Drugs or Me

Author's Note: I'm determined to move these out a little quicker, so bear with me, I'm doing my best here.

Chapter 11: I Need You In My Blacker Days

She needed me to help her feel, it's why she's holding me so tightly, unable to let go. She wanted to feel anything but the pain that's slowly taking her down. And I'm becoming completely unable to stop myself from becoming enveloped in her kiss that had always sucked me in. I have a feeling there's no going back this time – we're both so overwhelmed by what's passing between us, it's something that I've certainly never felt before. I keep her close, let my fingers run along the sides of her stomach as she shivers under my touch. Very slowly she wiggles out of the sweat pants that covered her pale legs. I use the weight of my body to lay her back onto the bed behind, making sure to keep her injured foot to the side. She makes sure her take top is no longer an obstacle for us. My heart feels like it may fall out of my chest that it's beating so fast. We don't usually get this far…the last time we even got close to this was a year ago in that motel. This time we've got no necklaces to hold us back, this time there's nothing holding us back.

She takes her small hands to assist me in getting my shirt up over my head. It feels like she can't get close enough with the way she's pulling my mouth to hers. This isn't right, it can't be what she needs but she's so frantic in removing my pants that I feel it may be the only way she'll let me get through to her. And I can't lie…it feels so much better than I had imagined. I mean, I'm just seventeen, I've got hormones and I'm going to make mistakes…this is probably one that I'm in the process of right now.

She sheds the rest of her clothing, throwing it all to the ground. And in one fluent motion she makes sure my boxers are on the floor too. Thought it's in the mid-thirties outside I can feel sweat dripping from my forehead – the heat between us is becoming nearly unbearable. She grabs blindly at her night stand for a source of protection, but I can see that she's distracted by my lips on her neck. She moans and finally finds the small purple package which she immediately hands to me. I won't let myself mistake the look in her eyes for pleasure when I finally make my move – we both know better than to lie about that. She's urging me to go faster, harder – to take away the emptiness she feels. She's using me – and at this very moment I don't care anymore. She writhes beneath me, moaning when I make the right movements.

"Peyton…" I'm worried to continue, but the sudden tears remind me of why we're here.

"I need you…I need this…take it away…" she manages to tell me before she closes her eyes and take a deep breath. "Lucas, just take the pain away…please…please…" her pleas are heartbreaking and the expression on her face tells me to fulfill what she asks me for. I kiss her tears away gently, nodding I make my move to continue – hoping this is the right decision.

Waking up the next morning to find an empty bed doesn't really shock me. I think in the back of my mind I've been expecting it. I slip on the boxers and sweat pants from yesterday and move to find her crying with her back against the porcelain tub. She doesn't give me any hints to say that she's going to acknowledge my presence, so instead I choose to sit beside her, wrapping my hands around my bent knees.

"I really screwed up, huh?" she questions me through her tear-filled eyes, but I just shake my head.

"It took two people to do that. And if it took the pain from you for even just a little while – it was worth it to me."

"You're with Brooke and I'm recovering from a cocaine addiction. It was wrong, Luke."

"Maybe…but it wasn't exactly bad," I tease her, nudging her elbow a little. And it even surprises me when I'm rewarded with a very small smile.

She decides to shower minutes later, so rather than go home and let something else happen to her I take it upon myself to stay. Jake appears at the bedroom door a few minutes after I sit down, and when I finally do notice him he looks very bitter.

"She's in the shower right now," I point out, without another thought I turn back to my solitare.

"Fuck her yet?" his voice is full of resentment for me, but I choose to be the bigger man this time. I don't respond to his comment. "Well, I'll take that as a yes. No wonder she's in the shower."

Again, I refuse to respond to what he's saying, I won't add fuel to the fire. He's just bitter because she doesn't want him anymore…I know that feeling, and it does suck, but there's no reason he has to be an asshole about it.

"You know she always liked pity fucks, but don't take that as a sign of love. She hasn't had any ass in a few months, I'm not surprised she turned to you. But after all, she gets around, you were the one person she hadn't managed to sleep with yet…"

My blood is boiling, I can feel my stomach churning with the things he's saying about her. I know that's now how he feels about her at all, behind that angry mask he's just a hurt kid who was turned down by a girl he really loved. I try to wrap my head around that fact, but I somehow just can't manage to find an ounce of sympathy for him anymore.

"It's too bad you didn't get to her before me…I can't see screwing a wide open whore to be too much fun, but hey it's your preferen-"

I don't let him say another thing, instead I lunge at him and I just barely grab the fabric of his jacket to pull him back. I use all the strength I can muster to slam him against her bedroom wall. It's almost reminiscent of the time I beat the hell out of the kid who tried to drug her a year or two ago.

"You know, I don't care if you talk about me…say whatever you want about me. But you have no idea what she's going through, so don't you dare say that shit about her. You know, I'm sorry she doesn't want you anymore, I'm sorry you got Nikki pregnant so she asked you to spend your time trying to save your daughter. And I'm extremely sorry that you had to be such a bitter asshole about the whole thing. So how about you do yourself a favor and get the hell out of here before I need to throw your ass out."

He laughs with a sadistic smile before punching me in the nose. The stinging that flows through my face is a little more than I expect, but I make a come back quickly. Before I know it we're on the floor, rolling, punching, kicking. I can't tell which way the ceiling is compared to the walls, but when she comes running from the shower screaming I know that I need to get out from under him.

His fist connects with my nose a few more times, blood is pouring out like a faucet. Peyton's tugging at his jacket, screaming for him to stop, to leave, to get out of her life this time. He backs off when he sees that I can barely breathe anymore, but he doesn't say anything to either of us, just takes off running and out the front door.

"Luke," she sounds worried, as she kneels over me. I can't make out her face very well, the pain is a little more overwhelming that I expected. I heard a crack somewhere in the punches, and the blood that's still flowing seems a little abnormal. I have a feeling I don't just have a nosebleed.

"I think it's broken," I ground out through clenched teeth. There's blood in my mouth now, it's pouring from the cuts on my bottom lip too, I hadn't realized they were there. She's frantically running through her room to find me a cup. She's panicking, desperately trying to get me to spit the blood out into the cup, but I'm only managing gurgling noises.

"C'mon, Lucas. Just spit it in here, and I'll get you cleaned up," I can make out the tears that are rolling down her cheeks again, and I wonder if she ever runs out of tears. I spit the red liquid into the designated cup and wait patiently for her to retrieve all kinds of paper towels and tissues to stop the bleeding.

"This is bad," I need to let her know that I don't think the paper towels are going to cover it. But I'm becoming flooded with pain when the bones move inside my nose when she's trying to help.

"I really should try to get you to the hospital…I've got to call your mom," she jumps up, dialing the number with urgency. I can hear bits and pieces of the conversation, but before I can tell what happened she's back next to me with worried eyes. "Your mom's on her way, she's gonna take you. I'm not even supposed to be on my foot, let alone be running around the room. It's killing me and it's bleeding a little through the stitches, so I'm going to wait here for you. Call me when you're done okay?" she tries to explain the situation to me, but I can't really concentrate or focus on what she's trying to say.

"Please…no more drugs when I'm gone…"

"I won't…I promise. Just let me know you're okay."

"I'm fine," or at least that's what I'm telling us both. And I am fine if you minus the fact that my nose is broken in numerous places – I don't need a doctor to tell me that one.

"Call me as soon as you're done everything…"

"No more, Peyton, please. Please…" she shakes her head at me, almost smiling in amusement.

"You're nose is probably broken in like a million places and you're worried about me? Just get yourself over to the hospital so you can come back here," she lays her hand in mine, and I think it shocks me more than anything. I expected a very cold shoulder after the events of last night, but she's very slowly warming up to me even more. I just hope we don't go back three steps again, I just want her to stay here.

"Do you regret last night?" she looks extremely hesitant to answer, she even takes her eyes away from mine to stare at the floor. She doesn't get to answer this one because my mom walks in to help me out.

"So, Jake, huh?" she doesn't really sound surprised, just a little disappointed in the kid who welcomed me to the basketball team with such open arms.

Peyton shakes her head with a sense of disappointment too. My mom is quick to be hoisting me up to my feet, she's ready to get the hospital junk out of the way. She was never a fan of the place either, but then I guess a lot of people really aren't.

I can't see what takes place behind me, but I know that my mom's head is turned back to Peyton, she's mouthing something, but I can't make anything out. She's sure to keep my head straight so "the blood doesn't' go all over."

"Mom, what was –"

"C'mon, Luke, let's get you fixed up."

Okay, I felt there needed to be some type of showdown with Lucas and Jake. And then with how bitter Jake was, I think this was the only way I saw it happening. It took me some time to figure out the angle I took, but I think this should set up what I want a little bit better.

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