The Order of the Phoenix meeting left Tonks feeling exhilarated and slightly jittery. She barely slept that night as all the information she had heard turned over in her mind. During the meeting, everything had washed over her and she had not taken the time to really think about any of it – the horrific things that Voldemort had done so far and what might still be to come – but now as her thoughts unfolded she felt apprehension clawing at her stomach.

But not once during her tossing and turning did Tonks regret going to the meeting, or consider turning her back on the Order. Every horrible idea, every realisation of the dangers they all faced, only made her more resolute.

As the brief few hours of summer darkness began to dissolve into daylight, Tonks could not stop thinking about Remus Lupin's words.

'… you're very young … no amount of Auror training can prepare you … it's dangerous …'

Suddenly a different voice filled her mind, a voice she had not heard for several years.

'You? An auror? You're joking, aren't you, Tonks?'

A chorus of laughter echoed in her memory. It was friendly laughter, but there was a definite mocking undertone. She was fifteen, and had just emerged from a meeting with Professor Flitwick about her career options. It had been Professor Flitwick, not her, that first brought up the idea of Auror training. Tonks had never been very concerned with life after Hogwarts and she had certainly never pictured herself chasing dark wizards for a living. In fact her own instinct had been to laugh.

'You're kidding, Professor.'

'Your marks have been among the highest in your year, Nymphadora,' little Professor Flitwick had told her proudly.

'But I don't even work all that hard,' Tonks had pointed out bluntly.

'Well then, imagine what you could achieve if you did! You are an exceptionally bright young woman. You could be whatever you dreamed of, if you just put in a little effort.'

'But why an Auror?' Tonks had mused. 'Aren't they like … all serious and stuff? And, you know, good at duelling … and really stealthy and everything?'

'I think you'd be surprised at what you're capable of, Nymphadora. You possess many qualities that I believe would make you an excellent candidate for Auror selection. I hear you are one of the best Defence Against the Dark Arts students we've seen in a long time. And then, of course, there is your Metamorphmagus ability – that would be a real advantage.'

Tonks had emerged from the meeting absorbed in a pamphlet about Auror training and harbouring a newfound ambition. Resolving to start studying harder immediately, she was hardly able to contain her excitement as she recounted Professor Flitwick's words to a large group of friends in the Ravenclaw common room. Her enthusiasm was met with a stunned silence, until that voice, that jeering, scornful voice, pointed out that Tonks was hardly Auror material.

'What are you going to do, turn your hair green and scare them into Azkaban?' the boy continued to tease. 'Or just trip over your feet and hope you knock them over?'

Tonks was hurt, although she laughed it off and refused to show that she was bothered. After all, he was right: who would believe that silly, blundering Tonks, with her odd, changing appearance and her awkward lack of grace, could make it as an Auror? But rather than being put off, she became completely solid in her resolve to succeed, and a few years later she was rewarded for her tenacity. Tonks was the only Hogwarts student chosen from her year to begin Auror training, leaving several disgruntled applicants in her wake – one of whom being the boy who had scoffed at her.

Despite her success, Tonks had never forgotten people's initial scepticism, and it played on her mind now after the Order meeting. What if everyone thought she was too young? Too silly? Too outspoken? She kept trying to tell herself that as an Auror, she was ten times more qualified than the rest of them at dealing with dark wizards. But the truth was that the criminals she came across in her day-to-day work were nothing compared to Voldemort. He and his Death Eaters were in a whole different league. And the Order members were well aware of that. Fifteen years ago when Voldemort was at the height of his power, Aurors had it a lot tougher than Tonks had so far. Granted, she had been in a few risky situations and dealt with a few wizards whose wrong-doings bordered on ghastly, but they did not even compare to the horror Voldemort and his followers had caused … were causing. It was still strange to think about it in the present tense. She shivered at the thought of what was to come. People could die. No. People would die. That much was guaranteed, no matter how hard the Order worked, no matter how careful they all were.

'I don't know if I can do this,' Tonks whispered into the silence of her bedroom, and her voice sounded shrill and shaky. She was glad no one from the Order, or anyone else for that matter, was there to hear her fear.

But in a moment of clarity, it occurred to Tonks that it really did not matter whether she joined the Order now, or waited until the Ministry accepted Voldemort was back and the Aurors were all involved. She was going to have to face this eventually, and it could make all the difference in the world if she offered her help sooner rather than later.

'I can make a difference,' Tonks said out loud, and this time her voice did not waver.

The next day passed as a blur. Tonks was lucky that she did not have too much to concentrate on at work. Paperwork was the order of the day, and for once Tonks did not complain as she ploughed through mounds of files, looking for information about the elusive wizard, Francis Henderson, who continued to target muggles and perform horrendous curses on them in the Strathclyde area of Scotland.

Everything at the Ministry seemed different somehow. When she looked at her boss, Rufus Scrimgeour, or any other senior member of Ministry staff, she no longer felt in awe, but rather looked at them with contempt. She wanted to shake them and yell at them, how can you be so blind? It was disconcerting, the switch in perception. Tonks felt as though it was now she who had power, and that the Ministry officials were mere puppets in Fudge's deluded little game of Ignoring The Facts.

After tossing and turning all night, Tonks was light-headed from lack of sleep by the time she left work to meet Bill. Hurriedly packing up her stuff, she had no idea how it got so late: one minute she was poring over her files and it was barely past lunch time. The next, it was almost six o'clock and she had ten minutes to get there. She apparated to a quiet side street near the Underground station, but it was impossibly to get any closer without attracting attention in the muggle-packed city-centre streets. Bloody rush hour, she cursed, gasping for breath as she ran the rest of the way to the tube station. Why do those muggles all have to leave work at the same time? Don't they realise it would be easier if they all went home at different times?

Bill Weasley was leaning casually against the wall outside the busy tube station. He was a tall and rather lanky guy, with a long nose spattered with freckles and red hair pulled back in a pony tail. Unlike most wizards, he looked completely comfortable in the muggle clothing he wore, blending in with many of the young men passing them in the street. Tonks remembered Bill well from school, more than she had let on the previous evening. The truth was, most of the girls in her year had fancied him. Tonks had never quite seen the appeal. He was just too calm and cool, too confident. Tonks usually preferred someone with a bit of fire about them, someone more passionate and exciting. Someone who, like her, was not quite comfortable in their own skin. Even now as Bill stood in the packed street, he looked completely content, coolly oblivious to the throng of muggles hustling past him.

'Sorry! Sorry!' Tonks called out as she puffed towards him. Bill checked his watch lazily and smiled.

'Don't be silly, we still have plenty of time.'

'So Hermione's parents are bringing her on the Underground?' Tonks managed to catch her breath enough to ask.

'Yeah. Ron was begging to come with us but Mum said he had to stay at Grimmauld Place and help her with the cleaning,' Bill said with a grin. 'You should have seen his face!'

Tonks laughed. 'So this Hermione, is she Ron's girlfriend, then?' she asked conversationally. Bill let out a laugh.

'No. At least, not yet. He certainly talks about her enough … although mostly to complain about her.'

'Ah, that's a sure sign that he fancies her, then!' Tonks told him with a grin.

As they pushed their way into the packed tube station, Tonks and Bill chatted about his work for Gringotts. Tonks could never have imagined anything more dull than working for the Wizarding bank, but hearing about Bill's job changed her mind.

'I can't believe you were working in Egypt! That must have been amazing,' she exclaimed.

'It was pretty cool, yeah. The tombs were fascinating. I really loved it there.'

'You must be gutted, having to be back here in gloomy old London, especially with everything that going on,' she said sympathetically.

'Nah, not really. It's definitely great being back with my family. You have no idea how much I missed them all.'

'Yeah, it must have been tough being so far away from them. How long were you over there for?'

'Well I started working for Gringotts straight from school and I had a year's training here before I went out to Egypt, so … it must have been about five years.'

'And you were a curse breaker? What exactly do they do?'

'Well, my team were working on trying to get into the pyramids to find the treasure hidden in them.'

Tonks gasped. 'That sounds brilliant!'

'Well, yes, I suppose it must sound kind of glamorous, but we quite often go months at a time without finding anything, and when we do it's only a very small amount at a time. We're not exactly stumbling on caverns piled high with gold every day!'

As Bill described the trouble curse-breakers often ran into in the pyramids, the pair of them reached the ticket desk and realised they couldn't get through the turnstiles without a ticket.

'Well I suppose we should just wait here for them … unless you want to do a sneaky little conjuring spell … you know, get ourselves a ticket to get through?' Tonks gave Bill a mischievous grin. 'Or put a Confundus charm on all the muggles so we can jump over the barrier unnoticed?'

Bill smiled vaguely but said, 'Better not.'

Tonks suppressed a giggle. Maybe he thought she had been serious. Not many people seemed to pick up on when Tonks was kidding.

'I have to say, I am so glad someone else my age has joined the Order,' Bill confided as they waited.

'I can imagine,' Tonks nodded.

'I mean, don't get me wrong, they are a great bunch … but it's a bit much to take sometimes. I don't have much in common with them.'

'What about your girlfriend? Won't she join?'

'Fleur? To be honest she doesn't know all that much about it. She knows Voldemort is back and that we're trying to let people know and trying to fight him, and she believes it and she's very supportive, but I don't think she's really the type to join up. I mean, she's a really talented witch and I'm sure she could help us but it's just not really her thing.'

Tonks nodded, although that sounded a rather strange attitude. Not her thing? she thought. This is fighting You-Know-Who, not some hobby.

Perhaps Bill read the expression on her face, because he chuckled and said. 'I know what you're thinking, and yeah … Fleur is rather flighty. But she's a great girl, she would help if she could. She's young though, she's only eighteen. I wouldn't want her to put herself at unnecessary risk just because I'm in the Order. If it wasn't for me she wouldn't even know about it. And I don't even think Dumbledore would let her join. Plus the idea of Voldemort doesn't mean as much to her, since she grew up in France. She doesn't know how bad things were the first time round.'

'Yeah, I think I know what you mean.' Tonks could not imagine being able to help and not doing anything, so it was hard to picture anyone doing that. But she understood what Bill meant, and that he wanted to protect Fleur and not involve her.

'Oh look, there she is!' Bill exclaimed, pointing. A crowd of people surged over the top of an escalator and swarmed towards them, and Tonks had no hope of making out who Bill was pointing at. Then a young girl began to wave enthusiastically as she approached, breaking into a jog, while the older gentleman who accompanied her struggled to keep up due to the enormous trunk he laboriously dragged behind him.

'Bill!' the girl exclaimed, and threw her arms around him. Bill gave her a quick hug and the girl stood back and looked at him. 'It's so great to see you again!'

She was slightly shorter than Tonks but less skinny – in fact, Tonks smiled to herself, this fifteen year old girl probably looks older than me. She was dressed in very plain muggle clothing and had a lot of very curly and rather bushy hair that was pulled back messily into a pony tail. Several strands had escaped and were falling onto her face, which was flushed from excitement and the heat of the station.

'Hermione, how have you been?' Bill replied. He gestured towards Tonks.

'This is –'

'You must be Tonks!' Hermione addressed her with shining eyes. 'It's very nice to meet you. Ron told me you've just joined the Order, I got a letter from him this morning to say you and Bill would meet me. You're an Auror aren't you? That must be fascinating! I have loads I want to ask you about it.'

Hermione talked very fast and Tonks was slightly taken aback at this stream of conversation, trying to keep up with what she said. Hermione's father smiled politely at both Tonks and Bill until Hermione remembered he was there and said 'Oh, I'm sorry, this is my father. Dad, this is Bill Weasley and this is Tonks.'

She and Bill both shook hands with Mr Granger, who looked a lot less nervous than Tonks would have expected of a muggle passing his magical daughter over to the care of two wizards he had never met.

'Well, I suppose we should get going then,' Hermione said expectantly.

'All right,' Bill agreed.

'Are you sure you have everything?' Mr Granger asked his daughter anxiously.

'Of course I have, Dad,' Hermione replied, rolling her eyes.

'And you'll be all right? You know you can come back home before the end of the holidays if you want to,' he told her earnestly. 'And make sure you write to us as often as you can.'

Tonks wondered exactly how much Hermione's parents knew about Voldemort, and about and where their daughter was spending her summer. It was hard to tell whether his concern was his usual reaction to saying goodbye to his daughter, or if it was due to his knowledge of the dangers the Wizarding world faced. Tonks highly suspected he knew very little about it. Why else would he allow his daughter to leave home again after only one week of the holidays?

Hermione and her father hugged each other tightly and Tonks took the handle of the large suitcase.

'It's rather heavy, I'm afraid,' Mr Granger warned her apologetically.

'Not to worry,' Tonks said with a wink, and she let her wand, which she had hidden in her sleeve, poke out enough to aim a spell at the trunk, which immediately became feather-light.

'All right. Well … goodbye dear. Enjoy the rest of your holiday and have a good term.' Mr Granger hesitated. He looked like he did not want to leave.

'Bye, Dad,' Hermione said pointedly.

'We'll take good care of her, I promise,' said Bill sincerely. Mr Granger smiled, looking slightly more relaxed, and with an embarrassed wave he turned and left.

Hermione turned expectantly to Bill as they headed for the exit. 'Didn't Ron want to come and meet me too?' Her tone was casual but her expression gave away her excitement at the prospect of seeing her friend, and Tonks grinned to herself, remembering being fifteen and in love. Hermione and Ron might be one of the most unlikely couple she could imagine, but Tonks was almost jealous of the anticipation, the possibilities …

A couple of nights later Tonks was given her first shift doing guard duty in the Ministry's Department of Mysteries. It was a department Tonks had barely set foot in before and she found the place extremely creepy, particularly at nine o'clock at night when she walked through the deserted, dark corridors, feeling as though she was moving further into the belly of a slumbering beast. Arthur Weasley had given her directions to the particular place she was to guard, as well as instructions on what to do or say if she was seen there by other Ministry employees. He had also shown her an ingenious method Albus Dumbledore had invented, where one used their patronus to send a message, and informed her that that was how she was to communicate with the Order.

The night passed as one of the slowest in Tonks's life. For the first couple of hours she was tense and alert, pacing corridor, imagining footsteps and constantly twirling her wand between her fingers nervously, waiting to need it. But gradually, without even realising it, she relaxed, eventually even conjuring a chair for herself and going as far as stowing her wand back in her robes. By the time her watch told her it was nearly the end of her shift, she was slumped in the chair, fighting to keep her eyes open.

Finally, at seven o'clock in the morning, her shift was over. Luckily it was not necessary during the day, as even on Saturdays the Department of Mysteries was full of the Unspeakables who worked there.

Tonks cautiously made her way out of the Ministry. She did not meet a single soul on the way, and as always she found the enormous building rather grim and daunting when it was deserted, and quite different from the usual noisy, bustling atmosphere of the daytime. Checking her watch, Tonks sighed and decided it was not worth going home for just a couple of hours before the meeting at nine o'clock that morning. She apparated to Grimmauld Place and dragged her exhausted feet to the front door, where she performed the tricky little charms Sirius had shown her to unlock the door.

It was already daylight outside, the sun well on its way to making the day uncomfortably hot, but inside Number Twelve Grimmauld Place a layer of darkness seemed to envelope the hall. She had planned to catch a couple of hours' sleep on the couch in the drawing room before the meeting in the morning, but as she picked her way carefully through the hall, she realised she was famished, and headed for the stairs down to the kitchen instead.

Managing to navigate the hall without bumping into anything for once, Tonks crept downstairs into the basement kitchen. So far so good. As she brushed past the table, her cloak caught on the corner of a chair and it began to tip; swiftly, she whipped round and caught it before it hit the floor. Phew. Tonks opened the fridge and rummaged hopefully for some of Molly's leftovers that she could heat up.

Tonks suddenly stiffened and listened in silence. She was sure she had heard footsteps, and nobody in the house would be up at this hour. Suddenly Tonks could not remember whether she had locked the front door behind her. It seemed very unlikely that she would forget … but in her exhaustion, everything had been a bit of a daze and she could not clearly picture bolting the door behind her. But after several moments of silence she breathed again, deciding she was only feeling jumpy after being on duty all night and expecting the worst, and she turned back to the fridge.

Then came the unmistakeable sound of a stair creaking in the hallway. Her breath catching in her chest, Tonks felt for her wand. The moment she saw the door handle turn, her wand was out.

'Expelliarmus!'

Two voices had called out the spell, but only one wand flew into the air.

Remus Lupin stood in the doorway, his look of shock slowly melting into an embarrassed smile.

'Tonks! Sorry, I heard a noise, I thought I had better check who it was.'

'I'm sorry, Remus, I've just come off duty and I thought I might as well come straight here for the meeting,' Tonks explained apologetically. She bent down and lifted the pale ash wand from the floor.

'Here you go. Sorry about that,' she whispered, holding out Remus's wand. As he stepped into the kitchen, the light hit his face and Tonks was shocked at how ill he looked. His face was even more pale than usual, his eyes sunken and bloodshot.

'Remus, you look awful!' Tonks exclaimed, immediately regretting her lack of tact. 'Are you all right?' She pulled out a chair and he sank into it gratefully.

'Just…a little tired. It was full moon last night, I only changed back an hour ago,' he told her. 'I'll be back to normal in a couple of days.'

Tonks studied him worriedly. She had never seen a werewolf right after they turned back into their human form; she didn't realise what a toll it took on them. Remus looked as though he had not slept in a week

'Let me make you a cup of tea,' she offered helpfully.

'Well … yes, all right,' Remus conceded.

'Don't worry, I'll try not to wake up the rest of the house in the process,' Tonks grinned, reaching for the kettle.

'Ah, now, I never thought that for a moment,' he countered. 'Although I am impressed at how little noise you made coming in just now. I doubt I'd have heard a thing if I hadn't been awake already.'

Tonks beamed. 'See, I'm getting much better. I reckon I could show my old Stealth and Trackingtrainer a thing or – '

There was a small crash as a cup slipped through Tonks' fingers and smashed on the floor.

'Oops.'

Tonks felt her face heat up. Why, oh why, could she not be graceful for just ten minutes? Remus looked like he was trying not to laugh as he got up to help clean up the mess.

'Don't worry, Tonks,' Remus told her kindly. The pair of them knelt on the floor, picking up fragments of the broken teacup. It occurred to Tonks that really, they should be using magic to do this. It would have taken about three seconds.

'Ouch,' Tonks yelped, dropping the offending piece of china. A trickle of blood ran down her finger. Remus looked up.

'Let me see,' he said, reaching for her hand.

'It's nothing, it's fine,' Tonks protested. Reluctantly, she allowed Remus to examine the cut. Holding her hand gently in his, he pointed his wand at her finger.

'Episkey,' he said, and immediately the gash healed over.

'There we go, good as new,' Remus murmured, running his finger over her skin where the cut had been.

'Thank you,' said Tonks. Remus let go of her hand and she examined her finger; there was not a trace left of the cut.

'My Mum used to use that one on me when I was little,' Tonks said, smiling. 'She needed it quite often with me, as I'm sure you can imagine. But I could never quite get the hang of it myself.' She rolled her eyes self-deprecatingly.

Remus smiled. 'I'll teach you, if you like. I became rather an expert with it during my Hogwarts years.'

'Oh?' said Tonks enquiringly.

'Well, yes … I often used to … cause damage to myself during the full moon. A side effect of being incarcerated in the Shrieking Shack, with no humans to ... er …' Remus looked extremely uncomfortable. Tonks felt an incredible surge of sympathy towards him. Her school years had been a blur of friends, pranks and the odd bout of cramming for exams. She could scarcely imagine having to deal with Remus's problem every month.

'It must have been very hard … coping with something like that when you were so young,' Tonks ventured. Remus looked thoughtful, not quite meeting her gaze.

'I suppose I didn't remember anything different. I was so young when I was bitten.'

'Do you remember it?' Tonks asked. Remus looked up at her sharply, and once again Tonks wished she had bitten her tongue.

'Sorry,' she said quickly. 'You probably don't want to talk about— '

'No, I don't remember it,' Remus interrupted, this time not looking away. 'I don't remember anything about it.' He had a strange expression on his face, not quite angry or sad, but tense, as though he was trying not to think about it, as though he never let himself think about it. He held her gaze for several seconds, not speaking. Tonks felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickling. She felt extremely uncomfortable, but she could not look away. For once in her life, she could not quite find the words she was looking for.

His expression relaxed a little, and he moved up to a seat at the table. Tonks followed suit and sat opposite him.

'I remember a little about the first transformation though. It was a few weeks later. I was still in St. Mungo's. They moved me to a private room in time for the full moon. I didn't have a clue what was happening, I was too young to understand. No one had told me it was a werewolf that attacked me, or that this would happen to me. I just remember starting to feel this tingly sensation all over, which then became an unbearable itch, and then it became enormously painful. Like my skin was trying to turn itself inside out, or like something was trying to burst out of me. Well, I suppose something was trying to burst out of me.' He smiled a wry smile. 'And then nothing more until the next morning. My mother was hugging me and crying, and I was covered in bite marks and scratches.'

It was all Tonks could do to keep from reaching out to hug him. Her heart ached for that little boy, in pain and confused.

'How did they … you know … keep you safe?'

'Keep me from attacking anyone you mean?' said Remus shrewdly. Tonks blushed, but smiled. He was so matter-of-fact about it all. Tonks marvelled at his strength.

'They tied me to the bed.' Remus acknowledged her shocked expression with an embarrassed smile. 'There really wasn't much else they could have done. Because I was so young it was not difficult to restrain me. In fact, even if I had been let loose I probably couldn't have done much damage to anyone. It was more my own safety they were worried about. They realised quickly that if they just locked me in a room I would bite and scratch myself. Of course, once I was a bit bigger the restraints were no good and the only thing they could do was lock me up.'

'Gosh, that sounds awful, Remus. I can't imagine what you went through.'

'I honestly think it was worse for my parents. My mother … I just remember her crying a lot. I don't think I really understood why. But my father was even worse. He blamed himself. The werewolf who attacked me did it because of him. My father offended him, he worked for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and he was responsible for a piece of legislation about werewolves that did not sit too well with some of them. Of course, I've never blamed my Dad. Not when I was a child and not now. In fact, sometimes I blame myself for what happened to him.'

Tonks looked up sharply. 'What happened?'

'He always vowed he would go after Greyback – that's the werewolf that bit me – for what he did, and over time he became reckless. He was killed when I was seventeen.'

'By the werewolf that attacked you?' Tonks whispered fearfully. Remus let out a bitter snort.

'Not even by him. He didn't even get as far as confronting Greyback. He couldn't get near him before he was killed by band of werewolves – Greyback's followers.'

'Remus … I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say. You've just been through so much.'

Tonks hated feeling awkward like this. Remus seemed so strong, so together. If those things had happened to her, she would have fallen apart long ago.

'Well … there were always people around to help me, wonderful people. My family were there for me when I became a werewolf … and when my father died, I had my friends – James, Sirius, Peter, Lily … then when I lost my friends I had … someone else.' He trailed off, and Tonks did not press the matter, though she was dying to ask about this person, and why they were no longer in his life. Remus smiled at her and she could sense an ending to this conversation, as though an invisible line had been drawn under it. The dynamic changed, the atmosphere lightened.

'So tell me, Tonks, how did your first night on duty go?'