AN: Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
Two days ago, Severus would have said the wizard would grant everyone's wish, even if his methods were unconventional. After the adventure with Molly though, he wasn't sure what to expect. Perhaps the wizard was magical, or at least as magical as Severus was in his world.
"What do you think my brain is going to look like?" Harry asked.
"I don't know, but hopefully it's more visually appealing than the ones I've seen," Neville shuddered.
"Do I want to know where you've seen a brain?" Severus asked as he held Crookshanks against his chest, the witch's broom in his left hand.
"I bought a book on anatomy once," Neville shuddered. "It was one of the grossest purchases I've ever made. I could've gone my whole like without seeing the inside of a stomach."
"I see."
"Still, when I get courage, I won't be so squeamish." Neville grinned. "I may even watch the wizard put Harry's brain inside of him, and help him put Hermione's heart inside her."
"I can't wait to have a heart again," Hermione's tin lips were curled upwards. "I do miss feeling it beat within my chest."
"What about you?" Harry asked. "Are you excited to go back to Hogwarts?"
"Sure, I'm very eager to leave a place where I am worshipped for a place where nobody can stand to look at my face," Severus deadpanned.
"That's not true," Hermione took his hand. "Surely there's one person who is counting down the seconds until you return, eager to see you again."
"Yeah, you've been such a great friend," Neville answered. "Other people must see that you are kind under all that snark."
"And if they don't, you can return to Oz," Harry added.
"Now there's an appealing option," Severus admitted.
"Excuse me."
Everyone turned to the door, where Draco stood.
"The wizard will see you now."
"Very well then." Severus replied before leading everyone into the wizard's room.
Upon entering, two balls of flame swirled around them. After a few moments, they merged into one, forming a peacock.
"So, you've made it back," the fiery peacock boomed, its tail feathers outstretched. "That didn't take you long."
"No, once I got the bucket of water Molly was easy to defeat," Severus answered as he allowed Crookshanks to leap from his arms onto the floor.
"A bucket of water?" The peacock put its feathers to its beak.
"Indeed. All you need to do is pour some water on her and she will melt.
"What was she, a snowman?"
"More like a walking, talking fire ball."
"A shrieking ball of fire," Hermione added.
"I'm surprised you aren't here asking for an Aspirin. She couldn't have gone down quietly."
"You have no idea how loud a melting witch can be," Severus replied.
"I can only imagine," the peacock chuckled to himself.
"Indeed," Severus held up his broom towards the peacock. "Now here's her broom. Please grant us our wishes."
The peacock examined the broom before shaking its head. "This is the wrong broom."
"What?" Severus snapped. "I took this from her throne room myself. I can verify that this is her broom."
"How do I know that?"
"It has her name on it," Severus turned the broom around before showing him the etching which said, "Property of Molly, Wicked Witch of the West."
"Well, that's not the right broom," he argued.
"It was in her throne room, and it bares her name. What is wrong with it?"
"She has two brooms. I wanted the purple one."
"The purple one?" Severus sputtered.
"Yes, the purple one will look better in my sitting room."
"There is no purple broom."
"Maybe you didn't look hard enough. If I recall correctly the purple one was in her kitchen. I'll bet you didn't go in there."
"Why would I go into her kitchen?"
"Because you needed the correct broom, which you don't have."
"Listen," Neville stepped towards the throne. "Severus was tortured and risked his life to give you that broom. He did everything you wanted him to do. Grant us our wishes."
"No, he took too long."
"Took too long?" Hermione snapped.
"Yes, I wanted it done yesterday. Today is too late. I won't give you anything."
Nobody noticed Crookshanks stroll behind the peacock.
"There was no time limit to when we could get the broom," Harry argued.
"Yes there was," the peacock argued.
"No, I remember what you said," Harry answered. "There was no time limit."
"Oh so now we're relying on the memory of a brainless scarecrow."
"Listen you dunderhead," Severus retorted.
Crookshanks found a curtain. He cocked his head, realizing it had been quite some time since he'd torn down a curtain. It was so much fun the last time he'd done it. He bet this would be the same.
"We did everything you wanted us to do. Now hold up your end of the bargain," Severus argued.
"No," the peacock argued.
"You can't renege on your promise," Hermione argued. "That isn't right."
"Don't blame me. You're the ones who got the wrong broom and didn't get it in enough time."
Crookshanks tore down the curtain and meowed.
"You…" Severus looked past the peacock and hissed, "Lucius?"
"Lucius? Who's that?" The peacock glanced around.
"You." Severus pointed to the man in the booth.
"Me?" Lucius took note of everyone's attention on him. "Pay no attention to the man behind the screen. He's just an illusion. I'm a peacock, a real peacock."
"Oh you certainly are a cock," Severus snarled. "I should've known you were behind all this. Only you would put a broom on a mantle and send people to do a mission you should've been able to do yourself."
"Wait, he's not a wizard?" Hermione asked.
"No, he's a wizard, but his magic doesn't work here," Severus answered. "Just like mine doesn't."
"Well, pretending to be a peacock was worth a try." Lucius exited the booth before glaring at Crookshanks. "I knew I should've cat-proofed this place."
"Yes, having your grand scheme taken apart by a half-kneazle must be quite humbling," Severus replied.
Crookshanks strutted over to Severus, tail high in the air, a smug expression on his face.
"Wait, does this mean he can't give us what we want?" Harry asked.
"No," Severus replied. "He is no better than a con man from Omaha."
"Now I resent that," Lucius snapped. "I wouldn't be caught dead in Omaha."
"Is that an honest statement, or another lie?" Hermione demanded.
"No, that is true enough," Severus replied. "He thinks he's too good to ever set foot in the American Midwest."
"Fine, you got the broom." He reached out his hand. Severus put the broom into it. "It looks genuine, so I suppose I must hold up my end of the bargain."
"Oh thank you for being oh so gracious," Severus grumbled.
"You," he pointed to Harry, ignoring Severus. "You want a brain."
"I do," Harry nodded.
"I told you earlier that half of Emerald City needs a brain. Somehow they manage to be dumber than you on your worst day."
"Uh, thanks?" Harry drawled.
"You don't need a brain per se. What you need is someone to commiserate with, someone who can point out the right track. That way, if you're being an idiot, they can correct you."
Severus raised an eyebrow. He didn't remember this from the movie.
"What you need is a partner," Lucius reached out his hand. From the shadows emerged Luna, the mayor of the munchkins.
"A partner?" Harry asked.
"Yes," Lucius answered. "She will help you organize your ideas, tell you when you're wrong, and congratulate you when you're correct."
"I think we'll make a great team," Luna began as she approached him.
"It doesn't bother you that I'm a scarecrow?" He asked.
She shook her head. "I've always liked scarecrows. They're sweet, and very intelligent."
"Thanks," if Harry could've blushed he would have.
"As for you," Lucius gestured towards Neville. "You want courage."
"I do," he answered.
"You had a lot of nerve back talking me earlier," Lucius mused aloud. "It seems you have courage, but lack confidence."
"There's a difference?"
"A slight one," Lucius replied. "Courage means you can go into a dangerous situation, but confidence means you feel comfortable enough with yourself to know you will escape intact."
"Oh," Neville answered.
"That's why I've gotten you this," Lucius pulled out a paper from his pocket.
Neville took the item and examined it. "A gift card for Flourish and Blotts?"
"Yes," Lucius answered. "They have this great new section of books called, 'Self-Help.' In these books, you'll learn strategies for getting confidence, like dressing appropriately and standing up straight so you take command of a room."
"And these strategies work?" Neville looked at the wizard.
"Of course they do. How do you think I've remained so successful?"
"You read self-help books?" Severus asked.
"No, I write them."
"Excuse me?"
"How do you think I generated more wealth after the war?"
"I thought it was through investments."
"No, it was becoming a published author," Lucius answered. "All I needed was a pseudonym and an angle. Then, I created a whole new enterprise. It's been very profitable."
Severus groaned before shaking his head. Of course Lucius would make a living off bragging.
"As for you," he turned to Hermione. "I can't do a thing for you."
"What?" Severus snapped.
She cast her eyes downward.
"Your gifts are unconventional, and more than a little confusing, but you can give something to Hermione," Severus snapped.
"I can't help her because I don't have her heart."
"So? You don't have Harry's brains either. That didn't deter you in the slightest."
"He's right," Hermione spoke up. "He can't help me."
Severus turned to her. "No, I saw the movie. He helps the Tin Man. He has a watch he gives the Tin Man. That's his heart. Lucius could order a watch shaped like a heart now if he wanted."
"No, that's not the issue," Hermione answered. "He can't give me my heart because it's with you."