Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The song "Evaporated" is by Ben Folds and I do not, in any way, own it.


Desperado
Chapter Nine: Evaporated

I poured my heart out
I poured my heart out
It evaporated, see?

It's an interesting thing - dreams. They can be quite fickle. Some claim that dreams are the subconscious begging for attention, wanting to let us see how it saw the events of the day. Others still swear that the images are explaining our current status in life that we cannot see without interpretation. Then there are the people who believe that dreams are so in tune with ourselves that they foretell our future.

Marly never actually had a solid stance on dreams - partly because she could never remember them, but mostly because she really didn't care an awful lot. However, when you fall into a potion-induced coma, it's just you and your dreams and Marly couldn't help but begin to enjoy their company.

However, there was this one dream that wouldn't leave her alone. While the images were hazy and the dialogue out of tune, she understood that it was about a werewolf and -

"Sirius," a barely audible whisper escaped her lips and her eyes slowly began to flicker open.

"Marly? Oh, my God, James, she's awake," Lily's rapid speech filled Marly's ears. "Go and get Remus and Sirius - now."

James didn't say anything, but Marly could hear his footsteps grow fainter as they pounded against the wood panelling at a run.

"It's…bright," Marly managed, squinting in the sunlight, trying valiantly to take in her surroundings. She tried to lift her arm, but the soreness prevented her from actually doing it.

Lily rushed across the room and let the curtains fall shut, the room now quite dim and only illuminated by a few candles and the crack where the curtains met. She poured a glass of water quickly and placed a straw in it before going back to where Marly was laying.

"How do you feel?"

"Like crap."

"Understandable."

"Where are we? What happened? I can't remember…" Marly's eyes widened as the memories came flooding back - the mission. "Is Sirius okay?"

"He's fine - we're all fine," Lily nodded, bringing the straw down to Marly's mouth so she could drink some of the water. "We're in one of the bedrooms at headquarters right now. Dumbledore said that you couldn't go to St. Mungo's - something about your mission?"

Marly nodded slightly, the motion making her head ache. Before Sirius and Marly had left for the mission, Dumbledore had informed them that if anything was to happen, they were unable to receive care from St. Mungo's, as it would raise questions since neither of them were Aurors.

"James, Mad-Eye, and I happened to be at headquarters when Mad-Eye was summoned about a Death Eater attack," Lily began explaining, absentmindedly playing with the straw. "We Apparated straight there and James was able to hex whoever was cursing you." An odd shiver ran through her. "I don't know what would have happened had you been under it much longer. Anyways, I brought you back here right away and you've been asleep since."

"How long was I out for?"

"It's been a week," Lily sighed. "At first I had to put you under because you were in so much pain. I'd given you a potion to correct the nerve damage, but you'd wake up screaming before the potion could run its course."

"And work?" Marly asked, almost afraid of what the answer might be.

"I told them you've had a bit of an accident," Lily started sheepishly, biting down on her lip. "But, well, Healer Fredrickson is less than sympathetic, what with the amount of work you've been working."

"Lovely," Marly sighed, the effort making her chest ache. "I've been wanting to get a new job anyway."

"Marly!" Remus exclaimed, rushing across the room so quickly it made Lily jump up. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, I'm awake," Marly smirked as he reached down and took hold of her hand. "I suppose that's always a good thing."

The others gave her a bit of a chuckle and Marly met Sirius's eyes, which she was unable to read. Not wanting to think about it at the moment, she turned to James.

"I hear I should be thanking you for your heroic deeds and saving my life," Marly smiled at him.

"It's what I do, milady," James returned her smile, pretending to tip a hat. "Anytime."

"Come on, James, let's leave them alone," Lily rolled her eyes, taking her fiancé by the hand out of the room. "I'll be back later to check on you, Marly."

"Thanks, Lily," Marly called, suddenly feeling quite awkward being alone with Sirius and Remus at the same time.

"Can I get you anything?" Remus asked, his eyes worried as he sat on the edge of her bed. "Are you hungry? I could run downstairs and pick you up something from the kitchen if you want. Or I could get you a book from the - "

"Rem, no, I'm fine," Marly interrupted him. "It's all right."

"You're sure?" Remus asked.

"I'm positive," Marly smiled at him as the clock in the bedroom began to strike four o'clock.

"I have to go to work," Remus sighed, his face falling as he made this realization. "But, I'll be back as soon as my shift is over, all right?"

"I'll see you, then," Marly agreed and Remus straightened up, squeezing her hand one more time.

As he crossed the room, Marly noticed that he wavered slightly as he passed Sirius and she had a feeling that he was probably doing his best to give him a bit of an intimidating look. From the look on Sirius's face, it seemed to be working on him as well as it did for her.

Once he was gone, Sirius walked toward the queen-sized bed, his arms crossed. He gave her a concerned look, but before he could ask, Marly interrupted him.

"No, I'm fine."

"Well, actually, I was going to ask you to marry me, but I see how you feel on the subject," Sirius replied, giving her a smile. "But, I'm glad you're fine."

"And you're fine?"

"I'd say," Sirius joked, smoothing his hands over his chest. Then, after flashing her a smile, he said, "Just a few scrapes and bruises, but Lily was able to fix me up real fast."

"I'm sorry I passed out."

"I would've been surprised if you hadn't," Sirius admitted, sitting in the chair Lily had left next to the bed. Marly liked to think that he'd been in that chair quite a lot while she was asleep. "Do you even know how long you were under?"

Marly tried to remember, but could only recall the insane amount of pain she had been in. She supposed she was probably lucky to only have a dull ache to remind her.

When she didn't say anything, Sirius continued, "Honestly, it must have been almost twenty minutes. I feel horrible because I wasn't able to reach you before then. We were the only two fighting as the family was unarmed and unable to fight back."

"It's not your fault."

"You may be right, but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty," Sirius gave her a sheepish look. "Anyways, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Dumbledore said that you should have either lost your mind or died."

"I don't think I lost my mind," Marly furrowed her brow. "You know, they always say that if you think you're crazy, it means you aren't."

"Well, we already know you're crazy," Sirius reached out to hold Marly's hand, giving her butterflies. "He said that the only reason he can think of for you not getting terrible after effects is how strong you are."

"I wish he'd stop telling me how strong I am," Marly complained, swallowing hard. "It makes me feel like I'm some sort of super witch."

"He also said that we're supposed to be watching you in the next few weeks," Sirius continued, obviously wanting Marly to know what was really going on.

"What do you mean?" Marly raised an eyebrow.

"Moony, Lily, and I are under strict orders to watch you," Sirius continued, tightening his grip on her fingers. "Dumbledore has this theory that since you were under such a considerable amount of stress for an extended period of time like that, your powers may be a bit out of whack. Basically, he just wants us to make sure that you won't go hurting someone."

"See!" Marly exclaimed, making to sit up instinctively, but her sore muscles wouldn't let her do more than jerk slightly. "This is why I hate being so damn powerful. I'm going to ignite England in flames like we talked about."

Sirius smiled. "I sure hope not."

"Dumbledore wasn't going to tell me this?" Marly asked, feeling some contempt for the old man.

"Well, I don't know," Sirius shrugged guiltily. "He didn't want to act until he really knew what was happening to you and since you were sleeping and we couldn't wake you, it was pretty hard to see what was going on."

Marly sighed again, wishing she could sleep for another week. Deciding she was finished with this conversation as it was only making her head pound harder, she changed the subject.

"What have you been doing for a week?"

"I've been in hysterics without our witty banter."

"I'm glad to hear that," Marly nodded, smiling.

"I've been here most of the time," Sirius admitted. "I had to work and everything, but I tried to stay in case you happened to wake up."

"Was Remus here as well?"

Sirius nodded. "He seems to be upset with me for some reason or another. I can't put my finger on it."

"I'll have to talk to him," Marly sighed. "Speaking of awkward conversations…"

"Yes?"

"I think we have a date to have one."

Sirius looked concerned. "Are you sure you want to talk about that right now? I mean, you just woke up after a week long nap - "

"And I'm more than a little refreshed," Marly smirked. "Let me cut to the chase - I want us to be together. However, I'll understand if you'd rather not deal with the Remus drama."

"I want us to be together as well," Sirius said quietly. "Why couldn't we have met before Moony went and grew a backbone?"

"I think he's always had one," Marly mused, thinking back to her past relationships. Her boyfriends would always act as though Remus was some big competition and in the way of winning Marly, but Remus always did nothing to alleviate their concern. "This is just the first time he's chosen to express it to such an extent."

"Well, that's awful considerate of him," Sirius smirked.

Marly gave Sirius a wry look before carefully and slowly moving over so he could sit on the bed next to her. The soreness was starting to lift and she had a feeling that it was because she was trying to move around and be active. He took her hint and lay down next to her on his side, propping his head up on his left hand.

"I really like you," Marly admitted. "And it's different than the other blokes I've dated - I actually enjoy spending time with you."

Sirius let out a laugh. "That's always a good thing."

"What do you think we should do?"

Sirius let out a long breath, looking past Marly and at a portrait on the other side of the room. "We've both been friends with Moony for quite some time. We've made our mistakes and he's always forgiven us. Plus, he's a fairly level-headed bloke. I think that if we tried being together he'd eventually get over it, you know what I mean?"

Marly nodded mutely, hoping that that would be the case. She had no idea why, but Sirius really did seem different from any other men she had dated. Besides, she knew that he wasn't married with a few kids or in need of a quick marriage in order to secure his parents' inheritance. No, he was an honest to Merlin good bloke - would Remus really stand in the way of something like that? He knew that Sirius was good news, otherwise he wouldn't have put up with him being one of his best mates all these years.

"I agree," Marly nodded again.

"I'm glad to hear that."

"I'm glad to hear you're glad."

"Well, I'm just glad," Sirius smiled, then leaned forward to kiss her softly. "Regrettably, I need to go to work."

Marly gave him a dejected look that made him laugh.

"If it makes you feel any better, I should have left when Moony did, but I chose to pretend I didn't," Sirius's smile turned into a grin.

Marly laughed quietly. "I'm sure Penny will just love that."

"Well, I told her that I've been at your bedside when I'm not at work and she seemed pretty sympathetic," Sirius began to sit up. "She's a sap for stuff like that."

"Have you really been here this whole time?"

"Well, I did leave to go to the bathroom and eat," Sirius shrugged.

"How could you lie like that?" Marly joked, trying to offset how hot her face felt.

"I know, I'm horrible," Sirius smiled, clearly catching her red face but not wanting to make her feel more embarrassed. "I won't let it happen again."

"Good," Marly nodded once, smiling.

"I'll be back later tonight," Sirius got to his feet. "You should stay awake."

"I just slept for a week," Marly smirked. "I think I'm good for a while."

Sirius leaned over the bed and kissed her softly once more. Marly would have done anything for him to stay, but she did understand.

"Drink a brandy for me."

"I think I'll take you up on that," Sirius gave her a lopsided grin before waving once and leaving the room.

"So," Marly concluded in an almost desperate tone, a bowl of soup in her lap as she watched her sister, who was sitting cross-legged on the bed with her own bowl of soup. "What would you do in my position?"

Anna looked thoughtful as she stared into space, as though trying to put a puzzle together. Marly had given her the details of everything that had happened in her life recently - from her homecoming gift to Remus to the conversation she had just had with Sirius a few hours beforehand. Lily wouldn't let Marly out of her bed, despite that she could move without feeling pain and wanted more than anything to get out of headquarters, so Anna had agreed to have a late dinner with her, as she had Quidditch practice beforehand.

"Honestly?" Anna asked after a moment.

"Yes, honestly," Marly nodded fervently.

"I'd owl you," Anna gave Marly an apologetic smile. "However, do you want to know what you'd most likely say to me?"

"Let's hear it," Marly sighed, swirling her finger at the top of her soup.

"I think that you'd tell me that I'm so lucky to have two wonderful blokes vying for my attention," Anna began with a sly smirk. "However, once you finished telling me how much you despised me for my so-called problem, you'd make sure that I understood that whatever decision I'd make, I'd be hurting one of these wonderful blokes." Marly opened her mouth to say something - most likely regarding the fact that this was not helping her whatsoever - but Anna put a hand up to stop her. "But, you'd then remind me that I need to look out for myself for once and stop trying to please everyone - everyone being Remus Lupin."

"It's just, he's been my best mate for so long, you know?" Marly asked, wishing her sister didn't have to point out the truth at moments like this. "I feel like I owe him something."

"I think that it would hurt him more to find out that you were pretending to have a romantic relationship with him than if you were to make yourself happy," Anna replied quietly, reaching over and putting her empty bowl on the table Lily had brought in. "Even if he may not act it now, in the long run he'll understand that you did the right thing."

"He's the last person I want to hurt," Marly looked away from Anna. "We've been through so much together."

Anna leaned forward and put a tender hand on Marly's knee. "Marly, listen to me. You need to talk to him. He'll understand."

Marly was about to say that she wasn't sure when there was a quiet knock on the door and then it was pushed open. Remus was standing on the other side, a small bouquet of flowers in his right hand.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, striding across the room and setting the flowers on the table.

"Not nearly as hungry as Lily seemed to have thought I was," Marly admitted, looking down at her half-eaten bowl of soup.

"I'll take these down to the kitchen," Anna offered, taking the bowl from Marly and putting it inside her own. She gathered them up after getting to her feet and, once she was behind Remus, gave Marly a very pointed look and jerked a finger at him.

"Thanks, Anna," Marly managed as her sister left the room, closing the door on the way out.

"How are you really feeling?" Remus asked, kicking off his shoes before sitting on the bed where Anna had been a few seconds before.

"Better," Marly nodded. "I don't hurt all over, so that's a plus."

"I can't believe you had to go through that," Remus said quietly, inching toward her slightly.

Marly shrugged. "It comes with the job - I should have surmised so much that saving the world didn't come without a little ouch."

Remus smiled at her, making Marly feel a bit uncomfortable. What she would give to go back only a few weeks ago when things were still normal.

"Can we talk?" Marly asked, biting her lip. She didn't really enjoy that she was having two big conversations the day she woke up after a weeklong rest, but she hated that it was hanging over her head even more.

"Of course," Remus nodded, obviously not recalling their last conversation before the mission.

"You know I love you, right?" Marly asked. "I don't use that word a lot, but I really do love you."

Remus gave Marly a big of a confused look. "You love me?"

"No, wait, Remus," Marly shook her head. "You don't understand. You're my best mate and I love you with all my heart. However, you'll always only be my best mate."

"Is that all?" Remus asked, looking a bit brassed.

"I don't mean it like that," Marly shook her head again, wishing she could actually say what she meant. "Rem, we've been best mates for years now. Even though you keep saying you don't, I know that you, er, have feelings that are a bit more complex than a normal best friendship possesses." Remus began to protest, but Marly pushed on, ignoring him. "However, as my best mate, I can't lie to you just to make you happy. If I pretended I had feelings for you that weren't there, Rem, it would just kill me. I'd be leading you on and that isn't fair of me."

They fell silent and, after a moment, Remus asked, "But you have those feelings for Sirius of all people?"

"Yes, Remus, I think I do," Marly nodded.

"You love him?"

"I don't know? Maybe?" Marly raised an eyebrow. "Right now I know that I'm willing to stick by him for a while and explore that option. Maybe we won't be meant for each other in the long run, but right now I know that he's worth a shot."

They fell silent once more. Remus met Marly eyes and, after a moment's hesitation, he said, "You know what happens to me when you find another boyfriend?"

'Here it comes,' Marly thought, but only shook her head no.

"I can't really explain it, to be honest," Remus began slowly, weighing each word. "It's not as though I'm jealous or feeling possessive of you. I'm never really mad at you, actually. I get mad at myself because I'm not good enough. I feel as though I'm not good enough for you to want me instead of some new guy."

Marly swallowed hard, wishing for this conversation to be over. "Rem, it isn't that you aren't good enough - "

"Then what is it?" Remus asked, although there wasn't any anger in his voice.

"I don't know," Marly looked away from him, unsure of how to explain it.

"Is it because I'm a werewolf?"

"Oh, Merlin, no!" Marly opened her eyes wide, surprised that he would even say that. "You'd think that after fifteen years you'd have realized that I'm square with that."

"Being friends with a werewolf is a lot different than being involved with one, Marly," Remus pointed out.

Marly sighed, rubbing her temples as the painful throbbing came back. "You're like my brother. You are one of the most important people in my life and I love you, but I'd never be able to be with you like that." Marly paused, meeting his eyes. "You have to understand that I am absolutely terrified that if I'm in a position like that with you, it'll end the same way all of my past relationships have. Remus, I don't think I'd be able to bear losing you."

Remus blinked blankly a few times. "But you're not afraid to lose Sirius?"

"I don't know," Marly admitted. "Sirius scares the hell out of me, to be perfectly honest. He sweet and kind and loving with a bad boy exterior."

Remus was silent for a few moments before saying, "He'd never hurt you."

"I don't think he would either," Marly agreed. "At least not on purpose."

"Definitely not on purpose," Remus smirked. "He knows full well how many hexes I know from Hogwarts."

Marly couldn't help but laugh. "Does this mean you'll stop being a berk?"

"Me? A berk?"

"I don't know what else you'd call this new Remus that has been living with me these past few weeks," Marly smiled coyly.

Remus let out a sigh. "If you want to be with him, then go ahead - I'm not going to stop you. I can't keep fighting an obviously losing battle. But, Marly?" He met her eyes, making her heart break. "Someday you're going to figure it out. But, then again, someday someone else is going to be with me."

"You're trying to make me feel guilty, aren't you," Marly raised an eyebrow.

"Is it working?"

"If you wouldn't have admitted to it, maybe."

Remus let out a small laugh, then lay back in Marly's bed at her side. "I'm sorry I've been a berk."

"Well, I've gotten quite used to it," Marly lay down next to him. "You're not upset with me?"

"I guess not," Remus sighed. "Besides, I can't meet rent without you."

Marly gasped, pretending to be quite scandalized, then playfully socked him in the arm. "Sod off, Mr. Lupin."

"By the way, once you get home you're cleaning your room," Remus added. "Absolutely horrid."

Marly chuckled and allowed Remus to put an arm around her shoulders. While things would never be the same, Marly understood that life isn't about comfort and security - not always, at least. Rather, she realized that life is a series of experiences, all of them important, all of them here to be plumbed, squeezed, and sucked dry. Not for their own sake, but so we may be able to come to understand ourselves. Because, in all actuality, no one truly knew themselves.

"Thank you, Rem."

"You're welcome," he replied quietly as her eyes fluttered shut for what she hoped would be another dreamless sleep.

Author's Note: There you are, lovelies. Now, the question is - how much truth is behind Remus's words? Dun dun dun.. (-: Anyways, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!