Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager.
Chapter 6: Dereliction Of Duty
Two years, five months- warlord
When Tom Paris entered the airponics bay he was struck by the familiar, sweet smell that he usually associated with the converted cargo hold. As he approached one of the soil trays to pick out the vegetables Neelix had sent him to get, he started to get the feeling that he wasn't the only one in the room. Instinctively he turned his head to the side, to see Kes sitting alone, hunched over and looking down at the floor; he wasn't sure if she had noticed him or not, but realised that she looked somewhat upset about something, and he decided that he should offer his services as a good friend.
"Oh, hi Tom," Kes greeted with a forced smile as he approached her; she had been so consumed in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed him enter.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, concerned, as he sat down beside her on the bench, "you look a little out of sorts."
She shrugged, "I'm okay."
"Is that why you're sitting alone with nothing but your own thoughts for company in the airponics bay?"
"My thoughts are enough company for me at the moment," the softly spoken ocampan replied.
"Good company?" he asked.
Glancing across at him, she couldn't help but grin at his insightfulness, "not really," she admitted.
"Any you'd like to share?"
"I wouldn't know where to start."
"I'm guessing this has something to do with the alien that you hosted in your body a few days ago?" he took a stab at what was bothering her. The thought of Kes threatening to kill innocent people and not so innocent people alike freaked him out, he could only guess how it made her feel.
"A little," she sighed, "but this is more about Neelix."
"How?"
Kes swallowed hard, "the alien being ended my relationship with Neelix."
"Right," Tom thought he understood, "but that wasn't you, Neelix should understand that. I'm sure within no time you'll be back to normal."
"That's the problem!" her voice strained a little, "I'm not sure if I want things to go back to normal."
The pilot frowned, "what do you mean?"
She looked around at him and met his gaze, "I'm not sure if a relationship with Neelix is what I want anymore… The past few days I've come to realise that it's starting to hold me back, I can't go anywhere without him, I can't get too close to people without him getting jealous… I'm two years old and I feel like I've been trapped in a marriage for most of my life, I just want to go out and discover who I am, without Neelix in the background trying to fit in with who I'm becoming."
Tom wasn't sure if he was qualified enough to handle this situation; sure he had been in a couple of serious relationships, but not for as long a fraction of his life as Kes had been in with Neelix. However, what he did have experience with was playing the field, and all he could do was give her the advice that it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. Realising that such words probably weren't what she wanted to hear, he decided to stay impartial. "Have you told any of this to Neelix?"
He thought he saw her role her eyes, "I don't want to upset him; he's still fairly shaken by everything that happened the other day."
Letting out a sigh he placed a hand on her shoulder, "either way it looks like one of you is going to get hurt. If you don't tell Neelix then you're just going to remain unhappy in a relationship with him, and if you do tell him, he might be upset, but at least things will be out in the open, and from there you can start to work on a decision that will eventually leave you both more content."
"Do you think he will understand?"
There was an awkward pause as Tom remembered the many times that Neelix had not been so understanding towards his own friendship with Kes, "eventually," he replied with as close to an honest answer as he could give.
Shooting him a small smile she leant towards him and placed a kiss on his cheek, "thank you Tom," she said as she pulled back and stood from the bench. "Maybe when you're ready I can give you advice on B'Elanna."
"B'Elanna?" he raised an eyebrow.
"When you both realise that you're meant for each other," she explained with a knowing smile that only confused him further. Before he could ask her exactly what she meant, she had left the airponics bay, and it was him who sat alone on the bench with nothing but his thoughts for company.
/\
Two years, six months- Q and the grey
Chakotay was slouched back on the sofa, one leg up against the back rest, the other dangling over the edge. It was dark where he sat, the only light coming from the candles still burning on the dining table, the soothing music of Cool Jazz played softly in the background, and when she came up to him with a glass of wine he knew he would be staying the night. "You can't say you weren't a little tempted," he continued the conversation they had started over dinner as she sat down between his legs and lay back against his chest pulling her own feet onto the couch.
"Of course I was a little tempted," she admitted, "but one child is more than enough for me."
He placed a lingering kiss on her neck, "I guess Noah is quite a handful, at least for the moment anyway."
Taking a sip of wine she murmured an agreement, then paused, "for the moment?"
"Well I'm hoping he'll get easier to look after in another year or so as he becomes less dependant on us," he said, running a hand casually down her upper arm, "and then we could start thinking about having more children."
"More children?" she repeated his last words.
He chuckled, "don't worry, I'm talking a few years into the future."
"Oh right," she pretended to be surprised, "and this is after what? We get married? We move in together? We actually discuss the topic?"
"Kathryn, of course," he placed a kiss to her temple.
"And how many children are we going to have?"
He could hear the tension rising in her voice, but he decided to stay calm until he figured out where it was coming from. "One or two; you did say you'd like Noah to have a playmate a few months ago."
"I was talking about Seska's child, which turned out not to be yours anyway!"
"How's this any different?"
She suddenly pulled away from him and turned around so that they were face to face, "I don't want anymore children."
"Kathryn," he reached out to her.
Pushing his hand away she stood up, "and during the incident five months ago you said that you didn't want anymore children yourself."
"I said I didn't want to father Seska's child," he insisted, "but that doesn't mean I don't want to have a child with you."
"And what about Noah?"
Chakotay sighed, he realised the error in his words and could see where this disagreement was headed, "Kathryn, this conversation is ridiculous."
"Are you saying our future is just a joke to you?"
He could see she was just looking for a fight now, "no," he stood up and slowly approached her, "I'm sorry I assumed that you would want all of the same things as me."
"Well maybe that's our problem Chakotay, you just seem to think that we can have all of the things we could have if we were back in the alpha quadrant, sometimes I don't think you realise that this crew is a large responsibility for me."
"I understand that this ship will always come first for you."
"It's not sounding like you do."
He paused, knowing that this was a good time to walk away, "I should probably go."
She looked away and didn't stop him as he headed over towards the door, he turned as the doors opened thinking that maybe he should say something, but unable to think of anything that she wouldn't pick holes in he walked out and left without another word.
-
The tension was thick the next morning on the bridge with neither of the commanding officers saying anything to one another except basic pleasantries. Tom had looked around at Harry at several points to raise an eyebrow, with an expression which noted that the captain and first officer had obviously had a disagreement, and with the lack of spatial activity it was no guess that it had been on a personal matter.
Only two hours into the morning shift and the captain stood from her chair, "commander, you have the bridge," she said without looking round before she headed over towards her ready room.
Tom silently counted to ten in his head, and when he didn't hear Chakotay offer bridge command up to Tuvok he looked around to check that his CO was still there. The first officer sat comfortably in his chair, his computer console screen up as he did work during the quiet hours of the shift. Probably feeling eyes on him he looked up and caught Tom looking round. "Problem lieutenant?"
Tom went slightly pink at having been caught staring, "no sir," he replied, turning back around to finely tune the navigation of the ship.
What felt like an hour went passed which was probably closer to five slow minutes. Tom had to turn around again, this time to catch Harry's eye. Harry shrugged as if to say he didn't have any more insight than anyone else, and they both glanced across at Chakotay to see if his facial expression gave them any clue to what was going on; it didn't.
Thinking that the silence might be the end of him, Tom felt like he finally had to say something… anything. "So," he said slowly, "anyone coming to the luau tonight in the holodeck?"
There was a short silence before Harry spoke, "I probably will… I can't think of any other use for that Hawaiian shirt you gave me."
"Good," Tom turned in his seat and asked a few other people if he would be seeing them later on that night. Ayala took a little persuading, but Hargreaves and Chell passing through to see the captain in her ready room were more than ready for another ship's party. Finally Tom looked round at Chakotay who had been busying himself with work throughout the conversation. "What about you commander?"
The first officer looked up in surprise, "pardon?"
"Will we be seeing you and the captain at the luau tonight?"
He looked back down at his work, "I'll be busy, but I don't speak for the captain, ask her yourself."
"How much work do you have that could possibly keep you away from the holodeck?" Tom pressed, ignoring the warning look Harry was trying to catch his eye with.
"You want to trade?" Chakotay threatened.
The pilot knew better than to try and play games with the ex-maquis captain, "not really… it'll just be a shame not to see you there."
Just as Tom turned back round to man his station, Chell and Hargreaves exited the captain's ready room. Chakotay stood, "Tuvok, you have the bridge," he said heading in the direction the engineers had just come from, he glanced back round at the bridge officers who were all closely watching him, "try and keep the gossiping to a minimum."
He just about heard the bridge erupt into noise as the doors closed behind him and he was left alone in the corridor, his mind in conflict over whether he should head for his own office for peace and quiet, or ask for entry to hers to receive an earful. He decided on the latter, realising that he wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway with their last disagreement still heavy on his mind.
She was sat on the sofa, looking out at the stars shooting past the window as they moved at warp. It wasn't a good sign. Finally she looked over at him as he stood by the doors of her ready room. "Is it safe to come in?" he asked cautiously.
Rolling her eyes she leaned forwards to pick up her coffee, "of course."
Taking a few steps further into her office he tried to play for time as he studied the pictures on her bookcase. She had a picture of her sister and mother standing outside a farm house, probably in Indiana. There were a couple of pictures of Noah, one recent, and one of when he must have only been a few hours old. Another picture of the Voyager in space doc, and a final still frame of a group of senior officers he assumed must have been from her first command. Finally he looked back round at her as she still studied the pictures carefully.
"When did you take down the picture of Mark?" he asked, remembering seeing a picture of her with a man and a couple of dogs early on in their journey.
"A few weeks before Noah was born," she replied blankly; he could tell she was still upset with him.
He moved from where he stood and sat beside her on the couch, careful to keep a respectful distance. "Why did you do that?"
She met his gaze, "so that no one would guess that he wasn't the father."
Chakotay tilted his head to one side, "still wish he was?"
She shook her head, "no, but if Noah had have been immaculately conceived it would have been a lot easier."
He knew she was joking and grinned mildly at her words, before his face changed to a more serious expression. "I don't care how many children we have. I love Noah, and he's enough for me."
Kathryn looked at him for a long time, "you're really okay with that? because if you're hoping I'm going to change my mind…"
"I know you're not going to change your mind," he interrupted, "I think I know you well enough to know that once you've made a decision you're stubborn enough to stick to it to the bitter end."
She smiled slightly, "I'm not stubborn, I'm just decisive."
"I know," he held up his hands passively. "Ready to join me back on the bridge?"
Voyager's captain thought about it for a moment, then closed the gap between them, "I think we can allow them to gossip about us for a little longer," she then suggestively took a hand up his thigh.
"We're on duty," he reminded her.
"It's okay," she smiled, placing her lips to his neck, "I'm the captain, I can punish you for dereliction of duty later."
/\
Two years, seven months and two weeks- coda
Kathryn didn't hear him at first as she lay naked against his chest, drifting off into a blissful sleep, so he found himself repeating the words. "Marry me."
She ran a hand lazily across his belly, his muscles flexing under the movement and looked up to meet his gaze, "what?"
"I want you to be my wife," he said in all seriousness.
She smiled and returned to her previous position, "good night."
"Kathryn, I'm serious."
"Uhuh."
"Is that a yes?"
Suddenly she pulled away from him and lifted her head, supported by the elbow of her arm on the mattress, "are you drunk?"
"No."
"Is this about what happened today?" she questioned further.
"Sort of…"
Rolling her eyes she rested her head on the pillow, and then closed her eyelids, shutting herself off from the world. "If you want to show commitment make a friendship bracelet or something," she suggested in an almost sleepy murmur.
"Kathryn…"
"I'm tired."
"How tired?" She felt a hand suddenly snake up her side and her eyes fluttered open.
"I guess not that tired," she grinned, now awake and alert.
"Okay," he pulled away, this time he was the one to use an elbow to prop his head up, "I think we should get married."
"I think we should have sex again out of wedlock and live a life of sin," she reminded him of the old Earth tradition before closing the small gap between them and pressing her lips to his.
He started to kiss her back, but then he remembered how they had come to such a point and he pulled back. "Kathryn, I almost lost you today, it's made me think about us, about our relationship; I don't want to be the boyfriend who spends the nights he's on good terms with you in your bed, I want to be the husband who sleeps back to back with you after an argument."
She laughed lightly, "you can sleep over after we have a disagreement if you want… and besides, who says that if we were married that I wouldn't kick you out of bed anyway?"
"Fine," he said sulkily, "if you're not going to take this seriously, then let's not bother."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," she placed her hands on his chest and tried her best to refrain from laughing, "why do you think marriage is such a good idea?"
"Haven't you been engaged twice?" he narrowed his eyes at her.
"I know," she admitted, "and it's made me think… is marriage completely necessary? Do two people really need to sign a piece of paper and go through a long ceremony to show that they're committed to one another?"
Reaching out he ran a hand through her long hair, "I don't think we need to prove anything to one another," he said his face causing her to put all jokes aside, "we both know that we love one another, and you know I don't have any intention of going anywhere without you; but I would like to show this ship how much I love you, and prove to the sceptics that this is much more than just a convenience, you're more than just my lover, and this relationship is as committed as it gets."
She grinned up at him for a long moment, "you make a good argument," she admitted as she took her arms around his neck and kissed him again.
"Is that a yes?" he asked when she pulled back.
Kathryn took a long moment in replying, and he could tell by the awkward look on her face that it wasn't to build up suspense. Finally she shook her head, "I'm sorry."
"Why not?" he placed a hand on her shoulder and forced her to look up at him and meet his eyes.
"Because," she averted her gaze briefly, "I've not exactly had the best luck with fiancés, I don't think I can do the whole engagement thing all over again."
"It will be different this time," he promised.
"How can you say that?"
He paused, not sure how he could assure her that everything would be okay this time around. "We'll get married tonight," he suggested, "forget the whole engagement thing, forget the planning, the dress, the flowers, the invites… let's call Tuvok and a couple of guests and get married right now."
"Chakotay, we can't do that," she shook off his suggestion as nonsense.
"We can."
Looking up at him she saw that he was completely sincere, and despite her reluctance to agree with him, she had to admit that he had some good points. She sighed, knowing that she was probably going to regret this in years to come when Starfleet asked her why she had been sleeping with her first officer in the first place, so she nodded. "Under one condition."
"Anything."
"We get dressed first; I don't fancy the idea of a Betazoid wedding."
He laughed, jumped out of bed and picked up his comm. badge to call Tuvok before she changed her mind. Before he opened a channel he paused for a moment, "who shall we invite?"
Climbing out of the bed herself she shrugged, "we'll go to the holodeck, and whoever we see on the way we'll excuse from duty and bring them along."
"Good idea," he nodded approvingly, "and what about Noah?"
She sighed, "I thought you were the brains of this plan." When he gave her a blank look she answered, "we'll just have to wake him up carefully."
He grinned, a goofy grin complete with dimples and wrinkles at the eyes, and she wondered if she should agree to marry him more often if it would guarantee to elicit such a response.
They had decided on casual clothing, thinking that uniforms or formal black and white were just a little too much for a last minute wedding plan. The setting they had chosen for the holodeck was one of a Hawaiian beach, the same one Tom had programmed for the luau only a few months previously, only this time without the barbecue and dancers in grass skirts. Vorik and B'Elanna were the oblivious guests who had been carrying out repair work close to the holodeck entrance when Kathryn and Chakotay had come by with Tuvok and Noah.
"Did I hear you right?" B'Elanna gave Chakotay an astonished look, "you're getting married?"
He couldn't help but smile, "yep."
She thought about questioning him over how long ago he and the captain had decided to marry, wondered whether or not she should ask if he knew what he was doing. Finally she decided to just reach forwards and wrap her arms around her best friend, knowing that when she went back to engineering later on that night, no one was going to believe her and Vorik when they said what they had been witness to.
Tuvok was the only one in dress uniform, as he stood alone on the sand, quickly trying to memorise the padd in his hand. He had been summoned to the Captain's quarters thinking that there was some kind of emergency, when he had arrived and heard about what they planned to do, he had thought they had both finally lost it; but after many minutes of intense persuasion on his captain's part he finally agreed, and told them that it would be an honour to marry them.
Chakotay stood in front of Kathryn and placed a hand on her waist, "are you sure you want to do this?" he asked once her eyes had locked with his.
She smiled, "of course."
Voyager's first officer looked across to the next in the chain of command, "Tuvok, we're ready."
The ceremony was short, but beautiful as Voyager's commanding officers declared their love for one another with the back drop of the Hawaiian ocean, their son stood on shaky legs between them, and the Vulcan security officer reading out the standard vows. In years to come Starfleet command would probably question Kathryn's decision to marry her first officer, but in those long moments as she stared into Chakotay's eyes, all she knew was that if felt right, and that would be the only explanation she'd be able to give.
To be continued.