Chapter 13: "You wont be able to tell - I do the best imitation of myself"

She kissed her head and let her lips linger on her forehead for just an extra second until the gurney was wheeled from underneath her.

"This is as far as you can go," explained the nurse, although she knew Meredith was well aware of that imposing red line. Meredith nodded, and swept tears from her eyes.

"Be brave, bee," said Meredith. "I love you so so much."

"Yeah bee. Love you to the moon and back, okay?" Derek was holding onto Meredith's hand. He had taken it to offer support, but now he was draining support from Meredith and the grip on her hand was almost stopping carpal circulation.

"I love you too," said Cassy with a smile. "Seriously, I'm glad I'm doing this." She nodded to reassure her parents and the nurse and the intern wheeled the gurney through the sterile plastic over the red line, which glared at Derek and Meredith as a beacon waiting to determine their fate.

- - -

Meredith refused to pick up a magazine despite how alluring they were. Today she was not a surgeon and she sat in the itchy waiting chairs refusing to be a waiter. Every crease, every tear in the pages were a sign of someone else's trial. She could see where the two hour mark had hit, and she could tell when a doctor had emerged, only to find it was not yours. She refused to leave her story on a 6 month outdated People. Derek on the other hand was not as accustomed with waiting rooms, and he reached over to the table to pick up something meaningless. Meredith grabbed his hand instead.

"Magazines just show that you're preoccupied. Or worse, anxious, okay? Cass will be fine." Derek nodded, just as the waiting room door creaked open. They both peered up, to see
Addison take a seat beside Meredith. She threw a packaged sandwich and a cookie on both Derek and Meredith's laps and offered them a smile, which they returned.

"How was Emerson?" enquired Meredith, opening the sandwich in an acknowledgment of her evasive hunger. The bread was a bit dry and the lettuce was limp. The cheese was chewy and dry and she wasn't sure what was pretending to be ham. But she ate it anyway, forced each bite down even thought they simply contributed to the overwhelming lump, which would not quite budge from her oesophagus. Derek didn't even eat his. Instead he methodically rubbed small pieces of bread between his index finger and thumb until the plastic container contained a small mountain of breadcrumbs.

"She was fine," said Addison. "Thanks entirely to you and Cassy. How was she?"

"She was fine. Not phased at all. Shame I can't say the same for myself."

"It doesn't get easier," said Addison, smiling a meek smile. "Nor does the waiting. It took me three ops to pick up a magazine," she said. "Do it. You wont feel better, but you won't feel worse either."

But Meredith didn't do it. She sapped life out of Derek's hand and waited stoically. She knew the operation was long and complicated at times. She couldn't wait. She wasn't a waiter.

- - -

Dr Taylor had been the intern assigned to Emerson's case. It was his first transplant surgery. Dr Blake was on Cassy's team. She was the Izzie equivalent of the group; bright and peppy, a good surgeon but a tendency to get too attached to her patients, but she was good and she offered support and she was genuinely excited to scrub in.

- - -

Finally the door swung open and Dr. Taylor and his resident Dr. Tauro entered the room. Addison stood up eagerly. They looked tired but they didn't look sombre. Dr. Tauro nodded.

"She's through," she said. "The surgery went well and we'll see in 24 hours hour her body is responding to the liver and anti-rejection drugs." She nodded, and Dr. Taylor followed suit, winking at Meredith.

"Wait," said Meredith. "What about Cassy? She should be out now, shouldn't she?" It took a moment for it to register with Tauro.

"Oh yes. Someone will be out to talk with you shortly, ma'am. I myself don't have any details." Meredith nodded in comprehension.

- - -

The door swung open again, after what felt like hours but in reality was probably on 20 minutes or so. Meredith leapt to her feet, to face Dr. Blake and the attending Dr. Matheson. He ripped off his scrub cap. Derek grabbed Meredith's hand.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey," he said, nodding. Dr. Blake said nothing.

"Dr. Matheson…" started Meredith, warily.

He looked away. Could not meet her eyes.

"Dr Matheson," said Derek firmly in his voice, which demanded eye contact. Eye contact was given. But Derek wished it wasn't.

They recognised it. They all did.

Addison did.

Meredith did.

Derek did.

Sympathy.

And Dr. Matheson sighed and ran his hand through his greying hair and grudgingly opened his mouth with a deep breath.

"Dr Shepherd, Dr Grey. I'm so, so sorry."

-T H E—E-N-D-

A/N: Guys, this is it. I had no idea this was how it would end but in the end it wrote itself. Please leave your final reviews, and let me know: I'm thinking of a sequel of sorts, because as you can see it ends with a lot of loose ends. If you're interested, let me know. Anyway. I hope you enjoyed Best Imitation of Myself as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thankyou all once again for your reviews!

From Mystical Faeries