chapter 22: we are lonely yet we choose to leave

cw: minor character death, jjk violence, angst, have i mentioned unhealthy character dynamics yet, bc it can be real uncomfortable

There was a time—it feels like a lifetime ago now—when seeing Suguru made Yuna smile. In most ways, he was the one Yuna worried about the least: she was always prepared for Satoru to cause some explosion with civilian casualties or for Shouko to skip evening training sessions so she could sneak off campus for cigarettes or drinks; she always worried that Kento would burn out or Yuu would get seriously injured or die.

Suguru was responsible, calm, smart, strong, and so good.

Suguru was the one Yuna was worried about the most, because there was so much more to lose.

Even now, when he stands before her as the Special Grade Curse User who massacred an entire village in cold blood, who'd killed his parents without a reasonable explanation, Suguru radiates calm, with the gravity and solid roots of an ancient oak unbent in the face of any storm. Yuna is reminded again that Suguru is the one Satoru could not change—no, Suguru had changed Satoru instead, had given him a taste of what it meant to be human, before Suguru had gone and changed instead, independent of Satoru. It was a betrayal bigger than becoming a Curse User: becoming a Curse User without Satoru.

Said Curse User waves a little bit. "You still there, sensei?"

"Don't call me that." The words come out less forcefully than she would like.

Suguru cocks his head to the side, genuinely curious. "What should I call you then?"

She ignores him. "What are you doing here, Getou-kun?"

"You don't need to be so defensive," he laughs a bit. "Your Cursed Energy is so hostile. Don't worry, I'm not here to hurt you. Or the kid you're protecting here." His gaze flickers behind her. Suguru does not have Satoru's Six Eyes, but after months of practicing the Ten Shadows, Megumi's Cursed Energy is substantial.

"What are you doing here then?"

"Just to chat with you," says Suguru brightly. It's awful how healthy and happy he looks compared to when Yuna had last seen him: skinny, shadows under his eyes, his Cursed Energy a thrashing, angry mess. He has grown taller in the last year and his cheeks have filled back out. He stands with comfortable authority, hands tucked in his billowing sleeves, his Cursed Energy writhing and massive but as sleek and smooth as his hair, as if the ultimate salve for his ailments had been the blood of monkeys.

"To be honest," he continues, "I thought you would've tried to find me after the School fired you."

Yuna frowns. "Why would I do that?"

"Well," he scratches the back of his head, as if he's nearly embarrassed to admit this aloud, "I always thought I was your favorite, and I…y'know, thought after everything happened, you'd try to find me and rehabilitate me or something. And obviously it wouldn't have worked, but maybe I could have convinced you to help me out instead."

She blinks slowly, absorbing Suguru's words. She can see the changes a bit more clearly now; maybe she'd been wrong to think Satoru hadn't affected Suguru after all, because the unabashed confidence with which he assumes Yuna's behavior reminds her deeply of Satoru.

"No," she says finally, "I would not have done that."

"Clearly," he agrees. "As evidenced by you choosing to help Satoru instead."

It is odd to hear Satoru's name come out of Suguru's mouth so easily, when Suguru is the landmine she and Satoru have danced around for the last year. It bothers her in a way she didn't expect, as if Suguru had said a curse word and now she wants to wash his mouth out with soap.

"Wouldn't have thought you would choose Satoru over me," he says lightly.

"I chose the student who did not murder an entire village and his parents, Getou-kun," Yuna says. "I should hope that does not come as a surprise."

"I guess not," he admits. "Still, thought it was worth a shot. Would you like to join me, sensei? I know it sounds insane but once you get past the mental barrier, it's incredible. You become so strong, so free. And all the monkeys that hurt you in the past, you don't have to give a shit about them. They work to serve you."

"I've told you before," she says quietly, "I really hate that term, Getou-kun."

His eyes gleam glacial. "That's right. Never was sure why you did."

"I was not a sorcerer until I was fifteen years old, and that was not my choice. You would have killed the fourteen-year-old me?"

"You act like the curses these monkeys make haven't killed sorcerer kids for generations."

"It's not their choice."

"So what? Being ignorant spares them?" Suguru snorts. "And plenty of these monkeys know about curses, even if they can't see them. Believe me, I get paid a lot more to curse people than exorcise them."

"What are you really doing here, Getou-kun?" Yuna surreptitiously pricks her index finger with a needlepoint she'd hidden in her pocket. "Please do not say you are here for me. I think I am worth more than a weak lie."

"It's not a lie," says Suguru seriously. "You're hard to find without a skill like Satoru's. Initially, I'd wanted you to help me with some Barrier work to keep my own headquarters Hidden."

"Initially," Yuna repeats. "You clearly figured things out quickly, given even Gojou-kun has not been able to find you."

"Sure," he shrugs, "but I still tried to find you. I found some of your spellwork all over the city. You should be more careful with your Barriers, you know? It's good stuff. But then I found a ton concentrated here." He points to the floor. "In Saitama. It was weird, but I couldn't pinpoint why. I was going to attribute it to something mundane, maybe a monkey relative you were hiding or something, until Satoru's Residuals showed up one day." Suguru takes a step toward Yuna, and she remains rooted in place. "I didn't really get it—I knew it had to be important, if Satoru was getting involved, but it didn't make much sense. Until…" his lips curl, "his little stunt with the Zen'ins happened."

Yuna presses her bleeding finger to the character for Barrier on her forearm and immediately after, several talismans she'd hidden all around Megumi's school burn in resonance. The Barrier shimmers harshly against the cloudy gray sky, converging into a dome all around the school that she and Suguru are steps outside of.

"Megumi-kun is not responsible for his father," she says harshly. "He is a child, he doesn't even remember who his father is."

Suguru frowns. "I know that. I really am not here to hurt the Zen'in child, sensei."

"Then—"

"He has the Ten Shadows Technique," he interrupts a tad impatiently. "That's a Technique on mine or Satoru's level. To make my dream come true, I need to recruit the most talented sorcerers possible. I thought Megumi-kun would be an excellent addition to my goal, and not too hard to convince, given how his monkey of a father sold him."

"Don't you dare," snarls Yuna, her blood and Cursed Energy roaring to her fingertips, and the terrible ache that Toji left roars with her.

Suguru's eyes flicker.

"Didn't think you'd get so attached so quickly," he says, misinterpreting her anger. "Then again, kids were always your soft spot."

Yuna opens her mouth to retort but there is the sound of rapidly approaching sneakers that skid to a stop right behind her.

"Yuna-san!" Megumi glances between her and Suguru from the other side of the wired school fence, which converges perfectly with Yuna's Barrier. He grips his relay baton tightly. Off in the distance, his teammates complain that he's lost them the race. "Are you okay? Why did you trigger the Barrier?"

Yuna's eyes are fixed on Suguru, who stares at Megumi with an expression that can only be described as utmost loathing. Megumi's likeness to Toji is undeniable, and even if Suguru had come with the intention of recruiting Megumi, the look in his eyes assures her that after actually seeing the boy, there is nothing he wishes to do to Megumi other than kill him.

She steps back so that her body is blocking Megumi from view.

"Megumi-kun, do you have those seals I gave you?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Put it on." Her voice does not give way for Megumi to argue. "Now."

In the corner of her vision, Megumi shuffles and takes the seal from inside his tennis shoe. He plasters the wet, sweaty washi on his chest like a first-place ribbon while Yuna's Cursed Energy thrums underneath her fingertips.

"This Barrier will not fall unless I dispel it," she says to Suguru. "You will have to kill me to get to Megumi-kun."

"Yuna-san!" Megumi jangles the fence urgently. "What's going on?"

Suguru's expression softens, even though his eyes still flash cold. "I'm not going to hurt you, sensei." He sounds like Satoru.

"You aren't going to take Megumi-kun."

His reply is quiet. "That's not for me to decide."

Yuna feels two smaller flames of Cursed Energy approach Megumi's; she turns to find two identical girls around Megumi's age suddenly appear around him. The one with yellow hair tied back in a ribbon peers at Megumi, the other peers at Yuna and Suguru. Their Cursed Energy is not as strong as Megumi's, but they are surprisingly polished for their age.

"Suguru-sama," the twin with black hair says, "is this the boy?"

"Doesn't look like much," the blonde one sniffs. Megumi lurches back away from her, wary. "Why'd we come all the way for a boy?"

"Be nice, Nanako," chides Suguru. "I told you, he's from an important clan, with an important Technique."

"We're not from an important clan," says the black-haired one, wide-eyed with worry. "Is he more important than us?"

"Of course not, Mimiko. I brought you here to meet him. If you don't want him with us, we won't bring him."

Yuna studies the girls intently. Their Cursed Energy brims at their fingertips, particularly concentrated in a patched-up doll that the one called Mimiko carries by a thready rope around the doll's neck, but they don't radiate hostility. She knows Megumi can sense the same thing, but he is smart and cautious. He steps back and his Divine Dogs appear out of his shadow, one at each side, baring their tiny fangs.

Mimiko lurches back while her sister lights up, "Puppies!" The Divine Dogs snarl at her, and she joins her sister two steps back.

"Marvelous." Suguru steps closer to the Barrier, fingers hovering centimeters away from the golden shimmer. "I've only read about it. It's something else to see it in person. Shikigami from shadows."

"Getou-kun," Yuna says sharply. "There is still a kill-on-sight order for you. I guarantee you, you will not leave with Megumi-kun, and if you do not leave now, Gojou-kun will be here to take care of you."

Suguru smiles, but it is contorted. "Sensei, you don't think that he's already tried?"

Yuna's heart drops to her stomach. "Did you—"

"I didn't hurt him," Suguru's lips quirk, still in that odd way. "Not that I could. But I needed him away for a bit. He's probably off in Hokkaido, checking on some Residuals I left."

Yuna stares at him. "You purposely called him?"

"It wasn't like I could do this without him being out of the picture."

"You—" Bile burns in her throat, and she feels indignant for a reason she can't put her finger on, even more indignant than when she'd heard that Suguru had become a mass murderer. "How could you manipulate him, us—" The last word comes out choked, wrought, she is so angry that her vision is blurred and her heart beat beat beats and she wonders why this seems like the last straw. Is it because Satoru had sworn her a binding vow, and then had left the moment he thought Suguru might want him?

Is it because Yuna hadn't wanted him to leave?

She does not dwell on it: Satoru is Suguru's, she has known that from the start, she had wanted that for them. Never mind that Suguru has cast it away.

Yuna swallows her bile down.

"Getou-kun," her voice shakes, "you know you're the only one who could ever fucking hurt him."

For a moment, Suguru nearly looks frightened of her. He appears like a child in his golden kasaya and oversized yukata, like a kid playing dress-up in grown-up's clothing. It is as if they are back at the School, where he is Satoru's and Satoru is his and Yuna is nothing but their teacher and their mediator.

"You have no idea, do you," she whispers. "You don't think about what happened to us after you did what you did."

Suguru doesn't answer immediately. Behind the wired gate, the two girls peer anxiously at them and Megumi stays as still as his hounds, but he must understand that Suguru has something to do with Satoru's disappearance because his small body and its disproportionate Cursed Energy shake with rage.

"What did you do to Gojou?" Megumi demands.

"Who's Gojou?" asks Nanako.

Suguru hesitates. "He's…"

"Hasaba-san!" Megumi's teacher, Shimida-san, runs up to them, her pretty face flushed with the effort. "Mimiko-chan, Nanako-chan, I've been looking for you!"

Unwisely, Megumi dispels his Divine Dogs. Judging from the way Shimida is fixated on the girls, Yuna can tell that she is a true non-sorcerer who cannot see either Yuna's Barrier or the shikigami. Beside her, Suguru's expression smooths out back into one of practiced false blankness.

"Everything okay, Shimida-sensei?" asks Suguru.

"Yes, your sisters just disappeared for a moment," pants Shimida. "I thought I'd lost them! But I'm glad they found Megumi-kun, it's always good to meet potential classmates!"

"Indeed," agrees Suguru.

Shimida looks between the two of them, curious. "Do you two know each other?"

"No," answers Yuna sharply, taking the teacher by surprise. "Shimida-san, I've changed my mind. I'm going to take Megumi-kun home for the rest of the day. If you'll excuse us." She pulls out her phone, stained from her still bleeding fingertip, and flips it open to call a car from the School.

A void beside Suguru yawns and out of it spills a curse Yuna does not recognize, a floating, translucent squid with eyes the size and color of grapefruits. It hovers close to her, not touching, but enough so that Yuna can feel the lethal acidity in its Cursed Energy radiating off from its undulating tentacles.

"Careful, sensei," Suguru murmurs.

"What is your plan here, Getou-kun?" Yuna glances at Shimida, who cannot see the curse but can sense there is something ominous nearby, for she looks around anxiously. "We are at an elementary school. You should know better than to make a scene."

"You still don't get it, do you?" Suguru bares a thin smile, and if Yuna was being truthful to herself, she imagines he looks regretful. "I don't care about the monkeys. Girls?"

Mimiko nods and suddenly tightens the rope around her doll's neck. Beside her, Shimida lapses into a coughing fit, hacking and horrible as she clutches her neck and the cough turns into a strangled gargle. She collapses onto her knees, face turning puffy and red as she wheezes for air.

Yuna whips around and bursts Blast at Suguru, but the attack is absorbed by the squid, whose tentacles buzz with Cursed Energy. Suguru looks almost bored at her attack, but Yuna knows he is simply waiting for her to dissipate her Barrier so he can waltz in and whisk Megumi away. Yuna is crueler than that, though, she will let Shimida die ten times over it if it means Megumi-kun will stay safe, but it is not without her trying.

"Megumi-kun, get the doll!"

Megumi has forgotten that he is a sorcerer and instead is trying desperately to help Shimida breathe, to little effect. At Yuna's harsh order, he jerks his head up from his swiftly asphyxiating teacher, and, as if he has no concept of the jujutsu sorcery he has learned over the last month, forgoes his Demon Dogs and instead lunges at Mimiko headfirst. It is clear that Suguru has trained these twins with real combat experience; Mimiko sidesteps Megumi easily, and Nanako points her cellphone at Megumi and clicks a button. The shutter sound snaps, and Megumi freezes in place, hands and knees on the ground, while beside him, Shimida's gurgles slow and her eyes glaze over.

"Dispel your Barrier, sensei." Suguru's face is blurry through the body of the floating squid. "I don't want to hurt you or the boy."

"I told you," says Yuna through gritted teeth, "you will need to kill me to get through."

Suguru's eyes flicker. "This is an elementary school, as you said. I do not need to kill you to get through. You've always had a soft spot for children."

Yuna cannot quite believe what she is hearing; even though she has just seen Suguru's child proteges murder a teacher in broad daylight, Suguru's unabashed threat to murder children registers differently. It cements that he truly has changed, that whatever hope of rehabilitation she might have harbored has been dashed like glass on cement. Suguru presents this option calmly, like he's thought this through, like this was his plan all along: to corner Yuna at a school where children roam free. She realizes that in a convoluted way, it reminds of that footage she's watched a million times of Toji cutting down Satoru and then smiling at the camera—that this is Suguru at his cruelest but also his most calculated, that this is what the jujutsu world does, pokes and prods and twists and turns even the best into absolute rot—

(Because if Yuna is being true to herself, even now, after everything, she thinks Toji was born good, because the man loved his son and his son is undeniably good—

Because Toji had looked at her, known her sins, and thought the same—)

"If you hurt innocent children," she says quietly, "how are you different from the man who killed Amanai Riko, then?"

Suguru's eyes widen just barely, and she thinks for a moment that he will surely strike her or the squid will devour her. Overhead, thunder rumbles. A beat passes before the first pelt of rain falls, but neither of them move as the deluge begins, soaking them through in seconds. The twins are quiet, fixated on Suguru, and the Cursed Technique that bound Megumi slowly wanes without their knowledge. Megumi stands up slowly, but he does not make a sound, only stares at the corpse of his elementary school teacher.

Then, Suguru blinks and his curse dissolves. He looks once again like Yuna's scolded student, embarrassed by his behavior, but the expression is washed away by the rain and he says,

"Let my kids go, sensei, and I'll leave yours alone too."

Yuna's Barrier does not budge. Suguru tries again.

"I get your point. I'm not that…" He glares at Megumi, who recoils, "I'm not like that monkey. I won't do it."

"Swear a binding vow."

"That's not necessary—"

"Swear," she snaps. "You will not hurt Megumi-kun or try to take him away against his will once the Barrier dissolves."

Suguru's lips curl. "I'm not falling for that. There must be a time limit. He won't be a child forever, and I have a feeling we will cross paths again as enemies."

"Until he's an adult then," grits out Yuna.

"That's ridiculous," he scoffs. "He's already mastered his first shikigami. That's like a Zen'in promising not to assassinate Satoru just because he was a child." He bites his thumb and raises it up, the crimson dripping down his palm. "I swear, for the next twenty-four hours, I will not hurt or abduct Zen'in Megumi. Witnessed by my gods. Bound by my words and my vow."

Megumi breathes in sharply but does not make any other indication that the binding vow has taken effect. He looks to Yuna for an explanation, but she just nods reassuringly at him. The golden Barrier melts, and Megumi rushes to Yuna the moment it falls. The twins amble over to Suguru, who pats them on them both on the head.

"Good work," he says, as if they'd shown him a brilliant crayon drawing instead of murdering a teacher.

They preen. "Does that mean we get dessert?"

Yuna opens her phone and finds Yaga's name while Suguru promises the girls each a milkshake.

"You need to leave," she says to Suguru.

"Sure, sure." He points to Shimida's corpse. "You guys gonna take care of that?"

"Fuck you," bursts out Megumi, hands clenched into fists.

Mimiko gapes, and Nanako points at him. "That's a bad word!"

Suguru smiles. "Language, little Zen'in."

"He's not a Zen'in," says Yuna coldly. "Leave."

"Fine, fine. Good to see you, sensei."

"I do not feel the same way."

Suguru's eyes soften. "I'm sorry for how I left you guys. Really, I am. I didn't have another choice." He bows his head. "Goodbye, sensei."

His curse void opens, and out of it flies a behemoth of a pelican, its bill the size of a taxi that the twins file into.

Suguru is about to follow suit, but he pauses, thinking, before he says very quietly, "Tell Satoru hi for me. And that I miss him."

Her favoritism goes too far. She believes him. She knows better than to say it aloud.

Her phone rings, and on the other line, she can hear Yaga's voice.

"No," she says to Suguru before she answers their teacher. "I won't."

They do not tell Tsumiki what happened. It is enough that Megumi had to experience such brutal trauma firsthand. Even though Megumi is six-years-old and too young to witness such things, he carries the burden like a true heir of the Great Clans, with gritted teeth and little complaint, understanding the concept of responsibility in the way that those with power they do not want but cannot shake do. Yuna pulls both Tsumiki and Megumi out of school and explains tersely that they are transferring elementary schools due to concern for Curse User activity, while Yaga sends a team of Windows and auxiliary managers to cover-up Shimida-sensei's death. Until the arrangements are properly made, the two children will remain at Jujutsu High.

The afternoon is busy, and Yuna, with her significant public relations experience after dealing with so media fires after Satoru's missions, is not able to help as much as she'd like because she is overtly aware of how Megumi lingers next to her. Tsumiki accepts the transfer at face value, if not a bit sulkily because she has many friends at the school, but she spends the afternoon exploring the campus, finding Kusakabe on the training grounds and asking to play tag. Megumi has never been as social as his stepsister, but he also tends to be fine on his own. Clinging to Yuna is therefore odd behavior for him, and even she, with her limited maternal instinct, understands that watching his own teacher-of-a-week die is terrifying.

"Are you okay, Megumi-kun?" she finally asks him after she hangs up the phone with the elementary school principal, having given her testimony of the meeting with Shimida and assuring she'd left the teacher presumably healthy. It must have been a heart attack, genetic predisposition for a clotted off artery, as common as a curse.

He jerks his head up from his book, a translated version of some British children's series about a boy wizard, though he has not progressed past the first chapter. "Am I bothering you? Do you want me to leave?"

They are in her old office—or what will be Satoru's office, apparently, after he graduates—though most of her things remain untouched. The scent of genmaicha lilts and the weathered scroll depicting an unremarkable agrarian scene hangs familiarly on the wall. Outside, the rain patters against the sliding wooden doors, and the flicker of lightning is dulled by the shoji. Megumi sits across from her at her desk, so quietly it is impossible that he could be bothersome. In any other circumstances, it would be a relaxing afternoon.

"No," she says gently. "You are not bothering me. Are you okay? Was today the first time you saw someone die?"

Megumi stares at his book. "Yes."

Yuna thinks back to when Yaga had first found her, after she'd killed her husband. Yaga had consoled her, and he had not touched her, much to Yuna's relief. She therefore does not touch Megumi.

"It is very scary, isn't it?"

Megumi shrugs. "I guess. I…I just felt stupid."

Yuna hums. "Stupid?"

"I dispelled my Divine Dogs," he says, ears reddening. "And then those girls just…they beat me so easily. I didn't use my shikigami on them. I…panicked, and I forgot."

"That's all right. You are a child. You don't need to fight."

"They were children!"

"They should not have fought, either." Yuna does not know where Suguru found those girls, but the blind adoration with which they looked at him suggests that he must have saved their lives somehow. Only such worship could yield such conviction in the worthlessness of others; the callous disregard for Shimida's life was something Yuna had expected to see in a seasoned sorcerer, not a child.

"It is for the best," she murmurs, "that you are not so eager to kill, Megumi-kun."

Megumi's eyes are hard, cold emeralds. "I need to be. What if they hurt Tsumiki next?"

Wind howls in the late summer storm and the doors rattle in their frames. Yuna takes a sip of her tea and wonders if this is the fate of all jujutsu sorcerers after all, maim or be maimed, to lose your soul or lose your life. She looks at Megumi and recognizes Toji, and maybe Toji was right after all—that even if they weren't all born shitty, the propensity to turn shitty is too high in this world, and at the end of the day, all of her efforts to ensure otherwise is truly pointless.

A familiar fatigue washes over her, the same one that chewed its way to her marrow after Suguru had defected, when Yuna realized that it wasn't worth trying anymore.

"You'll have to ask Gojou-kun what to do next then."

Something in Yuna's tone makes Megumi uneasy, but before he voices it, Yuna's phone buzzes.

From: Yaga Masamichi

[17:02] Check your email.
[17:03] We won't turn you over.

As Yuna powers up her laptop, her phone vibrates again.

From: Shouko Ieiri

[17:05] Those FUCKERS.

Yuna does not reply with her customary, "Language, Shouko-san." She clicks open her email. The newest message is from the board of Jujutsu Tokyo Technical College. She reads it, blinks, then reads it again.

"Yuna-san, is everything okay?"

Yuna closes her laptop. The rain patters against the screens, and she takes in a deep breath and lets it out. She has not been on campus in a long time. She had not realized she'd missed it. It was her first real home, after all.

Her phone buzzes again, and she glances down.

From: Tsukumo Yuki

[17:10] You should join me now, Yuna-chan.

Yuna replies one-handedly.

[17:11] Yes, I think it is time.

Jujutsu Institute Official Decree No. 1183 on the tenth of September in the year 2010.

Special Grade Curse User Getou Suguru was reportedly sighted today near XXX elementary school in Saitama. Under Decree No. 1180, Getou Suguru remains an active Curse User and number one priority to be killed on sight. Special Grade Cursed Object and Grade Two Sorcerer Morimoto Yuna was also at the scene, but did not attempt to apprehend Getou Suguru. The encounter led to the death of a civilian. Under Article Fifteen regarding failure to enact kill-on-sight orders and thereby leading to civilian casualty, Morimoto Yuna is to be tried as a Curse User and if found guilty, will be permanently sealed according to Cursed Object protocol.

The rain has stopped by the time Yuna returns to her apartment in Edogawa. The storm had raged on while she'd discussed the matter with Yaga and Shouko, with all of them agreeing that she should leave the country rather than risk another trial. Yaga thinks the Zen'ins are behind this, angry that Satoru has taken away Megumi and trying pitifully to retaliate, though Yuna thinks his theory is a bit farfetched as it requires her to be held in some regard, which she does not believe is the case. Regardless, she does not tell Megumi or Tsumiki, telling them instead that she has urgent business overseas to attend to but yielding nothing else. Shouko seems to disagree with this approach, but she has never been one to push.

Perhaps the news has not quite settled in, or maybe Yuna has gone through enough by now that this curveball thrown by the Jujutsu Higher-Ups seems quite minor in comparison to the man she loves murdering an innocent girl or her favorite student massacring a village, but she is quite calm when she returns. She cleans up her dirty dishes, stacks the books she and Shouko had perused, and prepares an envelope with a year-supply of rent to Fushiguro Mitsuko that she will drop off at the post office in the morning. She revitalizes the seals around the apartment, texts Yuki to confirm that she will be Chiang Mai for at least the next two weeks, and purchases a flight for the next night after Yuna decides that is how much food she has left in her refrigerator.

She packs a duffel bag of clothing, toiletries, her passport, and a large purse of cash. After she is satisfied that she has enough if she needs to leave in the middle of the night, she takes a long hot shower, mournful that she will leave behind a nearly new bottle of shampoo, before she steps out to get ready for bed. When she does, she realizes that she is no longer alone in the apartment.

It is a relief of sorts to sense Satoru's Cursed Energy. His absence had been surprisingly uncomfortable, and to sense that he is whole, Cursed Energy brimming at the seams, reassures Yuna that no matter how emotionally labile he is, Satoru is still untouchable. Yuna towels herself off and even takes her time drying her hair before she steps out of the bathroom, where she founds Satoru sitting at her couch, flipping through the contents of her duffel bag.

He looks up at her when she steps into the lamplight. He's wearing jeans and a white T-shirt with a bright red square logo and an italicized English word Yuna is too tired to sound out, even though she should probably start studying again. His glasses are set aside on the end table, and his shoes are haphazard in her entryway.

They look at each other for a moment in silence, both of them relieved at the sight of the other, both of them angry.

Satoru breaks first. "Going somewhere?"

Yuna nods. "To Yuki-san."

"I'll fix this, Yuna, they're not gonna lay a hand on you."

"I was going to leave soon anyway." She goes over to the kitchen and fills the kettle with water. "Everything with Megumi-kun is now settled. This was always the plan. If anything, I'd delayed it for too long."

"What the fuck are you going to do for—"

"You did not need to come back for me," cuts in Yuna. "You needed to come back for Megumi-kun. You have responsibilities now, Gojou-kun. You announced to the entirety of the jujutsu world that Megumi-kun is yours to protect, and so you cannot just disappear like you did—Megumi-kun almost died because Getou-kun predicted that you still had not learned that lesson."

Satoru's jaw has gone rigid, but he doesn't retort. He knows she is right, that Megumi is alive or at least not kidnapped by sheer luck.

"I'll take care of Megumi, I got it," he says evenly. "But you're my responsibility too."

Yuna blinks. "We've been over this before. I am not."

Satoru tosses her passport on the coffee table and makes his way over to her, crowding her against the stove as the kettle starts to whistle. He towers over her, breath ghosting the top of her head, his fingertips a hair's breadth away from her waist.

"I became Gojou head for you," he says. "I swore a fucking binding vow to you, if that doesn't make you my responsibility then—"

"You swore a binding vow that I didn't want," she interrupts again, "and right after you did, you left. You do not want me, Gojou-kun. You want Getou-kun, but he doesn't want you, and so you think you can just come back as if nothing happened…" Her voice trails off when she turns around and realizes Satoru's eyes have lightened. A grin peels back his lips.

Yuna wants to throw the kettle in his face. "Why are you smiling?"

"Because you're actually mad."

"How does that make you happy?"

"Because," he says, delighted, "that means you're jealous."

"Satoru!"

The name comes out nearly deranged—Yuna feels all control slip beyond her fingertips, and the calmness she so prided herself in having now dissipates the way washi melts when it's wet. Of course Yuna is jealous, she is a jealous, petty thing, she has known that since she'd met Fushiguro Mitsuko in this shitty apartment, since she'd figured out Megumi's mother's real name. She is jealous, so incredibly jealous, of what it means to be loved—she wants more than anything for Toji to have loved her more than he'd hated himself; that her care had been enough for Suguru; that Satoru had stayed when she felt her loneliest. But to be jealous means that Yuna feels the loss of what she wants, and she is not allowed to want.

This avalanche of thoughts must show on her face, for Satoru's smile disappears and he does not force her to continue. The kettle reaches its pitched whinny and graces Yuna with the opportunity to turn away. She blinks and realizes that her eyes are wet, adding to her shame. She blinks more rapidly, willing them back into her sockets rather than down her face, and is mildly pleased with herself when she succeeds.

She pours them both tea. Her phone chirps with an alert.

From: Tsukumo Yuki

[22:08] Got your itinerary! Yay!
[22:09] I'll pick you up.
[22:09] It's hot as fuck still by the way.

Yuna replies with a simple, "OK" and resumes pouring tea. Behind her, Satoru mulls quietly and takes his teacup from her. He drinks too quickly and spits out the tea in the opposite direction with a scorched, "Hot, hot, hot" while Yuna warns him with a pointless, "Careful."

They sip their tea in silence, Reversed Cursed Technique healing Satoru's burn before he resumes drinking again. He makes no move to go back to the living room and still crowds Yuna against the stove. She does not feel like fighting him for space.

"If it helps—and it probably doesn't—I'm jealous too," he says into his teacup after a long time.

Yuna breathes in the chrysanthemums. "Of what?"

"Suguru went to find you, didn't he?" Satoru smiles bitterly. "Not me."

"He went to find Megumi-kun. I just happened to be there."

"I've been gone for a week. Suguru could've snatched up Megumi any time. He asked you to join him, didn't he?" Satoru's voice is brittle. "He never fucking asked me."

Yuna doesn't answer. The chipped ceramic of her cup burns her fingertips, but it helps her focus. She feels oddly close to Satoru in this moment—his question is a petty, jealous one too, and he asks this question as an eighteen-year-old boy and not as the Messiah of the Jujutsu World. She is reminded that it is Suguru who always brought her and Satoru together, and that whatever they feel for each other is built on a foundation of loss that neither of them will ever be able to fill as long as Suguru is still alive.

"How was he?" asks Satoru, the words coming out careful and uneager.

Yuna takes her time to answer, but Satoru has learned to wait.

"He looked good," she answers finally. "He looked healthy, he was…he seemed happy."

Satoru makes a strangled little noise in his throat and backs away from her at last, eyes flashing with the foam of a waterfall crashing into the pool beneath.

"Fuck that. Fuck him."

Suguru's message is on the tip of her tongue, Tell Satoru I miss him, but the words lodge in her throat, a frog climbing up the sides of an iced well, only to slide back down into acid. She thinks of how easily Satoru's name had fallen out of Suguru's mouth and thinks that he does not deserve it, not when he has left Satoru behind like this.

"And now you're leaving too," Satoru says hoarsely, "because you don't think I want you."

"You think you do," she replies. "I know you don't."

"And what if you're wrong? Would you still leave? You…" Satoru sets down his teacup and stares at it. "You promised me you'd stay, you know."

She does know. She did promise. She had meant it at the time, she still means it, but maybe both she and Satoru have to re-learn what it means to be alone.

"I remember," she says. "I am not leaving like…like Getou-kun. If one day, you realize you need me, or really want me, I will be there. But if I stay here now, like this…there might come a time when I can't do that anymore." She sets aside her teacup next to his. "I'm tired, Gojou-kun. I need a break."

He finally meets her eyes, steady, resigned. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. His fingers twitch, like he wants to obliterate her existence, or he wants to hold her. He does neither, just lets out a quiet breath and says,

"Yeah. Okay."

Yuna gives him a small smile. "You've grown a bit, Gojou-kun."

He snorts. "Fuck you."

She sidles out of the kitchen to the living room so she can repack the bag Satoru had disrupted, tucking her passport in at the very top. Satoru watches her from the kitchen entrance.

"You're leaving tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Can I stay with you until then?"

Yuna turns to him to make sure he is not joking. He shuffles on his feet, hands tucket into his pockets, like a teenager asking an adult for a cigarette. She opens her mouth to chide him, but then realizes that Satoru had asked, not announced.

"Have you gone back to the School?"

He makes a face. "Don't wanna."

"Did you tell Shouko-san and Megumi-kun and Tsumiki-kun you're safe?"

He nods, and Yuna can't tell if he's lying. She doesn't push, just nods once.

"Okay."

They don't discuss the details. Satoru still has some spare underwear and his toothbrush from the summer, and Yuna gives him one of Toji's old T-shirts that she provides no explanation for. Satoru showers and gets ready while Yuna finishes packing. As she listens to Satoru scrub his teeth with gusto, Yuna stares up at the shelf in her bedroom closet, where she had re-stored Nightmare's Whim along with the rest of Toj's precious belongings, and tries to decide if she should bring the weapon with her.

"What's up there?" Satoru's voice is muffled by toothpaste and minty gargle. His toothbrush hangs out the corner of his mouth, dripping spit down his chin. Toji's T-shirt is too big on him; the sleeves reach Satoru's elbows and it is too wide by a full frame.

"Gojou-kun, that is unsightly," says Yuna as she turns away from the closet and climbs underneath the covers. "Finish brushing your teeth."

He shrugs away. Minutes later, the covers shuffle and the mattress dips behind her. Yuna turns around, not entirely surprised, but feeling she should protest.

"Couch, Gojou-kun."

"I won't do anything," he says, as if he had never done anything on this bed before. "Promise."

She frowns at him, but just turns back around so her back is facing him. Outside, the rain begins, first with asynchronous pelts, building into constant tympany. Satoru scoots closer to her and his arm snakes its way around her waist.

"Satoru."

"Nothing else, I promise."

She falls silent, ignoring the feeling of Satoru's chin resting on her shoulder, his hand padding on her belly. He smells like stored clothing and a match burning and woodsy, winter orange. Her hand lies over his and her fingers interlace his as they listen to the rain, its pattering against the flimsy sheet metal, his lips pressed against her neck. For the night, they remember how not to be alone.