chapter 15: rotting oranges

trigger warnings: suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, underage drinking and substance use
as always, i do not endorse any thoughts or ideas expressed by any character. if mentions of self-harm or suicide are detrimental to your mental health, please skip the section titled, "suguru is grounded."

"The training staff?"

"Yes."

Satoru looks at Suguru, silently asking if he is missing something, to which Suguru shrugs. They turn to Shouko for final confirmation, who squints at the staff, as if she has better vision than the Six Eyes when it comes to detecting Techniques. She shakes her head.

Yuna stares at them expectantly, her expression unreadable as always. She balances the staff familiarly in her palms but does not move, waiting for Satoru's approval.

"The dude had a lot of other cool stuff, sensei," tries Satoru.

He has been better, recently. (Ever since they'd had sex, but Suguru thinks that's too high school and lame). His eyes are brighter, he spaces out less than before, and he's back to making bad jokes and whining about everything. His penchant for rambling about the possibilities his Techniques offer him has gotten worse, but Suguru will take that over the confused silences Satoru had lapsed into before, like someone had borrowed his tongue and replaced it with lead.

He's better around Yuna, too. There's less snide remarks, less cajoling required for Satoru to help out with classroom duties ever since Yuna took that mission with Zen'in Naoya. It had ended as well as they could have expected: Yuna debilitated by the aftermath of a Miracle, Kento injured and knocked out by Naoya himself, but with the Special Grade exorcised, a finger of Ryoumen Sukuna recovered, and with rumor that Tsukumo Yuki had shown up just to punch Naoya in the face. Suguru isn't certain about the rumor. Yuki had disappeared from campus early the next morning without meeting anyone else and Yuna is not one to gossip. Yet, that Naoya refused to show his face for the mission report and that the Zen'in clan had handed over Zeni'n Toji's extensive weapons collection to the Gojou clan without much fuss suggest that there was penance to pay.

It is this extensive weapons collection that Satoru is now offering to their teacher, from which she has selected a simple wooden staff that has no Cursed properties.

Satoru is understandably perplexed.

"Look at this!" He raises an odd contraption that looks similar to a bear trap, with wide, gaping jagged teeth that glow neon green. "Yaga-sensei said anything with Cursed Energy that steps in this gets indefinitely trapped!"

"That's an oversimplification, Satoru," yawns Shouko. She toys with her new weapon, Bloodless Edge, a small scalpel that can cut any flesh with Cursed Energy without causing blood loss. She is excited about the oxymoronic prospect of live autopsies.

"Okay, fine, if you have a certain maximum amount of Cursed Energy you're able to pry the teeth apart, but it can usually amputate your limb before you get to that!"

"I'm okay, Gojou-kun." Yuna looks at the staff. "This is enough for me."

"That's a wooden stick, sensei."

"I know."

"It's not even the right size for you." Satoru examines her. "The dude was like twice your size, sensei, it doesn't make sense for you to even train with that."

"I'm okay, Gojou-kun."

"Look, even Suguru found something he wanted!" Satoru gestures to the new Inventory Curse that is curled happily around Suguru's shoulders. "A disgusting storage unit!"

"Oi," Suguru slaps him across the back of the head, but Satoru has Infinity on. He has been trying to keep it on all day recently. "You've seen how useful it is."

"Doesn't change that it is disgusting," shudders Satoru. "Choose something else, sensei."

She shakes her head. "I'm a Cursed Object, Gojou-kun. I don't think the Higher-Ups will want me to wield another Cursed Object."

"Fuck the Higher-Ups," say Satoru and Suguru at the same time. Shouko nods in agreement.

"Language, you two. I'm okay, Gojou-kun. Really. If I need to borrow something or if I change my mind, I'll let you know."

Satoru ignores her completely. "Here, take this." He hands her two strings of chains. "Yaga-sensei said this is called the Chain of a Thousand Miles. Or was, anyway. I broke it with Hollow Purple. It can apparently extend indefinitely as long as one end is hidden. Now that it's broken, maybe you can just hide the broken end and the other end will extend forever."

Yuna stares at it. "Gojou-kun, this is a Special Grade Tool."

"Was." He shoves the broken pieces into her hands. "They can't get mad, I'm giving you trash I broke."

"You could fix it."

"You could," he agrees pointedly.

"Gojou-kun—"

"Sensei," interrupts Suguru. "Please just take it. You deserve something more than that dumb staff."

Yuna looks like she wants to argue, but she looks between her students and finally relents. "Thank you, then."

"You're welcome." Satoru stretches out his arms. "Well, I guess I should put these in storage. Suguru, Shouko, want anything else?"

"Nah."

Suguru shakes his head. "I'm good. Did you ask the first-years? Or Utahime-senpai and Mei-senpai?"

Satoru scrunches his nose. "No. They're not even here. You snooze, you lose."

"They're on missions, Satoru."

"Whatever. They can find me later. And no way am I giving Mei anything for free, she'd have to pay me." Satoru dumps the rest of the weapons in the Inventory Curse and pats Suguru on the back. "Off to the unit, then I gotta head out for a mission."

Yuna is startled. "A mission?"

"Yeah, Yaga-sensei gave me one this morning."

"He didn't tell me."

"I'm fine, sensei. Suguru already did two this week."

Yuna swivels to Suguru. "Why didn't you tell me when you visited me yesterday?"

"You were recovering, sensei," winces Suguru. Yuna's eyes are suddenly so wide and frantic. "I didn't want to stress you out."

"But—"

"It's fine," says Satoru. "I'm fine." He makes a movement, like he's going to pat Yuna's shoulder, but then stops himself. "I'm ready. I'm the strongest I've ever been, sensei. I'll be fine."

"Maybe I should come and you can take a Miracle."

"No." Satoru's eyes are flickering frost-fire. "You're not allowed to use those anymore, sensei."

Yuna blinks. "What?"

"Satoru," murmurs Suguru. "Watch how you phrase it."

For once, Satoru listens and thinks before he answers Yuna. "I just don't want you to offer it up like a bargaining chip like you did before. I shouldn't have let you go on that mission with Naoya."

"It was my decision."

"Yeah, well it was a bad one."

"It was still my decision. And I used the Miracle for Nanami-kun, not for Zen'in-san."

"I don't give a fuck—"

"He's just worried," cuts in Suguru. "It's your choice, sensei. He just doesn't want you to use it because it hurts you."

Both Yuna and Satoru look like they want to argue with Suguru now, but Shouko intervenes.

"Everyone's just worried about each other. We can recognize that we all went through something really shitty and traumatic and we're worried it's going to happen again." She glances between the three of them. "It's okay we're nervous. No need to fight each other about it."

Suguru could kiss Shouko. She looks so supremely jaded in her wisdom.

"You're right, Ieiri-san," says Yuna after her typical pause. "I was worried about you three before, but it was about your growth as sorcerers or your learning." She looks out the window, where the noon sun beats brightly. "Maybe it was foolish of me, but I am adjusting to the prospect of you actually dying. I'm sorry. I will adjust more quickly."

"You can worry all you want," Satoru replies, "but I don't want you offering to hurt yourself to make yourself feel better."

Suguru groans. "Satoru."

Yuna does not look offended. "I see."

"I'm fine," says Satoru for the millionth time. "Really, I am. No one can touch me." He glances at Suguru, as if to say, Except for you, when I want you to. "I'll be back by dinnertime. All right?"

"Okay. Be safe, Gojou-kun. And careful."

Instead of the dismissive eye-roll from before, Satoru just nods seriously. "I will."

Things change after Amanai. Not all of it is bad. But most of it is.

"That dude" is what they call him. Or "that man." Or when Satoru's particularly annoyed, "That asshole."

In the official mission reports, it's Zen'in Toji, the Sorcerer Killer, the Zen'in clan's black sheep and outcast. The Zen'in monkey who didn't know his place. Zen'in, Zen'in, Zen'in.

Zen'in-san, she'd called him at the start.

It's Fushiguro, he'd corrected, right in the beginning, just to make it clear, even though what she called him really should not have mattered to him, not when he was planning on maiming her and turning her over to the Kamos.

Fushiguro-san had become Toji-san and she'd never thought of him as Zen'in-san again, which is why she is so irked to hear them all call him Zen'in Toji over and over again like it is not the name he hated, and yet she does not correct them.

You hated this family, she thinks. You deserve what you hate.

She tries to believe it, but she doesn't. She tries to hate Toji, and sometimes she really does, whenever she looks at Satoru and thinks he is breakable, whenever she sends Suguru on a mission and senses the brief moment of blind panic he has, thinking that when he comes back, Satoru will be gone. Is death enough of a price Toji should pay, to rob the congregation of their faith in the immortality of their god? It is not fair to Satoru. He is the strongest he has ever been. He has seen the brink of death and defied it. The congregation should be renewed in their fire.

But all Yuna can think is how they are sending children to their deaths and, when confronted with the possibility of lost existence, expect them to either ascend to godhood or die, with the two options not being mutually exclusive.

So when the Zen'in clan sends their representatives and shoddy reports and spies to the School, Yuna wonders if that is all Toji was, a man who'd balanced on that needlepoint of life and death too many times and lost sense of its value, a job is a job, hummingbird, and she finds that she has moments where she blames not him but his family, his clan, the old jujutsu sorcerers who sit in their homes behind their barriers while they send children to war. Toji's ashes sit in the bottom of the Edogawa River and his family crowds around their dining tables, drunk on fine liquor that Toji's body could not even enjoy.

Rage seethes through her marrow.

"Sensei?"

Yuna sets aside the final mission report. The case of the Plasma Vessel must finally be closed. It has been nearly four months now since Amanai Riko's death, since the failed merger, since Satoru came back from the dead. It took two entire months for Yuna to finally return to that apartment in Edogawa, only to meet a woman she hates for no reason. It took two months for her to throw Toji's ashes away, and she does not indulge anymore in Nightmare's Whim. For the last eight weeks, the Cursed Object has remained tucked safely away underneath her bed, wrapped in talismans.

She simply could not afford to wallow anymore, not when mission work is piling like fall leaves and the second through fourth-years are barely ever on campus anymore and there is talk of her first-years being separated to cover individual missions even though Haibara is only Grade Three. She has pressed Yaga to let her be deployed regularly again; her bounty on the jujutsu black market has dwindled with time, as people find her Miracle worth less than the prospect of fighting an awakened Gojou Satoru. Rumors have it that he can leave his Infinity on for a week straight now, though at the end of the week, he's reported to be slightly manic and extra bloodthirsty. It's not a rumor anyone is particularly keen to get to the bottom of.

"Sensei?" Kento presses again.

Yuna snaps out of her thoughts. "Sorry, Nanami-kun."

"You okay?"

"Yes. Just thinking. I will redistribute this mission, Haibara-kun. You and Nanami-kun will stay paired together."

"It's a pretty low-grade mission," Yuu offers. "I think I should be able to handle it. Yaga-sensei said I could probably get promoted to Grade Two by the end of the year, maybe this can be a test run for me to do a solo mission."

"No." Yuna pucks the manila folder out of Yuu's hands and slides Kento's toward him. "Rules are rules."

"But the mission volume—"

"It is not your job to worry about it. I will take care of it."

Yuu deflates. "I feel like I'm bringing everyone down. I'm the only one who can't do solo missions."

"Don't be dumb," says Kento sharply. "Getou-senpai and the idiot were paired together their entire first year. It's a first-year rule, not a Grade rule."

Yuna nods. "You are exactly where you need to be, Haibara-kun. Better, even. I was not promoted to Grade Two until my last year. Do not worry."

"But—"

"You are a first-year. You do not need to feel more responsibility beyond what we have already imposed on you," says Yuna. "Believe me. It is more than enough."

Yuu sighs, but Kento looks relieved. He is of few words at baseline, and he seems to have become even quieter since the mission with Naoya. By Yuna's request, he has not told anyone that she can use a Domain and did not challenge the report Yuna filled out stating that Naoya was the one who'd exorcised the Special Grade. Naoya, ego bruised and one tooth less after Yuki's punch, had not bothered to correct the report either, perhaps internally grateful to be given the credit of a Special Grade exorcism in the face of his injuries. She imagines that the Zen'ins all know that she can use a Domain, but does not think they will publicize the knowledge, not when it goes so strongly against their sensibilities that a woman—no, an Object—can wield a Domain.

"Thanks, sensei," says Kento.

She nods. "It's my job, Nanami-kun."

She sends them out with two tickets to Hiroshima and then leaves herself for a school in Setagaya for Cursed Object retrieval. She has grown accustomed to the weight of Toji's training staff, which she has outfitted with multiple talismans on either end. The broken ends of the Chain of a Thousand Miles wrap around the middle of the pole. Yuna has not made up her mind as how to most effectively utilize the weapon, but recognizes its potential and is grateful to Satoru for bestowing it upon her.

The mission itself, as Yuu had mentioned, is low-grade and does not take long to complete. Yuna Constrains the Grade Three curses guarding the high school's Cursed Object, an old pocket watch worn by its first foreign exchange student who'd died in a traffic accident. She is just about to exorcise them when someone stops her.

"Sensei?"

Suguru approaches her from behind. Strands of hair have escaped his bun and he looks tired, but seems thankfully injury-free.

"Getou-kun," she greets. Behind her, three mutant curses scream nonsensically within the Barrier she has set down. "What are you doing here?"

Suguru had been deployed on back-to-back out-of-town missions and has not been at the School for the last week. For the last month, neither he nor Satoru have stayed on campus for more than two consecutive nights before being sent out again. It is as if the Higher-Ups, furious that Special Grades could be granted leave of absence after nearly dying, are determined to punish them with triple the amount of work as before.

"Yaga-sensei mentioned you took Haibara's mission. I swung by on the way back to campus to see if you needed help." He glances at the crowded Barrier. "Apparently not."

His concern both warms and embarrasses her. "You should focus on resting when you can, Getou-kun. I feel badly that you need to check in on me. I'm fine."

"That's not what I was implying," he laughs nervously. "It was no big deal, sensei. It was on my way home anyway. Now that I'm here, I guess I can ingest them."

"They're quite low-grade. No Techniques. You don't need to."

"There's power in numbers," he says, though he doesn't look excited by the prospect. He stretches out his hand and the three Curses pull toward him, through Yuna's Barrier, and they appear in his outstretched palm as three black spheres.

"Cheers," he says wanly.

She rummages through her bag. "I don't have any tea or soda. Maybe you can wait until later—"

"Nah." He swallows one whole and grimaces. "Never worth waiting. Nothing makes it better."

Yuna watches guiltily as Suguru ingests them, one by one, face contorted as he does. When he swallows the last one, he shudders and belches. A shadow crosses his face and his eyes are like steel. "Fucking disgusting."

She doesn't bother to correct his language.

"Did you get the Cursed Object?" He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Yes." She lifts up the watch, now wrapped in three strips of washi. "I've re-sealed it properly."

"Great. Shall we go back?"

"Have you eaten?" she says, then realizes that her word choice is poor after just watching him consume curses. "Dinner, I mean. If you're tired we can go back to campus, but if you're feeling okay we can grab something in the city."

The metal in his eyes is gone, replaced by coal in a warm hearth, and he smiles at her. It fills Yuna with relief. "I'd like that, sensei."

She drives them to a small udon shop she likes. It's nothing fancy but very homey, crowded in with customers under yellow lanterns and the smell of heavy broth. They sit at the bar and she lets Suguru order for them. He devours two large bowls and a handful of chicken skewers. He looks like he's lost weight, though maybe it's just because he's still growing taller, and it soothes some of Yuna's worry to see that his appetite has not waned.

"Have you been doing all right with the mission load?" She has finished her own bowl and is now nursing a beer. "I know it has been extreme."

"Yeah. It's been crazy. Don't know what's going on, I thought it'd die down now that summer is over, but it almost feels worse."

Yuna hums. "You doing all right?"

He shrugs. "I guess so."

She waits for him to elaborate. It takes several minutes of silent chewing to pass before he speaks again.

"Just hard," he relents, "to be on my own for these long stretches. I know most missions are taken solo especially at my and Satoru's level, but we used to at least be able to reconvene back at the School every couple days or have a day off here and there."

She nods. "I've been talking to Yaga-sensei about it. He's going to push to reinstate me full-time, and hopefully I'll be able to offset the volume a bit. At least for the more menial cases."

Suguru smiles wanly. "You know, Satoru isn't great with words whenever he brings this up, but I kinda agree with him. We appreciate you, sensei, but you singularly sacrificing yourself to make our lives easier doesn't really solve the problem."

"I'm not...I wouldn't call it sacrificing myself."

"Yeah? You do it all the time."

"It's just my responsibility as your teacher."

"But it's not," he presses. "Your job is to teach us and make sure we, I dunno...that we graduate from high school. How's there time to teach when none of us are on campus because of missions?" He laughs mirthlessly. "Graduating high school. It's so fucking ridiculous."

She doesn't chide him. Her palms press against her glass tankard, wet with condensation. She knows. The mission volume has exponentially increased because Amanai Riko died, because Tengen's merger failed. Because Yuna had loved Fushiguro Toji and had been too blind to see the chaos he wanted to sow. She blames herself, but then thinks that is too arrogant, because Toji would have done whatever he wanted anyway. The damage done to him had exceeded repair far before Yuna had ever laid eyes on him.

Suguru lets out a breath. "Sorry, sensei. I'm just really tired."

"What do you think we could do to make it better?"

"Honestly, nothing. The problem is that there are so many curses, right? Unless you get rid of the number of curses, there's nothing we can do about it."

Something wet suddenly drops down Yuna's back and she jolts in her seat. A man behind her is squeezing through the small aisle, two tankards in hand, his face rosy with alcohol flush, and is dripping beer everywhere. Yuna squints and presses herself against the bar to make herself as small as possible for the man to pass. He does not notice her efforts, laughing uproariously at a friend's joke, and continues to slosh beer uncaringly.

Suguru stands up and shields Yuna immediately.

"Hey." He taps the man on the shoulder. "Watch it. You're making a mess."

The man's rubor intensifies. "Get your hands off me, brat."

"I'm not touching you. I'm just telling you to be careful. You're spilling beer everywhere."

"Yeah, what about it?" The man leers close to Suguru, his nose straining to reach Suguru's chin. "What the fuck are you going to do about it?"

"Getou-kun," murmurs Yuna. "Please sit back down."

The man grins. "Yeah, you better listen to your bitch before I take her for myself."

Suguru's eyes go cold. In a flash, he slams his palm against the man's chin, sending the man flying with what seems like a single effortless movement. The beers soar through the air, arcing beautifully before their contents splash everywhere on their way down, including over Yuna's front. The man crumples to the ground, and his friends surround him.

"Hey!" The restaurant owner appears behind the bar and waves wildly at Suguru and Yuna. "What are you doing, causing trouble! Get out, get out before I call the police!"

Suguru looks like he wants to do the same thing to the restaurant owner. His jaw is rigid and though his expression is blank, he radiates a dark, seething anger that Yuna has never noticed in him before. He walks toward the bar, but Yuna stops him.

"Getou-kun," she says, voice bland. "Please stop."

He blinks, like he is just noticing she is there, and then he looks horrified at the sight of her, drenched in beer, her white blouse soaked through.

"Sensei," he says hollowly.

"Sensei?" repeats the restaurant owner. "This is how you behave around your teacher? Kids these days, delinquents through and through! Someone needs to beat some manners in you, kid, if you think you can act like this around your teacher, who knows how you'd act on your own—"

"Please shut up," cuts in Yuna.

The owner gapes at her.

She pulls out her wallet and sets several bills down on the table, more than triple the amount of their food. She bows deeply.

"We apologize for the commotion. We will leave promptly."

She tugs Suguru by the elbow and leads him out of the crowded restaurant. They were seated in the back and their exit is slow and painstaking, especially when all eyes are on them. Some whisper behind their hands, others leer and say some lewd joke about teachers and students and discipline. Yuna ignores them and focuses on guiding Suguru, but he stops them when they're not even halfway out.

"Sensei," he mutters.

"Let's just go, Getou-kun, before we talk."

"No, wait." He shrugs off the jacket of his school uniform and offers it to her. "Your shirt is wet."

She glances down and sees that her blouse has become translucent and her bra is visible. Yuna accepts his jacket and wraps it around herself quickly before returning to the task at hand: an exit that involves everyone's safety.

Suguru is quiet until they finally step out into the street and are back in the car.

"Sensei, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"You're tired," she says, shrugging off his jacket even though her blouse is still wet. "I should've just taken you back to the School. Being around all that energy probably exhausted you more."

"I..." Suguru looks defeated. "I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Getou-kun." She means it. She's not even angry at him. The man had been an asshole, and Suguru had been protecting her, and she thinks that the icy steel gaze he'd had earlier must have been a fluke because there's no way this boy who is holding his head in his hands and banging it slightly against the dashboard could be capable of that kind of rage. Yuna reaches out across the gear shift and wraps her arm awkwardly around his shoulders. "I'm not angry. Let's just get you back home. I'll ask Yaga-sensei to give you a few days off."

"No, I'm fine, I can keep going—"

"It's punishment, Getou-kun. Discipline. For your behavior tonight." She rubs his shoulders soothingly. "You'll have to stay on campus for a couple days."

Suguru takes a few deep breaths. "Okay. I understand."

"Good."

They are quiet for several minutes, Yuna rubbing his shoulders, the rental car's scent of pine fresh artificial and strong. Above them is a cloudy night without moonlight, but the street lamps emit a cold light that pierces the car windows. Yuna does not find much comfort in them.

"I hate them sometimes," says Suguru very, very quietly.

Her ministrations pause. "Who?"

"Everyone. The Higher-Ups. That guy. The one without Cursed Energy. All of them. They're the source of the curses, right? We do what we do day-in and day-out to protect shit like that?" Suguru lifts his head up from his hands and turns to her, and his eyes are lightless.

Her heart is lodged in her throat and she can feel the pulse throb in her temples. Can you make your heart stop hammerin' like that? It's exhausting listening to it. She doesn't know what to say. She agrees sometimes. She hates them too. She hates the Higher-Ups and the three Great Families so desperately that it consumes her every waking moment and even the non-waking ones. Beneath her bed there used to be an urn of ashes of a man whose life and death taught her how much she can hate without having the power to do anything about it.

But how can she say that aloud? This is Suguru, he doesn't need this hate, this anger. He needs quiet train rides with sharp oranges, snow and silence passing by. He needs the attention of a boy-god whom only he can match, whom Suguru teaches how to be human.

Suguru leans his head back against the headrest and stares listlessly at the ceiling.

"Why do we even do this for monkeys? When does it ever end?"

Yuna's insides curl and seize the way they always did when Toji called himself a monkey. She ignores it and places her hand over Suguru's palm and squeezes, hopefully in comfort. She does not have any answers, and she has never been good with white lies, so the only thing she can say that is true is,

"Getou-kun, I really hate that term."

Suguru is grounded on campus for the next week, which forces Satoru on double the number of Grade One and Special Grade missions. Surprisingly, Satoru does not whine about it. He has recently found the School stifling, eager instead to finesse the molecular aspects of his Technique far away from a place he is chided often about structural damage. Sporadically, he texts throughout the day with random updates and pictures: of a stray dog gnawing on a pigeon, another of a broken seashell on a beach at sunset. Once, he sends a photo of himself shirtless, but it is too zoomed-in and quite blurry. Suguru mocks him for it, for which Satoru takes great offense and does not reply for the rest of the night.

Barred from missions, Suguru find himself in the limited company of those left on campus. Kento and Yuu are usually on missions, but when they're back, Yuu likes to hang around Suguru, pestering him to train, eager to get his thoughts on Domain theory. Though Suguru finds nearly everyone annoying recently, he is surprised to find that Yuu annoys him less than he should. His eagerness is a bit much to handle, but Suguru sees something of himself in Yuu: wide-eyed and new to the city, the pride and joy of his non-sorcerer parents. The idealism is almost painful to recognize and reminds Suguru of how his most recent conversations with his parents—increasingly spaced apart—have been sharp and curt in contrast. Suguru's mother asks if he is growing stronger, protecting more people, and it takes every ounce of self-control for Suguru not to scream into the phone, No, I'm not, I just watched as a man shot a girl in the head right when I'd promised to protect her.

But of course, he says no such thing, instead answers in grunts and single-syllable responses until his parents tire of his sullenness and hang up. He hangs around Yuu and wishes he were like before, a child blessed with the naïveté of the world, instead of the one who sees Amanai's brains blow out of her head every time he goes to sleep.

Shouko cannot stand Yuu ("I don't hate him, I just want to kill him") and so to spare both his kouhai and his friend, Suguru spends his afternoons with Yuu and his evenings with Shouko. The fall evenings are too cold for them to sit out on the terrace near the koi pond, so they retire to Shouko's room instead, because she hides the largest stash of illicit substances the best. They spend the nights chatting about nothing and passing back and forth cigarettes, alcohol, some unmarked pills Shouko stole from a pharmacy that Suguru doesn't like because they make him on edge.

On the third night of Suguru's suspension, he finally confesses to Shouko what exactly happened that night in the udon shop.

"I kind of wanted to kill him."

Shouko peers over the edge of her bed. Suguru is lying on the ground next to her, his mind fuzzy, a cold can of beer in his hand.

"Big deal," she blows out a stream of smoke over his face. "He was being an asshole. We've all wanted to kill assholes."

"It wasn't..." Suguru's voice is thick. "It wasn't because he was an asshole. And it wasn't just him. I wanted to kill all of them. Him. The restaurant owner. Every last customer. Everyone except sensei."

"Why?"

"I'd eaten fifteen curses that day." Every time Suguru belches, he tastes his curses: acrid and nauseating, the smell of sulfur and rotting flesh. "They didn't even know what I'd done, that I'd protected them, that they were the cause. And I couldn't help but wonder how much more they'd produce." He rests his arm over his eyes, alleviating his headache by applying his own pressure, so he doesn't have to see Shouko. "How many more I'd have to eat because of them."

He feels foolish, like he's a child clamoring for praise and accolade from a neglectful parent. It's not like that, his insides insist. He just wants an end point, some kind of guarantee that all this effort and this work is worth it. He listens as Shouko puffs on her cigarette but doesn't speak for a long stretch of time. Suguru's heart clenches. Shit, maybe he shouldn't have said anything. The alcohol made him loose-tongued. He'd wanted to share with Shouko, because there's no way he would've trusted this with Satoru, who would've just laughed ("We all want to kill them, all the time!") because Satoru has never been a good moral barometer. Not that Shouko really is either, but Suguru is too scared to talk to Yuna about it, when her reaction to use of the term "monkeys" has already clarified where she stands on the subject.

Shouko lets out a breath, and he can smell the tobacco linger.

"Yeah," she finally says. "I get it."

He lifts the arm over his eyes and sees her, resigned. "Eh?"

"I get it. You just..." She gestures with her cigarette, "I dunno. You know I kinda want to die all the time, right?"

He knows. Satoru knows too. Shouko plays in the morgue the way young children play with dollhouses or imaginary friends, envisioning a life among the dead when she can't bring herself to care about the living.

"It all feels pointless," she says, voice muffled by her mattress. "All these destroyed sorcerers come to me and I patch them up one by one so I can send them back out to the battlefield again and again until one day they get too destroyed to ever make it back to me. Curses outnumber us thousands to one. It's always been that way. It's never changed. My mom researches this stuff and that ratio has only gotten bigger, no matter how much sorcerers advance. And the ones who are strong enough to live to an old age don't do jack to fix it, because why would they fix a system that they sit at the top of? So for kids like you and me, what's the fucking point of living when this is all we have to look forward to? At least dying means a change. I dunno what's at the end of it. Heaven. Hell. Nothing. Whatever it is, it probably beats what I do know about this shitty life on this shitty world."

"Yeah. Yeah, exactly," says Suguru, relieved. "Like it feels so hopeless."

"Yep. Why do you think you and Satoru annoyed me so much at the beginning of last year? Dreams and shit."

"Yeah, well. That's changed."

Shouko offers her cigarette to him. He trades her for the beer.

"Don't you want to change it though?"

"Change what?"

"The world," says Suguru, feeling stupid immediately after. "The shittiness of it."

Shouko snorts. "Offing myself is an easier solution than changing everyone else."

"So what don't you do it?"

Anyone else would be offended by Suguru's audacity, but not Shouko. She just knocks the bottom of her can against his forehead.

"What, you want me to?"

"No," he says, aghast. "Of course not."

She presses the can harder against his skin. "Because it's not the right thing to do, dummy. Because I'd be leaving a lot of people behind. My parents. You guys. It wouldn't be right."

Shouko finally lifts the can up and chugs the entire thing down. There had to have been at least eighty-percent of the drink left, but when Shouko empties it, her eyes aren't even glazed.

"It's why you didn't kill everyone in the restaurant, right?" She sets the empty beer next to his head. "Sensei was there. No one else can make you feel like you're committing the world's greatest sin without saying a damn thing."

"Yeah," he laughs hollowly. He remembers the way Yuna looked at him when she'd stopped him, terrified but still trying to restrain him. A small thing he would have had no problem crushing along with everyone else in the restaurant.

"Besides," says Shouko quietly, "you knew if you had, you wouldn't be able to come back."

She traces her fingers over Suguru's forehead, where the droplets from the beer can have collected, and trails them down his nose bridge. Her fingertips linger over his mouth.

"Glad you came back, Suguru."

He grasps her hand and pulls it close. He kisses the open palm of his classmate touched by Death.

"Glad you never left, Shouko."

"You gave him a week off?"

"It was a suspension, Yuki-san, not a vacation."

"Sounds like a vacation." The static of the speaker phone does not conceal Yuki's judgment. "You spoil your kids so much."

"They aren't spoiled." Yuna turns the car on and digs her sunglasses out of the glove compartment. She hopes traffic back from Edogawa won't be too bad. Yuki had announced last-minute that she was back in the country for only a few hours and wanted to stop by the School to pick up a Cursed Object and some special seals from Yuna. Yuna was already in the apartment in Edogawa, determined to finally clean it out, only to find that her task would have to be truncated.

"When was the last time you got a week off?" says Yuki sourly. "Mei told me you gave the Gojou kid his birthday off. I worked every birthday when I was in School, you know!"

"Mei-san should learn to keep things to herself," replies Yuna.

"My point still stands."

"Getou-kun behaved badly, and therefore needs to be suspended."

"Suspension isn't a punishment, you're pretty much giving him a free week's stay at Jujutsu Hotel."

"I do not tell you how you should discipline Aoi-kun, Yuki-san. Please refrain from telling me how to discipline mine."

"Fine," laughs Yuki. "Though to be fair, you judge how I treat Aoi-kun all the time."

Yuna does not remind her that the last photo Yuki had sent of her student was him bandaged from head-to-toe in a hospital bed after she'd punted him across a ravine unsuccessfully and he'd tumbled for kilometers before Yuki had finally picked him up.

"I'm just hanging out here then," sighs Yuki. "You'll be back soon?"

"In half an hour, I hope."

"Fine. I should be okay for my flight then. Hurry up."

"I will."

Yuna hangs up and pulls onto the street. She'd left a bag of cleaning supplies and fresh talismans at the Edogawa apartment and had just dropped off an envelope of cash addressed to Fushiguro Mitsuki for the next six months of rent. She unilaterally decides that everything that remains in the apartment belongs to her, no matter that Toji's amenities are all worthless and horribly outdated. The bed that she'd made him buy is at least new, though she has yet to sleep in it. She also cannot bring herself to throw out his clothes quite yet, because she is stupid, and because she did not have enough time today. It is on her agenda for next time.

It has been a long day. Early in the morning, a mission took her to a neighborhood in Saitama, where Yuna had addressed a Grade Two curse with some difficulty but with ultimate success, after which she'd stopped by Fushiguro Tsumiki and Megumi's home to ensure that her seals were still intact. Though it had taken her months to return to the Edogawa apartment, she had not abandoned the Fushiguro children. Her talismans had never weakened; if anything, after Toji's death, Yuna had expanded the radius and strength of her seals around the Fushiguro children, predicting correctly that the Zen'in family would eagerly search for Toji's son. It helped that no one really knew that Toji had changed his last name, and that his son lived by his wife's surname, making Yuna wonder not for the first time why Toji had bothered to tell her at their first meeting.

It takes a little over forty minutes for Yuna to arrive back at the School. She very much wants to bathe and nap, but texts Yuki dutifully for her whereabouts and is directed to the snack machines. On her way, she bumps into Yuu.

"Haibara-kun."

"Oh, hi, sensei!" He waves. "How are you? Just getting back?"

"Yes."

"Great, welcome back! Kento and I are supposed to head out later this week. Glad I caught you before we left!"

"Yes, it was a local mission."

"I met your friend, sensei! The tall, pretty one!" Haibara blushes. "Kind of looks like a Western actress?"

"Oh, Yuki-san. Yes, we were in the same class."

"That's amazing. She seems so powerful! She was telling Suguru-senpai that they were both Special Grades and needed to stick together."

Yuna frowns. "She's talking with Getou-kun?"

"Yeah, over at the snack machines. We were hanging out and Suguru-senpai bought me a drink!" Yuu beams. "I told him I'd bring him back something sweet from my next trip, he wants to share with Satoru-senpai, isn't that nice?"

"Yes, it is, I should head over there, Haibara-kun, please excuse me."

She doesn't wait for Yuu to reply, instead striding by him and heading straight for the vending machines. She doesn't like the thought of Yuki meeting her students, for some reason—maybe because she doesn't trust Yuki not to needle them into combustion. It's one thing to prevent Yuki from meeting Satoru, but she hadn't thought Yuki would be all that interested in Suguru, without a clan name, though that is Yuna being naive, of course Yuki would be curious in one of her fellow Special Grade sorcerers.

She spots them in the compound, Suguru looking like he'd just showered from the state of his damp hair in disarray, Yuki looking splendidly radiant as she always does. They're deep in conversation that Yuna catches the tail end of.

"These are just possibilities you've identified," says Yuki, waving her index finger. "The one you commit to being from now on will define your true feelings."

Suguru looks stunned and almost distressed, and Yuna does not want her friend around her student any longer.

"Yuki-san." Yuna steps into view, her bag of scrolls cutting deep into her shoulder, Toji's training staff gripped tightly in both hands. She probably looks like a senile witch emerging from the mountainside. "What are you doing here? You could've waited in my room or the storage rooms."

"You tryna keep me hidden or something?" Yuki grins as she stands up. "Or maybe it's your precious students you want to hide from me."

"Nothing of the sort," Yuna lies. She looks at Suguru. "Getou-kun, are you all right?"

"Y-yeah, of course."

She looks back at Yuki. "Did you say something strange to him?"

Yuki puts a hand over her chest in mockery. "Why would I ever!"

"Yuki-san."

"It was fine, sensei," says Suguru. "We were just chatting. She was just...introducing herself."

Yuki seems amused. "You and your students are very close, Yuna-chan."

"We can go to the storage rooms," says Yuna, pulling on Yuki's wrist slightly. "You can tell me what you need there."

"I'm not going to devour him, Yuna-chan, stop worrying." Yuki blows a kiss at Suguru. "I wanted to meet Gojou-kun too but I guess it wasn't great timing. Nice to meet ya, Getou-kun. Us Special Grades," she looks pointedly at Yuna, "we gotta get along, yeah?"

Yuna ignores the sickly feeling in her stomach and just tugs at Yuki harder.

"I'll tell him you were here," says Suguru politely.

"Oh!" Yuki lights up. "I meant to tell you. You don't have to worry about the Star Plasma Vessel. Either they had another vessel ready, or another has been born. Either way, Tengen-sama is stable."

"Yuki-san," says Yuna sharply.

"What?"

"It's fine, sensei," says Suguru. "I figured."

"I'll find you for dinner, Getou-kun. Yuki-san, come on."

She drags Yuki away from Suguru, deeper into campus, and knows she only can because Yuki allows her to. The Special Grade watches her, amused at Yuna's determination, and decides to annoy her more.

"Aren't you lucky, Yuna-chan, to be so close to all the Special Grades?"

The storage room that Yuki wants to explore is musty and covered in a layer of dust. Yuki is looking for a particular Cursed Object, a map of the inner part of Mongolia near the Russian border, that is rumored to predict Curse production if paired with the right Cursed Compass. It is not like Yuna knows any better than Yuki where exactly the Object is located, but Yuki lets Yuna search the storage unit while she hums along the sidelines and picks up an errant weapon or two.

"What did you and Getou-kun talk about?"

"Nothing serious, stop worrying so much. He's an interesting kid. Thinks about big picture questions."

"He's my best student."

"Mm." Yuki raises her eyes. "Your favorite, too."

"I don't have favorites."

"You still suck at lying," she laughs. "So what, you two ever..." She makes a lewd gesture with her hands.

"Yuki-san!"

"What? Honest question."

"Of course not, he's underage!"

"Hasn't stopped most teachers before. Plus, doesn't he become of age like...this year?"

"Not that point, there is nothing of that sort happening!"

"Really?" Yuki cocks her head to the side. "Huh. I thought it was him or Gojou-kun. Mei says you were really fucked up after the Plasma Vessel mission. I saw it too. I thought them nearly dying did that to you."

"Of course it impacted me. They're my students."

"Hm. I guess. I thought there was something else going on. Mei had mentioned a boyfriend."

Yuna wills her heart to beat normally. "Mei-san really needs to stop gossiping."

"She's not gossiping. Pay her enough to shut up and she will."

Yuna turns to face Yuki properly. Her staff leans agains a pillar next to her, and she wonders if Yuki can identify Toji's fingerprints on it.

"Are you keeping tabs on me, Yuki-san?"

"Of course I am," she replies easily. "You're my friend."

"You can ask me these things instead of spying on me through Mei-san."

"I find Mei more reliable, to be honest. You don't let me close anymore, Yuna-chan."

"You don't need me."

"That's not true." Yuki steps close. "You're my friend. One of my few. And...well. You're one of the few people who can say all the Special Grades are your friends." She bares a smile but it almost looks menacing. "Pretty important, right?"

"No. I am not."

"Maybe you don't think so. But Gojou-kun owns you, right? And Getou-kun seems to like you. And I like you." She smiles wider.

Yuna presses a rolled scroll into Yuki's hands. "This is what you're looking for, Yuki-san. I have the seals you want in my bag."

"Oh, great! Thanks!" She shoves the precious scroll into her fanny pack. "You don't need to look so scared, Yuna-chan. I just wanted to how much Getou-kun liked you. He didn't tell me what kind of woman is his type."

That's because women aren't his type.

Yuna says nothing, and Yuki finally lets it go once she receives the strongest talismans Yuna has and flies out of the School on her motorcycle. Yuna does not know when she'd started finding more comfort in Satoru than in Yuki, but she is glad to see Yuki leave, and she wants desperately for Satoru to come home. She thinks seeing Satoru will fix Suguru of whatever ill Yuki had bestowed on him, because Suguru is tired of everything but he is also in love, and seeing the person he loves will put him back to normal, will ease his mind, will calm his soul.

Being in love will fix things.

As if Yuna had not had to learn this lesson before, as if she had not been made a fool by it.