The Things I Do III Sara's Lie
(her thoughts in italics)
in response to The Things I Do II (Catherine's Secret)
p.s. thank you for all those who responded needing to see Sara's side. I needed to see it too. Doing this kept me grounded from slowly going insane from studying.
disclaimer: still the same. I own nothing, I gain nothing. I only have my sanity."Greg, See which way Catherine went?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'll let you know when I find her."
"That was, uh, some argument you two had."
"Nothing out of the ordinary for us, Greg."
"But, uh, you pissed her off royally this time."
"Put a lid on it, Greg! Just tell me where she went!"
"Sorry, I did'nt..."
"I'm... I'm sorry, Greg. I didn't mean to..."
"That's okay. I understand, Sara. She passed by this way awhile ago."
"Thanks."
---oOo---
Sara knocks lightly and opens Catherine's door. 'She's not in her office.'
She walks around the lab, looking in every glass cubicle. 'I don't think I did anything wrong.'
She goes in the garage hoping to find her. 'Okay, I should of asked her if she needed help.'
She continues to look for her in the building. 'But she's Catherine.. the Catherine Willows.'
She checks the locker room, 'She never asks for help, especially if it's me.'
She walks by Grissom's office. 'She should've never said that about me using Grissom. I don't use him. I don't. I really don't. I...I...don't think...I do...'
"Sara?"
"Not now, Grissom. I'm busy."
"I wanted to ask you about our..."
"I SAID I'M BUSY! BACK OFF!"
"Sara? What's wrong? I..."
"I'm sorry. I'm... I need to find Catherine. I need to find her."
"I see."
"No, you don't."
"I do. I do understand now. I can see it in you. In her."
"What are you talking about?"
"You and Catherine. I can see it."
"I... I didn't mean to blow you off like that. I'm just... I need to find her, that's all."
"I know, Sara."
"No, you don't."
"I do. I... I've sensed it. Even when you're with me, she's... you're still with her."
"Gil..."
"I can't force you to love me, Sara."
"Gil..."
"I know it's not me that will fill the gap that you long for, Sara. If Catherine... if she makes you whole, then... go."
"I...I don't know what to say..."
"Just go."
"I'm sorry, Gil. I'm so sorry."
"I'm sorry, too."
---oOo---
Unable to find Catherine in the building, Sara goes the parking lot for a smoke. Takes out a cigarette and was about to light it.
'Is there someone in Catherine's car?' She walks cautiously, slowly.
'Is that her? Catherine?' From a distance she could see the silhouette of the older CSI.
'Is she...crying?' Sara felt like a block hit her.
'I never intended to hurt her!' She felt her inside being stretched apart watching Catherine hunched over the steering wheel crying.
'But she angers me so much, that I want to hurt her...' A battle of emotions continue to rip inside the brunette as she slowly approaches the car.
'I never wanted to hurt her...' She takes a deep breath.
She knocks gently on the window, startling Catherine. The older CSI rolls the window down.
"Are you here to gloat?"
"No, I..."
"You win, Sara. You win."
"Catherine, I want..."
"You always get want you want in the end, Sara."
"I'm... hoping for that this time."
"God, the confidence you have..."
"I didn't mean it in that way, Catherine. I want to apolo..."
"Move or I'll push you off when I open the door. Better yet, just stand there so I can hit you."
"Do you want to hurt me, Catherine?"
"So what if I do? You'll have Grissom barking down my ass in seconds."
"You have a way of getting off line, Catherine."
"Am I?"
"You sure are right now."
"Ha!"
"I've been looking for you."
"Now you've found me. So what?"
"So this..." Sara flings Catherine's door open and grabs the startled blond out, pulls her towards her and kisses her full on the lips.
"Sara, get off...!"
Catherine at first tries to pull away but then gives in when the brunette held her tighter. Letting Sara control the kiss, she slowly reaches for the taller CSI, deepening it.
"So there, Catherine. You're the reason I lie."
"Why'd you do that for!"
"I lie to Grissom, I lie to myself, I lie to you. You're the damn reason, Catherine. You're the damn reason I lie!"
"I don't underst..."
"I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD, CATHERINE! I'M DROWNING IN YOU! NOT EVEN GRISSOM COULD SAVE ME!"
"I don't underst..."
"For years, I've been denying. I've kept it in me. You're...in my thoughts constantly, in my mind, I can't get you out of me, Catherine. I can't. And... I don't want you to."
"Sara, don't do this to me..."
"Catherine. I can't help it anymore..."
"Don't, Sara...please..."
"I can't pretend anymore. It hurts me to see you like this..."
"Sara, I can't keep on like this. I'm tired of hurting, Sara. I'm tired..."
"Catherine, let me hold you... forever, baby. Let me hold you."
"Sara, oh, god, Sara, don't let go of me..."
"I won't. I don't want to let you go. Catherine... I love you."
"Oh, god, Sara, I love you too."
---oOo---
From a distance Grissom watches the two new lovers, confessing and promising their love for each other, words he has never heard her say.
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, and slowly exhales.
He turns around, walks back inside, his shoulders lower now and his head down.
He walks into the cold building in defeat, of someone he never had from the beginning.
A truth that will always linger in him.
She was never his. Sara was always Catherine's.
how did i do?
obviously i'm not a grissom/sara fan.
Reviews, comments, reactions, satisfactions, yadda yadda, would be appreciated.