Birthdays were supposed to be fun, a time for partying and celebrating the fact that I'm getting one year closer to becoming an adult… but instead, I'm lying on my bed contemplating my conversation with Angela earlier this week. Her words getting increasingly persistent, hammering into my brain and refusing to leave. I do not like him. I do NOT like him!
A knock on my door caused me to spring up into a sitting position. "I DO NOT LIKE HIM!" I screamed out, paling when my brother jumped at the sheer volume of my voice and he remained perfectly still. His hand raised barely hovering beside the wood of my door frame.
"Ooookaaayy, sis is crazy tonight. Noted." He backed up, giving me that same look he would give Chuck E. Cheese, and quickly left.
I rolled my eyes and returned to the sulking position. "I don't like him, it's ridiculous, I hate his existence," I growled to myself. Man, this is irritating. I paused in my pacing when I heard someone knocking on the front door. It was only a few seconds later that I heard someone open it.
"Jessica! You're friend is here to see you!" I rolled my eyes, I swear to god if it's him I'm jumping out this window.
I slowly climbed down the stairs and recognized my surprise guest immediately.
"Hey Bella, it's been what, a week?" I smirked as I leaned on the wall.
"I was just stopping by to ask if you wanted to hang out…" Bella said, almost nervously.
I nodded slowly, "Alright, what do you have planned?" I asked, raising a brow at her as I made my way to the front door to slip on my shoes.
"I was thinking of going to the movies." She replied, following me.
"Which movie?" We talked as we walked out the door, waving goodbye to my mom who just smiled and shook her head. It was at this moment that I realized one of my favorite movies came out this year. "OOoh! Hitch just came out in theaters, I have been wanting to see this movie since I heard it was coming out! Lets watch it!" I started getting really excited for it.
She frowned a bit before nodding. "Alright," she said as she got into the cab of her truck. I got into the driver's seat of my own Taurus.
It was just after the movie, Bella and I were taking a walk around the old children park just down the street, laughing at how ridiculous the plot itself was.
"How can you be a dating doctor and have zero capability in landing a date?" I snorted rather loudly as I laughed.
Bella let out a laugh of her own. "I know, that was a surprisingly good movie though." she smiled nervously, looking up at the sky. "I should be going home, it's getting late and Charlie will worry."
"Why do you call him that?" I stood up with her.
"Who?" she gave me a look of confusion as I sighed deeply.
"Your dad, you call him by his first name, why?"
She stopped walking for a moment. "I don't really know, I've always done it," she shrugged as she continued to walk.
I didn't push the subject, I can only imagine how much that must hurt the poor man knowing how his daughter calls him, even if its not to his face. "I had fun tonight, we should definitely make this a weekly thing," I grinned at her. "Best birthday yet."
She gave me this surprised look. "I didn't know it was your birthday." She said softly, a blush spreading across her face like a wildfire.
I laughed. "Its okay, count this as a gift and we're even."
It was March 7th, a Monday, I sat outside of the school in my car, looking up at the sky, the sun was shining brightly and it always surprised me when this happened, since it was almost always cloudy here. I also knew the Cullens weren't going to be here, due to the shiny sky.
I couldn't stop the disappointment from filling my chest. I growled to myself, I don't like him why does my heart keep insisting that I do?! God this is so annoying. I slammed my forehead on my steering wheel.
"I hate myself right now." It doesn't help that I found him attractive in my past life, when I saw the movies. I was 15, obsessed with vampires and glitter, sue me. I rolled my eyes at my dramatics, thankful for the relief where I can think whatever I want without having to worry about a supernatural eavesdropper.
Edward's stupid mind reading ability is just plain weird. Like, how does he not have constant migraines from reading literally everyone's thoughts, whether he wants to or not he can hear anyone and everyone. It's just sad in my opinion, I would kill myself if I had that stupid ability.
Tuesday was just as sunny as Monday while Wednesday was back to the usual cloudy days that seemed to visit Washington for longer than wanted. My mind was still stuck on the accident that happened the other day, it almost resulted in Bella being crushed to death by dumbass Tyler Crowely's big ass van. Idiot shouldn't have a license if he can't keep his car maintenanced.
I tried distracting myself about it yesterday but that only resulted in me thinking about it all day today. Edward was back at school, and he has been completely avoiding Bella, who was acting quite strange. She looked like she had a lot on her mind, always zoning out or looking over her shoulder. If I remember correctly in the timeline, Edward saved Bella last night from being raped or something by a group of drunk guys.
I sat next to her at lunch and she couldn't take her eyes off of Edward, which for some reason irked me. Intrusive thoughts began to swirl in my head, why does all the attention go to- NOPE! I don't like him and I am not jealous of my friend!
I caught eyes with Edward in that moment and felt my face immediately go red, the heat dancing across my cheeks like a gasoline explosion over driftwood. 'I hate you Edward Cullen. Stupid jerk with your stupid hair and stupid smirk and your stupid perfectly sculped cheekbones. I wanna smash your perfect face in and see if I can make a Picasso out of it.' I growled in my mind, hoping he heard me loud and clear... for the first part.
His expression shifted from amusing disbelief to just straight up amusement, like he could summon popcorn at any minute- nevermind now he looks confused.. I crossed my arms over my chest and turned away from him, frowning deeply. I know Bella has developed feelings for the weirdo, I can tell by her starstruck expression and her twentieth mouth breath that I think is supposed to be a sigh.
For some god-awful reason my mind went straight to my past life, pushing an intense pang of pain into my heart and I felt tears well up in my eyes. I hate this life. I want my old life back. I want my boyfriend and my baby boy and my friends. I'll never get that life back, I'm stuck here and forced to grow up all over again where every day I risk redoing old mistakes. I gripped my shirt over my stomach tightly, trying very hard to keep the tears at bay and not make my emotions obvious. I fucking hate being a hormonal teenager, even if I am only 18.
I shook my head quickly, fixing my hair and rubbing my hands down my face to get rid of all emotional and physical evidence while pretending to just be tired.
I took a swig of my lunch's milk and tried to bring my thoughts back to normal. Okay, I have homework to do for English when I get home and possibly start thinking about senior classes. I can make it through the day if Bella would stop sighing next to me. It… was kind of weird though. I could have sworn those two were going to be a couple soon and she would reveal her big pile of knowledge on him while acting like she's not scared of- Wait… what am I thinking about?
Shit… shit shit shit. Stop thinking, shut down all thoughts now- but why aren't they talking- STOP THINKING ABOUT IT JESSICA! Shut it all down NOW!
I didn't look at Edward as Bella and the others remind me that it's time to go back to class as the bell began to ring. I felt eyes staring at me but I kept my eyes away and stuck close to Bella, talking about hairstyles and what colored nails I'm going to have for prom -purple of course, a light lavender color- and blah blah blah. I talked about anything to distract me from the now. A part of me wants to tell them that I knew everything and why but I've kept this secret for so long that I'm not about to risk sounding crazy just for them.
I quickly made my way to my next class, continuously ignoring the glare I was receiving. It sent chills down my spine as I hugged my books close to my chest, trying to focus on the hallway ahead and not the foreboding sense of dread I am suddenly feeling. As soon as I sat down I knew I was going to regret coming to school today, even though it's the second to last class, I still had gym with Bella next.
It had been a few weeks since my inner monologue of hatred towards Cullen, and honestly I have no idea where anything is even headed anymore. As far as I can tell, the story is completely off the rails. Bella and Edward still aren't together and it's confusing to say the least as Bella always looks at him when she gets the chance. None of the important parts have happened to the best of my knowledge. The crazy trio never came to town, I think anyway. Bella mentioned that her dad was investigating some mysterious deaths in the area but, as far as I heard, nothing came from it and the news hasn't said anything.
I sat against the tree just outside of a park I frequented as a kid. It was secluded now with no one maintaining it anymore, the trees surrounding it were a lot bigger now than they were five years ago. I looked down at my notebook, song lyrics were written across the page in my excuse for chicken scratch handwriting. I frowned down at it, the lyrics sucked, they were sappy and gross and I can't believe I wrote this. Aw man this sucks, I can't think of a good song to write and every time I try that one stupid song from my past life keeps popping up. While its catchy and I absolutely love it I can't write it, it would basically be copyright infringement. Even if the song hasn't been written yet.
A twig snapped and I jumped, hands clutching the notebook so hard I can feel it beginning to tear. I turned around so quickly I almost gave myself whiplash just so I could look at the noise. There, standing in the shade of a tree not too far away, stood the bane of my existence.
"What are you doing here, Cullen?" I asked, furrowing my brow in confusion. I was the only one to continue visiting this forgotten playground. How the heck did he even find this place, let alone me?
"I was out for a walk when I saw you, and I thought I would come and keep you company." The way he said it, it sounded completely off to be coming out of his mouth. Any sincerity he might have didn't reach his eyes.
"Yeah, sure, how do I know you're not stalking me?" I stared him down, trying to release the tight grip I had on my notebook.
He raised a brow at me, coming to my side to take a seat next to me, which caused me to tense up. I could smell him. I know its weird but he had this intense earthy scent to him, something that I didn't even know he could produce. I shuddered as I brought my notebook close to my chest and I glared at him. He had a glint of amusement in his eyes which only served to piss me off even more than I already was since he disrupted my peace and quiet.
"Why would I stalk you?" he shot back at me, his expression made me believe that he thought his comeback was clever.
"Probably because your siblings get tired of your cheek bones and I say more than five words a week to you. Now leave me alone." I said in return, going back to trying to write my song. I had inspiration... but absolutely zero idea on how to put said inspiration into words. I grit my teeth as I felt those stupid yellow eyes boring into my soul and no doubt my mind.
"I can't think with you sitting so close!" I turned to glare at him, he was leaning over my shoulder to peek at my notebook like some nosy teenage boy. I could feel his breath on my ear and the cold coming off of him in waves. I hate to admit it, but for some reason I found it comforting. It was a particularly hot day and I was dressed in a t-shirt, shorts and my favorite strappy purple sandals. I hate being hot, but I hated being in my stuffy house even more, which is why I decided to come to the park. I blinked rapidly as I realized I had closed my eyes with my head leaning against the tree behind me as I unconsciously tried to sap as much cold from him as possible. I shook my head quickly and scooted away from him, only to be startled by a loud clap of thunder. Followed by a lot of ice raining from sky that should have been blue a minute ago.
I could already feel the panic setting in as my entire body froze, I couldn't even blink as I fought to get air into my lungs. I could feel Edward's gaze on me but I couldn't even turn to look at him. I could feel the fabric of my clothes against my skin, and the feeling of the grass prickling my bare legs. It made me want to remove all of my skin it was almost painful. The first breath I took ended in a broken sob, I could feel my whole body shuddering as I curled in on myself, tears streaming down my face as I tried to hide.
Edward shifted next to me, only a few seconds later for him to drape his cold jacket across my shoulders. It smelled heavily of him which caused me to relax only slightly, I still let out shuddering sobs as I hugged my knees. He never once moved from his spot next to me as we waited for the storm to pass, each clap made me wince and curl up tighter.
I was exhausted only an hour of sitting there. I couldn't even cry anymore. At some point I had leaned against Edward, eyes droopy from the emotional and physical drain the panic attack put me in. I hate that I become hyper aware of my surroundings instead drowning out my surroundings like everyone else does when they get put into a panic attack. I don't know when, but as soon as the thunder quieted as the hail let up I was woken up by Edward. I don't know when I fell asleep but when I looked up into his golden eyes, I realized I ended up using his lap as a pillow. I couldn't even find the energy to be embarrassed.
"Sorry." I mumbled softly, sitting up and rubbing my face with my left hand as I clutched his jacket with my right hand. My hands shook slightly as I finally looked up at the sky. It was cloudy once more, which made the temperature drop quite a bit.
I stood up, looking down at the ground, I hate myself right now. I can't believe I let myself become vulnerable with a… I looked down at him, for some reason he was still sitting on the ground, staring up at me. Yeah, with that thing. I shook my head and handed his jacket back to him. "Thanks I guess." I mumbled slightly, frowning some more as I started heading towards my car, hoping to god I don't have any broken windows.
A/N: How was chapter 3? I hope you enjoyed it! If you noticed any errors I would really appreciate it if you would let me know!