Maggie slept the entire way home and Eames half-expected Bobby to do the same. But he didn't. Looking out the window, he massaged his left temple. She glanced at him. "It was a very good visit, Bobby."

He nodded. "Yes. It was a good visit."

"So what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Alex. I just have a headache."

"Because you let yourself get so worked up."

"Yes. Okay? You were right. Everything was fine," he muttered, not succeeding in keeping the annoyance from his voice. The last thing he needed right now was to hear her say 'I told you so...'

She was quiet for a few minutes, trying unsuccessfully not to get mad at him. He had no business being annoyed. "And this is the other reason you've never brought us along."

He could tell from her tone that she was angry, but he didn't quite get why. "What are you talking about?"

She glanced at him again and sighed, shaking her head. "Look how stressed out this visit made you, and there was no reason for it. She was fine."

"I know that. But you have no clue how quickly that can change, Alex, or how bad it can get."

"You can't base decisions like this on suppositions, Goren. It's too big. We deserve better, and so does your mother."

He felt his irritation turning to anger. "This isn't about who deserves what. This is about my mother not scaring the life out of Maggie. Damn it, Eames, I know what the hell I'm talking about."

She let out an exasperated breath. "Bobby, if you don't want to bring us to visit any more, I won't push it. But you are going to explain to Maggie why she can't see her grandmother anymore, and you will explain to your mother why she can no longer see your family."

"I never said..."

"You didn't have to," she snapped, cutting him off.

Clenching his jaw, he bit back his response, turned back toward the window and said nothing more. This wasn't fair...he never said they couldn't visit again. But she didn't understand how it could be...how it was when his mother went to that reality in her mind where 'they' existed, where the demons stole her son and took his place. She had never experienced her behavior when her mind escaped from this world and compelled her to react to things that did not exist, except for in that alternate reality created by the paranoia of her disease. There was a reason he got so uptight, and she wasn't understanding that. He would never be able to relax when his baby was around his mother. Yes, he was glad they got along so well, and he knew they would love each other. That was what he was protecting more than anything else. But wasn't that his job, to protect his daughter...his wife...his family? And now she was mad at him for doing just that.

Eames kept her attention on the road. She couldn't understand why he was unable to relax and enjoy visiting his mother when she was stable and doing well. He kept saying things could change quickly, but she seemed to be doing fine. Granted, he had been dealing with her for many years, but that was all the more reason he should enjoy her good times. But, no...he wanted to insulate everyone from his mother's illness, and that wasn't right. Truth be told, she had no intention of cutting his mother out of their lives. But if he was going to be difficult about it, then she would take Maggie and the baby herself, and he need not have anything to do with the visits. That seemed to be the way he wanted it, so that was exactly what she planned to do.

---------------------------------------------------

He carried Maggie up from the car, still unsettled and annoyed. He wasn't sure exactly why Alex was mad, but he was irritated that she was. He didn't do anything this time. He had no intention of not bringing them back to see his mother and he didn't get why she thought he wouldn't. He was in trouble for no damn reason, and that only increased his annoyance.

Gently, he laid the little girl on her bed and he changed her into her pajamas, being careful not to wake her. He was surprised when he was successful. One word could snap her from a dead sleep, and yet he could change her clothes and she wouldn't waken. Ah, well...he gave up trying to figure her--and her mother--out a long time ago. He just accepted them as they were, and he loved them. He sat on the edge of her bed for a while and watched her sleep. She looked very...peaceful, and he hoped her sleep would always be peaceful. He felt his emotions settle as he lightly ran his fingers through the curls on her head. She sighed softly and turned toward him, curling her little body around his hip and bringing her head to rest on his leg. He stayed there for a long time before he finally shifted her back to her pillow. Leaning down, he softly kissed her, tucked her blanket around her shoulders and stood up, turning the light off and silently closing the door.

The living room was empty and so was the kitchen. For a while he considered staying out there, waiting until she was asleep before he tried going to bed, but then he decided it wasn't worth it for her to go to bed mad. So he headed back into the bedroom.

She was already in bed, with her back turned to the middle of the bed. He could feel his emotions heading back toward anger, and he didn't want that. But dammit, she wasn't being fair. He pulled off his shirt and walked over to the window. He made the mistake of letting his mind wander. He had no idea that the longer he stayed by the window, the more convinced she became that he was avoiding her. He was simply trying to calm himself down.

His attention was drawn back into the room when she adjusted herself in the bed with an angry huff, grabbing his pillow and tucking it under her stomach. Now he really did debate leaving the room to wait for her to go to sleep, but he figured that would just make things worse. So he kicked off his shoes and changed from his jeans into a pair of sweatpants.

Climbing into the bed, he tucked his arm under his head and watched her adjust the pillows some more. Reaching out, he sifted his fingers through her hair, working hard to fight down his anger and annoyance. "You have to understand," he said, struggling to keep the hard edge from his voice. "I am not used to bringing anyone up there to visit. You have no idea how stressful it was for me. You've never had to watch them sedate and restrain her. You've never had to hear her scream that 'they' are coming, that the devil has stolen her son. You've never seen her when her mind...leaves. And you have no idea how quickly she can swing from one extreme to the other."

"No, I don't," she answered, not turning over. "I don't because you have never let me in to this part of your life. But you know what, Bobby...if you are going to be an ass, then forget it. You deal with this alone because you choose to, and if that's how you want it, then fine, that's how I'll leave it. I'll stay on the outside looking in, since that's obviously where you want me to be. Because it's just not worth it to argue with you about it."

"What do you want from me, Alex?"

Finally, she did turn over, eyes blazing angrily. "I want you to stop. Stop being a jackass and trying to piss me off so I'll step away. Stop trying to shut me out of a very important part of your life. That's what I want, but it's not going to happen because you don't want it to."

That set him off. "I don't want to shut you out. But I have no idea how to prepare you to step into it."

"Then don't prepare me," she said angrily. "Let me find out on my own. You can't protect me from everything, dammit!"

He felt his anger boil up, but he didn't want to turn it on her. So he got up and left the room, slamming the door behind him. Once out in the living room, he had no idea what to do with himself. Anger caused agitation and that just fueled his already overabundant supply of restless energy. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator, hoping she would have the sense to stay in bed, at least until he had calmed down. He really didn't want to fight with her.

He dropped onto the couch and opened the bottle, flinging the cap at the coffee table, where it bounced once before traveling across the room toward the door. He still didn't understand why she was mad, why she thought he didn't want to let her in. Hadn't he already let her so far in that if she ever left it would destroy him?

He heard a door open and softly swore. No...she really needed to leave him alone right now...

"Daddy?"

The small voice caught him off guard. He turned his head toward the hallway. "What's wrong, mouse?"

"I heared a bang."

"A bang?" The door...crap. "Oh...come here, baby."

She crossed the room as he set the beer on the coffee table. Climbing up onto his lap, she settled against him and softly sighed. He kissed her head and whispered, "I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

He shifted his body, leaning back against the arm of the couch, and she settled into her usual position on his chest, with her head resting in the hollow of his shoulder and her hand nestled in his hair. It was a very simple gesture, very familiar, and he got as much comfort from it as she did. Resting his cheek against her head, he gently rubbed her back until she returned to sleep.

Then he reached for his beer and took a long drink, letting his mind return to the argument. Thanks to Maggie, though, he was much calmer now. Was he being unreasonable? Was she? How often was Alex unreasonable? Not very damn often. He sighed. Draining the bottle, he returned it to the table and leaned his head back. Protect her? After all this time, did she really expect him to just stop looking out for her? Sorry...that simply was not going to happen. As her partner--and her husband--that was his job. But what was he really protecting her from this time? Alex was well able to handle his mother at her worst, of that he had no doubt. He really wasn't protecting her from his mother's illness. So what was it? It was something closer to his heart than that. He shared everything with his wife...everything but this. This was something he was still unwilling to let her see. Not his mother's illness, but the results of that illness, particularly the damage that had been done to him...something that had taken many years to heal over. He appreciated that she wanted to share his life, every part of his life, but before he could let her do that, he had to be sure she fully understood what that entailed. He knew that would involve seeing his mother at her worst as well as her best. Maybe if she saw that look in her eyes, the look that had haunted him all his life...maybe if she heard her screaming at 'them' to leave her son alone...maybe if she watched her lash out physically at him, screaming for Satan to return her son. Maybe then she could come closer to understanding. If that was what she wanted, so be it.

There was one thing, however, that he was not going to give in on, and that was Maggie. This little girl, sound asleep on his chest, was not going to suffer the way he had. He never wanted her to look at her grandmother with fear. Why didn't Alex understand that? Or was he just not explaining himself clearly? He rubbed his temple again. Whatever...Alex was going to do what she would, and that was fine, but if there were ever any signs that his mother's mind was retreating to that dark, unreachable place, Maggie was not going to be there. He was going to make damn sure of that.

-----------------------------------------------------

Eames woke and turned toward his side of the bed, seeking the comfort of his body against hers. But he wasn't there. Where the heck could he be? She had fully expected him to return to the room and climb into bed once she'd gone to sleep, after he had calmed down. She looked at the time. It was after two. She knew that the calming down could take a while; that was always difficult for him. But he should have came back to bed by now.

She got up and went out of the room. The living room light was still on; he had to still be out there. She stopped at the end of the hall where it entered the living room and she couldn't help smiling. They were both sleeping soundly on the couch. How many times had she seen this same picture...at her dad's, at his old place, even at Logan's? She'd lost count before Maggie was even six months old. Crossing to the couch, she gently lifted Maggie into her arms and carried her back to her bed, tucking her in and kissing her.

Returning to the living room, she took the empty beer bottle into the kitchen and set it in the recycling container. She got a drink of water before returning to the couch, leaning down and kissing him. He stirred, opening his eyes and looking at her sleepily. "Alex..." he murmured, forcing his eyes to stay open. "I, um, I'm sorry." He sat up and rubbed his face. "I... shouldn't have gotten mad. I just...you know how I get."

She settled herself on the couch beside him, leaning against him. "I'm sorry, too. I just don't understand what you're so afraid of...so afraid that you'll deprive us, and your mother, of more visits. She really seems to love Maggie."

"She loved me when I was a kid, too. That didn't prevent the things she did."

"You want to protect us, and I get that. But who's going to protect you?"

"Leave it to you to worry about that. I've been dealing with this for most of my life. I'm used to it." He hesitated before he added, "I'm long past the stage where I need protection. When I did need it, there was no one there for me."

It hurt to hear that, even though she knew it. "That doesn't mean you have to continue dealing with it alone." She leaned over and softly kissed his cheek. "Let me in to this part of your life, too. I promise you, there is nothing that could happen that will drive me away from you, Bobby. Nothing. Maggie, the baby and I are here to stay. I love you. What part of that don't you get?"

"I get it. I really do. Just give me some time. All these years I've coped alone. And now, having someone ready and willing to share the burden of my responsibility...it's going to take some getting used to. Be patient with me." He kissed her temple, then tipped his head forward to catch her eye. "And I never said I wasn't willing to bring you back to see her. Either one of you. All three of you had a great day. As long as you can trust me if I ever tell you to leave the room, there's no reason for me not to take you back. Besides, how can I say no to any one of you, much less to all three of you? I can't."

She ran her fingers along his jawline. "Face it, Goren. You're a big marshmallow. You're lucky I love marshmallows."

He laughed. "Yes, Eames. I am lucky...in more ways than one."

tbc...