"There's just something weird about the whole thing, Phil," May said as she climbed into bed that night. She had spent the last half hour or so outlining her findings to Phil as they had both gotten ready for bed. Phil, as always, was an excellent listener, and had looked as confused as she felt while she caught him up to speed on her sleuthing.
"I agree," he said, sliding in next to her. "There's definitely more question marks than answers with that one. I do have one question for you, though, Mel, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way—"
"A reassuring way to start," May teased. "What is it? You know I can take it."
"I'm just wondering…well… Honey, what if you're going too far out on a limb with this one? You don't know for sure that this doctor or the man who attacked him have anything to do with Skye, and on top of that, all of this is happening outside of your jurisdiction. Don't you think the Sheboygan PD is on top of it? The woman at the hospital said that Whitehall had been caught and stripped of his medical license. It sounds to me like the case is already closed."
"You're right," May admitted, rolling over onto her side so she could face Phil. "I don't know if any of this has anything to do with Skye, but something is telling me that there's a connection. Something's rotten about this doctor, and he was attacked on the same day that Skye was dropped off at St. Agnes. Sheboygan's not a huge city, Phil, there can't be that many strange things going on all on one day."
"A famous Melinda May hunch?" he asked, wagging his eyebrows up and down conspiratorially. She swatted playfully at his shoulder.
"If you have to call it that, then yes. It's just a feeling I can't shake. He might have gotten caught by his hospital, but there's not any record of his dismissal or punishment that I've found so far. Nothing in the newspapers, no police reports about medical misconduct or lawsuits for malpractice. That kind of thing usually gets attention. I don't know if the hospital covered it up, or if they let him go quietly to avoid the scandal of it all, but either way, I can't find anything that tells me that this guy isn't still out there doing god-knows-what to people." She looked Phil deep in the eyes, revealing a small piece of her own pleading. "Phil, you should have heard the woman on the phone. She kept calling them 'his cases,' like he had this whole group of people he'd been doing mad science experiments on or something."
"Mad science? Are you sure you haven't just been paying a little too close attention to the Avengers cartoons on Saturday morning?"
"Phil, I'm serious."
"I'm sorry, you're right. It's not a joking matter," Phil apologized. "I just don't want to see you get in over your head with something that might not need to be solved. Especially when pursuing it might mean trouble."
"I know," sighed May, resigned. "I definitely don't want trouble. Not now that we have the girls to think about. I just… don't know what to do, Phil. I feel like I've edged the lid off of Pandora's box. I should just shut it back up, but I can't help but wonder if he's still out there. If he's hurt people. If I'm onto something here – if I'm learning things that could end up helping someone – I don't think I can just sit back and do nothing."
"Mel," Phil said seriously. "You're one of the most fiercely loving and compassionate people I know. It's one of the things I love most about you. And I know that you'll do whatever it takes to protect the people of the world who can't defend themselves. I don't want you to lose that piece of yourself, but I also don't want you acting like you're disposable for the sake of everyone else. You matter. You matter to me, to the girls, to your friends and your parents. I know your job comes with risks, and I've made peace with that a long time ago, but I also know that you have a tendency to… invite more risks than come with the territory."
"Are you saying I'm being reckless?" May asked. She was trying not to feel hurt by the accusation, but she knew there might also be some truth to what he was saying.
"No," Phil assured her. "You're one of the most levelheaded people I know. If anything, I'm the reckless one out of the pair of us," he teased. "But I also know you have no hesitation when it comes to throwing yourself into your work, especially when it for someone else's sake. I just want you to remember that you have more reasons to hesitate now. Three of them, all right down the hall."
"So, what are you saying? That I should drop this whole thing?"
"I'm saying, just be careful," Phil murmured, reaching over and wrapping her up in a warm embrace. He pulled her back in towards his chest, cradling her while their fingers intertwined. The gentle rubbing of his thumb back and forth across her hand soothed her, helping her feel more relaxed than she had all afternoon. He was so good at knowing exactly what she needed. "I'm saying you mean too much to too many people to not take a few extra precautions every now and then. Maybe you could just focus on the Skye part of this puzzle. Or talk to that guy in Sheboygan – Izzy's friend. See if he knows anything else about the doctor, and let him handle things on his end. What was his name again, Montana?"
"Idaho. I have no idea if that's a nickname or a real name," she smiled, "but even Victoria called him that when we spoke earlier."
"I really want to make a joke here, I'm struggling to come up with a proper potato pun," Phil said, stifling a yawn, "which tells me that it's past time for me to go to sleep. I love you, Mel. Goodnight."
"I love you, too."
"May? Can I ask you something?" It was after dinner and May had retreated to the office to catch up on some emails while Phil and the girls watched one of his goofy cooking shows. She couldn't remember if tonight was the night for back to back episodes of the one where the contestants cook inside of a grocery store, or the one where they cook over a fire at a campsite, but either way, it was lighthearted fun that they all seemed to enjoy. She hadn't heard the approaching footsteps and was surprised to see Skye lingering in the doorway when she turned around at the question.
"Of course," May said, easing her laptop closed and swiveling her chair so that she could face Skye head on. "You can ask me anything, Skye. Do you want to come in?"
Skye shrugged one of her shoulders up and down – a gesture that May was starting to learn meant 'not really.' She had no idea if Skye did it consciously or not, but usually if she was trying to say no to something, she defaulted to a shrug instead of just saying 'no' outright. Part of that may have just been a 13-year-old kid thing, May reasoned, but she couldn't help but wonder if Skye had developed the habit after living in places where she wasn't allowed or able to tell people no.
"What's on your mind, Skye?" May asked, relaxing her face into a smile that she hoped would put Skye at ease. It must not have worked, because Skye stayed glued to the doorframe and began toeing at the ground, watching her own foot move rather than look May in the eye.
"I was just… I was wondering if…" Skye's face was squinched with reluctance, but May didn't do anything to break the silence. She knew better than to make Skye feel like she was impatient for Skye to speak. "It's just, you said you would look, so I wanted to know if… you found anything yet. On my parents, I mean."
Ah. There it was. If she was being honest with herself, May had been dreading the moment where Skye followed up on the promise she had made. Not because she hadn't honored it, of course, but because she wasn't sure that she had anything that she could tell Skye, not at the moment, at least. She had no desire to include Skye in her meandering search for a disgraced doctor who might not even have anything to do with Skye's parents, nor was she interested in telling Skye that her father might be a nameless someone who nearly bludgeoned another person to death. She had no evidence to suggest that was the case, and even if it was, she wasn't sure how Skye would handle the news.
There had been so much hope in Skye's eyes when she had first asked May and Phil to help her look, and the last thing May wanted to do was give Skye yet another reason to believe the world was a cruel and unfair place. To be fair, the world often was a cruel and unfair place, but it wasn't always, and Melinda May felt a responsibility to show the three children now living in her home that the horrible hands they'd each been dealt in life did not have the final say on who they were and what their lives could be.
"Skye," May began gently, and she had to work to keep herself from wincing at how quickly Skye's face fell. She was already messing this conversation up. Where was Phil when she needed him? He was always so much better at the talking parts. "I've done a little looking, but I… I haven't turned up much, yet. The hospital that you might have come from is very strict about their records, and it's hard when we don't have much other information." Skye nodded, a small, turtle-like nod with a weak chin. This wasn't what she had wanted to hear. May thought quickly, trying to settle on just how much she could tell Skye without saying too much or outright lying to her.
"I've spoken with someone in the Sheboygan police department who might be able to help us, but so far he hasn't found much either. There've been a lot of files to go through, but those only cover crime reports and missing persons and things like that. If your parents weren't criminals, then it's unlikely that they would show up in those files."
"Do you think they were?" Skye asked. A hint of stubbornness was creeping back into her tone. "Criminals, I mean. If a person is messed up enough to leave their baby on a doorstep, then maybe they're messed up enough to be criminals, too."
"Skye, I'm sure your parents were good people," May soothed. "There are lots of reasons why someone chooses to put their child up for adoption. Maybe they couldn't take care of you and they wanted to give you a chance at a better life."
"Maybe," Skye murmured. "Maybe they wanted to make sure I was looked after until they were ready to come back and get me, or maybe they took one look at me and decided they didn't want me." She looked up then, and May's heart twisted at the sight of Skye's hardened eyes and dismayed expression. "I've thought about all the maybes. Sometimes I think they're still looking for me. That they still want me. But I know it's probably not true. I know they probably didn't love me enough to want to keep me. But that's why I have to find them. I have to know, one way or the other. Whatever the answer is, it can't be worse than having nothing by maybes for the rest of my life."
"Skye…" May's voice faltered in her throat. People like Phil and Victoria kept telling her she was a natural at this parenting thing, but it was moments like these that reminded her painfully that she had no clue what she was doing, and that she was in way over her head. She didn't know what she was supposed to say to a revelation like the one Skye had just dropped into the airspace between them.
She should have told Skye that she was loved, even if her parents hadn't kept her, should have assured her that she was wanted and worthy of something so much better than what she had been given. That's what a good parent would have told the angry and hurting child standing in front of her. Instead, she felt the words die before they even reached her lips, stifled by an irrational fear of overstepping. Instead, she offered Skye something feeble and pitiful – something that she was sure sounded just as empty to Skye as they did to her.
"Skye, I'm doing my best. I promise I'll let you know if I find anything concrete, but it's not easy to track down people when there's not any kind of paper trail to work from. I know it's hard to hear, but I need you to be patient."
"I know, I'm sorry," Skye mumbled, ducking her head. Nearly all of the fire that had been sparking in her eyes a moment ago had gone out. "I didn't mean to bother you about it. I was just wondering."
"You didn't bother me, Skye," May assured her. "I just don't want you to think I've forgotten, and I don't want you getting your hopes up too much. I can't promise that I'll find anything."
"I know," Skye said again. She was pulling away, drifting further and further out of the doorframe. May scolded herself internally. She had missed her opportunity to say the right thing, and now her chance to connect with Skye was slipping through her fingers.
"Thank you. For looking, I mean," Skye said quietly, before disappearing back into the hall. She was gone before May had a chance to say another word.
A little bit of a shorter one, but some important conversations that needed to be had, I think :) We've got some big things starting to brew, it sounds like... As always, a humongous thank you to everyone who reads and reviews! You all make me so happy, and I hope I'm returning the favor!