Drugs or Me

Author's Note: Sorry for the wait, I've been working a lot on my other fic The Saddest Songbecause there's been a big thing going on there. But I'm back with an update…well I started this update a while ago, but my computer needed to be erased which makes me angry so I had to redo this one. The song that makes up the chapter title won't actually be in the chapter, I just found it was fitting, anyway, here you is:

Chapter 7: Love You More

- 'I wish that you could see the stranger next to me. You're sorry, you swear it, you're done, but I can't tell you from the drugs' -

Two hours of sleep is the most sleep I've gotten in days, and I have a feelings it's all I'm gonna get for a while. We've spent the whole morning in and out of her bathroom, she's spent the whole morning trying to push me away, while I've done nothing but try to hold her. I don't know if I'm making any progress at all with her, it seems like I am, but every time I get somewhere she falls three steps back down.

I stand behind her, making sure her hair is out of the way as she heaves over the porcelain bowl. I cringe a few times at the process, it's even worse when she gets to the point that there's nothing left for her to throw up, just her body is pushing her to throw something up. I see the discomfort it's been causing her, and finally it's about ten thirty that I watch her lay her head on the bathroom floor in fatigue. She's exhausted from the events of the night, I can't even imagine what she's feeling.

"C'mere," I slip my hands beneath her, taking her into my arms as I did just two days before. I struggled to find my balance, and now that I have it I'm able to get her into her bed, so hopefully she can find the time to close her eyes for a little while.

A stray piece of hair falls on her face while she's looking at me, I move it away, receiving the smallest smile for my good deed. I nod over to the chair at her desk, trying to indicate that's where I would be, but she doesn't seem to have the strength to nod to me.

"Luke," her voice is hoarse from the acid burning through her throat over the night, but I hear her well enough. "Could you…lay with me?" I realize how hard it is for her to ask me for any type of help or assistance, and taking this into consideration I see how big of a step it is.

I stand, kicking the work boots off my feet and lay beside her. I don't expect anything other than her to sleep where she is, but to my surprise she rolls into my arms, letting me embrace her tightly against my own chest. My heartbeat against her ear lulls her to sleep, and I'm glad, but even in her sleep she doesn't look at peace with anything. I don't really know how long it's going to take her to get through all of this, and sometimes I wonder if she'll ever be back to who she was.

It's been another two hours I realize when the vibrations of my phone startle me. I had only dozed off for about forty-five minutes of those two hours, it's too hard to sleep with so much on my mind. I know Peyton is only able to close her eyes out of pure exhaustion, I know she has just as much on her mind as I do.

I don't want to wake her, but I worry that it could be my mom calling my phone, and seeing as she's let me spend nights at Peyton's and skip school days I think it would be wrong not to answer. But when I get downstairs I find it's only Jake's name flashing across my colored cell phone screen.

"Hello?" I make sure to keep my voice low, I refuse to wake her.

"Lucas, hey, man…it's Jake. I'm just calling to get an update," he sounds happy to me, and well rested. I wonder what it feels like to be well rested, because I don't think I can remember anymore.

"Hey," I don't know how to inform him of the situation, how do you start off talking about your friend's drug addict ex-girlfriend? "Uh, she's alright, she's sleeping now. It's just been stressful, I guess?"

"That's good, I'm glad she's resting. So, the detectives found Jenny and they've got her in protective custody right now, neither of us are allowed to see her, but I guess I'm just happy she's not under Nikki's control anymore. They're doing the trial back up in North Carolina, so the good news is I think I'll be back in a few days. So, you'll be able to spend time with Brooke, I feel bad about tearing you away from everything…"

"You didn't tear me away, Jake, it was my choice to come here and stay with her. She's still my friend and Brooke's away for the week. I want to be here," I tell him defensively, and I know I've snapped at him, but for him to act like I don't care makes me feel like crap.

"I know she's your friend, Luke, I never said she wasn't. It's just I kinda felt like when I talked to you on the phone that I forced you over there. You've been staying there?" he seemed shocked that I'm still here, and I want to punch him for the tone of voice he's using with me. Like I'm a little kid, personally I think he's still threatened by what Peyton and I had, and maybe still have.

"Yeah, I've been here for almost the last week probably, she's been having a hard time…"

"Over night?"

"Yeah, she's asked me to stay with her," I smirked as I make that remark to him, I can hear his breath catch in her throat.

"Well, that's good…um, I'll be home in like two days, so…I guess just tell her that, and I'll talk to ya later," he hangs up on me abruptly, I know what I said to him is making him panic, he's worrying that Peyton won't be here waiting for him. And at the rate we're going, I don't know if she'll be waiting for him either, I don't know what either of us wants.

Back in her room Peyton's laying on the bed, the sounds of an underground band filling her room, it's kind of a depressing song. I sit on the edge of the bed, she looks pale and tired to me, like she doesn't have much strength left after the stressful night.

"Sleep well?"

"I did…until you left," she smiles at me, letting her small fingers graze mine.

"Sorry…Jake called…" her eyes dart to meet mine, searching for an answer, for what I want to say to her. "He, uh…they found Jenny and they're doing a trial back up here, so he said he'll be back in two days…" I let my sentence fall, I watch her, wondering what type of reaction I'm going to get.

"Two days?"

"Yeah, he wants to see you when he gets back. He seemed a little weird about me having stayed here all week, I think he's worried. You can call him if you want," my suggestion receives a blank stare and then a slow shake of her head.

"I don't want to…" she seems to be in deep thought before speaking again, "are you gonna leave when he gets back?"

"He seemed kinda ready to come back to take care of you when he could, between what's going on with Jenny. So, I guess he's expecting me to leave…" I don't know what else to say about the topic, Jake's ready to step back in, and truthfully Peyton doesn't belong to me anymore, but she never really did. She gave her heart to Jake, and I guess even after the events of the past two days, I do have to respect that.

She doesn't say anything, just nods to me, closing her eyes for a few extra seconds.

"So, we've got these next two days?" I feel ashamed to leave her, when I promised her I'd be there with her every step of the way. But neither of us could have predicted the return of Jake, or the feelings we'd have after a week together.

"Yeah…do you want something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Peyt, you haven't eaten much in days, how do you feel?"

"I dunno, alright. I'm just really tired, and I can't guarantee how long I'm going to feel alright. Lucas, did you ever…have you ever thought to send me off to a rehab center or something like that?"

I didn't know how to answer that question, I was startled to even hear it come from her mouth, I thought that would be the last place she wanted to go. I thought if she needed to hear the truth, and in the end I decided it was the best idea.

"Honestly, I did. I didn't know if I was going to be able to help you through all of this, and I guess I'm still not totally sure. But I just thought, that was the last place you'd wanna be…but if you want to go I can –"

"No…no I don't want to go anywhere, I just wanted to know what went through your head. Thanks for telling me the truth," I nodded at her, wondering what was going through her head.

"Do you wanna try to go to the café…my mom won't be there, she said she was taking off today to go spend the night with Keith somewhere. Haley and Nathan might be there, but maybe it'll help to do something normal."

"I can try, I mean I don't think I can stay there long, I don't really have too much energy, but sure," she seemed very optimistic and the moment is nice to have with her, I don't know how often the normal side of her is going to show up in the coming months or however long this might take, I just hope a few moments like this will shine through.

We walk into my mom's café to find Haley standing behind the counter looking as bored as ever. When she hears the bells jingle she looks up, her reaction immediately becomes one of shock. She steps out to see Peyton, and I already know how sick she looks but I think it catches Haley off guard.

"Hey, Hales," Peyton musters a small grin for the girl in front of us, stepping into Haley's arms for a hug.

"How ya doin, Peyton?" I see Peyton wipe away a small tear, which worries me until she flashes another smile back at me. I know it's fake, but I figure it's nice of her to try at least.

"Eh, not so good. We just came to pick up some food, he made me get outta the house, and told me I needed to eat. So here we are."

"What'd ya want? Hey, Nathan!" she calls back through the café, and a few seconds later I see my brother appear from the back.

"Hey guys, Luke your mom asked me to help since she knew you couldn't…" he tries to explain himself, but I just shake my head.

"Don't worry about it, it's cool. We just came to get food, um, Haley, how about two burgers and some fries," I focus my attention back to Peyton, "you can just eat whatever you want outta that, and I'll finish it," I wink at her, watching her smirk.

"Hey, Peyton," she immediately falls into Nathan's arms, I guess I never realized how close they were, or became, but it's apparent in the way he holds her. He's like an older brother to her, and it's nice to know that once Jake's back and I'm out of the picture, that Nathan will make sure she's alright.

"You ready to go?" I ask after a few minutes while she's still talking to Nathan. I watch her slowly deteriorate in that time period, her body begins to shake again as she rubs her left hand along the inside of her right arm.

"Mmhmm…" she walks out in front of me, Nathan sends me a look as I glance back at them.

"She'll be okay…it's just setting back in again is all…" I guess Haley sees my defeated look, she walks to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, knowing I'm unable to respond with the bags in my hands.

"You're a really good guy, Lucas," she smiles at me when she pulls away, Nathan just nods from where he's standing.

"Jake's coming back in two days," I tell them, my face falling under the information finally seeming very real to me.

"You're leaving her?" Nathan chimes in, and all I can do is nod at him.

"Jake said he's coming back to take care of her, and let's face it, her heart is with him…" I walk through the front door to see Peyton shaking on the bench, tears pouring from her eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry…" I transfer one of the bags to my other hand, leaving a free hand that I place on the small of her back as we walk.

"For what?"

"For bringing you out here, I just thought it might help if you saw something normal…can I ask you something?"

"You don't have to be sorry," she casts me a teary eyed grin, the most she can give me right now, "It did help, I just couldn't help what happened. And go for it," she wipes at her tears with back of her hands.

"Why were you rubbing your arms like that when you were talking to Nathan?"

"My muscles are really sore," she rubs her arm once more, signaling to me the pain she's got in all the parts of her body. I don't know if Jake's gonna be able to handle this, I have to wonder. And on top of everything with Jenny I just hope he's not getting in over his head.

"Are you gonna be okay to get back to the house?"

"Yeah, I'll make it there. I kinda wish you weren't leaving," she whispers, unable to look at me.

"Me too…but hey, look at me," she turns her head to me, the tears still apparent in her eyes, "If you need me after I leave don't be scared to call, I don't care what time. Remember that, even if it's three in the morning I'll be there," she nods, grabbing the hand I had on her back and holding it in her own, and it's nice to see her not so angry for a little while.

Okay, it wasn't that eventful but as you can tell it's setting up some other plot points in there. Anyway, um, so the stuff with the withdrawal is true information, I made sure to look it up. Muscle soreness, depression, fatigue, vomiting, etc… are all symptoms of cocaine withdrawal, just so you know. Anyway, review and let me know what you think of what's coming up!