Everything seemed to be falling apart; her life was unraveling without him in it. Nothing had changed around her, except that he was gone, and that changed everything. Just over three weeks had passed since Bobby and Mike had ditched their FBI detail and borrowed a car from Lewis. In spite of a nationwide BOLO, the car had not been spotted. She had contacted the friends of his that she knew, but no one had heard from him. She had talked to the two FBI agents they had taken off on; they had gotten nowhere in their search for them. Bobby and Mike had simply disappeared.

Her emotions were all in a jumble. She was still irritated at him for protecting her. He knew better; she could take care of herself. She was annoyed that he had used her pregnancy and the baby's birth as an excuse for not telling her about this case. Protecting her...and who turned out needing to be protected? He and Mike did. And then they went off to play secret agent and who knew what had happened to them. And she was angry, very angry, at the sheer stupidity it took for them to run off. She knew exactly what they were thinking because she knew Bobby and Mike. Bobby would have been going stir crazy sitting and waiting. He would have felt like a sitting duck, and his irritation at not knowing even who was after them would have been driving him nuts. And finally, being apart from her and the children without any clear indication of when he could come home would have been the last straw. Half the time, when they got it trouble, it was due to Mike's idiot suggestions. This time, she just knew it was Bobby's idea and Mike went along with him, well, because that's what Mike did. Bobby and Mike stuck together. Never once did she hear one of them deny culpability. Regardless of whose idea it was, they both accepted responsibility for the consequences of whatever they did.

Most of the time, she focused on her anger because it was easier to be angry than it was to be upset. But overshadowing even her anger was her worry. More than anything else, Bobby was considerate of her feelings. She was very used to getting her way with him. In all the years she had known him, from the earliest months of their partnership, he tended to give in to her. There were times when he got stubborn, usually about a case, or when he thought he was protecting her, but in general, he was happy to let her have her way. He simply hated being at odds with her, and he always had. It was a small matter to him to give in or to apologize, even when he wasn't wrong. His ego never overshadowed his love.

After getting Maggie to bed, Alex wandered into the living room. She was glad her father was recovering so well, and it certainly helped him to have Maggie doting on him. After all, his lap would feel awfully empty without her in it, he kept telling his littlest granddaughter. It helped Maggie, too. He did his best to keep the little girl's mind off her missing father. Now if only there were some way he could help Alex cope with her feelings. She heard Tom moving around in his bassinet, making little slurping sounds by sucking on his fist. She crossed the room and picked him up. As always, he cuddled against her. Sighing, she kissed him and walked over to the stereo to turn it on. The music helped relax her and Tommy seemed to like it. Then she went over to the couch and sat down to feed the baby, listening to the music and letting her mind wander. It never wandered far...it always went right to Bobby, wondering where he was and what had happened to him.

A new song started, and she listened to the words...and they hit her hard...right in the heart...

How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,

And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?

If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Real in my life?

And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?

How do I live without you baby?

As the strains of the song faded away, her father came into the room. He eased himself onto the couch beside her and she leaned into him, burying her face in his chest. She couldn't do it any longer; she couldn't hold it together. His arms came around her and she cried.

Alex Eames...touch-assed cop, grounding force for her husband's incredible genius, the calm in the storm that was his life...done in by a single song. She had cried like this only twice before as an adult. Once, in her father's arms like this, when her first husband had been killed on duty and again, over three years ago, in Bobby's arms, when her mother had died. But this...this was different, even from those times. What would she do without him? She had no answer to that.

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How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes