A/N: The poll is still on my profile regarding to which 2 of my stories you would want me to continue the most. Come September I will be back at uni and very busy. So please go and vote so I know which ones to work hard on right now.
Kari was sitting on the middle of her bed, the screwdriver she had yet to give River in the box in her hands. There was a light knocking at the door, and she quickly put it away, not wanting to the Doctor to actually find it. He may know that she made it, but he didn't know when.
When she opened the door, she saw the Doctor standing there. She didn't say anything to him as she stepped out of her room and put her arms around him. "Oh, Kari. I am so sorry." He whispered to her, knowing that she was struggling to deal with everything that had happened.
"She was my best friend. She was always there for me, every time I needed her, she was there." Kari mumbled as the Doctor held her. "It was her who picked me up when you left me on Earth. She came for me, River was the one who took me to a different you."
"This was what you were asking me about before, wasn't it?" The Doctor asked her softly. "About saving someone and changing the timelines. You meant this, didn't you?" He remembered back to that time, the time where he told her that he wouldn't be around forever, and she went missing for a few days.
Kari just nodded. She had been so desperate to save River, to change what was going to happen, and she thought she was going to be able to pull it off. Only she had never anticipated that River would be a step ahead of her and managed to get herself killed anyway.
Then she was cursing herself for completely forgetting about the neural relay. Kari was so distracted, so upset, that none of it registered in her mind until it was almost too late. She couldn't forgive herself for forgetting about it, for almost missing the only hope of saving her best friend.
"Do you… should you tell her parents?" The Doctor wondered. He remembered her talking about knowing her parents, about knowing her since she as born. It makes him wonder just how complicated the pair of them were going to be in the future.
Kari froze at the thought of telling Amy and Rory about their daughter. That she had watched her die, even though she had tried so hard to save her. "I can't. I can never tell them what happened to River." She managed to whisper.
"Come on, you need to have something to eat." The Doctor told her, moving his arms from around her and reaching for her hand.
But Kari shook her head at him. "No. I just want to be left alone for a while. I just need some time by myself." She told him, trying to keep it together and completely failing.
The Doctor let out a sigh. "No, I don't want to leave you on your own. Not when you're like this." He told her, gently pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"Really, Doctor, I will be fine. I need some space, that's all. You know just how hard it is to lose someone." The look in his eyes said it all. He did know, he had lost everything but her, and it had been hard for him.
"Okay, you know where I am if you need me. I'll come and check on you in a bit, yeah?" He said, kissing the top of her head.
She nodded at him and he finally let her go properly. "I'll see you in a while, Doctor." Kari whispered to him, before turning around and heading back into her room. "Oh, and Doctor?" She said, turning to face him as she stepped into her room. "The reason I would have told River your name, to get you to trust her. You would never go on my word alone, she needed something more. I guess I tell her at some point in the future, ready for what happens. I'm sorry." She said, before closing the door, not even bothered about anything the Doctor was going to say next. It didn't matter to her, it wouldn't bring River back.
The moment the door was shut she grabbed her little blue nightdress from the dresser, the one that River had given her. Kari stripped of the clothes she had been in and put the nightdress on, before dragging herself over to the bed and curling up under the covers. She just wanted to forget about everything for a while, to just have a normal moment where everything was fine.
When Kari woke up, her head was pounding and her eyes were sore. She looked around her room, everything looked normal, everything looked fine. But for Kari, everything was far from fine. She jumped out of her bed, not even bothering with her dressing gown or slippers, and charged out of the room. She knew as soon as she saw the decor of the corridor who she would find when she reached the console room.
She was right. Her bare feet slapped on the glass floor as she ran straight towards the man in the tweed jacket who was fiddling around with the console. He turned and smiled at her when he saw her there but his face quickly fell when he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Kari? What's wrong? What's happened?" He asked her in concern.
Kari didn't answer him, she didn't even stop. She charged at him and threw her arms around him. It took him a moment to realise she was there before he wrapped his arms around her tightly. Her sobbing became a little louder as she let the tears fall.
"Oh, Kari. It's okay. Where have you been?" He asked her softly, stroking her messy hair.
"Library." She whispered between her sobs. Immediately the Doctor knew exactly what she was talking about and held her even closer, squeezing her tighter. Kari had just seen the woman who would become her most trusted friend die.
"Everything is okay, Kari, I promise you, everything is okay." The Doctor told her gently, trying to get her to calm down. His words didn't seem to make a difference to her as she carried on crying.
Eventually Kari managed to pull herself away a little to look up at him. "I want to see River. I want to see her, now." She demanded. The Doctor just looked at her, a frown forming on his face. "Take me to River. Now!" She shouted.
The Doctor slowly moved around the console, Kari still clinging to him. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked her, his hand on the lever, ready to take them to River.
"Yes. I need to see her. Please, I never ask you to take me anywhere, or to see anyone. Please, just this one time, take me to see her." Kari begged. The Doctor nodded at her and pulled the lever his hand was over.
The TARDIS shook a lot less than normal for a few moments before everything became still. Kari tore herself away from the Doctor and ran to the door. She threw it open and saw a stunned River Song sitting on the bed in her cell in Stormcage, looking at her.
River stood up from her bed and smiled at Kari. "Well, this certainly is a surprise." She said as she placed her hands on her hips, she really was surprised to see them.
Kari just ran at her and threw her arms around the woman, much like she had done when she had seen the Doctor. Then the tears started again. Kari had been trying so hard to stop them, to keep herself together, but she couldn't. She broke down in tears.
River looked over at the Doctor with a confused look as she hugged Kari. He just shook his head at her, a sad look on his face. He knew he couldn't explain to River why Kari was holding onto her for dear life whilst standing there in nothing but her short blue nightdress with tears streaming down her face. All he could do what hope that seeing River alive would help her to calm down.
Eventually, River pulled Kari over to the bed with her, still holding her tightly, and sat down with her. She brushed Kari's matted hair out of her face and looked at her. "Kari, darling, you need to calm down now. You're going to make yourself ill if you keep this up." River told her softly. Kari looked up at her for the first time since arriving there and River noticed how red her eyes were.
The Doctor finally moved away from the doors of the TARDIS and sat down on the other side of Kari. "River's right. Why don't we all go and have a nice cup of tea? I'm sure River won't mind breaking out for a few hours."
"I'd break out anytime for my darling Kari." River said, stoking the girl's hair as her crying finally started to subside. "What do you say then, Kari? We can make fun of the Doctor, and possibly hijack his TARDIS as well."
For the first time since the event that plagued her, Kari smiled. "Okay." She whispered, before letting herself be pulled up and led to the TARDIS by River.
"Come on, let's go and get you dressed properly shall we?" River said, grinning at Kari. "Even though you do look very hot in that little blue nighty I gave you, I think you'd be better off getting some proper clothes on if we're going to have some fun."
Kari nodded while the Doctor just looked at her in shock. "You got her that?" He asked, not quite able to believe it.
"Birthday present." River told him as she headed out of the console room with Kari on her arm.
"And when was this? And why would you get her something that... Revealing?"
River just let her grin grow wider. "Spoilers." She called before disappearing with Kari.
They carried on walking until they reached the wardrobe. "Now, let's find you something a little more suitable shall we?" River said, leading Kari by the hand to a certain section of the wardrobe. "How about a lovely summer dress?" She asked her as she started rummaging through the dresses on the rail in front of her.
"River... What am I even doing here?" River turned to Kari, a frown on her face. "I don't belong here. I was never meant to be here. This isn't my life."
"Of course you're meant to be here. How can you think that you don't belong here?" River stepped away from the rails of clothes and stood in front of Kari.
"I thought that I could save someone. I tried to save someone, but they still died. I knew what was going to happen, and I tried to take their place. But they stopped me, they wouldn't let me do it. What good am I here if I can't help anyone? What's the point if I can't save people?" Kari was holding back the tears again.
"What are you talking about? You're always saving people with the Doctor. And he would be completely lost without you." River told her firmly.
"He saves people, I just show up and tag along. And he really doesn't need me, he has you, River. Why would he need me?" Kari was forcing back the tears.
"Oh Kari, of course he needs you." River told her, wrapping her arms around her.
"No he doesn't. And my name isn't Kari. It's Karianne Conner. I live in Cardiff, Wales, Earth. I'm not a stupid Time Lord, I'm human." She cried, the tears now streaming down her face. "I live with my dad and his annoying girlfriend. I go to university, I write stories. I do not go around travelling through time and space with an alien."
River didn't really know what to say. She had never seen Kari so worked up like that before. It was frightening her. "Kari, what has gotten into you?"
"You're Melody Pond. Daughter to the Doctor's best friends, and a child of the TARDIS. You were named after your mothers best friend, which was you. You belong here with the Doctor, I don't." Kari said as she pulled away from River and huddled up on the floor. She pulled her knees tightly against her chest and continued to cry.
River really was at a loss of what to do, so she decided that there was only one person in the universe capable of getting through to her. Kari didn't even notice that River had left her there alone. She couldn't accept that this was reality, that life with the Doctor was real.
River raced to the console where the Doctor was wandering around, flicking switches like usual. "Doctor, it's Kari." His face quickly turned from happy to concern. "I think she's having a complete breakdown. I've never seen her this bad before. She won't listen to me."
"Where is she?"
"Wardrobe." River told him. He rushed past her and ran as fast as he could to the wardrobe, River right behind him.
As soon as he saw her, curled up and crying, his hearts broke. Even he had never seen her in such a state before. He rushed over to her, crouched down on the floor and wrapped his arms around her.
"Shush, it's okay, Kari. Everything is okay." He said, rocking her slightly.
"It's not okay. It will never be okay." She managed to breath through her sobs.
"Please, talk to me, Kari. Why do you think nothing will ever be okay? Just talk to me, please." The Doctor pleaded, still rocking her a little.
"Because I don't exist. I'm no one, nothing." Kari whispered, trying to hold back the next wave of tears. "You said it yourself, Karianne Conner has never existed. So who am I? Who were those people I was living with?" The Doctor just looked at her, not really knowing what to say. "Exactly. You can't answer me."
"No, he can't." River called, getting her attention. "But I can."
"Well, go on then, River. If you know so much, please, tell me about it all." Kari wasn't exactly polite, she seemed to be forgetting that she had made the Doctor take her to see River because of what had just happened.
"Listen to me Kari, there is a place where you existed, where you had a family. But that all changed a long time ago." River told her, kneeling down beside where the Doctor was still holding onto her. "I'm sure someone has already told you this." There was a look on her face, which made Kari realise that it was a question.
"Maybe, something like that. They weren't exactly clear about everything, just like you're not being clear.." She mumbled, burying her head further into the Doctor's chest.
"Darling, not everything can be explained. That life that you knew before, would you really want to go back to that? To leave all of this? To leave the Doctor?" River asked her, trying to make her understand that she had a better life here, even if no one could explain to her clearly why she was there.
Kari just shook her head, her face still hidden. She didn't want her boring and mundane life back, but she did miss her dad. She didn't even know if he knew she was gone. And if he did, how was he coping with it? Did he think she had run away? Been kidnapped or murdered? She didn't know any of the answers to those questions.
"You are here, simply because you are, darling. Someone here needed you so much more than anyone else in the universe. More than anyone in all the universe."
The Doctor was still holding her tightly, lightly rubbing her back and wishing that she could calm down. It was bad enough that she was upset over seeing her best friend die, but now to be worrying about all of this once more, he wasn't sure even he could cope with it.
The truth of it was, Kari had just accepted everything for too long, and she just wanted answers now. The life she now had with the Doctor was so much more than anything she could have ever wished for. After seeing River die, when she had planned to change it so that she didn't, Kari just felt useless. It was making her doubt everything she thought she was now, who she had become.
"But I'm useless, River. I can't do anything right. I'm just a stupid little idiot who cries for no reason." Kari mumbled, still trying to hold back the tears. She didn't want to cry, but right now they just wouldn't stop for anything.
"Kari, you are not useless. If it wasn't for you, I would have been dead a long time ago." The Doctor told her calmly. "You have gotten me out of some really rough spots, you've always been there for me and saved me when I needed it. Of course you can do things right." He said, hoping that it would reassure her a little.
"That's not how I feel. Not after… what happened." She knew she couldn't say it, not with River in the room.
"Kari, it wasn't your fault. You tired to stop it, you tried so hard you even broke your wrist." The Doctor said, noticing for the first time that it was still bandaged up. He remembered that she had refused to let him heal it properly, that she just wanted to be left alone. "What happened was not your fault." He told her firmly, hoping she would finally understand.
"Yes it was. If I had come clean, told you what was going on before the countdown, we would have had more time, time to work out another plan. It didn't have to be like that if I had said something."
"Oh, Kari. Even if you had told me, there still wouldn't have been another way. I'm sorry." The Doctor told her, wishing that there could have been another way. He hadn't know that it was going to have such an impact on her, that she was going to completely break down because of it all. But then he guessed she did deserve to lose it.
"Come on, darling." River said, understanding that they were talking about something she couldn't know about yet. "You need to trust us and believe us."
"How about we go for a nice picnic somewhere, yeah?" The Doctor suggested, feeling that her sobbing was starting to ease. Kari was finally starting to calm down, which he was relieved about. "Just the three of us, a nice and calm day out. What do you say, Kari?"
Kari just shook her head against his chest, causing him to let out a sigh. "Please, Kari. You have to stop this." The Doctor pleaded with her, burying his head into her hair a little. "I know… I know it hurts and that it's hard. But you will get through this."
He looked up at River, and she nodded at him, before quietly leaving the pair of them alone. She knew that he was the only person who was going to be able to get through to her, and he had a better chance of doing that if they were left alone. All River could do was wait until they were ready now.
"Hey, look at me, Kari." The Doctor urged, brushing her hair back and away from her face. "Come on, just look at me." Reluctantly she pulled her head away from him and looked up at him. "You done everything you could to save her. It was a fixed point, you couldn't change it, just like Jack."
"That is not the same." Kari told him, her voice extremely quiet. "Jack's alive, and has a long life ahead of him. She isn't, she's dead. How can you even think those are comparable?"
The Doctor was running out of ideas now. He had never seen Kari in such a state before, and it had never been so difficult to get through to her. "Okay, you asked me to take you to see River, and I have." The Doctor finally said. "She is waiting for us now, to spend some time with us, with you."
"Oh, I hate to see you cry." A familiar voice called in Kari's head. "You can't save everyone, my Angel, no matter how hard you try. You have to enjoy the time you have with them."
Kari let out a slight groan at the voice she had heard, making the Doctor frown at her. "What is it?" He asked her, not knowing why she was groaning.
"Someone just told me to stop being so miserable and to pick myself up and enjoy the time we have." She whispered. Of course the voice had been right, the TARDIS was always right.
"And who was this someone?" The Doctor asked her curiously as he looked at her.
She let out a sigh and finally managed to smile. "Sexy. I… I heard her in my head."
He shook his head at her, how she had managed to hear the TARDIS in her head, well he simply had no idea. "Now, what does my brilliant, beautiful Kari say to a picnic then?" He asked her. "Anywhere you want. What do you say?"
Kari thought about it for a moment. The TARDIS was right, she had to pull herself together and get on with her life. She still had so much to come with River, because right now she was very much alive. "Okay." She whispered to him.
The Doctor smiled a little. "So, where do you want to go? Anywhere in the whole of time and space, your choice."
Kari's mind just wandered back to the library, to before she had even arrived. When the Doctor had first met River and she was trying to work out where they were up to. "Asgard." She said, earning a strange look from the Time Lord who was still holding her. "Picnic at Asgard. That's what I want, if… if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay, Kari. But first, I think River was right. You really do need to get dressed." The Doctor told her, making her chuckle a little.
"Not yet. Just… just a few more minutes." Kari told him, just snuggling back down against him, closing her eyes and letting out a long breath. "I like it when you hold me like this." She mumbled, listening to the Doctor's hears beating in his chest.
"A few more minutes. Then you need to get dressed and we can go on our picnic, okay?" He said, smiling as he kissed the top of her head. He was so relieved that she had finally calmed down, but he knew it wouldn't be the last time that she questioned herself and everything about her.
Eventually the trio found themselves lying on a large blue blanket, a short walk away from the TARDIS. "I never thought this place would be so… amazing." Kari said, looking up at the sky as she rested her head against the Doctor.
"Well, I always demand amazing, especially for you." The Doctor told her, reaching out and playing with her hair a little.
"You ever take me anywhere less than amazing, I'm going to run off with your TARDIS." Kari warned him, making River laugh a little.
"Okay, firstly, it's our TARDIS, not mine, ours. And secondly, no you wouldn't. You'd miss me too much to leave me, you wouldn't strand me somewhere." He told her, a playful smile on his face.
Kari just looked at him, a smirk forming on her own face. "Want to bet on that?"
"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, Doctor." River said, taking a sip of her wine. "You know how easy it is to lose a bet with Kari."
"Spoilers, River, spoilers." Kari told her, closing her eyes and just listening to everything around her. If she could freeze time, she would pick that moment to do it. Because everything just felt so perfect to her. She had the Doctor there, as well as River, and they were sitting in such a beautiful place. Everything that she had been worrying about faded the moment she stepped out of the TARDIS and saw the magnificent sight before her.
"I'm just popping back to the TARDIS, need another bottle of wine." River announced, getting up from where she had been lounging on the blanket.
"Really, River, you want to go back to Stormcage completely and utterly drunk?" Kari called, still keeping her eyes closed. "Then again, I guess it wouldn't be the first time now, would it?"
"Spoilers, darling, spoilers." River replied, before walking off.
The Doctor and Kari stayed in silence for a few minutes after River had gone. Kari felt the Doctor's arm move from where it had been and felt his hand gently trace down her left arm. "So, you had any more thoughts about this?" He said, finding her hand and twisting the ring that was on her finger.
Kari shifted a little so that she could look at his face. "What do you mean?" She asked him curiously.
He let out a sigh. "What did I tell you this was?" The Doctor asked, a hint of sadness in his voice.
"Uh, a promise. You said it was a promise ring. A… a promise that you will always be there when I need you." She told him, suddenly feeling very nervous.
The Doctor nodded at her, a sad look on his face. "Okay. That's… that's okay." He told her, gripping her hand just a little tighter.
But Kari could see that everything really wasn't okay, something was wrong, and it was upsetting her Doctor. "No, clearly it isn't okay." She said, pulling herself up completely so that she was sitting on her knees in front of him. "So what is it?"
"Spoilers." He whispered, before reaching down and kissing her softly. Kari could tell that he was trying to distract her, and he was doing a pretty damn good job at it as well.
"You're trying to distract me…" She managed to breathe when they both had to break for air.
The Doctor grinned at her. "Is it working?"
"Definitely not. So are you going to tell me…" She didn't have a chance to finish her sentence, as the Doctor shut her up once more in the best way he knew how. "Uh, what were we talking about?" She asked him when he finally let her breathe once more.
The grin grew larger on his face. "Nothing at all."
It was at that point that River decided to return, a full bottle of wine in her hand. "So, what have you two been talking about?" She asked, sitting down and filling Kari's glass before refilling her own as well.
"No idea." Kari told her, turning to face her and smiling at her. "I'm sorry about earlier, River. I'd had a really bad day and I shouldn't have taken it out on you like I did. I was just a complete and utter emotional wreck. Come to think of it, I'm always a emotional wreck these days."
Both the Doctor and River laughed a little. "It's fine, darling. I'm just glad you're feeling better now. And yes, you are an emotional wreck, but that just proves that you have emotions."
Kari just frowned at her. "Well, thanks, I think." She didn't know whether to take that as in insult or a compliment. It was true, she did tend to get over emotional and she knew it. Kari never used to be like that, but since meeting the Doctor and travelling with him, she found that she cared a lot more about things than she used to.
Actually being with the Doctor had changed her so much, she felt more confident and alive now than she ever had been. Before, she probably would have just run away from anything and everything, like a scared little kid, but not anymore. With the Doctor there beside her, she could face anything that the universe decided to throw at her.
A/N: Thank you guys so much for following/favouriting. And a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed as well. Reviews are awesome and really make me smile.
I've got a few more tricks up my sleeve, and several surprises coming up.
Pippa.