Drugs or Me

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, you know with the weather getting nicer and there's been a lot of testing in school…there hasn't been too much time for writing. I do still enjoy it though, no doubt about that, and these stories are always in the back of my mind. So anyway, I hope you still like the story :)

Chapter 8: Wounded

-'(take me) I need your help (so far away) To pull me up, take the wheel (take me) Out from me (so far away) Out from me' -

It's been those two days Jake had told me of. My heart beat is rapid, I find the gap of time I have left with her is growing smaller and smaller. She's only gotten worse over the last two days, the shaking has been enough to terrify us both, and she's cried enough to fill quite a few buckets with her tears. I know she's tired, but she's unable to sleep, even when I'm next to her. I have questioned myself numerous times on Jake's ability to step into this and take care of her, but I guess I don't really have a choice, she's not mine.

And I'm beginning to realize just how much it hurts to come to that realization.

"When's he getting here?" her words always make her sound like she's in pain, I'd overcome the fear of that eighteen hours ago. And in the last 48 hours I've gotten fifteen more minutes of sleep. I'm so tired I can't see straight, but the exhaustion is nothing compared to what she's gone through, I guess that's how I've reasoned staying up so long.

"About ten minutes, he said," I think I'm slurring my words, I can't really even tell anymore. I just know I'm craving a donut and some sleep. It has occurred to me that it won't be easy to just go home and sleep after days of this, just leaving her in the hands of someone else leaves a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Ten minutes is easily transformed into four when he comes bounding up the stairs, a small smile gracing his face. Peyton and I both face him, I think the same scowl appears on both of our faces at his happiness, neither of us remembers what that's like at this rate.

"Hey, Luke," he looks surprised to see me here, it takes a lot of control not to smirk at his shock.

"Hey…I figured I'd wait with her till you got here, don't wanna leave her alone. I mean she hasn't been alone in like a week, so…you know you can't leave her alone right?" Jake raises his eyebrows at my words, he shakes his head. "Well, you can't leave her, man, she needs constant care. I mean I haven't slept more than three hours this whole last week…"

I can see the surprise cross his face, as hard as he tries to hide it. It's so painfully obvious that he didn't know what he was getting into, but he puts up a strong face to make it look like he can step in and be Superman here. I think Peyton and I both know it's not possible, even I was torn down by the situation, crying on Haley's shoulder when things got too rough. I don't know how he thinks he's going to handle the whole Jenny/Nikki thing and give Peyton his undivided attention. I don't know why he thought this was going to be so low maintenance.

But I'm willing to let him try to watch him fail.

And I don't know when I got so spiteful, I don't know when I decided this was a competition, but it passes without saying between Jake and I that it is. A competition for her heart, for who can be the better man here…even though I shouldn't be in this competition at all – Brooke's going to be back soon enough.

"We'll be okay," he stutters out, I have to cough to cover my laugh. Instead of starting anything I make my way to Peyton who lays watching the exchange between us.

"How you doin?" I ask her quietly, she smiles up at me, shaking her head. "That's good. I'm glad," I tease her, getting a small giggle. I don't know what the last two days have done to her, but she's seemed so much more open with me…she reminds me of a little girl today.

"I'll be okay," she whispers.

I lean closer to her ear, making sure only she can hear my words, "If you need me for anything, don't hesitate to call. I'm serious, I'll be over as soon as I hear you need me. To tell you the truth, I don't think he can handle this…but I'll let him try if you want…" she nods at me, her eyes wide at my confession. "Alright, alright. I'll give him a chance…even if you just need to talk, you can call, Peyt. I'll miss ya," I wink in her direction before turning back to Jake who had just watched the whole scene in jealousy, I can't believe how on his sleeve his emotions are.

"I'll see ya later, Jake…if you have any trouble gimme a call," I try not to smile too much at him, he nods, giving me a strange look on my way out. I don't know what keeps me outside her doorway for a few extra minutes, but it almost amuses me to hear him talking to her.

"Hey, I missed you," he says loudly, I can almost picture her wincing in my head. I hear her mumble a 'yeah, you too' back to him, and it makes my heart ache. I know she won't be okay with him there, I know he won't know how to take care of her, and it worries me. As scary as it was for me, I had learned to help her, to know what she was telling me without her having to actually tell me anything. Now, I feel like she's starting over.

And I feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world as I walk down the stairs and out her front door. All I can remember are the words I had said to her over and over: that I wouldn't leave, that I would be with her every step of the way. I watch her house disappear in my rear view mirror, and I feel so utterly powerless.

Haley and Nathan are sitting on my front porch when I pull up, she waves happily to my truck. Nathan just laughs at her, which is all I can do right now…I figure when all else fails, all I can do is laugh. That and I haven't had sleep in nearly a week, I think I'm slightly delirious and that my ride home had the potential to be fatal.

"Hey," I stand in front of them, wondering why they had decided to make an appearance on my porch.

"Hey," Haley wraps her arms around my neck, whispering near my ear, "How was it?"

I know she's referring to leaving Peyton behind, I guess they noticed how close we had been too. It was the closest we had ever been, she had become like a best friend to me over the last week, she had been so open with me about her emotions, like the withdrawal had torn down the wall I'd been working on for a year.

"Sucked…just like I expected. I think he's getting in over his head," Nathan lets his eyes meet mine, he stands making Haley the smallest between us again.

"Probably…but you had to let him try, right?" my thinking exactly, and I know why he's my brother in that moment.

"Exactly what I was thinking. I told her to call me, I just feel like an asshole leaving her when all I did was promise her that I would never leave again," I heave a sigh which only causes Haley to shoot me a worried look.

"Well, we mostly came to see if you wanted to go grab pizza with us…I know you haven't really eaten or slept in the last week, so you know pizza and caffeine would probably be nice," she smiles sweetly at me, making it very hard to refuse.

"Yeah, sure…just don't let me fall asleep at the table," she laughs at my lame joke attempt, she always makes me feel better by doing that. My jokes suck, I'm man enough to admit that, but the laugh from her always boosted my ego just a bit.

It's getting dark, it's going to be the first night I don't spend with her in nearly a week…and my bed doesn't feel nearly as comfortable without her warm body next to me. But let's face it, a piece of wood would feel like a cloud if I had her next to me. And that realization hits me like a ton of bricks, Brooke would be coming home soon, I still have to remind myself of that.

My thoughts inevitably wander to Jake and Peyton. I have to wonder if he's laying with her, or if he left her alone in the bed, if he's been holding her hair out of the way while she's heaving over the porcelain toilet. Has he been rubbing her back when she lays back down after the bathroom excursion, I know it's the one thing that's able to calm her down. When she cries, does he wipe her tears and ask her what's wrong? Or does he just pass her the tissue box…and the thought of him not doing all of that automatically makes me want to walk over there and strangle him. She needs them to get through this, those small things were what kept her sane.

I feel my eyes close slowly, I try desperately to hold them open but it's no use. It's been days without real sleep and just as they drift closed the phone rings. My heart lurches, but drops again as Brooke's name flashes. And then I feel sick to my stomach thinking my heart had dropped at her name – what the hell is wrong with me?

"Luke!" she chirps happily, making me cringe.

"Hey, hey," I try my hardest to sound happy for her, I find it very hard to fake.

"I can't talk long, babe. I just wanted to tell you I've gotta spend the rest of Christmas break here, my designs made it to the next round! I know it sucks spending Christmas here, but I made friends, and we'll just do the gift thing when I get back. Tell your mom I said Merry Christmas…hopefully I'll be back in time for New Years. I'll call you soon, Luke, love you," she gets it all out in nearly one breath, this only proves to make me more tired.

"Yeah, sure, you too. Night," I let the phone fold closed against my shoulder, I think I just hung up on her…but I'm so dead tired that I don't even care anymore.

"Hey there, beautiful," she smiles happily, pulling the door open to reveal the black dress that hugs her curves perfectly. She's sexy, there's no denying that, and I'm unable to keep my hands from her as I step inside.

"Hey!" she hits my arm, "We've got your mom's wedding to make it to, and you're the best man what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't miss out on seeing you before," I smile happily at the girl in front of me. It feels so good to be past the whole drug ordeal, to be happy with her, the way I wanted.

"Well, thank you," she pecks her lips against mine, which turn into so much more as I catch her wrist, pulling her back again. "My lip stick," she mumbles against my lips, making me laugh.

She doesn't protest as I position my hands beneath her legs, lifting her up against my chest as I had the night she came home in the rain. I barely make it to the couch with her before desire overcomes us both. She's frantically pulling my tie from my neck as I move to grab the zipper from the back of her dress.

"What about the wedding?" she giggles, unbuttoning my collared shirt one by one.

"We've got an hour before I have to be there…and if that's not enough time…" I pause to think about if an hour is quite possibly not enough time "Well, I'm the best man they'll wait for me," I feel her small hands grab either side of my face, pulling me down to her lips again.

The way she tastes is exactly as I remember it, the room is quiet around us except for the moans we're both letting out as results of the pleasure…and strangely, out of nowhere the sounds of The Used break into the room, but it disturbs neither of us. "The Taste of Ink" is blaring through the room, the kissing grows more heated.

"Not enough to feed the hungry, I'm tired and I've felt it for a while now…" I jump from my spot on the bed, the last four hours have felt like five minutes of sleep to my tired body. It takes a second to register that it's my ring tone that had sliced into my dream, and that my phone is still ringing.

Everything's a blur when I see Jake's name on my called ID. He wouldn't be calling unless he really needed help, no one gives up the fight for the girl that easily. It has to be an emergency.

"Hello?"

"Luke…you know I wouldn't be calling, but she's shaking and crying and won't let me touch her and I don't know what to do. She's crying that it's never been this bad," my heart is racing, I can hear her screaming and sobbing hysterically in the background which propels me to fly through the door and floor the gas pedal to her house.

I make it there in an insane amount of time, surprising the hell out of me when I find no helicopters searching for the boy who was doing 60 down the streets of Tree Hill. I know for a fact I broke quite a few laws, I thank the lord when I realize it's 2 AM and no cops are out in Tree Hill now, it's a safe little town where no one does sixty miles per hour down 25 side streets…besides insane kids going back to their ex-girlfriend who's a recovering drug-addict sitting with her ex-boyfriend who said speeding kid is in a competition with for said recovering girl even though said kid has a girlfriend of a few months.

I turn the handle with full knowledge that it wouldn't be locked…but since Jake's there things have changed and the handle won't turn. I hear her heart-breaking screams from my position on the steps, my heart's beating out of my chest, I have no other option but to bust through the weak door, leaving scraps of wood around the entrance way.

My feet won't move half as fast as I'd like them to, and it seems that my legs have picked this one moment to feel like jello, not taking me up the stairs as fast as my brain is trying to get to her. I can feel her pain coursing through my vains, and the sight in front of me makes my mind scream at me to turn back around.

She's writhing in the sheets on the bed, rolling back and forth, crying and screaming, unable to control herself. Jake stands to the side looking petrified at her form, he had never seen this part of her…had I not been witnessing this I imagine I would feel a little triumphant over Jake, but I don't have time to think about anyone but the girl in front of me.

"Peyton…" she doesn't hear me over her own screams, I can see that. She looks like she's in so much pain that it's breaking my heart over and over again. I know I have to take immediate action, and it's almost on instinct that I grab her body with my arms, using a lot of strength to try to control her against me. Her arms are flailing, she's kicking, screaming, having some sort of a temper tantrum.

Without thinking I'm able to hit the handle to the faucet of the shower, turning the cold water on as quickly as I can. The shower curtain falls under the pressure I'm pulling at it with, but her screams in my ears don't allow me to act as sensibly as I would like to.

"Peyton!" I desperately try to get through to her, to make contact with the part of her that knows what's going on and is trying to escape it all. I feel my legs moving beneath me, taking us both into the cold water, my shoes and all. The water makes me shiver involuntarily, but I watch in amazement as her screaming subsides at the touch of the liquid, she's trying to catch her breath, sniffling and suddenly huddling against me.

She's taking in very small, shallow breaths, unable to regain control of her air intake. I keep her close to my chest, tucking her under my chin. The water has a way of calming her, though it's cold I know it's the only thing keeping her sane right now. I feel the water slowly pouring through my work boots, seeping through my jeans and shirt, dripping off of my hair into my eyes. Her shirt slowly grows heavy, sticking and molding around her pale skin. She's seems so small against me now, I can feel her still trying to make the tears stop.

"It's okay now, I promise," I whisper to her ear, making sure she knows I'm here now, that I'll be here. She nods against my chest, I lay a protective kiss on her forehead, rubbing my hands up and down her arms a few times.

"Too cold," I can hear her mumble quietly, which I take into consideration. We're both shivering, the best move is for me to switch the handle over with my boot, and I know this works as the warm water slowly pours over us now. Her shaking slowly but surely begins to subside, her breathing is coming back to normal, and when I'm finally able to glance back into her room I can see Jake is gone…that he's most likely been gone when he saw Peyton tuck herself into me. I think he knows he's not the one she needs right now.

"Luke?" she looks up at me, almost somewhat shocked to see me there, to be in my arms. I realize how far gone she was for a little while, to not realize who was there.

"Hey, yeah, I'm here now…" I stay low and quiet, just loud enough to talk over the water engulfing us.

"I thought it was you…you know…you're the only one who can take care of me like that," she says softly, tucking her head back down below me. She's always so much more vulnerable after things like that, always able to admit what I mean to her after things like that.

"Are you leaving?" her voice cracks suddenly, surprising us both there.

"I'm not going anywhere, I told you if you needed me I'd be here. I promised you that much…"

"I know, I just –"

"Just, nothing…I'm here, Peyton. That's all you have to worry about, and I'll be here all night long, for as long as you need me to be here. C'mon, let's get some dry stuff on and go to bed…after all the screaming you have to be tired," I feel her relax in my arms as I use the walls for leverage to get out of the tub.

I'm dripping literally from head to toe, the water puddling on the floor around me. I know I can't do that to her rugs, they would be soaked by the time we got downstairs to the laundry room.

"Just take it off here," she tells me tiredly, she wriggles away from my arms, independently standing on the bathroom floor by herself. I watch her struggling with her wet shirt, she's unable to peel it away from her skin because of the water sticking it to her.

"Here," I let my hands run along the hem of the fabric near her stomach. I can feel her eyes on my fingers, but I keep moving, pulling her shirt up slowly, revealing her body to me. There's no part of us that's actually touching, but it's the closest I've been to anyone. The silence around us is deafening, her small hands slowly make their way to my shirt, helping me pull it up over my head.

"I just wanted to thank you..." she won't look at me, just concentrates on the buckle of my belt around my waist. Slowly she unbuttons my jeans, watching them fall to my boots. I kick the boots off, the puddles surrounding us from everything. I know none of this is going to help her, but we're not really doing anything wrong…yet. I know that it won't go any farther than this, we both know our limits now, we've both learned from our mistakes in some way.

I slip the sweat pants from her waist until they are down around her ankles. She looks up at me with lost eyes, both of us standing there in wet under-garments, unsure of what should happen next. I know she wants to know where to go from here. I can feel how nervous she is in front of me, but at the same time she's totally comfortable standing there.

"You tired?" I ask her gently, watching her nod her head. I'm thinking we'll both at least get a good hour in tonight, we're both exhausted from the events of just a few hours before. "I'm gonna go grab some dry stuff from your dad's room, I'll be right back…"

When I re-enter, she's in dry panties and a bra, but still no more clothing than before. It doesn't really shock me, I hadn't intended on sleeping with a shirt anyway. I place myself on her large bed, sitting more towards the middle, pulling the sheet back to welcome her to me. She follows my actions, pushing herself close to me. I lay, putting my head on the pillow I'd been laying on for the past week, I've kind of claimed it as mine.

Her wandering hands make their way to the waist band of my sweat pants, sliding them down to my knees, and I know she can't reach any farther than that. I see from the innocent look in her eyes she doesn't want that…she wants nothing more than to be as close as she can get to me. I feel her shaking starting again, and every time it happens it occurs to me how dependent she was on the drugs she was taking.

"C'mere," I pull her closer to me, kicking the sweat pants into a ball under the covers. I had a pair of shorts on underneath, which she immediately recognized, entangling her legs with mine. I don't know what's suddenly brought on this need for closeness, but it does feel nice. Brooke's never been willing to lay with me, she's always moving, never slowing down to just enjoy our time together.

Her skin is flush against my own, the warmth radiating between us is a new feeling compared to the cold water we had sat under for nearly thirty minutes. I let my calloused fingers trace circles along the outside of her thigh, my heartbeat once again lulls her to sleep. Her breathing evens out beside me, and when I see her laying calmly it gives me eyes the incentive to close.

I know I can't sleep anymore without knowing she's asleep beside me.

That was kind of a long one too. I know it was a lot crammed in here, but I really liked the overall outcome. Everything with Jake went along the way I wanted it to go, and the whole scene when Jake calls Lucas is something I've had in mind since I started the story. Anyway, I hope you liked it though, REVIEW, let me know!