Chapter 2 - Seeds
Today had been a cloudy and rainy day and the sunset wasn't much prettier. Yet, Mulder was sitting on his porch doing nothing but watching that second-rate sunset, wrapped into a warm coat.
There wasn't much to admire in the sky so his right hand followed a well-known path on its own, plunging into the right pocket of his coat. There, his fingers found remnants from a bag of sunflower seeds that had settled there for weeks. The bag had already disappeared in the trash can but there were always a few gems remaining, waiting to be discovered.
The first catch wasn't successful. Only shells that Mulder threw away as far as possible from the porch in the wet grass. The second was a good one and two saved sunflower seeds ended up in his mouth.
They would be kept in there for a while, visiting all the secret places where his tongue would carry them, being rolled and sucked then gradually losing their salty coating. Later, they would crack and die under Mulder's teeth, their inner core being crushed and swallowed and the shells being expelled into the air.
Meanwhile, thoughts and memories were cracking and rolling into Mulder's mind, matching the action happening in his mouth.
As far as he could remember he had always eaten sunflower seeds, a habit inherited from his father, the one he had lived with. A way to calm down his anxieties and lessen his loneliness or boredom, a means to make him focus on his work or to avoid diving into alternative unhealthy addictions. And surely many more little reasons that had come along his life as a regular sunflower seeds eater.
And, one day, he had realized that this little unmeaningful peculiar habit always felt better when shared with Scully.
At first in their partnership he had doubted he could keep eating his seeds when working with her, whether it would be in the basement, a rental car, or on the field. He knew it could be upsetting to sense someone close to you chewing, making noises, and expelling wet stuff from his mouth. He knew he was completely messy and sloppy, letting remnants of seeds everywhere.
Scully had never complained.
On the contrary, one day she had anticipated that he would be soon in need of sunflower seeds and that he hadn't had or wouldn't have time to supply it. This evening, she had entered his motel room, bringing him the results of the autopsy she had performed earlier, and suddenly had picked out from the huge pockets of her raincoat two bags of his brand of sunflower seeds.
Since this moment, he became aware that she didn't dislike witnessing him eating seeds, and even that she might like it. That thought made him feel better and happier, knowing he was indirectly sharing with her his little messy and sloppy habit.
Years later, his pleasure had really increased when he had noticed that Scully would seek residues -or at least faint flavors- of the seeds he had eaten a moment before indulging themselves in a deep kiss. Or, that she would fantasize about the movements happening within his mouth, longing for the next occasion he would be able to practice his oral skills on specific parts of her body.
On these last thoughts, Mulder expelled the shells from his mouth and put his left hand on his groin, softly stroking his little-not-so-little thing that had been slightly awakened.
Yet, he didn't want to completely arouse his little-not-so-little thing, because right now it would feel better in another hand than his own. And himself would feel happier if he could share his little arousal with Scully.
Furthermore, he could tell that his little-not-so-little thing was always feeling better when it was allowed to expel its own little bag of seeds into a warmer and cozier place than the fruitless hand, or tissue, or shower, it was now too used to frequent.
When thinking of it, among all the myriad of sensations Mulder had experienced when making love to Scully, there was this little thing that could appear pointless, or gross, or trite, but never had to him. Leaving inside Scully's inner core parts of himself for a little while, was a sensation he had never despised or ignored. The idea of leaving millions of hopeful and restless microscopic aliens carrying his genetic trademark, believing against the odds they could accomplish a miracle, was somehow appealing and matched his character.
He was bound to always feel better when he could share little or big things with Scully, and his infinitesimal spermatozoa were bound to reach nirvana if they could share their DNA material with one Scully's egg-mate.
And, once and against the odds, his little seeds had accomplished a true miracle.
William.
Mulder had recently said to Scully that he had tried to put William behind him. But that wasn't the truth. And there were no reasons now to lie to himself and to Scully about that. There were no reasons now not to share with Scully his deepest pains or his memorable moments of happiness.
So he picked up his phone and called Scully.
"Mulder?"
"Scully."
"Something wrong?"
"No. I was just sitting and thinking."
"Healthy thoughts?"
"Yes. Scully, I want to share with you the happiest moment in my life, the one I remember every day, that I will never ever forget, and that I will cherish till my end."
"I'm listening, Mulder."
"That was when we held together our little baby William in our arms and we kissed in your bedroom. When we shared this blissful feeling that we were just the three of us in the universe, wrapped into the purest love that had ever occurred on Earth, and believing that these minutes would last an eternity."
Scully remained silent for a while, taking in Mulder's words. Waiting for a response that would come eventually, Mulder had instinctively sought for ultimate seeds hidden in his pocket. There was one to be found and he put it in his mouth.
"For me too, Mulder, it's the happiest moment," Scully finally answered. "That's a healthy and happy thought, even if painful."
Then, after a beat, "Have you sunflower seeds in your mouth? I can hear you."
"Yeah. I think it's the last one coming from the bag you bought me."
"I can buy you a new one tomorrow morning on my way to the office, if you want."
"That would be nice of you. Thanks."
"Mulder, thanks for the call. See you tomorrow morning?"
"See you. Good night, Scully."
"Good night, Mulder."
Mulder ended the call then cracked the seed in his mouth.
Eating sunflower seeds was indeed always making him feel better when shared.
Shared with Scully.