Drugs or Me

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay guys, I just suddenly had a lot of school work on my shoulders so I'm doing my best. I hope you enjoy this chapter :-)

Chapter 5: A Day Like This…

- 'You're so blind! You can't save me this time, hope comes from inside, and I feel so low tonight' –

It's dark out now, Haley fell asleep next to me hours ago after spending the day watching movies together. Not that I could get my mind to focus on the movies, but it was worth a try. And had I not been so worried the whole day it would've been really nice to spend the day with my best friend. Since she married Nathan she's been a full time wife, and our friendship has taken the toll. I guess I can't put all the blame on her, I'll admit a lot of my time has gone to Brooke and Peyton since I got involved with them. But I guess it still makes me smile to know she's here when I need her the most. And even after these new people have entered our lives and taken up our time, it's just a good feeling.

And a good feeling like that on a day like this is worth a lot as far as I'm concerned.

I'm only shaken from my thoughts when I can feel her staring, she flips over on her side to face me as I recognize her presence. She looks like she wants to smile for a minute, but then I see the reality we're facing hit her eyes, taking all the joy from her. The look she shoots me is full of sorrow and I can feel my own eyes fill with tears again. I'm able to push them back this time, flashing her a small smile of reassurance, but she knows it's fake before I can ever try to defend it.

"You wanna go look some more?" the question is nice to hear, but it's obvious we're not going to find her until she wants to be found. I shake my head at her, thanking her silently through my mind, because I don't know what I would've done without her all day. I'm pretty sure I would've driven myself crazy with all the questioning.

"I'm going back over there tonight, I want you to go home thought," her mouth opens to protest, but I shake my head at her once more. "Hales, I'll be alright, I have to do this by myself…plus Nathan needs you at home."

"You need me more right now…"

"Maybe…but you spent the whole day with me and it's been more than enough. I need to be there for her now and you've got a life now."

"Luke, it's not up to you to save her," her words hit me hard, the biting truth is eating at me…maybe it's not up to me.

"I know that, I do. But she won't do it on her own, we both know that. And if she won't do it on her own, if she can't do it…it'll kill her. And I need her here."

"And what about Brooke?"

"What about her?"

"I'm not saying what you're doing is wrong, Lucas," she hoists herself up, crossing her legs and meeting my eyes. "But if you push Brooke off to the side after you tell her you have feelings for her, she won't be here anymore for you either. And I'm just putting the question out there…and you don't have to answer…but do you really need Brooke the way you say you do, or do you just want her here?"

I walk up towards Peyton's house, it's not surprising to see that she isn't here. And even though I knew she wouldn't be, I still let out a sigh of defeat, I guess I still had a small amount of hope I wasn't willing to admit to myself. Very slowly I make my way to the chair in front of me, it sits only a few feet from her house and as I sit the rain begins to pour down, signifying how great my luck has been. I can feel my body shiver at the low temperature and it's a few minutes later that I can see a shadowy figure approaching the house.

"Peyton?" the figure isn't giving me any type of response, but I can see from right here that it's a girl…and for a moment I wonder if it might be Brooke looking for me.

The moonlight finally sheds a little light on the person in front of me, the matted curls and red eyes are apparent to me as she approaches. It's just now that I realize exactly how skinny she's become, she looks almost sickly to me and I can feel my heart breaking all over again for the ninetieth time in the past twenty-four hours.

I stand to go to her, but it's right at this moment that her knees wobble slightly and I take off at a sprint over the lawn to get to her. Now that I'm close enough I can see her eyes are bloodshot, but I can't tell if it's from her tears or she made another drug deal. She's shaking again, her knees seeming like they might collapse and her tears fall down her eyes as they mix with the pouring rain.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay tonight," my words are soft, I don't know the condition she's in. I watch her whole face fall as I finish my sentence.

"I hate myself for this," her tone isn't as low as my own, and with those words her knees buckle, her tears fall harder and I'm able to grab her just before she falls. I can feel my shoulder under her chin as she cries, her soft sobs slowly transform into hysterical tears. I realize she can't walk with how hard she's crying.

With the strength I can muster off of no sleep I put my arm under her legs, pulling them up so they're level with my own chest. Her tears fall into my saturated shirt, the rain still coating us both in the water from the sky, I guess it makes the scene look more dramatic if it wasn't actually happening to me. She wraps her arm around my neck, finally giving in, she lets her head fall into my chest, her body wracked with those sobs still.

I take the walk to her house, and it feels even longer than it ever was. I chalk that up to her crying in my arms, all of her weight laying against me makes me struggle on those few feet, and finally after what seems like forever I do get in the front door. The steps I know are going to be an obstacle, but I think seeing her in so much pain kind of gives me a boost of strength and I make it without too much trouble.

We're both completely soaked, but I don't think much of it as I lay her on her own bed, digging through her drawers for some sweats so I can get her dry. She looks weary as I approach her with a pair of sweatpants.

"I have to do this, I need to get you cleaned up," she nods her head tiredly, and had it been any other day my teenage hormones would've kicked in at the thought of undressing Peyton Sawyer, but tonight I put it all away to take care of her.

It feels like the day with Haley has only proved to make me stronger for the girl in front of me. I very slowly peel her jeans away from her skin, her tiny legs make me turn away for a minute, I hadn't realized how sick she actually is and it makes me feel worse now. I slide the sweats up her legs, and take the shirt from her wet skin, her stomach seems sucked in, her whole body seems sucked in, like she hasn't eaten in days. She lets me pull a cotton long sleeve shirt over her head, and with the small amount of distance between us it shocks the hell out of me when she wraps her arms around my neck for a hug.

"You didn't have to do this," she whispers, her voice doesn't sound as hoarse as it did before, just very weak.

"I wanted to," I keep my tone low to match hers, but we don't have to talk loud considering our ears are in such close distance.

"But it's not up to you to save me," her words matched Haley's to the tee, and it scared me that they thought so alike.

"I have to. You can't do it on your own, and if you can't do it I won't have you die on me…I need you here," my whisper makes the words sound more vulnerable and I think she senses that, she tightens her hold on me.

"I'm not gonna die, Luke," for the first time in days she sounds normal with me and it's just like a burst of hope that lifts me. "I promise."

"I don't think I could handle it, Peyton. I need you to stop with the drugs, please," my voice cracks again, and I can't stand the fact that I've been so open with her, that I can't control my tears anymore than she can. "I need you, Peyton."

"I'm here. I'll try, I'm gonna try, Luke. I will. I just feel so low, I wish I had motivation," her voice cracks too, it's just the crack in hers makes me feel worse than hearing any other girl on the verge of tears. Even Brooke doesn't get under my skin the way the girl in my arms does.

"I need you to get better…I can't lose you. I won't. I'll fight for you if you need me to, you know that. I need you, Peyton," I felt like a broken record, constantly repeating myself to her, but her chest against me rose in a sigh, making me wonder what she thought this time.

"I need you too, I won't leave," her voice sounded desperate again, my body shivers involuntarily, I realize my clothes are still completely soaked still from the rain. "Lucas, you have to get outta those clothes."

"I don't wanna let you go, this could be the last time you'll let me hold you like this. Once this feeling wears off you're gonna push me away, don't push me away, Peyt," I was pleading with her like a child, but I feel her smile against my cheek.

"I can't promise anything…"

"Then just let me hold you, I need you right now as much as you need me. It's killing me to watch you go through this, god it hurts every second that I watch you cry. But I'm willing to go through this with you if at the end of all this I can hold you like this without you trying so hard to get away from me, to pull away…" the words literally dropped from my mouth, there was nothing I could do to hold them in. And I knew they weren't the words I should've been saying to the girl I had tried to hard to get away from, she wasn't the girl I had proclaimed for. But things seemed to be changing with her as the days passed around us.

"…You can…just hold me now ," she seemed to be blurting things out too, I think we're both shocked with how open we were being, with how easy it was to let the walls fall.

It started innocently enough, but out of pure hormones, her breath against my neck made me make the move that changed things. I felt my lips against her ear, moving at a snail's pace along her jaw-line, her scent was intoxicating, the rain mixed with the detergent and perfume still lingering in her shirt. I could feel her shoulders tense, but with every kiss she relaxed until she gave into my touches.

I knew this wasn't what she needed, that it was wrong considering the things I had said to Brooke, but it was something I had been longing for since she walked away from my doorstep that night, something I had needed but would never admit to. And I knew this was the last time she would be normal for a long time, that this feeling she got from those drugs would wear off in a few hours and we were back to square one with tears and struggles.

I trailed feather light kisses down along her neck, making her shiver in anticipation. Her fingers ran through my hair, as I continued my progress down around her collar bone. She moaned against me, the vibrations making me feel closer to her. She was rough in my blonde hair, it still being wet making it spike up in all different directions. We were moving at a slow pace, much slower than the trip we had taken to the motel where we were rushed for time.

I felt her arch her back, and it gives me the opportunity to lay her back slowly onto the bed beneath us. I still hadn't yet reached her mouth, but I knew she was antsy waiting for it. I don't know how much time we have like this, when her normalcy will disappear into the memory of the night, but for now this is enough.

"Lucas," she moans, her sultry voice pulling me up to her lips that were waiting for me. It seems like an hour as I move towards her, my mouth finally reaching hers, meeting in the most electrifying first kiss…or first kiss this time around…but first kiss that I've ever had. Nothing like the party at Nathan's or the alley way with Brooke. It was a whole different feeling that passed between us when our lips met only moments ago.

I think we both know that we're not going any farther than this, that all of these touches will fade with moonlight, and when morning reaches us that it will be something we won't speak of. That when Brooke eventually makes an appearance she'll be in my arms and that it may be weird for the both of us, but we can't speak of this to Brooke, that's an unspoken agreement.

She writhes beneath me, my fingers trail along her exposed skin near her waist, making her smile as she meets my eyes. The smile melts my heart, I know it's the last one I'll be seeing from her for a while. I pull away, balancing my body up on my arms.

"We're gonna get through this," my eyes are full of seriousness, letting her know I'll be there every step of the way.

"I know…do you want some clothes from my dad's room?" her question is an abrupt change of subject, but it's welcomed.

"Yeah, do you want me to get 'em?" I stand, moving away from the bed that had just held a very heated make-out session that would be hidden away from the world.

"No, I figure I want to enjoy these last few hours before this gets really hard," she winks at me, and with a sudden urge of boldness she wraps an arm around my neck kissing me softly before she walks back down the hallway.

She returns with a large pair of gray sweatpants and a black tee-shirt from her father's room, and when I return I see an unexpected brunette sitting on the bed with Peyton, she's talking animatedly to the blonde girl and when she turns to see me, she launches herself into my arms.

"Hey babe," she whispers. "I know that you're gonna be here with her, I mean I obviously can't. Take care of her, I heard from Haley she was out all day, and she seems way too normal to be off the drugs so will you be okay when she comes down?" her rambling hits me like a wall of bricks, but I smile and nod. She kisses my nose quickly, waves goodbye to Peyton and trots down the stairs in the same mood she had appeared in.

My dark eyes meet Peyton's very slowly, the same darkness is apparent within her. I know she feels the same thing, we've both hurt Brooke again, but this time she doesn't know and neither of us have any intent of telling her, nor can either of us promise it won't happen again. The girl before me pulls her knees to her chest, pulling the blanket over her small figure she snuggles into the sheets.

She purposely leaves the blankets open, inviting me in for those last few hours we know are fading fast. I know how in the wrong I am, but I walk over anyway, I get into the bed she's occupying, facing her still she smiles at me half-heartedly.

I open my mouth to say something to her, but she quickly silences me with her index finger.

"Just be with me tonight, Luke."

So, I don't know if you all liked this, but I think it turned out alright. I don't think it was rushing anything, because that little make-out thing hasn't actually done anything to them. They still have their friendship and nothing's going to change as of now. So review and tell me what you thought of it.