Disclaimer: Only the story and a couple of the characters are mine, everything else belongs to the almighty Paramount.

Chapter 16: Half Truths

Six years and one month- Drive

Chakotay remembered the first time that he had met B'Elanna; he had only recently been made cell leader, been assigned his first mission and was standing by the ramp that had been lowered from the belly of his ship and checking off the crew and supplies as they boarded. The half Klingon had approached him with a small duffle bag slung over her shoulder and a flustered expression on her face. "Name?" he had asked, looking down at the padd in his hand.

"B'Elanna Torres," she had informed him.

After taking a long look at the list of names in front of him he met her gaze and shook his head, "you don't appear to be on here."

"That's because I'm looking for assignment," she quickly explained, "this is the only ship leaving this week, and I don't want to wait around on the planet to join the next crew."

He frowned, and gave her a good look up and then down, "what position do you want?"

"I'm an engineer," the half Klingon replied.

"And you want to join the maquis because…?"

"Does it really matter why?" she snapped.

He raised an eyebrow, "it might."

"I have nothing better to do," she shrugged, "now do you need another engineer or not? I mean, it's not exactly like you have volunteers knocking down your doors."

Chakotay had made a quick assessment of the woman standing in front of him. She had a temper, and he could see that she was part Klingon, and from experience he knew that a Klingon temper could easily get out of hand. She appeared to have a no nonsense attitude and a chip on her shoulder the size of the southern most continent of the planet, maybe about the federation, or the Cardassians, (he couldn't be sure which) but then that was not much different than most of the maquis. Finally it did not escape him that she was still a young woman, in her early to mid twenties, and for that reason alone he was reluctant to recruit her, knowing that if she were to be killed in battle, it would be all the worse as she still had so much of her life ahead of her.

"We've got plenty of engineers," he said at last, "the Trojan is coming by in eight days, I hear their captain is looking for more hands."

For a moment she looked about ready to make a further argument, but then she forced her mouth closed and nodded politely, "sure," she said, before turning and walking away.

Feeling pressure on his arm, Chakotay turned to see Seska standing beside him, her gaze in the direction of the woman heading away from the ship. "Olak just called in, apparently he's been in a bar fight; three broken ribs, concussion and the entire left side of his face is swollen, he won't be flying with us for a while. You should let join our crew."

"We don't need her," he shrugged off her arm.

"You let that blond pilot join our crew," Seska reminded him, "you take your gamble, and I'll have mine."

He considered her words, remembering the way she had argued against letting Tom Paris fly with them, and then eventually dropped her argument when she had realised that it was getting her nowhere; he worried that she may start it up again if he didn't at least do something to appease her. "We need someone to replace Olak," he reasoned, not wanting to giver her total satisfaction of winning him over as he ran off in the direction B'Elanna was walking.

Since that day as he had told B'Elanna that after all he was looking for an engineer, he found himself actually grateful for once that he had listened to Seska, knowing that if he hadn't, he would never have made one of the best friends he had ever known.

Now Chakotay stood outside her quarters, as he had been standing for the past ten minutes, and his patience was starting to wane. He considered pressing the panel at the side of the door to remind her that he was still waiting, but just as his hand wavered he decided against it. Although in the years that they had known one another, she had become very good at keeping her temper under check, he knew that sometimes her control could slip when she was under pressure.

His patience was rewarded as only seconds later the doors opened, to reveal the half Klingon clad in her dress uniform. Her hair done up in a delicate style that complimented her face shape, and her makeup done with care and precision, highlighting her delicate features. Chakotay glanced over her shoulder to see Celes standing behind her, looking rather flustered, no doubt having been given an earful and more from the chief engineer as she had helped B'Elanna get ready. They exchanged a brief smile, and then Voyager's first officer trained his attention back on his closest friend. "You look beautiful," he stated.

For once she accepted a compliment and smiled graciously, "ready to give me away?" she questioned, stepping through the doors of her quarters.

"Not really," he encouraged her to slip her arm through his, "so I hope you'll understand if I'm a little reluctant to let go of you as I walk you up the isle."

B'Elanna punched him playfully in the upper arm as they walked together down the corridor, "I thought you'd decided that you liked Tom now?"

"I do," he admitted, then his expression turned a little more serious, "and I'm glad that you're happy with him," he paused, "but I love you like a sister B'Elanna, so if I'm a little reluctant to give you away, it's not because I don't think Tom won't be a wonderful husband, because I know he will, but because to me you'll always be the young woman who came aboard my ship and cried for three hours when the Cardassians blew out our warp core after you'd spent two weeks fixing it up."

She smiled easily over at him, "I still have a little cry the first time the ship gets damaged after a maintenance overhaul."

Chakotay chuckled lightly, "and does Tom let you cry on his shoulder?"

"Every time," she replied.

He glanced across at her, "then I guess I'll have to let you marry him."

Moments later and he was giving her away, and watching as Kathryn performed the ceremony that bound the two lovers together. The first time he had met B'Elanna he had almost sent her away to join another ship, thinking she might be too much of a handful for him to manage, seven years later and he was watching her marry Tom Paris, wondering how he would have managed a day without her since.

/\

Six years and two months- Repression

Kathryn raised a hand to her forehead which had only recently made contact with the corner of the coffee table, it felt wet, and looking down at her fingers she saw blood. "Chakotay, this isn't you," she stated, sounding almost calm as pulled herself from the floor and stood.

"It's always been me," he snarled, "every time I touched you, and I kissed you, and I fucked you, it was always me, and every time I said it, I never loved you. You disgust me, everything that makes you part of the federation and Starfleet disgusts me. So whatever part of me that you think you can appeal to for the safety of your crew is a waste of time, because not only is that part of me not there, but it never was."

He had started to move so close to her that she had been forced to take a few steps back, but when she did she only reached the wall, and as he continued to close in on her she realised that there was no escaping him. "You can't run this ship with the skeleton of a crew you have control of," she reminded him.

A cruel smile took over his face, one that she had never seen before, and was so uncharacteristic of her first officer that she was almost able to pretend that he was someone else. "I don't think your crew are as loyal to you as you think they are. As soon as they realise there's no way of you ever taking back control, they'll start to join my people." He paused, his breathing heavy and in her face, "now the question is, what shall I do with you? I could kill you, that would of course be the easiest option. I could leave you on a planet to fend for yourself," his lip quirked up wickedly as he ran a hand slowly through her hair, "or else I could allow you to remain on this ship… but you would have to show me that such a decision would be personally beneficial for me."

It didn't take her much to realise what he was talking about, and for a moment she wondered if in his distorted memories of the past six years aboard Voyager he had remembered their son. "And what do you mean by that?" she asked, hoping that she was wrong about his intentions.

He looked down at her hungrily, pressing his body a little closer to hers, "don't make me say it," he said in a low voice, "I haven't had a good fuck in a long time, and the holodecks really do you women no justice."

Kathryn swallowed hard at his suggestion, and closed her eyes as she tried her best to remember that her Chakotay would never consider doing this to her, but it was hard to convince herself such things when the same dark eyes that had met hers so many times in a loving gaze, now looked at her as if she was nothing more than an exciting new plaything. "I'll need some time to think about that," she answered, thinking that it might be enough to cause him to back off for the time being until she could come up with a plan to save her ship and the maquis members of her crew.

Barely seeming as if he had registered the words she had said he closed the gap between them and placed his lips to her neck, "I should think fast," he said between advances, "because I want to take you right now, and after that I want to show you the real me that you've been missing these past six years for every night until I get bored of you."

She tried to push him away, to lean out of the path his lips were making, but it was to no avail, and it wasn't until his next words that she really started to worry, "play nice Kathryn, I still haven't decided what to do with that bastard of yours."

Her eyes shot open in sudden alarm, and when he saw that he had struck on something he laughed, "what's wrong? Do you really think I would forget the thing that has sickened me the most all of these years. You stole a part of me, and used it against me, denied me it, and then forced it upon me. The worst part of it is that I share something with the federation, you don't know how difficult it was for me not to smother him in his sleep, or construct an accident in the holodeck, to drown him in his bath…"

"He's your son," she cut him off before he could go into detail about all of the ways he had thought of killing their son, "you love him."

Chakotay shook his head, "you can't use him to manipulate me anymore, because I've given up the pretence of caring."

"If it's been so difficult why have you kept up this pretence for so long?" she asked, thinking maybe she could get him to think through his mind control.

He shrugged, "it was worth it for the time I had you in my bed."

"You were in my bed," she pointed out an error in his words, "in my quarters, on my terms, and it's been over for a long time since, why take over my ship now?"

"There was still a chance that we could work it out," he said slowly.

"It's been obvious for a long while now that that's not going to happen," she informed him as if he didn't already know, "and if I disgust you so much, then why would you want to be with me?"

He paused, and she could see him suddenly questioning what was happening, his mind was ticking over and for a long moment he looked confused. Then the confusion on his face started to disappear, and she watched as it was replaced by anger, she only realised that she had lost him again too late. He moved so fast that she didn't have a chance to react as he swung his hand, slapped her harshly across the face, and took a step away from her, causing her to sway on her feet at the shock of what he had done, and at suddenly having to support her own weight. "You're right," he said at last, "why would I want to be with you?"

Before she had a chance to think of something to keep his attention on her, or to convince herself that she needed to keep him focussed on her, he had invited in Ayala to her ready room and ordered that she be returned to the brig. Kathryn gave him a final look as she was more or less dragged out of the room, and the look in his eye was something that she never wanted to see ever again.

-

Kathryn sat at her desk, working busily at her computer, pausing frequently to take sips from her mug of hot coffee. Hearing someone at the door she took her eyes from her work, "enter," she instructed, not at all surprised when her first officer slowly entered, looking more than a little nervous.

"How are you?" she asked, genuinely concerned since Tuvok had initiated a second mind meld and released him from the mind control.

"Still a little groggy," he replied, "I still don't really remember much of what happened. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she reassured him.

He paused for a moment as he considered her words, and for a moment he looked reluctant to broach the topic that he obviously wanted to discuss. "Apparently I had you alone in here for a long time," he said slowly and looked rather worried, "did I hurt you?"

For a moment she considered telling him the truth, that he had been physically abusive, threatened to kill her and their son, and had told her everything about their life together had been a lie. But however much she wanted to give him an honest answer, she knew that for him to hear that he had become something that he hated so much would almost be too much for him, and she realised that a variation of the truth was in order. "No."

He looked unconvinced, "Kathryn, you know that I would never intentionally hurt you, but I need to know what happened in the forty five minutes that we were in here."

"You didn't hurt me Chakotay," she reassured him, "you wanted me to persuade the rest of the crew to join you, I refused, you got angry, and then you sent me back to the brig," she gave him a selective overview of what had happened.

"Is that all that happened?" he continued to pursue the topic.

"Yes," she lied.

Chakotay gave her a long look, but she had become so good at lying over the years, and had practiced her captain's mask to such perfection that finally he started to believe her. Sighing out loud he shot her a short smile, "then we're good?"

She nodded and returned the smile, not allowing it to drop until he had left her office and most likely returned to the bridge. Taking a moment to clear her mind of the man who had looked so much like Chakotay, but had been nothing like she knew he would ever be, she returned to her work, and tried her best not to think any more about the entire incident.

/\

Six years and five months- Shattered

Her gaze drifted towards the plasma swirling around in the warp wore, and it didn't take him much to guess exactly what she was thinking; he might no longer know the Kathryn Janeway of his time very well, but this one he was able to read like a book. She was still the same woman who he had at first fallen in love with, the strong and confident captain who had taken a chance on him and placed a trust in him that still to this day made him feel very honoured. She smiled easily and often. Her eyes still sparkled as she talked. She looked happy and content, and as he spent more time with her, he started to realise exactly how much Voyager had taken out of her over the years.

When she had heard about all of the dangerous situations Voyager would be pushed into, and asked him if it wouldn't be better for her go back to her Voyager and prevent them ever venturing into the delta quadrant, he had been more than a little tempted to agree with her, if only to save her from the woman that she would slowly become. But then he had remembered all of the good things that had come out of their voyage together, the friendships that had been formed, the maquis who would have otherwise died, and the lives that they had saved and changed along the way, and he knew that although the journey would be difficult for her, it was a journey that had to be taken. It was when he had told her this, that her gaze had drifted, and she had slipped into her private thoughts.

Finally she looked back up at him, "if I don't take Voyager into the badlands, then I will never know my son, will I?"

Earlier they had gone to astrometrics, where they had met two men and a woman, far into both of their futures; The eldest man was from a species that Kathryn hadn't recognised, and had traces of metal implants on his face; he had introduced himself as Icheb. The young woman gave her name as Naomi Wildman, and upon recognising her facial features as Ktaran, she had established that she was meeting Samantha Wildman's daughter. Finally she had turned to the young man who up until that point had remained silent. He was tall and had a dark complexion which included dark brown hair that could almost have been black and one of the deepest sets of chocolate brown eyes she had ever seen. He was muscular and handsome, and when he smiled to introduce himself he revealed two gorgeous dimples that looked very familiar to her. "Noah Janeway," he said, his voice rich and authoritative, and at hearing the surname of the young man who had been stood before them, her eyes shot open with surprise, but Noah had simply smiled and nodded, "I'm your son," he confirmed.

"My son?" she had repeated, glancing across at Chakotay to be sure that she had heard right, but before he could affirm that she had, her curiosity was already getting the better of her and she trained her attention back on Noah, "who's your father?"

Chakotay had suspected it was Noah the moment their gazes had clashed upon his entrance, and had made a quick decision at the time to avoid a situation where Kathryn would find out, knowing that it would only raise further questions, but in that moment he worried that it might be too late.

"I'm afraid I can't say," Noah's eyes twinkled almost mischievously, "temporal prime directive."

She had looked him up and then down, but realising that he had a good reason not to tell her, she had dropped the line of questions she had been preparing to fire at him, and up until they had reached engineering, Chakotay had thought that that might be the end of it; he was wrong.

"No, you won't," he answered her question, his mind now back in the present and he stood in front of her, bathed in the glow from the warp core.

"And his father?" she pressed, her eyes never leaving his.

"Will fall in love with you," he admitted, all the while knowing that he shouldn't.

She paused for a moment, and he thought that she might drop the topic, but then she closed the gap between them and at her next question, he knew that she suspected something. "And us? Exactly how close do we become?"

He glanced over her shoulder to avoid her penetrating look, knowing that he should end the conversation now before he gave too much away. He knew he should take a step back from her and give them both some space, but he was intoxicated by her. She reminded him of all of the things that had caused him to fall in love with his Kathryn in the first place; like the way she smiled, how she made him feel when they were alone, the smell of her perfume, the way she walked and wore her hair. Some of them things that had changed about her over the years, others were just the small things that he had become so accustomed to that he had almost forgotten.

Before he could do what he knew he should do, she had closed the gap between them and was pressing her lips to his, and suddenly he found himself doing exactly what he shouldn't be doing, and returned the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he pulled her body closer, his hands rested on either side of her hips. The kiss started to intensify as the passion that he had felt early on in their relationship reasserted itself, and he felt his resolve slowly slipping away from him. She pulled back from him before he found himself lost in her completely.

"I guess we become quite close," she answered her own question as she recovered from the sensation of what she had just initiated.

He nodded, struggling to regain control of his own emotions, feeling very confused at how he felt towards her, and the woman who he had married. "Two years into your future you tell me that you love me, I will have been falling in love with you from the moment we meet, so the moment you say those words it will become as close and serious as it gets."

"And Noah's father?" she questioned, wanting the final piece of the puzzle before they had to part ways.

"That would be me," he thought there was no use denying it any longer.

She took a step away from him and held a hand up to the side of her head as she thought through and processed all of the new information. "So we command a ship together, and we raise a child together?"

He nodded.

"Do we decide to have a child?" she asked, not sure why she would chose to start a family whilst stranded in the middle of the delta quadrant with no federation support and no deep space stations to visit for replenishment of supplies.

"I shouldn't say," he said, "you already know too much about your future."

Her head shot round, "well you can't only show me half the story without expecting me to want to know about the rest of it… Are we happy?"

This time he looked away, he had thought that a few half truths would be okay, but he was just digging himself into a hole. He wanted to tell her that no, eventually neither of them were happy, with themselves or with each other, that they would eventually drive each other apart but their love would forever prevent them for letting go completely. Although he knew that she would have no memories of her experiences when he fixed the temporal anomaly, he stopped himself from telling her what was really to come, and forced a smile and nodded, "always," he lied.

It seemed a good enough answer for her, as she visibly relaxed and returned the smile, "then maybe this Voyage won't be so bad after all."

There was nothing he could say to that, and as she seemed satisfied with his answer he couldn't help himself from the feeling that he was betraying her by not telling her exactly what was to come.

To be continued.