A/N- Glad you enjoyed the last chapter. The last chapter was much lighter than the previous ones. This one is definitely more serious, but I still hope you enjoy it. I promise that there will still be fun in the story.

Derek sat and nursed his scotch. As he slowly took a long sip it burned all the way down his throat. He slowly tightened his eyes as the warm liquid worked its way down. As he watched the rain pour down he felt the alcohol begin to takes it effect on him. The memories of the past week flooded his mind; all of them painful to relive. He stood up angrily and threw the empty glass against the door of the trailer. He had decided to stay there for the night, since Meredith was on call. He needed a place to unwind, a place to cool off, and to think about how to fix his problem. The main problem was he didn't know if it was even possible to fix his problem. Derek stood up and walked to the window overlooking the porch. That's when he saw her. She was sitting there in the rain; just sitting. Derek grabbed an umbrella and his coat and walked outside to her. "Addi…" he said softly. She jerked her head up and looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. She jumped up and began to run to her car. Derek quickly caught up with her and grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him. "Addi where are you going?"

She looked down at the mud and then back up at him. The rain was coming down hard, and she was having a hard time seeing because of the rain falling down her face. "I don't know, I don't why I am even here! I have nothing to say to you, and I know that you obviously have nothing to say to me. I am just going to go."

"Addi no don't leave."

"Stop calling me Addi; every time you do I am reminded of times when you were a decent loving man who cared for me. Don't ruin that sentiment by using it anymore." With that she ripped her arm out of his grip and stormed to her car.

Derek watched her leave and went back inside the trailer. He slumped down onto the bed and ran his hands over his face.

-Flashback -2 Days ago-

Addison had been avoiding Derek all morning. She was not going to speak to him after the stunt he pulled two days ago at Adele and the Chief's Christmas dinner at theirhouse. How could he be so inconsiderate? She had trusted him, and cared for him. Heck, she loved him. Addison stood at the nurses' station filling out paperwork when she saw Derek coming near her. She closed her chart and quickly began to walk in the other direction. "Addison!" he called out to her, but she simply ignored him. "Addi wait!" She walked faster, but he caught up with her. "Talk to me Addi."

"No." she said forcefully.

Derek grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty room. "Addison talk to me."

"No, no, no!" she yelled as tears rolled down her face. "I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, or have you touch me or anything!" She tried to push away from him, but he wouldn't let her. "Let me go!" she yelled.

"No, I am not going to let you go until you listen to me. Now look at me." Addison purposely looked down. "Look at me." He said more forcefully. Once she did he began. "I love you Addison, which is why I said what I said. I care about you, don't you see that? I am still in love with you no matter how much I don't want to be. When he touched you or held you it made me sick."

"If you love me then you wouldn't have said what you said, if you loved me you would have fought for me back then, if you loved me you would have seen me and cared about me instead of ignoring me, if you loved me…if you loved me…." She began to sob and he pulled her to his chest. She continued to try and pull away, but he held tight. "Will you ever let me heal?"

Derek pulled her back and looked into her wet eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Every time you say that you care about me I fall for you even more, but then not two days later you will go and rip my heart out. Derek I just want to heal, I just want to be normal again. If you love me you will stop showing me that you love me."

"Addison, I can't…"

She shushed him with her fingers. "Please Derek; stop loving me…please…please." She melted in his arms and began to cry again.

"If it means that much to you…then I will." He lifted her face so she could see the sincerity in his eyes. Slowly he pulled her face to his and kissed her lightly. He pulled away but she pulled him back in. They kissed until the spark was gone. "Goodbye Addi, I…I will always be here when you need me."

Addison licked her lips and nodded. "I know. Goodbye Derek." Addison ran a hand over her face and quickly left the room; Derek soon followed.

-End of Flashback-

Derek looked down at his hands and saw the light line that was left behind by his wedding band. How could he go the rest of his life without talking to Addison? He was going to have fix things; he was going to have to do something. Derek hopped into his car and headed toward Addison's apartment. As he sped through the pelting rain he turned the radio on hoping for some noise, until a song came on that took him back to the dreadful night at the Chief's house.

-Flashback- 4 Days Ago-

Derek stood with his arm around Meredith and began to talk to Preston and Christina. "So what do you guys have planned for the holidays?" Preston asked the couple.

Derek looked over at Meredith and gave her a small smile. "We were going to go see my family in New York, but that fell through, so we are just going to spend it together here in Seattle." Derek had begged Meredith to go with him to visit his family, but she had declined saying she did not want to leave her mother alone on the holidays. Derek knew it was just an excuse, but he took it and moved on.

"Really? I am taking Christina to Alabama to meet my family; she is really…dreading it." He said jokingly as she jabbed him in the ribs. Just as the couples' laughter died down the doorbell rang.

Adele quickly rushed to get it and ushered the couple on the other side in. "Hey darlin' how are you? And who is this handsome young man?"

"Oh this is David O'Conner. He is the new OBGYN that is going to be helping me out at the hospital."

"Nice to meet you." David said politely.

Adele shook David's hand, and it was obvious that she was taken with him. "It is my pleasure, trust me."

Derek was curious at to who was there so he left the group and went to the front door. He saw who had just arrived and with whom they had arrived. "Addison, who is your friend?" Derek asked stiffly.

"Oh, this is David O'Conner the new OBGYN."

The two men shook hands and it was clear that Derek did not like this guy. The evening continued uneventfully, except for the continual glares that Derek made toward Addison and David. David would occasionally place his hand on Addison's thigh, or hold her hand which infuriated Derek. Throughout the night he consumed a large amount of alcohol, causing him to not act like himself. Derek saw Addison excuse herself to go to the bathroom, and decided to follow her. She went into the guest bathroom that was connected to the guest bedroom. Derek sat on the bed and waited for her to come out. When Addison stepped out of the bathroom she jumped at the sight of Derek. "Derek, you scared me." She smiled over at him and laid her hand on her stomach. "Your baby is causing me to pee quite frequently." She looked down at him, and saw no emotion in his face. "Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? No Addi I'm not! Who the heck is that guy out there, and why are his hands all over you?" He asked angrily.

"What! His hands are not all over me, and why do you care? We are not together anymore; remember?"

"I know we are not together, but you are carrying my baby, and so I have a right to know about your personal life."

"Just because you are the father of this baby does not give you the right to be in my personal life!" She spat bitterly.

"Are you going to tell him you are pregnant? Or are you just going to sleep with him and make him think it is his that way you can totally remove me from your life." As the last words excited his mouth her right hand connected with his cheek and made a loud slap.

"You have said some low things in your lifetime, but that Derek Michael Sheppard is the lowest you could possibly go. Don't you ever try to talk to me about anything personal again. You can talk about the baby and work and that is it." She turned to leave but he stopped her.

"Addi wait, I'm sorry. I…I…" She put her hand up. "No, you are done explaining." With that she left the room and slammed the door shut. Derek sat back down on the bed and laid his head in his hands. What had he done?

-End of Flashback-

Derek's car came to a stop in front of Addison's apartment. He opened the door and stepped out of his car. Derek stood in the rain and watched Addison through her window. Once he finally got up the nerve he marched up to the door and buzzed her apartment. "Addison can you please let me in?" She didn't answer, but he heard the door unlock. He ran up the stairs, instead of taking the elevator. He knocked on her door and once she opened it he stormed in. "Okay I know that you don't want to hear what I have to say, but you are going to. Not because you were my wife, not because you are carrying my baby, but because you used to be and still are my best friend. What I said the other night was said because I was jealous of David. For eleven years you were mine; I could touch you when I wanted, kiss you when I wanted and your body was mine. I know that you are not something to be owned, but to men their wife's body is theirs, not someone else's. When he was showing you the love and affection I couldn't it made me sick, when you would smile at him or blush at one of his compliments it would kill me. I love you Addison, I love you with all my heart. I have told you this time and time again, and each time we don't act on it. I know that we are both scared that we will get hurt again, which is why I have pushed myself away physically, so I won't be tempted to act on it, but I can't do it any longer. Addi I don't want to just be with you physically, but emotionally too. I want to be there for you and our baby, not as a friend, but as a husband. I know that you don't want to just jump back to where we were, but maybe we could make our way back. Everyday I long to see you, to talk to you, and when I can't I go insane. I love you Addi, and I promise I will do anything to help get you back." Derek stopped and took a deep breath waiting for her to respond.

Addison stood silent with no emotion on her face. "You can't promise me that you will always love me, or that you will never ignore me again, because you did once. You did and then you broke that promise. Derek I love you, but I can't give myself away to you again, because if you break me I will never be able to heal again. I can't be with you, I'm sorry. I will let you be my friend, I want you as a friend, but I just can't give myself to you again. Please try to understand. I do love you." She whispered the last sentiment as she walked closer to him. "I love you with all my heart, and it kills me to do this, but we just can't be. No matter how much I want to." A tear slowly slid down her face. "Believe me I want to be with you, all of me wants to be with you, but I just can't. Please don't ask me to be more, because I don't think I could turn you down one more time." She began to sob uncontrollably. "Please…please…" she sobbed.

Derek pulled her to his chest and held her tight. He swallowed the lump in his throat pulled her back. "I will not ask you again. Okay?" She nodded and wiped her eyes as he kissed her forehead then pulled her back to him.

"Derek…" she mumbled into his chest.

"Yeah?"

"You are wet."

He looked down at her and laughed. "Thanks captain obvious. Do you have any clothes I can wear? It is late, and I don't feel like driving back to the trailer."

"Yeah I have a pair of your sweatpants and a t-shirt in my closet." Once they were both dry and in dry clothes they curled up on the couch to watch a movie. "Derek…if…if things don't work out with you and Meredith, maybe we could give us a try just one more time." She said softly.

Derek smiled at this glimmer of hope. "Sounds good to me." He leaned down and kissed her head. "Come on let's watch a movie, but not a stupid chick flick." The two continued to argue until they settled on a movie. They both fell asleep on the couch each clinging tightly to the slight chance of being a couple again.

A/N- I know it is shorter than usual, but this was emotionally draining to write. I promise the next few chapters will be more uplifting. Please review.