There are so many ways Harvey saw this going down in his head.
He stopped thinking about it obsessively for years after Kenza left, but still the thought of meeting her and confronting her popped up in his head every now and then.
Now when it was officially happening, he didn't exactly know what he was supposed to say or even feel.
He sits in the backseat of the car, contemplates leaving Kenza like she left him waiting yesterday. It's not like Harvey to be afraid of confrontation, of facing things, but with Kenza, everything's different.
She's always managed to turn his world upside-down, from the very first moment.
He heaves a sigh and gets out of the car, waits for a couple to exit the café so he can go inside. The place is dimly-lit with two white walls and two glass walls.
He looks around and finds Kenza sitting in the corner, looking outside the window of the café.
He makes his way over to her, rubbing his closed fist against his open palm. A habit when he's nervous. It's ridiculous, what he's feeling. He's both tense and at ease at the same time when he looks at her. She doesn't see him; she's so invested in something from the other side of the window.
''Hey,'' Harvey finds himself speaking without even knowing he opened his mouth.
Kenza turns, a bit lost and then suddenly smiling.
''Harvey.'' It's all she says, it's all she has to say for the anger to dissolve and float away from him, but he refuses to let it go. He grabs that anger back and keeps it locked with him. He needs to keep it.
Harvey takes a seat, never breaking his gaze away from Kenza's even though his mind is telling him to do so. His mind is saying a lot of things at the moment and he decides he can only listen to few of them.
''How are you?'' Kenza asks, she rests her elbow on the table, her chin on her hand. In front of her is a small caramel latte. Suddenly Harvey thinks nothing ever changed between them, they're still who they were years ago.
''I'm good, Kenza. Really good. Just surprised to see you back.''
He doesn't want to ask how she is, because he's mad and she doesn't deserve to tell Harvey how she's doing. Also, she's dying and that's something Harvey still doesn't even want to think of or believe in.
''Yeah, I know. I know,'' she repeats. Harvey notices that her hair is a shade lighter, her eyebrows almost completely painted.
She opens her mouth, but before even a word escapes her mouth, Harvey's voice is the one that fills up the space between them. ''Donna told me why you're here.''
Harvey watches Kenza's smile falter and fade. She's different now. Tense like Harvey.
''About you… dying.'' It's hard to even say the word, Harvey can't get it out without his stomach clenching up. ''Did it really have to get to this, Kenza, for you to come back? And not as in you coming back to me, but, just coming back; clearing things up. Do you have to die in order for us to fix things?''
Harvey sounds a lot angrier in his head than he does in real life. Through the anger his hurt cuts through. His voice is light. He seems confused, is confused.
In front of him Kenza starts tearing up; her eyes are shimmery with unshed tears. He watches how her bottom lip quivers, and he can tell that right about now she's going to bite down on her lip to get it to stop. As soon as Harvey thinks that, she does. She bites down on her lip, gets it to stop.
''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can say it a thousand times, but it won't change anything, I know. You see me as a villain, a bad person, I know, but I swear to you,'' she pauses only to take a deep breath. She looks up to the ceiling, blinks a few times and then looks back at Harvey. ''I had my reasons. I did. And I realize now how stupid I was and am, but you have to believe me, Harvey, I didn't feel like I had a choice.''
The hurt is still an ache that lingers with Harvey, but the anger crawls back to him. ''What do you mean, Kenza? None of this makes any sense. Is this still about your parents?''
''Partially yes,'' Kenza replies.
''No. No, it's not, Kenza. Your parents didn't force you in to anything. You quit, on your own. You decided to leave when things got too serious between us. Don't give me this bullshit about your parents, you've always used them as a shield and as an excuse for things.''
Kenza gets mad, Harvey knows, because she's blinked away all her tears and her eyes aren't shiny anymore. Her voice is a bit louder now.
''I didn't bail on us, okay. You make it sound like I did. I told you to come with me, but you didn't. You made that choice in order for me to be able to choose my family over you. Since day one you and I started getting serious, I told you, that my family would never be ok with the two of us. You knew what you were signing up for.''
''They never even met me, Kenza. They don't know who the fuck I am.''
''You being a guy I met when studying overseas is enough for them. Harvey, my parents are two old foreigners living in Holland. My brother married a Dutch woman and they flipped out, didn't talk to him for years. My relationship with my family was already strained; I came to America to study, to become a lawyer, if I told them that I met you, they wouldn't be able to take it, another one of their children who decided to be with someone outside of their culture. I don't want to have this conversation again. I know you don't understand and I don't blame you, baby. I don't.''
Nothing has changed.
This thing they've been fighting over for years.
Kenza's quiet baby at the end of every fight to cool him down.
It shouldn't work, because they're not a couple anymore, but it does.
He doesn't know if she said it by habit or accident, either way, he doesn't mind.
She's right though, Harvey doesn't understand.
''So is this why you're back now? To make amends or to keep fighting over why it didn't work out between us,'' Harvey says, bitter, but calm.
Kenza shakes her head. ''I wish, but the truth is I'm just gonna give you a million more reasons to hate me. ''
Harvey furrows his brows.
''I'm gonna tell you something, it's a long story, but you have to be patient with me. Please.''
Harvey just nods his head, suddenly a bit scared of what's coming next.