AN: Sorry I didn't post last Thursday. Things got hectic and I ran out of time. Still, things have cleared up, so we're back on schedule!
Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
Severus didn't trust the Lavender in his world. He trusted Emerald City Lavender even less.
He eyed her as she pulled out various facial cleansers, shampoos, and what he guessed were potions to reduce the lines on his face. Before her little touch up, she'd allowed him to take a bath, a luxury he didn't know he needed until he got into the tub. Despite Oz's saccharine appearance, he was still covered in dirt and grime. It was refreshing to remove the filth, and the soothing bubble bath made him feel cleaner than he'd been in years. He'd never been one to create potions for luxury items, but if he could make a relaxer like that bubbles in the bath he would make a fortune, perhaps allowing him to accumulate enough funds to leave Hogwarts and avoid the pain of seeing Ron move into Hermione's quarters.
Too bad his hair was hopeless. Even in Oz it maintained its greasy, limp appearance, though Lavender promised she could fix it. Actually, it was more like a threat, especially in light of all her products. He was almost certain he preferred his hair to whatever she could conjure.
"Your appearance isn't as hopeless as you think," Lavender began as set the last of her bottles on the emerald counter. "I've seen much worse."
"Who could be worse than me?" Severus asked.
"Pansy wasn't in great shape when I first found her, and Hermione was absolutely hopeless for a time. Talk about hair which couldn't be tamed! It was a miracle I could do anything with it."
"Yes, it did shock me to learn that you know Hermione," Severus raised an eyebrow as he observed her. "What is that pink glob?"
"It's shampoo meant to remove the excess oil from your hair."
"Why exactly do I need to altar my appearance for this wizard anyway? Can't I take a shower and be done with it?"
"Sure, if you want to be kicked out the way everyone else has been."
"Other people have seen the wizard?"
"They've tried, but according to him, they've all been, 'too fashionably challenged,' all except me anyway. I was just the 'moron hung up on the wrong monkey.'"
"Monkey?" Severus asked as she laced her hands through his hair.
"Yep." She kneaded her hands further into his scalp. "I was fortunate enough, or unfortunate enough if you ask some people, to fall in love with a flying monkey."
"Why would you ever fall for a flying monkey?"
"To start with, he's fun, funny, and enjoys my cooking. Ron's the perfect package."
"Ron is your flying monkey boyfriend?"
"He's not technically my boyfriend, but I wish he was."
"It seems that Oz is the land of atrocious taste in men," Severus began. "First this dunderheaded prince abandons Hermione, and now Ron the flying monkey has a woman who pines for him."
"We can't control who we love." She was gleaming at her handiwork much too happily for his comfort. Her smile dissipated as she glanced down at his nails. "You haven't taken very good care of your hands, have you?"
"I'm usually too busy brewing to give them much heed."
"You ought to take a little time for yourself. You'll have a much better chance of being taken seriously if you do."
"Taken seriously by whom? You don't need good hands to brew potions."
"No, but women appreciate a man with smooth, gentle hands."
"Oh sure, with my stellar personality women will be crawling all over themselves just to get a glimpse of my exceptional hands."
"You aren't as terrible as you make yourself out to be. There are people who have far worse personalities than you," she began clipping his nails.
"True," he replied. "I suppose even I am not nearly as ill-tempered as Molly, the Wicked Witch of the West."
"You don't know the half of it," Lavender grumbled as she continued her work.
In silence, Severus watched her clip his nails. He had to admit, she was not terrible at her job. It was too soon to say if she excelled at it though. She had yet to use her facial products, and he wasn't sure she wouldn't destroy his hair.
"Now, let's see if we can do something about that skin of yours," Lavender continued. "It's clearly been neglected for too long."
"Why should I bother with my skin?"
"Because the wizard likes fashionable people."
"I already don't care much for him. If he won't help us over something as silly as fashion we should know now so we can get to someone who is more reasonable."
"Yes, but Hermione would be upset if she found out the wizard refused to see you because you wouldn't get a haircut."
He scowled.
"Besides, don't you want to look great for the ladies? There are some nice ones around Emerald City."
"Women want mindless men with conventionally attractive bodies, not an old git man like me."
"That's not true. Everyone likes a hero, and you saved us from Bellatrix."
"I was in a house that fell on her," he replied, still wondering how the Wizarding World would react if they knew the best way to defeat a Death Eater was to throw a house on them. It would've made the war much shorter had anyone known.
"See, you did a great thing. Women love men who do great things."
"If that is the case, why are you not throwing yourself at me?"
"Because I don't go for black haired men," she gave him a wistful smile. "I prefer red heads."
"So does everyone else apparently," he grumbled.
"Not really," she began putting the cleanser on his face. "They are an acquired taste."
"So you say," Severus frowned as the image of Ron embracing Hermione flashed in his mind. He'd give anything to obliviate it. Perhaps when all was said and done some of Ogden's Finest would erase the memories of that embrace and this adventure he was forced to endure.
In silence, Lavender continued to work.
"How do you know Hermione?" He asked.
She met his eyes and paused.
"It was clear you knew Hermione, which raises the question: how does a make up artist know a woodswoman?"
"First of all, she wasn't always a woodswoman." Lavender resumed her work.
"She wasn't?"
"No," Lavender grabbed another bottle and began focusing on his hands. "She used to be a wealthy heiress in Emerald City. We went to school together."
"Wait," Severus shook his head. "You meant to tell me she was a wealthy heiress, yet she chose to wander around the woods chopping down trees?"
"Actually she chose to wander the woods reading books. The tree chopping thing didn't begin until there was a paper shortage, and they'd need more people to cut down trees for books. She learned how to chop down trees, grew some muscles, and became a woodswoman. Because she didn't want to be taken advantage of, she didn't advertise her wealth, choosing instead to live in the woods away from the prying eyes of the public."
"But she dated a dunderheaded prince, so he must've known she was wealthy."
"He didn't know it at first," Lavender focused her attention on his other hand. "Then again, she didn't know he was a prince either. They wanted to be loved for who they were, so they downplayed their positions."
"Then he left her when she began having her accidents."
"Actually he left before that."
"He did?"
Lavender stopped to examine her handiwork. "Yes, despite her best efforts, the Wicked With of the West discovered who she was. She decided to send one of her flying monkeys to seduce her so she could obtain her wealth."
"Ron," Severus practically spat out his name.
"Yes, but he was already dating me. Still, he went along with it to keep her quiet. He and Hermione realized very quickly they were not compatible. Hermione resumed her pursuit of the prince."
"What happened then?"
"Molly wouldn't drop the idea of Ron marrying Hermione. She wanted that money and the social position that came with it. I'm not entirely sure what happened next, but the rumor was that she convinced the prince he was unworthy of Hermione's love and she was only with him out of pity. For some reason, the prince listened to her and left. We haven't seen him since."
"All Hermione has done is pine after him, yet he won't even stop and see how she's doing?"
"Nope, he's gone."
"Does he know about her accidents?"
"I don't know, but most of Oz does, so he probably does too."
"If he knows about them, I hope he understands what an absolute dunderhead he is. This whole time all this arse needed to do was talk to Hermione, accept her love, and these accidents wouldn't have happened," Severus felt his temperature rise. "All this dunderhead had to do was sit and listen to Hermione and she may still have a heart."
"I'm not sure about that, because when Hermione made it clear she would not date Ron or marry him, the witch decided she should be punished. So, she enchanted Hermione's axe to chop her piece by piece. Of course, nobody in Oz can die, or so we thought."
"They can't die?"
"No, we're all immortal."
"With the exception of Bellatrix apparently."
"Yeah, I can't figure that one out," Lavender smirked. "Then again, I'm no magical scientist."
"So because she couldn't die, she became a Tin Woman and lost her heart."
"Yes, when that happened Ron was devastated. He thought enough damage had been done in his name, especially once she stood still, so still," Lavender's voice cracked. "Ron thought she'd died because she wouldn't move. How did you manage to revive her anyway?"
"I used the oil can beside her to loosen her joints. It was a plan I'm surprised neither of you devised."
"Yeah, well I didn't exactly fall in love because Ron was the smartest entity in Oz."
"Obviously if he doesn't know how oil cans work."
"In his defense, I didn't know how they worked either."
"Yes you two are a pair of geniuses," he muttered.
She glared at him. "Anyway Molly tried to get her hand on the fortune, but the wizard prevented her. He said so long as the Tin Woman existed in some form that fortune was hers."
"So given the chance, Molly will obliterate Hermione," Severus' stomach churned at the thought.
"That's what I fear," Lavender exhaled. "Ron was so scared when she became a Tin Woman he dumped me, afraid I'd have the same fate if we stayed together. I suppose I can't blame him. It was bad enough when the Wicked Witch of the East tried to tear me up with wolves."
"Why would she do such a thing?"
"I told her she had split ends and needed to take better care of her hair. She got a little offended by that," Lavender answered.
"I never would've known you were injured in any way."
"That's because my products work so well." Sadness crept into Lavender's eyes. "Sadly, Molly thought my poorer background and scarred appearance made me a terrible choice for Ron's spouse, so she threatened to make me tin unless Ron dumped me. I was willing to take the chance, but him, not so much."
"That must have been quite painful."
"I've learned to function. Enough depressing talk though," Lavender pushed Severus's head into a bowl and began washing his hair. As she did so, she took a wash cloth and began wiping off the products from his face and hands. After a few moments, she dried him and held up a mirror. "Ta da!"
He held up the mirror. Lavender was much better at her job than anyone had ever given her credit for. His hair was layered, framing his face perfectly. Instead of pale, sickly skin, he had a hint of color. After glancing at his hands, he had to admit they were much softer, less injured by the products poured upon them. His fingernails were finally even.
"Do you still doubt me?" Lavender asked, more than a hint of triumph in her voice.
"You've done an adequate job," he answered.
"I'll take that as an 'everything is perfect.'"
"How did you get that from, 'adequate?'"
"It's in your eyes. You've loved what I've done," Lavender answered. "You're going to knock the socks off any woman who comes near you."
"Perhaps," Severus examined himself again. Never in his life did he think he'd care what a pile of tin thought of his appearance. Then again, he never thought he'd fall in love with someone nineteen years his junior. His life was as odd as the land of Oz.
"Well, let's go show everyone my handiwork before you see the wizard," Lavender took the mirror and led him outside.
Once there, he took note of Lion Neville, Crookshanks, and Scarecrow Harry. Neville's main was straight, and his fur no longer matted. There was a red bow on his head as well. Crookshanks looked like he wanted to kill everyone in Oz for making him take a bath. Still, his coat was cleaner, and appeared softer. Harry was now properly stuffed, lacking the former unevenness he had earlier.
"You look handsome," Harry began.
"Yes, you clean up well," Neville answered.
Even Crookshanks appeared to approve of his appearance.
"Of course he cleans up well," Lavender answered. "There isn't a man I can't make look attractive."
"I apologize for being late," Hermione began. "The washing took longer than anticipated, and…"
"And?" Severus' eyes were glued to her. Her tin was shimmering in the emerald light, and her amber eyes were brighter than he'd ever seen.
"And you look quite handsome," She dug her foot into the ground. "No, you look radiant, stunning, and, well…"
"You're welcome," Lavender began before whispering in Severus' ear, "I told you women would flock to you if you cared a little more for your appearance."
Severus couldn't hear her. Instead he was scolding himself for being attracted to a pile of tin. Yet this wasn't any pile of tin. It was Hermione, pure Hermione. Even in this form, she knew how to take his breath away.
A shrieking cackle resounded through the city. All eyes appeared on the sky. A witch on a broom took to the sky. Behind her, black letters were forming.
"What's happening?" Lavender shouted.
"It, it's the Wicked Witch of the West," Hermione gasped.
"What does she want?" Harry asked.
"How did she even get here?" Neville chimed in.
"Oh shit," Lavender muttered. "Not again. Not again!"
Soon, everyone began screaming and diving for cover. Severus didn't hear the commotion. Instead, his eyes were transfixed on the message, memories of the movie coming back to him.
No, the wizard wouldn't give them what they asked for, at least not yet. Instead, he would send them out to kill this green banshee. It wouldn't matter that Hermione had faced enough torture from Molly. They'd have to face her again.
"Look," Hermione pointed to the letters. "Look what it says!"
Surrender Severus or Die!