Chapter 6: Advice

Disclaimer: I neither own nor pretend to own any rights or creative license over the characters from the hit TV show Buffy: the Vampire Slayer. Nor shall I seek to profit from this story.

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"I wouldn't normally talk to you about this kind of stuff—relationship stuff, that is—but under the circumstances, you were my last resort. Actually, my only resort. But no offense or anything."

"Oh, none taken."

Oops. Is that his offended look? Yeah, definitely slight offendedness. Well, nothing to be done about it now. "So, listen, I think I need some advice." Now that perked him up. Look at him, feeling all fatherly. Or maybe that's "watcherly." Either way, it's kinda sweet.

"Certainly, Buffy. I'd be happy to help in any way I can, but I don't know if I'm the best person to ask. I'm hardly a relationship expert."

"Indeed?" I say sarcastically, which gets a not-very-well-hidden frown out of Giles. "Okay, maybe not, but you're kind of a person expert, and that's what I'm looking for. I have an interpersonal relationship-type question."

"Go on," he says.

"Okay." I take a deep breath and launch into full-on narrative mode. "So, I don't know if you've noticed, but Willow and Xander are acting really weird lately—and before you get out your books, no, it's not demon possession. They're…well, I think what it boils down to is that they're hot for each other and don't know what to do. Which means that I don't know what to do, either, because if they won't admit it to me then I can't talk about it with them, and I'm not sure I'd even want to because, hello, am I Doctor Ruth or something?"

"Clearly not. You're taller, for one."

"Giles!" I say, surprised at the sudden outburst of humor. Well, for Giles, that's an outburst.

"Buffy," he says, in a more Gileslike fashion, "it's not up to you to figure out Willow and Xander's relationship for them. Have they even discussed it with you?"

"No," I admit in a disappointed voice, which, of course, Giles picks up on.

"And you feel left out."

"Ew, Giles. I'm so not into threesomes."

"And if you were, I'd ask that you never tell me," Giles deadpans. "And you know that's not what I meant."

Yeah, yeah. I know. "You're trying to get me to admit I'm a busybody. A gossip. A lookie-loo. B-but I'm not! Giles, I'm just trying to—"

"Stick your nose where it doesn't belong? Oh, you can wipe that indignant look off your face. I'm not saying your intentions aren't good." He's smirking at me. Stupid Giles and his stupid observances.

"Well, that's good, because they are! Good, that is. The road to my current predicament is paved with good intentions."

"But you consider this a predicament," Giles says. "Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know, doctor Freud," I say in a huff. How is it I came to him for advice? I should've called in to a talk radio show.

"May I tell you what I think?" he asks.

"Is there any way to stop you?" I say sarcastically, but I can't help being relieved that he's taking the reins on this one.

"Buffy, I think it's touching that you're concerned about your friends' emotional states, but if they haven't asked for your advice, I think it's best you withhold it. That should be easy to do, since you don't have any prepared."

"Giles, I'm wounded!" I say, though unconvincingly. I'd never say this to his face, but he's right. "I want to help them, though. I can tell they're all conflicted. They want each other, but they don't know what to do—"

"They're legal adults, Buffy. I think they know what to do."

My God, was that a knowing gleam in Giles's eye? "That's not what I meant! I meant emotionally. Besides, they haven't done that yet."

Giles looks surprised. "How do you know that?" he asks.

I give him a smug look. "Because they're all nervous around each other."

"But that could mean they have…er, 'done it,'" Giles says. "Perhaps they don't know how to process—"

"Process schmocess," I snort. Ooh—snorting is not an attractive thing on me. "They've loved each other for umpteen years. Maybe it wasn't always the schmoopie kinda love, but they know how to talk to each other. Getting groiny after that much history is no reason to go non-verbal. Nope, if they'd had sex, they'd be nervous around me, not around each other."

"You're coming to a conclusion soon, I trust?" Giles asks.

"Hey, don't blame me if you can't keep up," I retort. "My point is I'm worried about them. I want them to be happy. I want them to get it on already!"

"Isn't that sweet," Giles says dryly. "So what do you want me to tell you? That it's okay to butt into their romantic lives and discuss this 'impasse' with them? Buffy, if you're set on it, that's what you'll do, but I would advise you to sit back and allow them some space to work it out themselves. If it were to…well, if it didn't work out, they'd need your friendship more than ever. You don't want them to feel you're pushing them."

I nod and sigh. "Giles?" I ask.

"Yes, Buffy?"

"You're almost as smart about people as you are about demons."

"Thank you, Buffy."

I get up to leave, and there's a knock at the door. I give Giles a questioning look, but he just shrugs, so I answer it. Anya's standing there, and when she sees me, the color kind of drains from her face and she gets all sputtery. She must be mad at me because Xander broke up with her, and I'm friends with Xander, and…but why is she here?

"Oh! Buffy," she says nervously. "I was just coming to see Giles because…"

Giles appears slightly terrified for some reason. "Ah, right. Anya, thank you for coming. I was having trouble translating something in one of my…er…books, and I thought perhaps Anya could help."

"Because I'm so old and well-schooled in magic and various magical languages," Anya elaborates.

Giles looks relieved. "Precisely. Er, Buffy, I'm glad we had this talk. I hope it was helpful."

"It…uh, sure, Giles. Thanks," I say, before backing out the doorway. "See you later."

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Is it my imagination, or did that door just slam? Those two sure were acting nervous around me. Oh well, on to bigger things. Giles is a smart guy and all, but Will's my best friend—surely she'd like to have a little chat with me. Just an innocent conversation: hair, makeup, boys, how she's in love with Xander and Xander's in love with her and what kind of timetable they're on where sex is concerned… You know, your run-of-the-mill girl talk.

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A/N: Just a couple more pieces of buckshot to go in this one. Thanks for reading!