Disclaimer: Paramount rule.
Chapter 19: Replacement part II
When Tuvok entered his captain's ready room he had expected to see her keeping herself busy with work as she usually did whenever she was attempting to avoid a personal issue or problem. It was when he saw her sitting staring out of her view port that he knew how bad things really were; as she very rarely allowed herself to simmer in her own thoughts and worries.
"Captain," he nodded in her direction as he entered.
"Tuvok," she shot him a very weak and very forced smile, one that he instantly saw through, but she was beyond caring about pretences, "how did it go?"
"Not as I had been hoping," he stepped further into her private space, and walked over to where she was seated, "although through the mind meld I was able to experience some of what his subconscious mind is still struggling with, without his conscious mind to guide me, I was not able to hear specific voices or to determine if they were indeed Ocampan."
"Thank you for trying," she said as he sat down beside her on the couch.
"I will again later, but I will need some time to meditate in preparation," he hesitated for a long period as he deliberated whether or not to broach a personal topic with her. Vulcans were always very wary of an individual's right to privacy, and only rarely intervened in the lives of others when they felt that they really had to. "May I ask why you're not with your son right now?"
The surprised look on Kathryn's face was completely genuine at the unexpectedness of his question, as in the many years that she had known Tuvok, he had very rarely questioned her actions that affected anything other than ship's matters. Finally she shrugged as her face relaxed and then fell, "because my place is here, I don't belong by the bedside of a child that I have neglected for so many years."
"Do you feel that you have let Noah down in some way?" although his expression was the usual neutral that she had come to expect of him, she couldn't help but feel there was a hint of compassion in there.
She smiled bitterly, "Chakotay loves him, and gives him the attention that I can't offer because of my role as captain. To have continued to raise him by myself would have been the mistake."
Tuvok nodded, "you made a logical choice," he agreed, "by deciding for Noah to be raised by Chakotay resulted in you being able to spend more time concentrating on this ship and crew, and the commander seems very content with his role as a father… But I long ago came to realise that human's are not consoled by logic in the same way that Vulcan's are."
Kathryn looked across at him, and she was sure those were the closest words of agreement for her decision that she had heard from anyone on her crew, having experienced many icy looks, and hearing many disagreeable whispers from people in the past few years. "I suppose not," she sounded tired, "sometimes I wish that I could shut off my emotions like you Tuvok."
He raised an eyebrow, "the art of suppressing emotions is one that we Vulcans spend many years learning to do and perfecting, and the process serves us well. However, for humans to deny what they are feeling can sometimes have disastrous consequences."
"Disastrous consequences," she repeated thoughtfully, "sounds close to where I'm heading."
"You are no longer comforted by the commander's council?" he guessed.
"Not for a long while now," reluctantly she admitted.
"I apologise for being unable to provide the emotional support that your first officer has always provided you," he sounded sincere, "especially now you do not receive it."
Placing a hand casually on his upper arm she shook her head, "that's not something you should apologise for, the support you provide me is enough, it always had been."
"Then you can rely on it in future," he said reassuringly.
"Thank you Tuvok," she patted him lightly on the shoulder, before removing her hand from him completely and making a move to stand from the couch and step over to the window.
"If you wish, I can cover the remainder of your shift so that you may spend some time with Noah," he spoke to the back of her as she gazed out at the stars.
She paused, her shoulders slumping slightly, "you know that's not the reason that I'm not there right now."
"I know," he had not forgotten her earlier words, "but even if you do not feel that you have a right to be there as his mother, as the captain, you should be there for all members of your crew."
Closing her eyes she knew he was right, even if he was just trying to give her an excuse to go where she wanted to be, and so she turned back around to him and shot him a grateful look, "I guess I should pay a visit to sick bay then."
Realising that their conversation had come to an end he stood, and together they walked out onto the bridge, she headed for the turbo lift, and he walked over to the commander's chair.
-
"What was that for?" he asked, her arms still around his neck, his hands placed gently just above her hips and their lips now only inches apart.
For a moment she considered whether or not she had done the right thing, and so she found herself wanting to explain her actions, "I have observed that physical displays of intimacy and affection can sometimes be used to console an individual who is in distress. I thought kissing you would…"
She didn't have a chance to finished off her sentence as Chakotay closed the small gap that was between them and kissed her again, this time more passionately and with much less hesitation through surprise. Finally he pulled back and looked Seven in the eye, "that was very considerate of you," he smiled.
Returning the smile she felt relieved that she had done the right thing, and not for the first time she was very grateful for his patience and understanding as she fumbled through the relationship that they were steadily forging. "I'm not sure that it will be any help, but I have started running scans for any anomaly that may be triggering your son's illness."
"It's unlikely that there is any outside influence," he sighed, for once wishing that maybe there was, as such a problem might actually be easier to fix or to blame, "but thank you for trying anyway."
"Let me know if there's anything that I can do to help," she offered.
"You coming to visit me like this is a help," Chakotay was thankful for the visit, as although the rest of the crew were doing what was polite and keeping a distance, (and he knew that if they weren't he may become overwhelmed,) but having the one visitor every now and again gave him a relief from his own dark thoughts.
Seven raised an eyebrow, "it is not only you I came to visit," she pulled back from his embrace and took a few steps over to where his son lay, "I have become quite fond of Noah over the years; as I have Naomi and the other children whilst they were aboard Voyager. I wanted to see Noah also," she informed him.
Chakotay smiled, he felt himself lucky to find someone that not only wanted to explore a relationship with him, but who was also willing to accept his son. Ever since Noah had been placed into his permanent care, he had started to become wary of the flings that he had with other women, worrying that being apart from his son for a night would disrupt a routine that they had both come to rely on. Relationships were a more complex consideration, as it would require bringing a woman other than Kathryn into their lives, and he worried about an attachment that Noah may or may not form to anyone who he dated, and how it may affect a potential break-up, or the mother of his son.
"Noah has taken a great liking to you too." Although Chakotay had not fully explained his relationship with Seven to his son, he had questioned Noah about the prospect of spending more time with her, and fortunately he had been very eager to do so.
Opening her mouth to say something further, the doors to sickbay opened and they both turned to see who had entered. It was Kathryn, and suddenly they had both forgotten their discussion. When she saw that they were both there she nodded in her first officer's direction and smiled easily across at Seven.
"I came to check on Noah's progress," Kathryn explained to Chakotay when she noticed him studying her carefully.
When the commander didn't say anything, the former Borg felt that she should, "as was I," it wasn't a lie, it was part of the reason that she was there, but unsure what her captain did and did not know about her relationship with Chakotay, she decided that the most obvious explanation was the best to give. "But I will return later," she said, realising the tense atmosphere that was building, and unaccustomed to it, she decided that she should leave and question the doctor about how best to deal with it at a later time.
"Thank you for coming by Seven," Chakotay said after her, shooting her a meaningful look which at that point he didn't care whether or not his captain correctly interpreted.
The moment that Seven had disappeared out of sickbay he knew that Kathryn had guessed exactly what was going on as she walked over towards where her son lay, saying over her shoulder as she did so, "so I guess you're not quite so resentful now of my decision to allow Seven to remain onboard Voyager?"
It was none of her business so he decided not to rise to her bait, "no, I'm a big enough man to admit I was wrong."
She shot him a look, "she's turning into quite an amazing woman isn't she?"
Chakotay crossed over to her, he wasn't a cruel man, but he was still resentful of the ways that she had treated him and misused their relationship over the years, and speaking in veils he saw an opportunity to take a stab at her. "I'm looking forward to seeing the woman behind the implants," he came up close behind her, "and clothes," he said under his breath.
Turning round so sharply it was a wonder that he didn't fall over in shock as their faces were instantly brought close together, "I swear Chakotay, if this is just another way of you trying to get at me…"
"Don't flatter yourself," this time he did move away from her, "not everything is about you."
"Then you'd better keep it that way," she muttered, "because if you hurt Seven, I will make your life as difficult for you as possible."
"Any more difficult than it is now?" he crossed his arms.
She glared at him, "you have no idea."
Glancing away he regretted having said anything. He wasn't sure exactly what reaction he had wanted from her, he had expected her to be jealous, but she showed more a concern for a friend. Maybe he had wanted her to deny him a relationship with a subordinate, so that he would have another reason to hate her, but she seemed unconcerned with rank. Whatever it was, he realised that it was a mistake to have said it, as it belittled the relationship that he was attempting to establish with Seven, and he knew that if he was ever to make it work, then he would need to have his captain's acceptance, if not her approval or support. "I have no intention of doing anything to harm her."
He looked sincere, and for a moment she considered that he really could be doing this out of a need for companionship and not spite. Kathryn looked back down at her son, who now looked peaceful and pain free as he rested in his coma, it was at times like this she realised that it didn't really matter what was going on between her and his father, all that really mattered was Noah.
Chakotay noticed her attention shift, and felt the tense atmosphere drain away as they both gazed down at their son. "Tuvok was in here earlier," he started the change of topic.
"I know," she said quietly, "he came to see me."
"The doctor's working in a lab with a team, they're trying to find a way of shutting off the telepathic receptors in his brain without harming him," he explained.
"The doctor has also kept me informed," she replied, thinking that maybe he had thought her heartless enough not to have been keeping up to date with their son's progress.
"I guessed you hadn't shut yourself off completely on the bridge," he admitted, "I suppose you felt more in control up there."
"Not really," she dispelled his assumption, "I still feel rather helpless."
He let out a long breath, "I should have given my consent for the treatment months ago."
"No one knew that this would happen," she attempted to reassure him.
"But there was always the danger…" he sighed and took a hand up to his forehead, "this is my fault."
Her initial thought was to comfort him, to tell him that he had done nothing wrong, but she was quick to realise that she wouldn't mean any of what she was saying, that she would only be lying to him. Although that was what he needed, she knew that she couldn't do it and still sound sincere. Resting a hand on his shoulder, she gave it a gentle squeeze, and shot him a small smile when he glanced up to meet her gaze. "I should be going back to the bridge," she informed him, "I suggest that you get some sleep Chakotay; you look exhausted."
He nodded and watched as she walked away, knowing that she blamed him for the bad state that their son was in. Seconds later and she was gone, and again he found himself all alone in sickbay, so ignoring his captain's advice to rest he took a seat beside his son and returned to patiently waiting for Noah to come out of his coma.
-
It happened so fast that she didn't really know what was going on. Early the next morning Kathryn had been sitting on the bridge and received a worrying communication from the doctor that Noah had brought himself out of the coma, was sitting up breathing raggedly and had a temperature that was on the borderline of causing him severe haemorrhages and internal bleeding. Her first officer was already there, having spent the night by Noah's side, and so she had been about to head down to sickbay herself.
Just before she entered the turbo lift however, Harry Kim shouted out from ops that he was picking up major fluctuations in subspace. "What do you mean mister Kim?" she stepped back down into the main bridge area.
"I'm not sure, the immediate space around us has suddenly become charged with ionic-" he was unable to complete his sentence as the ship violently shook and they were all thrown from their positions.
"Report," she barked, grabbing onto the railing and pulling herself up from the floor.
"A ship has suddenly appeared off our port side," Tuvok informed her, "I am not picking up armed weapons."
"Go to yellow alert. Raise shields," she decided to take the precaution.
"The ship is matching us for course and speed," Tom Paris shouted from his station.
"I am only detecting one life sign onboard," Harry said as he looked over his scans.
Kathryn looked over at ops, "hail them."
"They are not responding," he said after a short time, "I am attempting all frequencies."
"Captain someone has just been transported from the unknown ship to Voyager."
"Through the shields?" Kathryn looked confused as she glanced over at Tuvok.
He nodded, "transport ended in…"
"Doctor to the bridge," her comm. badge activated before Tuvok could finish his sentence.
"Janeway here."
"Kes just appeared in sickbay," the doctor sounded very confused.
"Kes?" she frowned, and looked over at Tuvok who nodded slowly to give her the permission that she had been seeking from him, "I'm on my way there now," she stated as she strode over to the turbo lift. "Tuvok, you have the bridge."
-
When Kathryn entered sickbay some minutes later she found the eyes of Chakotay and the doctor instantly upon her, but it was a short while before Kes turned to face her. It had been an old woman who had coldly greeted her a year previously, when the Ocampan had come to Voyager with the intention of changing the timeline, and it had been a much younger woman who had left. In that year since, some lines had started to appear on Kes's once youthful face, and she now looked middle aged, despite the fact that in Ocampan years she should have been close to the end of her life. However old she was, or looked, as their gazes met, all Kathryn could really wonder was what sort of person she had become since they had last spoken.
"Kes?" she frowned, only hesitating for a moment by the door before slowly approaching the group, "what are you doing here?"
"I'm here for Noah," she explained.
"Noah?" she frowned, and glanced over at her son, who was sitting up on the bio bed supported by his father, "can you help him?"
"Yes," she said simply.
Kathryn noticed Chakotay looking away from her is if trying to avoid meeting her gaze, and she wondered exactly what she had missed out on in the few minutes that it had taken her to come from the bridge. "How?" she turned back to Kes.
The Ocampan woman paused, "I have to take Noah back to Ocampa with me."
"Ocampa?" she was alarmed at the suggestion, "why?"
"The pain he is experiencing is caused by the distance he is from Ocampa," she found herself again explaining, having already gone through it all with Chakotay. "Noah can hear the thoughts of the Ocampan people, as we feel him, he has become a part of us, as the caretaker was before. You told me a year ago that Noah was given to you by the caretaker, that even some of his DNA was incorporated into your son's, that's because Noah was intended as the replacement for the caretaker."
"A replacement? You expect a child to take care of an entire planet?" she sounded angry at such an expectation.
She shook her head, "no, Ocampa will survive without him; they have made many technological advances in the past seven years, and have found ways of producing their own power. However Noah will not survive without us."
"How do you know that?" she asked.
"Because Noah is not the first alien child that the caretaker created." Her frustration was starting to sound in her voice. "In the past few months, many children around this galaxy have been coming to our attention, as like Noah they establish a telepathic connection with the people on Ocampa, and reach the age in which they were meant to return to the planet. I have been able to locate most of them, but out of ten children who we have become aware of, only two have returned to the planet, and they are the only ones who have survived."
"They died because they did not return to the planet," Chakotay added quietly, his eyes moving slowly up to meet Kathryn's, and the defeat she saw in them worried her.
Kes nodded, "it is unlikely that it is a coincidence."
A short stunned silence followed her words, a silence that was soon interrupted by Noah, "why are the Kazon attacking Ocampa?" he asked.
She looked at him, surprised at his insightfulness, "because they want our resources, and our technology," she replied, "my coming here was delayed by a Kazon attack."
"I could feel that," he told her, "lots of people died."
"Unfortunately," she nodded, "but they were fighting on the surface; below the ground you will be safe."
"You're talking as if you're actually going to take him with you to Ocampa," Kathryn interrupted, now knowing why Chakotay had been avoiding meeting her gaze; he had already given his permission.
"Kathryn, it's the only way," her first officer knew that reasoning her with this issue was pointless, but he thought that he should at least give it a try.
Before she could ask more questions or raise any further objections, her attention was shifted as her son involuntarily let out a cry of pain. The doctor lifted his triquarder and resumed his scans.
"I have to take him now," Kes pleaded to both Kathryn and Chakotay, having seen too many children die as a result of either their parents refusal to listen to her, or her inability to reach them in time.
Chakotay looked across at the doctor who wore a grim expression, "his condition is worsening," he informed both parents, "right now I can't do anything for him. If Kes can help him, then I suggest that we allow her to do so."
"How long will you take him for?" he turned back to Kes.
"I can't say," she sounded apologetic, "the children already on Ocampa have been there a few months, and are still unable to leave the planet. It could be years before we can return them to their people. I doubt I would be able to bring Noah back to you any time soon."
He took a deep calming breath, unsure that he could make such a decision. "Daddy," his attention was diverted to the suffering six year old, "I have to go there."
Hesitating for a moment so that he could collect at least some of his thoughts together, he nodded slowly, "Kes, can you take myself and Kathryn with you also?" He wanted desperately to avoid being separated from his son.
She shook her head, "the elders have only given me permission to bring back Noah. Over the years they have had much trouble with aliens, and are much more hostile and less accommodating that you will remember them to be."
"Surely you can make an exception," he pleaded, "we've been there before, they know that we are no threat to them."
"You met the elders of seven years ago," she was quick to remind him, "the elders now were just children back then."
Chakotay looked down at his son, feeling helpless and at a loss for what was the right thing to do. The Kes that had lived aboard Voyager for three years was kind, compassionate and trustworthy; he knew that she would never do anything that may put his son in danger, however, he didn't know the woman that she had become in the years since, and for that reason he worried about putting Noah into her trust. Looking down at his son, he waited until he had his attention, "do you believe that you need to go with Kes to Ocampa?" he asked.
Although still in obvious pain Noah nodded, "yes."
Running a hand through his hair as he considered his options, he reluctantly came to realise that he didn't really have any. If his son remained on Voyager, his condition would continue to worsen and the doctor was doubtful that he would be able to develop a treatment in time. Kes was offering to save his son, but at the cost of maybe never seeing him again. It wasn't really a choice, either way he would lose his son, but allowing him to leave with Kes meant that at least there was a good chance that Noah would get better.
"He has to go with Kes," Chakotay stated, looking sharply across at the mother of his child before sliding his arms around his son and lifting him off from the bio bed.
"We haven't considered all of the other options," she watched as her first officer held her son and placed a kiss against his forehead.
"Your mother and I love you more than anything Noah," he ignored Kathryn's objections and spoke quietly to the boy in his arms.
Noah placed a hand to the side of his father's face, "I love you too," he smiled softly, moving his eyes to his mother also, who stood on the other side of the bed from them, so that she was included in his words.
It was with shock that Kathryn hesitated as Chakotay handed Noah over to Kes, but as soon as her son was out of his grasp something inside of her kicked into action as she found herself quickly moving around with the intention of taking her child back. But Chakotay was quick to disrupt her actions as he grabbed her around the middle and pulled her back close against his chest to prevent her from reaching Kes. "Let go of me," she demanded.
"Are you ready to go Noah?" Kes asked as she held him in her arms for the first time in many years, ignoring the scene only feet away from where she was standing.
He nodded, "but I need you to help me do something before we leave."
She smiled softly, "I know," she answered before he had even asked. The Ocampan woman nodded at her former commanding officers, "I will take good care of him," she promised, only moments later disappearing in a transporter beam.
"Tuvok to Janeway," Kathryn's comm. badge suddenly activated, and she felt Chakotay's arms relax around her.
"Janeway here," she respond slowly, still somewhat in shock as to what had just happened.
"I just detected two people transporting out of sickbay and onto the shuttle," he stated.
"Kes just took Noah," reported, now finding that she could easily step out of Chakotay's grasp around her. "Hold a tractor beam around the shuttle and transport Noah back to Voyager; disable shields and engines if you have to."
"Very well," he cut communications.
Chakotay watched Kathryn bolt in the direction of sickbay's exit, until he came out of the shock of having to hand over his son and found himself running after her. "You can't stop her from leaving," he pleaded, "if he doesn't go to Ocampa he may die."
She frowned, not sure if she completely believed what she was being told, "we can find a way to keep him, safe with us aboard Voyager," she insisted.
"You saw how he was; how he's been getting worse over the past twenty four hours," he reminded her, "the doctor said he didn't know any way of helping him in time."
"There's always another way," she shot back, her words soon followed by a sharp and sudden jolt to the ship that sent her flying against the wall, she felt Chakotay's hand on her shoulder steadying her as they both used the wall for support and the ship continued to shake. "Bridge, report," she slapped her comm. badge, dismayed when she received no response.
Seconds passed with neither of them having a clue as to what was happening, and then suddenly they felt the ship come to a complete standstill. Raising her hand to her comm. badge for a second time, it flickered back into life.
"Captain," it was Tuvok, "ship velocity just increased considerably, and Voyager has been moved a great distance."
"By Kes?" she remembered the time four years previously when Kes had given them a leaving gift of moving them well out of range of the Borg and ten years closer to Earth.
"I am uncertain," he paused, "I am still awaiting navigational reports of our current position."
"The other ship?" she was almost afraid to ask.
"Gone," the Vulcan almost sounded reluctant to continue, but he did so anyway, "we were unable to get a lock on your son. I am sorry."
As soon as the communication was cut Kathryn leant back against the wall and closing her eyes she placed a hand to her forehead, not really sure if she believed all that was happening. After a short while she felt Chakotay's hand gently squeezing her shoulder, "we made the right decision," he said, and she wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her more, or just himself.
Her eyes flickered open, and quickly she met his gaze, "we didn't make any decision Chakotay," she said angrily, "you took it upon yourself to hand over Noah, you're the only one at fault here."
"He needed to go with Kes," he insisted.
"He didn't need to go anywhere, he was fine here," she shouted, "you had no right to make that decision without me!"
Shaking his head he took a step back, "he was not fine, his condition was critical, you weren't there by his bed worrying all night, watching his stats as he continuously deteriorated, when he came out of the coma in a delirious state."
Kathryn moved further away from him, "you're obviously sleep deprived Chakotay, your decision making must be impaired, because I really can't believe that you would just hand over our son as easily as how you just did."
"You think that was easy for me? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do!" He closed in on her, "I made the right choice, just as you did when you destroyed the array seven years ago."
Her hand came up so fast that even she didn't even realise what she had done until her palm had made contact with his cheek and she felt the painful sting in her hand. "What the hell have you just done?" her voice was now restrained, but only because her fury had taken her over the point of shouting.
"Tuvok to Janeway," the moment was interrupted before they had a chance to recover from her instinctive reaction.
"Janeway here," she said, fiercely meeting her first officer's astonished gaze.
"It would appear that Voyager has been brought within two light years of sector 001," he informed his captain, "we are being hailed by Starfleet."
She took a moment for his words to sink in, and as Kathryn struggled to deal with the situation, the captain took over and replied, "I'm on my way."
Shooting one final disgusted look in Chakotay's direction, she continued in the direction she had been headed, leaving him to stand alone in the corridor. When she appeared on the bridge, she was grateful that he hadn't followed after her, knowing that the last thing she wanted at that moment was to spend time alone with him in a turbo lift, not trusting herself with what she might do and say.
"Open a channel," she instructed, after having made her way down to the centre of the bridge and taking some time to straighten her jacket.
It was admiral Paris, "Captain Janeway, this is a pleasant surprise," he greeted with a warm smile.
"We're a little surprised ourselves admiral," she said, still trying to gather herself together.
"May I ask how?" she could tell that he was excited to be speaking to her, to know that Voyager was so close to Earth, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to share in his excitement, and as she glanced around the bridge, that of her crew either.
"It will be in my report," her expression turned to steal.
He paused for a moment, starting to sense that there was something wrong, "I look forward to hearing about it from you in person," he tried his best to ignore such thoughts.
"As do I," she forced a smile, "from our current position we will be within orbit of Earth in less than a day."
"I will make arrangements for your arrival," he reassured her.
Slowly she nodded, "thank you."
The admiral could tell that she was about to cut communications, and wondered if maybe there was a situation that she was required to deal with, so deciding not to keep her from where ever she had to be he rounded up the communication. "Welcome home," he smiled.
Curtly she nodded, and making a signal with her hand behind her back, she cut the transmission. For a few moments she stared at the blank screen, until Tuvok came up to her side, "may I ask what happened in sickbay?"
His words broke her from her own thoughts, and slowly she turned to face him, "not right now," she said quietly and swallowed hard, "I'll be in my ready room, inform me of any further developments."
"Very well," he replied to her back as she walked away from him.
To be continued.