FEARFUL OF THE NIGHT

Chapter 16: Goodbye (Part 2)

"Kzzrt?" The ghost tilted its head.

He cupped the ghost in his hands, bringing it close to his face. He rested his forehead against Rotom's, much as they'd done beside the fountain with Lillie, a time that felt so long ago. The swelling sensation in his chest threatened to suffocate him. It was worse than being underwater; that had been uncomfortable, but right now, he felt like he was actually drowning.

He figured he should start with the first thing he knew for sure. "I love you, Roro."

Electricity arced around Rotom's body as its eyes shot open. Cheeks burning pink, the ghost shot forward and nuzzled itself against the boy's chest, its electric wings forming little singe marks against the soft fabric of Chip's shirt. As Chip watched the electricity forming around the ghost, he realized Rotom was forcing it into the shape of a heart, multiple hearts, tiny ones that drifted up from the ghost's form and disappeared with a crackle in the air.

Rotom was saying it loved him too.

That's how Chip knew he had to say the second thing he knew for sure. "Roro… I love you. That's… that's why…" God, why was it so hard to get the words out? They were trapped in his chest, bubbles of words that threatened to explode inside. He had to do this. He had to. It didn't matter how he felt, or how Rotom felt. All that mattered was Rotom's safety. "I'm… I'm… g-giving you back t-to the professor. I'm going back to Kanto."

When the words finally left his mouth, he felt a sudden sense of ease wash through him, the knowledge that this hefty weight no longer rested on his shoulders. A few heartbeats of silence elapsed as Rotom looked up at him, shocked. It couldn't even breathe.

"I know," Chip said, cupping the ghost and bringing it up to his face. "I know. But you'll be safer there. You've only known me for a week, and you… you… you've gotten so hurt, and you won't when you're with the professor, okay? Everything will be fine." He found himself laughing from the pain building up in his chest again. Rotom was still staring at him like he was absolutely crazy. "God, Roro, you've only known me for a week. A week. You'll be fine. You'll forget about me and how much pain I caused you and you'll be fine. Maybe he'll even give you to Lillie. You'd be happy with Lillie, I know that for a fact."

Chip had thought at length about how Rotom would react to this. He expected the surprise, and he expected it to be followed up with tears. Rotom was emotional, but he'd have to be strong enough to handle its shock and despair.

What he didn't expect was Rotom to respond with anger.

Rotom backed away from his hands, its little body shaking as it breathed heavily. "Roto… ro-to… ro to, ro-to-ro…" The trembles grew more uncontrolled as electricity started to arc around it. Rotom's normally warm blue eyes turned angry, desperate, as it looked at him, its voice starting to rise in volume until it was screaming. "ROTO! ROTO-TO! ROTO-TO!"

Chip forced himself to keep eye contact with the stricken Pokemon. "I'm sorry."

The ghost trembled in the air, a barrage of emotions flashing through its blue eyes. Anger was prevalent, but panic bled from every word it screamed. Tears started to form in Rotom's eyes. "Roto! Roto-to-to!" It turned frantically, and seeing the PokeDex in its broken state on the table, it dove into the machine. High-pitched keening feedback came from the audio, a function of its damage, the moment it booted up. But the jagged and screaming words that burst out a moment later reached the air with clarity. "I'M...NOT… LEAVING… YOU!"

Rotom floated up in the PokeDex. It looked like it had gone through hell, with a broken screen that was half-dead and half displaying a blank blue screen, eyes cracked and broken, one arm hanging limp at its side. But Rotom floated closer to him, the entire Pokedex form shaking.

"I won't!" Rotom shrieked past the audio feedback. "I-zzz-swore-to protect you!"

Chip felt a numbness seeping in through his feet. It made its way up his legs until it touched every inch of his body. It was odd, but it was better than the agony he'd been feeling a moment earlier. "It's for the best… Roro… I can't see you g-get hurt again. You almost… you almost died."

"I would die for you any second! Any! Without hesitation!"

For a moment, Chip didn't know how to respond to that. "I won't let you do that, Roro."

That was the moment that Rotom completely broke down. "Pleazzzze, Chip! Please! Don't send me away! I'll do anything you ask, I'll stay in the PokeBall forever, if it means I can be with you! I'll stay in the PokeBall, I promizzze!"

"Roro, no, listen," Chip said, feeling his voice choked off by tears. He hadn't realized he'd started crying. The thought of Rotom giving up its freedom and staying in a PokeBall just to be with him was such a horrible thought that it shook him to the very core. "You deserve t-to be free. To play with other pokemon. To be safe."

"None of that matterzzz if I can't be with you," Rotom sobbed, slowly drifting down to the bed. The ghost popped out of the machine, tears streaming down its cheeks as it looked at Chip desperately. How could it convince him to keep it? This was Rotom's worse nightmare come true. Sobs racked its body as it dove for Chip, pressing against him frantically, feeling like it could never let go.

The door clicked open and Professor Kukui stepped in before Chip could react. "So, we just got off the phone with Sophocles-Chip? What's going on here?"

Chip froze, then looked at the professor. "I want you to take Rotom back."

The professor parsed this information for a couple of seconds with a frown before he moved over to sit next to Chip. He looked, alarmed, at Rotom's sobbing form pressed against the boy. He must have told it that same thing. "Okay. Let's not get to that so quickly. What's bothering you? Why do you want me to take Rotom back?"

"Because it's the only way it'll be safe," Chip said breathlessly. "I… I have to do this for Roro's safety."

"Chip," the professor said with a sigh. "I know it's been hard for you, harder than most to get started on your island challenge. But there's something I need you to understand. No one can ever guarantee a pokemon's safety. A pokemon can't even guarantee its own trainer's safety. There's nothing we can do about that, but we persevere anyway despite the knowledge that everything we love could be ripped away at any moment. We do it because that's called living, Chip. Bad things happen, and it's up to us to make the best of it."

"But it would live a much better life if it weren't with me!" Chip cried. "Everywhere I go, bad things happen. It's not just once or twice. It's every day! Every damn day, I'm watching Roro suffering because it's with me!"

"That's what it's like to be a partner and to love someone," the professor said quietly. "Look at Rotom. Do you think the pain it's in now is any less than what it was in before?"

"It'll forget about me," Chip said numbly.

"Will you forget about it?"

"N-no, but-"

"Then why do you think it'd be any different for Rotom?" Professor Kukui asked softly. Chip just shook his head, unwilling to acknowledge the question. "Let me tell you something I haven't told anyone in twenty years."

Chip looked down, unable to meet the professor's gaze, but as he did so he found himself looking down at Rotom. Seeing the ghost cry made the worst feelings swirl around inside him, and despite his desire to cut the bond between them, he couldn't help but brush his fingers over the ghost's head, trying to calm it down. It was instinctive at this point, natural, something he couldn't stop if he tried.

"When I was twelve, I dreamed of becoming a professor," Kukui said. "At that time, we had a different kahuna, and Hala was busy training to be his successor. I was given my first pokemon, a rowlet, and I started my journey of research. Oh, those days were fraught with danger. It was before we had the sophisticated Pokemon Centers that we do now. But in the end, it wasn't other Pokemon that took Rowlet from me. It was a virus."

"A… a virus?"

"It was infecting the bird pokemon. Pikipeks in the wild had it and would pass it onto the other birds they encountered. It was fatal," Kukui said, his gaze becoming distant for a while, "to the ones they passed it to. I gave up. I said I didn't want any pokemon in my heart anymore after what happened. I could barely handle the heartbreak, and I knew if I befriended any other pokemon, I might go through the same heartbreak again. But, Chip, I realized something… death is a part of life. You can't get away from it. We have to value the time we have with our partners because we never know when it's going to end. It's all we can do, accept that life cannot exist without death."

"I don't want Roro to die," Chip whispered.

"I didn't want Rowlet to die. I had no control over it. I couldn't stop it. But I channeled that pain into my research and work. I made a vaccine, I promised that virus would never cause the pain it did to me to anyone else. When the virus showed up again, we were ready. No one else had to suffer the way I'd suffered. And I loved again, Chip. It's all we can ever do, is continue letting others into our hearts, no matter how much they've been wounded before. It's only love that's capable of filling those holes that loss leaves."

Rotom hiccuped as it looked up at Chip. "Ro-to… roto...ro-to-to…"

It was like Rotom had spoken straight to him. Please don't leave me.

Chip felt like his heart was growing heavier as he looked into those blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Roro…" The ghost's eyes teared up again. "I shouldn't have tried to force you to leave."

A look of surprise flitted across Rotom's face. It began to laugh with relief, pressing its electric wings against him, like being against him wasn't enough and it had to be inside him to feel complete. Chip gently brought the ghost up to his face as he cupped Rotom in his hands, pressing a soft, apologetic kiss against its forehead. Rotom cried and laughed with relief, zapping to the crook of his neck and nuzzling there.

The professor had a small, sad smile on his face. From the look in his eyes, it seemed he was reliving the pain he'd experienced when he was a child as well. Chip couldn't extrapolate those feelings. He simply couldn't fathom how he would feel if Rotom had died. His heart ached for the professor but it saw hope as well, a tiny light burning in the darkness. The professor had suffered that loss, but still here he was, twenty years later, caring for pokemon as if that hole had never been left in his heart in the first place. But Kukui was right, love had filled it. Chip had never doubted for a moment, in all the time he'd known the professor, that he loved his pokemon.

"There's something I want you to understand, too," the professor said. "Hearts aren't glass. The more they break, the stronger they become in the end. Don't be afraid to love Rotom, and to let Rotom love you. No matter what happens, both of you will be stronger because of it."

Chip held the ghost in his arms, shutting his eyes. "Do you still miss Rowlet?"

"I never stopped," Kukui said. "The pain's still as fresh as the day I lost him. But the love never died either. They're both stamped into my heart, permanent, intertwined, a part of the very fiber that makes me, well, me. I don't spend my time regretting the past, Chip. Love has consequences, but I wouldn't be who I am today without it."

"Thank you." Chip hugged Rotom a little tighter. "I'm sorry, Roro. That promise I made you… I'll never go back on it again. I'll always be here for you. Forever."

The way Rotom hugged him back, Chip knew that it felt the same way too.