, the government wants to keep track of them and tell them what to do, which is why they're arguing."
Skye bit back a laugh and flopped onto the couch next to Jemma. Phil looked up and beamed when he saw her.
"Skye! You're just in time for Saturday morning cartoons. I was trying to catch Jemma up on the plot, since this episode happens in the middle of a pretty big storyline. How do you like the Avengers?"
Skye raised and lowered a shoulder in a good-natured shrug. "Good, I guess. I don't know very much about them. That's like Captain American and the Hulk, right?"
Phil nodded excitedly, like a little kid. "Oh yeah, plus a bunch of others, too. Obviously, Cap is the best one, but they have a big team, so there are plenty of heroes to root for." Skye giggled and settled in, munching away at her cereal and watching the cartoon intently.
"Which one is that?" she asked, waving her spoon at a brawny man with long blonde hair and a cape. "He's handsome."
"Oh, well, he's not… That's Thor. I guess he's sort of good-looking," Phil told her, obviously a little flustered.
"He's definitely handsome," came May's teasing voice from the doorway behind them. Looking back, Skye could see a playful smirk on the woman's face. "Dreamy, even."
"You two are ridiculous," Phil retorted. "Thor is nowhere near as dreamy as Captain America." They all laughed then, and May joined them on the couch for the last twenty minutes of the show. She conceded that Captain America was also dreamy, which got Phil to stop pretending to pout. The whole exchange struck Skye as warm and immensely funny. It felt so good to be snuggled on a couch with Jemma, and with May and Phil, who clearly loved each other and actually wanted to spend time with the kids in their care.
When the show was over, May gathered up everyone's bowls and took them back to the kitchen, while Phil, Skye, and Jemma went upstairs to get dressed and ready for the day.
"Be back down in fifteen minutes," May called after them. "We're doing some shopping today, and I want to beat the crowds."
"What kind of shopping?" Skye wanted to know, lingering at the bottom of the stairs.
"Stocking up on things we need," May said. "Some things for your room and Jemma's to make them feel a little more like home. Some new clothes for both of you. Odds and ends, maybe some groceries, if we have time." She said it so casually, but Skye was taken aback that they were all going out to buy things just for her and Jemma, especially because they didn't really need anything.
"We have clothes," Skye pointed out. "And our rooms are already really nice. You don't have to do that."
"Phil and I want to, Skye." May's expression was difficult to read. Her face seemed kind, but her eyes looked hurt. Skye worried that she had upset her.
"I just meant… that's a lot of money, and it's not like we need new things," said Skye lamely. She toed at the ground, unsure of how to fix the situation.
"You don't think you could use some new things to wear? We've noticed how some of your things are pretty worn-out, and I know I've seen you wear the same shirt a couple times now. Wouldn't you like to have some more choices?" Skye felt her face go red. She knew she didn't have a lot of clothes, and that most of her things were old and verging on ratty, but she had hoped that other people wouldn't notice. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't like the nuns were handing out new things every few weeks; most of the clothes the kids at St. Agnes wore came from donation boxes or were school uniforms.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," May said quickly, and Skye was shocked to see genuine remorse on her face. Grown-ups never apologized for hurting your feelings. "I just meant that, since it's our job to take care of you and Jemma now, one of the ways that we can do that is making sure you have enough clothes to wear. Clothes that are clean and new, preferably. I'm sure there weren't a lot of opportunities for new things with all the children that live at St. Agnes."
Skye pondered what May was saying. It made sense, even if she had never thought of it that way.
"Okay," she told May, shrugging slightly. "Just to warn you, though, Jemma doesn't really like clothes shopping. She… has a hard time with new things." Before May could press for more information, Skye disappeared into her room to change. She felt bad for talking about Jemma behind her back, but she felt like May should be at least a little prepared for what was coming. Hopefully Jemma would be able to keep it together and just pick out a shirt or two, but something in the pit of Skye's stomach told her that might not be a realistic expectation for the day.
The drive to the mall was shorter than Skye was expecting, and although Jemma had that flighty, nervous look in her eyes and was tapping away on the seat next to her, she didn't count street blocks or telephone poles as far as Skye could tell, which was a good sign. May's urging to get them out the door sooner rather than later seemed to have paid off, because the parking lot was only about half full when Phil eased the car into a spot only a few rows from the entrance.
"Where should we go first?" Phil asked as they entered the slick and well-lit building. It smelled like linoleum and French fries to Skye, and there was cheesy music playing softly over the intercom system. "Bedroom stuff or clothes?" Jemma didn't answer, and her eyes were fixed on the ground, so Skye took the cue and made a decision for the both of them.
"Bedroom stuff?" she suggested. She was hoping to delay clothes stress for as long as possible. Phil nodded, and started off towards a store that had all kinds of furniture and décor. May brought up the rear, making sure that Skye and Jemma were both safely between her and Phil, which Skye thought was a little silly for kids as old as she and Jemma were, but secretly appreciated, nonetheless.
The store Phil led them to was cavernous, and Skye almost forgot that it was a building within a building, it felt so big. They decided they could skip most of the furniture, since both bedrooms were already furnished well, but May and Phil didn't indicate that they planned to let the girls skip many other sections. They stopped and looked at lamps, at bedsheets, at posters, and curtains. Skye made a point of looking at things seriously, to try and appease May and Phil, but there wasn't much that she considered actually putting in their cart to buy. Their rooms already had rugs and curtains, and the sheets on their beds were some of the softest she had ever slept in.
"You know, the point of going shopping is to actually buy things," Phil teased as they passed by yet another section of the store. "There has to be something that you'd like in your rooms."
Eventually, Skye found a goose-necked lamp that she could point in whatever direction she needed it that came attached to a base with cubbies and sections to store all kinds of things in, like pens and paper clips. She didn't anticipate putting very many office supplies in the partitions, but thought that some of her screws and microchips would fit beautifully. Jemma stayed silent, but Phil caught her eyes lingering on a an oddly-shaped lamp that apparently cast the stars of the night sky onto the ceiling and asked if she liked it. When Jemma nodded, he plucked it off the shelf with a grin.
"Now we're in business!" he said happily. It was almost baffling, how happy it seemed to make him and May any time Skye or Jemma found something they liked. Skye had never seen anything like it.
At the end of nearly twenty more minutes, they left the store laden with lamps, clocks, and a few other things, like a poster of the periodic table for Jemma and a funny little hula dancer on a spring for Skye's desk. She liked the way the figurine bounced back and forth when she nudged it with her finger.
As they made their way towards a department store at the other end of the mall, Phil stopped briefly, looking thoughtful.
"I think it might be easier if I run these things out to the car now," he said, gesturing to the bags they had already accrued. "You three go on ahead and I'll meet you in the store in a bit." May agreed and passed the bags she was holding over to Phil, before setting back off in the direction of their next destination. As they neared the store, Skye felt the knot in her stomach tighten with worry. She was sure that next to her, Jemma was feeling even more anxious than she was. She could just barely hear Jemma counting floor tiles under her breath, and knew that they were in for an interesting time.
The store was pretty much the same as the first one, just with clothes filling the racks instead of home goods. The light was still stark and harsh, and the same music could be heard floating through the perfume-laced air. Apparently someone had gone a little trigger-happy at the makeup counter.
"We can start here," May said, leading them to a section that seemed to have clothes for girls their age, "but we can look in other sections, too, if you don't find things you like." Skye cocked her head to one side at that, confused.
"What do you mean?"
"Well I know for me, sometimes, I like the t-shirts better in the men's sections," explained May. "Especially if I'm looking for something more plain. So I just want you to know that we don't have to stay in this Junior Ladies' or whatever it's called. We have options. The important thing is to find some things that you like and that are comfortable." Skye thought it was funny the way May had scrunched up her nose at the name of the section they were in. She agreed that it was a pretty terrible name for a section that was supposed to appeal to middle school girls.
They wandered through the racks for a few minutes, and Skye kept a close eye on Jemma. Her face looked tight, and her right hand was jammed in her jeans' pocket, so Skye figured she was tapping out of sight.
"We could start with some jeans," May suggested. "It's good to have a couple pairs, especially ones without any holes or tears. That way you can wear them anytime." Skye ran her fingers over some of the different denims hanging in front of them.
"Here, Jems, feel these ones," she said, pulling an especially soft pair away from the others. She was hoping that she could ease Jemma into the idea without making too much of a fuss. Jemma shook her head tersely and refused to touch the pants. Skye caught a glimpse of May's slight frown, and the gnawing of worry deepened in her stomach. Eager to distract May, Skye pulled a few pairs out without much thought.
"We'll try these on," she decided. She knew she and Jemma were pretty close in size, and she hoped that maybe she could find something that would work for both of them. She herded Jemma into the dressing room, and May followed behind.
"I'll wait right outside the door," she told them. "Let me know if you need anything."
Once they were safely shut away in the dressing room, Skye turned to face Jemma.
"Jemma, I know this is hard, but I think we just have to get through it," she said. The crumpled look on Jemma's face made her heart ache, but she didn't see any way around it. "I don't think May and Phil are going to let us come out of here without something new to wear. Come on, just try." Skye undid her own jeans and wiggled into one of the new pairs. Unfortunately, they were several inches too long, and the waist was so big that Skye had to grip it tightly to keep the pants from sliding off her waist.
"Okay, so that's a no," Skye said, trying to inject some lightness into the situation. The second pair was also a bad fit, but the third one seemed okay. The length and waist were all right, and they weren't so tight that she couldn't move around freely. "Here, look, this one might do the trick." She slid the pants off and held them out for Jemma to take, but the younger girl just stood like a statue.
"Jemma, please," Skye pleaded. "They feel good, I promise."
Jemma finally wrenched her jaw open, and when she spoke, her voice shook. "I… I don't want… new ones." Skye put her own jeans back on, then took Jemma's free hand in her own and tried to squeeze and breathe. The usual trick didn't seem to help much.
"I know," she whispered. Before she could think of something else to say, May's voice drifted through the door.
"Everything okay in there?"
Skye panicked. She didn't know how to explain things to May, and she knew Jemma wasn't going to. Her mouth hung open as she tried to come up with a response, but nothing came to her. The seconds ticked by in silence, and Skye could tell that May knew something was us.
"Would it be okay if I came in for a second?" May asked, her voice much softer than before. Skye looked at Jemma to see how she felt about May coming in, but Jemma's face had become a mask. That wasn't good. Unsure of what else to do, Skye reached over and unlatched the door, and May entered a moment later.
It only took May a split second to take in the scene and spring into action. Crossing over to where the two girls stood, May planted herself in front of Jemma, close enough to talk quietly but not so close that Jemma felt trapped.
"Jemma? Can you tell me what you're feeling right now?" Jemma shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears. "Skye told me that new things are hard for you sometimes, is that true?" May continued. It took Jemma longer to respond this time, but eventually she nodded her head slightly. She sniffled, and a few tears started to drip down her cheeks.
"Why do you think that is?"
Again, Jemma didn't respond. She dropped Skye's hand, which Skye would have been hurt by if she hadn't known that Jemma needed both of her hands free in that moment. Both hands were shaking back and forth at her sides, a desperate kind of flappy motion that Skye had only seen Jemma use a few times, usually when she was really upset and tapping wasn't enough. Shifting her weight from side to side, Jemma tried to get control over her crying, but it seemed like she wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, she brought her hands up to her face and pressed against the sides of her cheeks and neck and took labored breaths in through her nose.
To her credit, May didn't act like this was anything strange or freaky, the way Skye had seen some other grownups behave. The nuns and the teachers at school always got uncomfortable when Jemma went into meltdown mode, usually chastising her to stop or "pull herself together," which was wholly unhelpful. She had never been with the same foster parents as Jemma before, but she had heard about the less than positive ways that they had reacted as well.
"Jemma, hey, it's okay," May started to say. She reached out a hand to steady Jemma, and in a flash, Skye knew that was a mistake. Absolute terror filled Jemma's eyes, and she let out a strangled, frightened sound, scrambling away from May as fast as she could. Before Skye could even register what was happening, Jemma was sitting on the floor, knees drawn into her chest and her whole body shoved as far into the corner as she could go. Rocking from side to side, Jemma bumped her head against the dressing room wall, not dangerously hard, but hard enough to make a dull thump, over and over again. With each thump, she choked out an apology through fresh tears.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said.
"No, Jemma, I'm sorry," May replied, kneeling down near Jemma, but out of arm's reach. "That was my mistake, I shouldn't have tried to touch you. It won't happen again."
Jemma's mantra changed then, and she began repeating the word "bad" in a pitiful voice.
"Bad? What's bad, Jemma?" May asked. When Jemma didn't respond, May looked to Skye for help.
"She thinks she's been bad," Skye said quietly. "One of her other homes would make her sit in the corner and punish herself if she acted out. If she didn't do it right, they would do it for her." She felt bad for telling one of Jemma's secrets, but Skye didn't know how else to help her. She felt like May needed to know if she was going to do anything.
"Oh, Jemma, love, you are not bad," May told her in tender tones. "You don't need to punish yourself. I would really like it if you would stop trying to do that. You can cry or move around any way you need to, but please don't think that I want you to hurt yourself." May's calm tone seemed to be helping, because Jemma's breathing steadied slightly, and she fell silent. She continued to rock, but her head stayed clear of the wall. Skye let out a shaky breath of relief and got down on the floor and scooted close to Jemma.
"Hug?" Skye asked. Jemma nodded, and Skye wrapped her arms around her, trying to apply the pressure evenly. Jemma melted into her, her limbs going limp, and Skye cradled her as best she could. Usually things didn't get this bad when they were together, but Skye had been there for enough meltdowns to know that Jemma wanting to be held meant they were near the end.
After a few more minutes, Jemma had stopped crying completely, and she was sitting up a little straighter. Her right hand was tapping again, but in a much more soothing manner. Sensing that they had turned a corner, May spoke.
"Jemma, I'm so sorry I pushed you about the clothes. I didn't realize how upsetting it was going to be. If you don't want to try anything on, that's okay. Phil and I just want to make sure you have enough things to wear." Jemma nodded to show she understood. Slowly, all three began to get to their feet.
"I don't like different," Jemma murmured. Her voice was fragile, but Skye was proud of her for speaking up.
"That's understandable. Different can be hard," May agreed. "But different doesn't always have to be bad."
"It doesn't have to be good, either," Jemma said.
"That's true," said May. "Most of the time, different is neutral. Different is just different, and it takes some getting used to, no matter what it is." Jemma paused for a moment, then nodded thoughtfully. May looked around the dressing room and ran a hand through her hair.
"I don't know about the two of you, but I think I'd like to get out of this room, how does that sound?"
"Good to me," Skye piped up, slipping her hand into Jemma's. She grabbed the pair of jeans that had fit her off of the floor. "These ones fit me okay."
"Great," May said, smiling. "Would you like to get them?" Skye nodded as they made their way out of the dressing room. May replaced the jeans that hadn't fit back on the rack, and then pulled out another pair of the ones Skye was holding. "Let's get another pair, just so you have a couple to rotate between."
"Okay," Skye agreed, taking the second pair.
May turned to look at Jemma. "Would you like to go home now, or should we keep looking here? I'm sure Phil is wandering around trying to find us."
"We can stay," Jemma finally said after careful deliberation. She looked tired, but the frantic look in her eye had gone, and she gave Skye's hand a squeeze.
"Okay, great," said May. "Let's find Phil and see if there's anything else we should get while we're here."
It didn't take long to stumble across Phil, who was rifling through a collection of t-shirts with various superheroes and sci-fi characters on them. His face broke into a smile when he saw them, but Skye noticed how his eyes latched onto the tear tracks on Jemma's face and then flicked up to May with an unspoken question. May just shook her head slightly, and just like that Phil let the matter go, which Skye thought was very kind of him. They spent a little while longer in the store, and Skye found a couple of t-shirts and some plaid button-ups that suited her. She even found an awesome green army-looking jacket with a bunch of pockets in the teenage boys' section that Phil called "retro" and May said was "very cool." As they perused a few more racks, an idea struck Skye.
"Hey Jemma," she said, thinking carefully. "You and I are pretty close to the same size. What if we found some things that you liked the look of in a size that might fit, and then you got to take them home and try them on there. That way you could have more time to get used to them, and if they weren't good after a few days, then maybe we could take them back and get a refund?" She directed the last part to Phil and May, making sure that they were on-board with the plan before it got too far. May nodded encouragingly, and Phil seemed intrigued by the idea.
"That sounds pretty smart to me," he said. It was clear he didn't exactly know what was going on, but he still spoke with reassurance. Jemma looked thoughtful. After a minute or two, she agreed.
"Okay, we can try."
"Cool," Skye grinned, giving Jemma's hand a quick squeeze. "Let's find some stuff that looks like you." It didn't take long for Skye to spot some things that she thought might suit Jemma, and they spent the next few minutes sifting through collared shirts, sweaters, and even some blazers. Skye knew that Jemma liked the feeling of having her arms covered, so layers were always a plus. Jemma was deliberate in examining the different tops, and she made sure to run her fingers over each one to make sure the fabric felt okay. Using Skye's sizes as a baseline, they eventually settled on a few things that looked promising, plus another pair of the same jeans Skye was getting. Jemma even picked out a necktie to go with one of the shirts, and even though Skye didn't say anything, she had a sneaking suspicion that Jemma was fond of the outfits that Phil wore to work every day and was looking to emulate them.
They swung by a section where they picked up some basic packs of socks and underwear, and Skye was thankful they didn't linger too long in that department. She liked May and Phil well enough, but still, shopping for underwear was embarrassing no matter how much you liked your shopping companions. She was also grateful when May breezed past the more intimate section of the underwear department with the casual remark that that was "for another trip." She had a couple of camisoles that did the trick for now, and she was not interested in trying to buy a bra with her foster parents.
Their last stop was at some racks filled with pajama sets, and Skye looked over at May and Phil inquisitively.
"You know we have pajamas, right?"
"Well, you have big t-shirts, from St. Agnes," Phil said. "We thought maybe it might be a little more comfortable to have some real pajamas, especially as it starts to get colder. Plus, you get to pick out fun ones." He wasn't wrong. There were all sorts of patterns and designs, everything from various cute animals to cartoon characters. Skye thumbed through the hangers, carefully considering her options. After deliberating, she settled on a pair that was patterned with cartoon sloths wearing sleep masks, and Jemma picked out ones populated with various butterflies.
"Did you know that there are over 17,000 different species of butterfly in the world?" she asked, a spark returning to her eyes.
"I did not," Skye said, a bemused smile spreading across her face. "What about sloths? How many species of sloth are there?"
"Six," Jemma told her without missing a beat. "Divided into two types based on the number of toes they have."
"Silly me for thinking that would stump you," laughed Skye.
"Judging by the drawings, I would say those are brown-throated three-toed sloths," Jemma informed her, and Skye felt her heart soar at the return of her usual, happy, fact-filled Jemma.
The checkout line was short, and soon they were back in the car and headed for home. After a brief deliberation, they had all decided that they had done more than enough shopping for one day. Even though Jemma seemed to have recovered from the dressing room, Skye figured she was probably still feeling tired and stressed, and she had to admit that she was feeling a little stressed out, too.
She was trying not to dwell on what had happened in the store, but she couldn't get her mind off of it. She kept thinking about how calm May had been through the whole thing, and how she had mostly known the right things to do. She was certainly impressed, but she couldn't shake the feeling of worry that was becoming a regular resident in her stomach. May had seemed okay during the meltdown, but what if she was just hiding how bothered she was by it? What if she decided that Jemma was too much to handle, or that she was too much of a weirdo to be worth it? Plenty of foster families had felt that way after an episode, Skye knew. The number of times Jemma had been sent back stood as a testament to that fact, sadly. Skye began wishing with every fiber of her being that May and Phil would still want to keep Jemma, and she resolved then and there that, if May and Phil did decide to send her away, then she would do everything in her power to get kicked out and sent back to St. Agnes, too. A foster family wasn't worth it if she didn't have Jemma by her side.
It seems like everything is going to be okay for Jemma and Skye. I hope the way I portrayed Jemma's meltdown was okay - some of it was based off of my own experiences, so hopefully that helps. Also, the trick of buying things in the store and trying them on at home where you can go at your own pace is one I've used before that can actually be pretty helpful!