A/N: I don't exactly like this chapter since I felt like I overdid it but what's done is done.
(=====)
He felt numb
It felt odd, he was so use to being cheerful, happy and prideful, but right now he felt hollow as if a part of him died.
Bright azure blue eyes scanned a crossed the room, the sight that greeted him was something straight out of a horror movie.
Bodies, piles of them laid before him crimson rivers and puddles created from open wounds flowing like a faucets left unattended. Men and women all laid before him eyes dim and lifeless soaking up the life liquid beneath them.
He was not by any means clean however, his spiky sun kisses blonde hair battled with the invading red creating a sickly brown created from the two clashing colors, the bright orange jumpsuit he wore was torn and ripped in several places and also had red blotches and stains from the blood his clothing had soaked up.
The blood did not scare him, it never had before so why should it now?
No it was the bodies that effected him. Glancing down wards his line of sight was met with his blood soaked hands and red stained kunai.
'I killed them'
The thought felt like it didn't belong to him, like it shouldn't belong to him yet it did. He had killed they were gato's grunts, mercenaries and criminals that worked for him it was probably the reason why he felt numb instead of crushing guilt at taking their lives.
Not being able to take the sight of so many dead enemies naruto spun around and began walking out of the dark and abandoned warehouse into the ethereal rays of the moon that filtered thought the trees above him, he kept a slow steady pace that made him feel like a zombie.
When was the last time he felt like this?
He remembered the last time perfectly, it was when he got kicked from the orphanage at 4 and finally accepted that the village hated him. That night was the last time he cried, the last I time he wore his heart on his sleeve.
It had begun as only a sliver barely what one could consider a fracture but slowly that sliver turned to a crack.
Voices began whispering in his head. It was intelligible let alone understandable
Another crack
The voices grew slightly louder now letting him hear the words of hate, animosity and loathing in them.
Another crack
His body began trembling as the voices grew louder and condescending, the air becoming frigid and shadows grew.
Another crack
Memories locked away in the furthest depths of his mind resurfaced coming to the fore front of his mind, flashing images of pain, torture, agony, sadness all danced in his mind.
Another crack
His breath became quicker and uneven as his vision blurred before him.
Another crack
Shadows grew to non descript humanoid shapes the condescending and hateful voices now echoing from them
Another crack
His even steady paste turned into a drunken stagger as the voices became louder, and memories played faster
Another crack
His pace quicken to power then a slow jog and before he knew it he was sprinting
Another crack
Tears stung his eyes causing him to snap them shut to prevent the tears that wanted to cascade his face
One after the other cracks slowly began to form sending naruto spiraling further into his own emotions, the air became invisible ice, the voices were loud and jumbled into incoherent yells and screams, memories became a blur and unrecognizable images, his body once fueled by adrenaline and unending stamina now felt weak and heavy.
The final crack formed as naruto's bright blue eyes became a dull unrecognizable shade of blue that conveyed un ending turmoil and horrid experiences someone his age should not possess.
Finally after 9 long years the mask that naruto wore both as his 'normal' expression and as a cover for his other masks, created and perfected through a blend of genuine and artificial emotions that tricked everyone in his life including himself to thinking that's who he really was - that he was naruto the hyperactive knuckleheaded blonde - broke, falling apart into dozens of fragments.
As he body felt to heavy to move naruto collapsed to the ground propping himself against the bark of a tree. Bringing his knees to his chest his face sank into his arms as he began to let loose the hold of his emotions. It began as slow shuddering breaths before it quickly devolved into loud heart wrenching cries and sobs that echoed around spurred on by his emotions and jeers from the voices that he hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep until he was in his own dreams.
(=====)
The next day
Naruto slowly awoke to the feeling of the warm rays from the sun hitting his form rousing him from his nightmare induced sleep, the memories of the dream fading to obscurity. Opening his eyes naruto let a short yawn escape him while stretching his limbs, the fatigue from last night only a distant memory as bones and joints popped back into place.
"last night…" he mumbled sleepily
The memory of what transpired quickly sobered naruto from his moment of tranquility as his gaze lowered to his blood soaked clothes. A frown appeared on his face at the sight, the blood had already dried up turning spots of his jumpsuit brown and red.
'I need to get changed before someone sees me' he thought, standing up naruto begun the long trudge back to the wave family house intent on cleaning himself up and sorting through his jumbled emotions. As he left the clearing he did not feel the subtle shift of pattern in his eyes returning back to its bright blue or of the effects he had left on the area he once resided.
(=====)
When naruto finally made it back to the house he easily slipped into the bathroom took a long refreshing showing that let him clear his mind a bit and come to terms with his situation and mental state.
For one he had killed, there was no way in denying it or avoiding it hell how could he avoid it when he just had a first mental breakdown in 9 years? Most of his guilt and self loathing had already washed away with the amount of tears he shed. Either that or his mind and had already been locked it away most likely to wait till it had enough to send him into another breakdown.
Next he was unstable mentally that was perfectly obvious now that his mask broke, A sane person doesn't hear hateful whispers from nowhere, see shadowed figures that don't exist or create a fake personality so good that it even its own creator.
And finally he was not strong enough for the ninja world if a group of criminals and mercenaries were able to push him to use several dozens of shadow clones, destroy said clones with ease and almost kill him was not even a wake up call instead being more of the equivalent to a slap in the face first thing in the morning.
"I need to train" Naruto muttered, he knew he had been lazy in his training but for his own strength to be so weak that civilians could kill him was just shameful even for him. Turning off the shower naruto dried himself off and quickly threw on an extra set of his orange jumpsuit he figured his team already went with Tazuna to continue guarding the bridge and so he set off to begin his training.
Thus beginning his journey on the road to becoming a one of the most powerful ninja to ever grace the elemental nations.