A/N- Wow! I think everyone enjoyed the idea of the arsenic. Who knew you guys could be so cold blooded? LOL…Jk!

Meredith sighed and leaned against the doorframe. She and Derek had been at his parents' house for the past two hours and not once had he talked to her. She blamed Addison for this, even though Derek had barely talked to Addison. Meredith looked over at Addison who was holding little Emmy and talking to Derek's sister Lauren. Meredith mentally went through the names of all of Derek's sisters. There was Meagan, Katherine, Lauren, Elizabeth, and Emily. Derek had informed her that he was not the baby and that he had come between Katherine and Lauren. She shook her head trying to get all of his family and their names straight in her mind. She envied how Addison knew everyone's name, who they were married to, and their kids' names. She did not find it fair that Addison had had eleven years to learn everyone's name and she had only had a few days. Meredith was shaken out of her reverie by a small hand pulling on her dress. She looked down and saw Emmy. "Hi Emmy." She said softly.

"I don't like you." She said firmly.

Addison and Lauren both jumped up and ran towards the child. "Emmaline Grace Davidson! How dare you say something like that." Lauren scolded.

"I just telling the truth mommy." Emmy said innocently.

"It's fine." Meredith said firmly. "You know kids."

Lauren looked up at her. "Yes I do and my child knows better than to say something like that. Come on Emmy." She picked up the small girl and carried her into the kitchen.

"They don't hate you." Addison said as she placed her hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"Yeah, well they don't like me, but they certainly love you. Which is strange, seeing as you are the woman who had an affair while married to their son." Meredith said bitterly.

Addison looked up at her; her eyes ablaze with rage. "Look, they were my family for eleven years and technically they are still not your family. They forgave me for what I did, but I promise you if you take their son away from them and you become the reason he won't come home, then they will hate you."

"If you were not here they would not hate me! It is you; you are the one who is ruining my relationship with Derek." Meredith spat.

Addison sighed. "No, Meredith, you are the one ruining your relationship." Addison said softly. She turned away from Meredith and grabbed her coat out of the hallway and walked outside onto the porch. Addison inhaled the cool crisp air. She walked along the wrap around porch and stopped by a window that looked into the kitchen. She smiled as she watched the family interact. Tears slowly slid down her face as she remembered the times when she had been involved in those moments of laughter. Slowly she walked to the swing on the porch and sat down. As she stared out at the falling snow she smiled a sad smile. Her heart ached for Meredith. Addison knew what it was like to feel like you were losing someone, and to know that it was you who was causing that person to pull away. Addison had been so absorbed in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard Derek come up behind her.

"She really feels bad about what she said." He said softly as he sat down next to her.

"I don't belong here Derek." She said through tears.

Derek lifted her face so she could see him. "Yes you do." They both stared at each other for a while and then he smiled. "Look my mom doesn't want you driving in this snow tonight and so she wanted me to ask you to stay the night." Derek expected her to argue with him but she simply smiled and nodded. "Great. Now it is absolutely freezing out here and dinner is almost ready, so what do you say we head on in?"

"Okay." She said softly and took his arm as they walked back inside.

-2 Hours Later-

The whole family had finished opening all of their presents except for a few. "What are those?" Meredith asked as she looked at the medium size pile of presents.

"Those are the pajamas." Derek said simply. "Each year everyone draws a name and you have to buy that person a pair of Christmas pajamas and socks. It is a tradition in the Sheppard household." Derek stood up and helped his mom pass the presents out. Everyone began to open theirs and to squeal about the pajamas.

Addison had gotten some from Lauren. It was a pregnancy top with pants that had reindeer all over them and a pair of thick beige socks. "Lauren thank you so much!"

Lauren gave Addison a tight hug. "I'm glad you like them. I had a pair when I was pregnant with Emmy and I loved them."

"You probably had to go get them yesterday during the holiday rush."

Lauren shook her head. "I've had them for about a month. Addi you are still my sister, no matter what happens." A few tears fell down Lauren's soft cheeks. "I love you sis." She pulled Addi into another hug. "We missed you." She whispered.

"I missed you too." Addi choked out.

Meredith had missed this exchange, but Derek had seen it all. He knew how much his family loved Addison and how much they had missed her. To tell the truth he had missed her most of all.

-12:50 a.m.-

Derek walked downstairs and found Addison sitting in her new pajamas curled up on the couch in front of the fire. Some music was softly playing in the background. All the lights in the room were off and the only thing that was creating light was the Christmas tree and the fire. He smiled as he watched the Christmas lights dance across her face. "Can't sleep?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

She slowly shook her head and leaned it against his shoulder. "I was just thinking about things." Addison was quiet for a moment and enjoyed the feeling of Derek next to her. "Why can't life be simple? Why can't we have a normal relationship? Why Derek?"

Derek sighed and thought about her questions. "I don't know Ad. Maybe fate knew we were not meant for each other." He paused for a second then continued. "Or maybe fate knew we were meant for each other, but we keep getting in our own way." The two sat silent for a moment until Derek heard a certain song come on. "Dance with me Addi." She smiled up at him and agreed. The two stood in the middle of the living room and began to sway to the music.

Look at this face
I know the years are showin
Look at this life
I still don't know where its goin

Derek closed his eyes and absorbed the words. It fit him so well. How could a man his age still have no clue of where his life was headed?

I don't know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

Derek knew he loved Addison; he did not need anyone to tell him that. But why could he not tell her and end it with Meredith?

Look at these eyes
They've never seen what mattered
Look at these dreams
So beaten and so battered

Addison felt so tired, so exhausted. She was too tired to even fight anymore. She closed her eyes and laid her head on Derek's shoulder. She saw all of the dreams she had once had fade away to one dream. And that dream was so faint an image. It had once been clear and vivid, but through years of abandonment and beatings it had almost faded away to nothing.

I don't know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

Addison knew she loved Derek, but she didn't know how to tell him. She had tried so many times, but each time she was reminded of Meredith. Meredith did not deserve to be treated that way.

So many questions
Still left unanswered
So much
I've never broken through

Derek had so many questions, but they could never be answered. He had so much to say, but he couldn't say it.

And when I feel you near me
Sometimes I see so clearly
The only truth I've ever known
Is me and you

Addison's skin began to tingle at Derek's touch. Every time he came near her she would shiver. There were times when she could clearly see that Derek was the only one for her and other times she could not see at all.

Look at this man
So blessed with inspiration

Derek looked down at the woman he was dancing with. She was the reason he lived on. She was the reason he was the man he was today, even if sometimes he wasn't at his best. She had given him anything he had needed and still continued to support him.

Look at this soul
Still searching for salvation

Addison looked up at Derek and smiled. He had saved her. She had been drowning before and he had reached down and pulled her out of the deadly waters. But now she felt as if she was back to being that soul lost without any hope of salvation.

I don't know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

I don't know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All I need to know

I don't know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All there is to know

The two looked into each others eyes and stood still. Both knew what the other was thinking, but neither one knew what to do next. As the music began to fade Addison leaned in close to his face. "Derek I love you." He didn't say anything but simply leaned down and gave her a soft kiss.

"Addison."

"I know Derek, we can't." She said as she pulled away.

Derek stopped her and looked into her eyes. "I just…I love you, but I can't be with you right now. It is not because I don't love you, because I do. I just can't because I am too afraid that I will hurt you again." Derek pulled her closer to him. "Meredith and I both know it over between us. I will make you a deal. Give me time to sort things out, time to think. Once I have accepted who I am and what I have done, and then I promise I will find you and we will be together."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep." She whispered softly in his ear.

"I will keep this one, don't worry."

A/N- Sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes. I really wanted to post this for you guys, and it was late so I didn't reread it. Well I didn't leave you guys hanging this time. I hope you are happy. Please review.