AN: Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
"I should've known Fenrir and his goons couldn't do anything!" Molly yelled before huffing. "If they couldn't destroy Lavender, how could they take down a lion?"
"I don't know," Ron replied as he twisted his tail. "I guess they weren't as tough as everyone thought they were."
"Obviously. Now we're going to have to try something different," Molly mused aloud as she gazed into her crystal ball.
"How about you ask them what Severus and his friends want?"
Molly glared at him. "What did you just say?"
"Well, if they're coming here, they clearly want something from us. Why don't you meet them and offer them a trade?"
"A trade?"
"Yes, you give them whatever they came for, and Severus gives you his shoes."
"Have you not been listening to a thing I've been saying?" Molly shrieked before pounding on the table. "They want my kingdom! I can't negotiate that away!"
"You don't know that," Ron recoiled. "They may want something else."
"Like what?"
Ron shrugged. "Why don't you ask them?"
"No, I refuse! I will get those boots without giving up anything else, even if I have to pry them from Severus' cold, dead corpse!"
Ron sighed and shook his head.
"And I know just how to do it too."
"How?"
"Well, a scarecrow can only defend against so many crows."
"Crows?"
"Yes," Molly turned to Ron. "Get every crow in the land and send them to those miserables pains in my arse. Tell the crows to pluck Severus and his friends' eyes out. My winkie soldiers will take it from it there!"
"Why not send out the winkie soldiers now and be done with it? Surely they can defeat them quicker than a murder of crows can."
"Because I just knitted them new uniforms and I don't want them to get sweaty in them by walking around all day. It's a pain to get out all that nasty blood too. No, if Severus and his friends get their eyes plucked out they'll stay still until we can get them at night, when it's all nice and cool. Then, the winkies' sweaters will remain clean and intact."
"I suppose that's a decent plan," Ron replied.
"Good, not that I needed your approval."
Ron's tail twitched.
"Now get going!"
He didn't need to be told twice to leave.
Severus sat on a lone patch of grass and took a bite of a sandwich. Beside him, Neville devoured a piece of steak and Crookshanks ate a can of salmon. It had been the better part of wisdom to pack food from Emerald City. His stomach was only clenched in fear, not hunger.
Granted, good food was harder to come by than one would think. It took quite some time to find a restaurant which didn't think lollipops, gumdrops, and candy canes were a nutritious meal. The dentists of Oz must make a fortune.
Hermione and Harry stood behind Severus and Neville, keeping a close eye out for any flying monkeys. It was odd that none had come. Either Molly hadn't considered sending them, or things were no longer playing out as they had in the movie. His stomach churned at the thought of it being the latter. He hadn't planned on scaling the mountain to her castle, but if it gave them the element of surprise their plan may go more smoothly than anticipated, or they may face an obstacle Severus had no way of accounting for.
"What are those?" Hermione pointed to the sky.
Everyone looked in the direction of her finger. Harry frowned. "Those are a murder of crows."
"The crows are killing each other?" Neville asked.
"No, a murder is what a group of crows is called."
"Whatever they're called, they're heading right for us!" Hermione cried.
The crows dove towards the group. Severus and Neville curled into a ball with their heads towards the ground, both covering Crookshanks, while Hermione covered them with her body.
"Leave this to me!" Harry called before standing tall with his arms outstretched.
"Make it quick," Severus replied over the din of crows drilling their peaks into Hermione's tin body.
"Who is your leader?" Harry asked as he brushed off one crow who attempted to pick out his eye.
"That would be me!"
"Cho?"
"Harry?"
"Yep," Harry grinned.
"Harry," Cho flew over to him. "It's been forever!"
The birds continued attacking.
"What are you doing here?" She asked with as much of a grin as a crow can muster.
"I'm on a journey with my friends," he answered. "The same friends you're attacking."
"Those are your friends?"
Harry nodded.
"Oh goodness," She let out a caw. The rest of the crows stopped. Although they kept their eyes on the group of friends, they made no further move towards them.
"Thank you," Harry began.
"Don't thank me yet," Cho frowned. "I can only hold them off for so long."
"Why are you attacking us? You've never led a vicious murder before."
"I know, and under any other circumstance we wouldn't harm you. Still, we are hungry, and the Wicked Witch is promising us food. The only way we will obtain food is if we pluck your eyes out and watch you until her Winkie soldiers appear."
"Are you sure you want to do that?"
"If it gives my murder and me, bread, yes."
"You just called Molly a Wicked Witch. What makes you think she'll hold up her end of the bargain?" Harry asked.
"That's always a possibility, but right now she's the only one offering us food."
"What if I told you I could provide food?"
Cho tilted her head as she flapped her wings harder.
"See, the Wicked Witch can only give you one meal. I can give you several over the course of the next few weeks, perhaps months."
"The food in that picnic basket is barely enough for your friends to eat. You really are the most brainless person in Oz if you think you can feed all of us with that."
"Of course the basket can't feed you, nor can everything inside of it, but the people who frequent the Emerald City Central Park can give you all the food you'll ever want."
"What are you going on about?"
"See," Harry continued. "There is a park in Emerald City where elderly ladies sit outside with bread, just feeding the birds. They plead with them to come, and sit and watch them feed. They claim it's the highlight of their day. Their bread is free food, and you'll have to expend little effort to get it."
"Maybe, but Emerald City is so far away."
"I have been walking from there for the last four hours with only a couple of stops. It won't take you nearly as long to fly there."
"Well," she flapped her wings less frequently. "I really don't like the idea of plucking eyes out. It stains my feathers."
"We would't want that, would we?"
"No." She tilted her head to the side.
"All you have to do is caw, preen, and hop over to an old lady. That's all you must do in Emerald City to get all the food you can eat," Harry answered.
"I suppose it's a surer way of getting bread than making a deal with Molly. I've heard she owes the WInkie soldiers backpay, so she may not give us a crumb of what she's promised us," Cho began to caw and indicated in the direction of Emerald City. A few of the crows cawed back at her, but she only grew louder. Finally, she flew away, the murder of crows behind her.
"You can look up now," Harry began. "They're gone."
"How did you manage that?" Severus asked as he raised his head.
"It wasn't hard. Cho is easy to reason with."
"How do you know her?" Hermione asked.
"I had a crush on Cho when I was first created, before I realized I was a scarecrow and not a crow," Harry explained. "She found it amusing that I thought I could fly like her, so we became friends of a sort. She is kind once you get to know her. Just don't try to kiss her. She gets a little irritated with straw in her feathers."
"Duly noted." Severus returned his attention to his sandwich, which had somehow not been devoured.
"Eat up," Hermione began. "We still have a long journey ahead of us."
"Indeed, we do," Severus replied, now knowing things were going sideways.
"Curses!" Molly pulled at her hair. "How do I get rid of these awful annoyances?"
Ron swished his tail.
"There must be some way to get rid of them, something like," she snapped her fingers. "I got it."
"What?" Ron asked.
"Bees!"
"Bees?"
"Yes, I hate bees! If I hate bees, everyone else must hate bees too!"
"You hate joy, but everyone else seems to like it," Ron mumbled.
"What did you say?" Molly demanded.
"I said it would be a joy if I didn't have to get the bees."
"Oh that's fine." Molly pulled out a wand. "I can conjure them up myself."
"How much further is it to the Wicked Witch's castle?" Neville asked as they traversed a barren, rocky landscape.
"I do not know," Severus admitted. "Molly is taking her own sweet time calling out her monkeys to capture us."
"Perhaps she wants us dead first," Hermione suggested.
"Does that mean?" Neville shook. "Are we going to die?
"Lavender mentioned something about nobody being able to die in Oz," Severus began. "Given that, the answer seems to be no."
"But you killed Bellatrix," Hermione spoke up.
"Yes, that did complicate the no death in Oz clause" Severus admitted. "Still, in the movie nobody dies, so we can take comfort in that."
"Was there a swarm of bees in the movie?" Neville asked.
"No," Severus drawled as a deafening buzzing filled the sky.
"Well they are here now," Harry cried.
"Quick! Get behind those rocks," Hermione ordered.
The others obeyed.
"Oh bees," Hermione called in a sweet voice. "Don't you want me?"
The bees headed for the group.
"Don't you want to attack me? I'm the one who defied Molly, the one who scorned her flying monkey, who defies her with my continued existence. Don't you want me more than the others?"
The bees to dive towards her. Severus' eyes grew. He opened his mouth, only for Harry to shut it and drag him down behind the rock. Crookshanks dove in after them.
A thousand clangs of stingers against tin filled the air. All the while. Hermione gave out a defiant laugh. Severus' stomach churned as he imagined her facing down the end of her existence, defying Molly to the last. It would be heroic if her sacrifice wasn't done in his name.
"You can come out now," she called.
The others poked their heads out from behind the rock. Crookshanks jumped out and began pawing at a dead bee.
"I don't understand," Harry began. "How did you kill them all?"
"I just stood there and told them to come after me. They did the rest."
"How did them attacking you kill them?" Neville asked.
"Bees can only sting once. Afterwards, they die."
"You're made of tin," Severus began. "You knew if they stung you, you would survive unharmed whereas if we were stung we could've been seriously injured."
"Exactly," she snapped her tin fingers. "I apologize for not making my plan clearer in the beginning, but I didn't want them to overhear us. You never know how sentient a being is when Molly's involved."
"You are brilliant," Severus' chest warmed. "Absolutely brilliant."
"What can I say? I lost my heart, not my brain," Hermione grinned.
"We should probably be going soon." Neville tilted his head towards the sky. "It's going to be evening soon, and there's no safe place to rest for the night."
"No, there isn't," Severus replied.
"The sooner we get to the Wicked Witch's Castle, the better."
"I couldn't agree more."
They began walking to the west, only for Severus to notice Crookshanks had not gone with them. He frowned as he noted the half-kneazle playing with the dead bees. "Crookshanks."
Crookshanks ignored him and continued playing.
"I swear Toto was never this much trouble," Severus ran over and grabbed Crookshanks. He growled, but settled into Severus' embrace.
"Why couldn't a goldfish have followed me into the shack?" Severus muttered. "At least it wouldn't get distracted every twenty seconds."
Crookshanks rubbed against him and purred. Severus scowled, wondering how he could fall for that sweet expression every time.
"Why?" Molly shrieked. "Why can nobody take out a group of four beings walking through my kingdom? Why is everyone around me so stupid?"
"Perhaps if you went out to meet them you could make a trade, or at least double cross them into handing over those shoes without you sacrificing anything."
"No!" She yelled. "I won't meet with them!"
"You wouldn't have to do it alone. You could bring the winkie soldiers with you to make sure nobody pulled any tricks," Ron suggested.
"I told you, I just knitted their uniforms. I don't want them dirty."
"Oh yeah," Ron muttered.
"Still," she eyed him as her lips curled up. "Your uniform isn't new. I'm still knitting yours and those of your brothers."
"What are you saying?"
"Bill! Charlie! George! Fred! Percy! Get over here!" She yelled.
Five flying monkeys flew through the window onto the table.
"I want you to capture Severus and his little friends!" She ordered.
"Oh no," George argued. "I saw how the furry orange one scratched up Ron. I'm not dumb enough to go up against them."
"Oh really?" Molly asked with a twisted sneer.
"Y-yes," George answered.
"Either you follow your orders, or you'll have bigger problems than no bananas for a week," she pointed to her hat. "Is that understood?"
George maintained his defiant expression.
"Is that understood?"
He didn't move.
"Fine, have it your way," She tapped her hat. A jolt of magic raced up George's back, causing his face to turn green and his feathers to become purple. He cringed as a pain raced up his back.
"Do we have an understanding?" She asked in a low voice.
"Yes," he squeaked.
"Get going!" She ordered.
They all took to the sky.
"What are we going to do once darkness falls?" Neville asked.
"I don't know," Severus took note of the fading sunlight. "It's dangerous to travel at night, but it's just as dangerous to rest where Molly could take us by surprise."
"I agree," Neville answered. "Neither option is appealing."
"Whatever we do, we'd better do it quickly," Harry noted. "There are flying monkeys coming right for us."
"Of course there are," Severus muttered. At least he remembered this from the movie.
"Don't worry, I can take them," Neville began before leaping ahead of them and roaring.
The monkeys didn't so much as flinch. Instead, the dove for the quartet.
Severus ran toward the cliffs, ignoring the shrieks around him. He felt Ron's arms around his chest. They were as hairy as Hermione had told him. What she hadn't prepared him for was the awful odor of unbathed monkey. With all his strength, he threw Ron off of him.
Neville roared again, but the Bill flying monkey punched him in the nose. Hermione knocked the Charlie money to the ground, but was then overtaken by George. Harry was holding his own against Percy, and Fred was struggling to keep Crookshanks from tearing his eyes out.
Severus slammed Ron to the ground. The flying monkey screeched before causing Severus to trip. Then, he whispered in his ear, "do you really think defeating me will win you Hermione's heart?"
Severus froze.
"Do you really think you can defeat me when I'm younger, stronger, and more sexually appealing? Even if you manage to get away now, there's no guarantee I won't take Hermione," Ron continued. "Do you really think I can't take her from you?"
Severus remained frozen for one second too long. George swooped from behind and captured him. Severus struggled, but was ultimately lifted from the ground. Ron sneered before capturing Hermione and grabbing her. Percy was lifting Crookshanks a safe distance from his body, Charlie was carrying Harry, and Bill had Neville. Laughing, the brothers carried the group of friends westward.
Over the horizon was a hideous imitation of Hogwarts. Instead of a warm glowing light, the windows glowed a bright orange. The spirals were jagged, with images of the witch as gargoyles. The stones were pure black, not even glistening in the dim sunlight.
As Severus approached the castle, he could only pray that he could find a bucket of water in a timely manner.