A changed ending to the episode Distant Origins (3x18)
No, I don't own ST Voyager – silly question!
Part I - Flower
Chakotay
I was afraid when I first awoke on that table, on that very alien starship. I can't deny that. But my fears had been abated long since, after discovering how much Gagen and myself had in common. We were both scientists, risking much on our quests for discovery. For him, he had taken a monumental leap in trusting me, his "sample" enough to release me. He was a surprisingly personable individual, we shared many musical and cultural interests, it was surprising how much we shared, how similar the cultural data from Voyager and the cultural archive of the Voth were. Together, as we worked on refining his data, demonstrating his hypothesis, proving the "Distant Origin," we shared our cultures with each other as long lost evolutionary cousins. I was no longer afraid, I was challenged, intellectually excited and stimulated. I was already believing that it would all be alright, that the charges facing Gagen would be struck, that I would soon be reunited with Voyager and that we would continue our journey, with an important missing piece of Earth history carried with us.
The fear only returned when we were standing, shoulder to shoulder, Gagen and I, in the Minister's Chambers. I had just assumed it would be alright. As I watched the Minister applying pressure to him, as I watched him continually resist, I knew it would not be. When they brought his assistant in, the young scientist who had originally shot me, back on Voyager, I got some understanding. Back when I had been a Maquis, the Cardassians would occasionally broadcast footage of Maquis prisoners, denying the validity of the cause, swearing their loyalty to the Cardassian Empire. The words were the same as Veer, the assistant. I could hear them in my mind as Veer was speaking,
"Upon reflection and a careful examination of the evidence, I believe the conclusions to be flawed. I was carried away with enthusiasm and failed to examine the evidence properly. This was a failing on my part, one I shall carry with me."
What always haunted me the most about these prisoners was their eyes. That deadness, like a film across them, as though all emotion and passion had been excised. And of course, it had. Gagen asked Veer
"What did they do to you? Did they threaten you, your family? Veer?"
I knew what they had done, and knew that Veer would never tell. There are some tortures worse than death, some things which cost more than life. He would have to live with that, come to terms with that himself or fail to. As I watched him leave, I knew, not only was his life doomed, but that Gagen and I were playing a much more serious game than I had ever thought. Gagen had clearly realised this as well.
Throughout my time in the Maquis, I learnt some truths about people. Some people think they will stand up to any fate to defend their beliefs. When the Federation signed away our homelands, some people protested with words, but still bundled up their belongings and left their worlds like the sheep they were. Others showed their true commitment by taking on a far superior force, standing alone. Some people will face the darkness with the truth they believe to be true, others will cower in the face of the night, and will then allow themselves to be destroyed. I had truly taken Gagen as the latter. I thought that, as much as he professed his beliefs, that when he was faced with the choice between his life and his science, he would choose the comfortable option, deny what he knew to be true. I was wrong. But I never expected it to lead to any of this.
I knew the Saurians had Voyager in custody. Gagen had told me before he surrendered himself to the authorities, that he was doing so to protect Voyager. But I could have never imagined what would occur.
In the courtroom I had heard it. I was still fighting for an idea, I had no idea what was really at stake.
"I see something very different, Minister. An ancient race of Saurians, probably the first intelligent life on Earth, surrounded by some of the most terrifying creatures that ever lived, and yet they thrived, developed language and culture and technology. And when the planet was threatened with disaster, they boldly launched themselves into space, crossed what must have seemed like unimaginable distances, facing the unknown every day. But somehow they stayed together, kept going, with the same courage that had served them before, until they reached this quadrant, where they laid the foundation of what has become the great Voth culture. Deny that past and you deny the struggle and achievements of your ancestors. Deny your origins on Earth, and you deny your true heritage." I had said. I was so stupid, not to realise what was really happening here. She, the Minister, ignored me, focussing on Gagen and asking
"Do you retract your claims?" Her voice was icy
"No. I stand by them" Gagen replied, his voice steady. I could see how the blood had drained from his lips, I could see that he knew what was coming.
"Very well. It is my judgement that you will suffer the consequences of your obstinacy. Gagen, you are guilty of Heresy against Doctrine, and will be placed on a detention colony. For as long as you breathe you will never teach or engage in research. Your life as a scientist has ended."
He turned pale and looked shocked. However, steeling himself in a proud moment, he was able to hold himself together. He inclined his head gracefully and responded
"As you wish, Minister."
It was over. My heart ached for him. We could fly off into the stars, leaving him behind to face the consequences of his ideas. At least, that was what I thought. The next words of the Minister would dispel that illusion faster than a wind blows the autumn leaves off the Beech trees .
"Chakotay, of the Voyager Starship. You, your Captain and her crew will join Professor Gagen"
I felt my mouth dry up and a loud rushing sound filled my hearing. I could barely hear Gagen's protests, they seemed to be coming from a long, long way away.
"Why?" Shouted Gagen "You have nothing to gain by imprisoning them. Let them go!"
I regained focus as the Minister began to speak once more
"You will spend the rest of your lives in a detention colony. Your ship will be destroyed."
Again, Gagen interrupted, there was a horror evident in his voice that had not been there before
"Minister!" he pleaded, unable to put his emotions into any more words than this. It suddenly randomly occurred to me that a man with such intellectual prowess must find it deeply distressing to be left speechless.
"You will surrender your vessel." She continued, in the iron voice of one who expects to be obeyed "You will advise your crew of this judgement."
"Minister, stop this please! I retract my claims, I was wrong. I will refute my work publicly. But stop this, you must stop this." Gagen sounded desperate and I understood. He was not ready to sacrifice 100 lives, he could sacrifice his own life with impunity, but the lives of others, no. Like so many others, he could not, and I could understand why.
"Professor" Odala, the Minister, began. Her voice was tender, as though she was addressing a recalcitrant child. "You must realise, the time for that has passed. Your heresy must be wiped out before other races can learn of it. If we were to let the Voyager go, how long would it be before they sold the information to one of our enemies? Before we are driven out of the space which is our birthright? No, you must be an example to all those who would perpetuate heresy."
Gagen hung his head. He had been outmanoeuvred and he knew it. He looked up briefly as I stepped forward, preparing to address the Minister, I met his eye and saw the shame, the horror and the anguish reflected deep within them.
I cleared my throat, the Minister looked up. I had one command responsibility I must complete in this situation, I had to get Kathryn in front of this female, it was the only thing I could conceivably do.
"Minister. I understand your judgement, I understand we have very little choice. But I cannot inform the crew of your judgement. It is inappropriate for you to sentence the crew through me, and not through the Captain, who is after all, the one responsible for the ship and crew."
The minister was silent. Clearly she wanted the situation resolved as soon as possible. She did not want to even address us any more. But on the other hand, she was a figure of authority. She knew how the chain of command worked, and whilst Starfleet was no matriarchy and, unlike herself, Kathryn had not been born into the role of leader, she appreciated the importance of dealing with the leader.
"Very well." She pressed a button on her throne, and several guards entered. "Fetch the Voyager captain, bring her to me. Chakotay of the Voyager, please assemble your crew in one of your cargo facilities. Please arrange facilities for a transmission. Ma'atan will take you to the ship."
The professor looked completely broken now, standing in a corner, forgotten like a broken toy. His eyes were fixed on the ground. I took one last glance at him as Ma'atan pushed me out of the room. On the way to Voyager, my feet felt like lead. I could hardly breathe, it was the hardest walk I had ever taken, even harder than when I had walked up to my father, to tell him that I could not just leave the planet of our ancestors. Now, I may not see that planet again, the planet I had fought for, dreamt of, survived for. On the way to Voyager, I passed Kathryn, walking in the opposite direction, assorted by her own phalanx of guards. Even as a prisoner, though, her natural authority shone through.
"Stop" she commanded, and the guards, so instinctively used to obeying females, stopped.
"Chakotay, what is this all about?" Her voice was slightly softer, but not much. She was most definitely wearing the aura of command now.
I paused, how could I tell her? But I had to, I had a responsibility. I paused for a moment, then licked my lips
"We, along with Professor Gagen, have been on trial. And now the verdict has been delivered. The Minister wishes to report it to you, whilst I gather the crew on Voyager, for her verdict to be delivered to them." That was all I could say, I was gently nudged by Ma'atan, and she was also pushed by her own guards, forward, into the abyss.
When I returned to Voyager, I could feel the changed atmosphere. There was a powerlessness that was never usually felt in the vessel. I walked slowly up to the Bridge, taking the turbolift which was still provided with minimal power. On the Bridge, the Command staff were still at their positions, though the panels were all black as night and nothing could be done that would bring them back to life. I brushed a hand on the Captain's chair, took a deep breath.
"Computer, open a channel to the whole ship." I was worried it would not be possible, but the computer chirped as the channel opened.
"Attention crew members" I began. "I have been asked to gather you all in Cargo Bay 2 to await a transmission from Captain Janeway, who is on-board the Voth ship. Please make your way to Cargo Bay 2 in an orderly manner." I paused, it was done.
"Close channel" I commanded the computer, then looked around the Bridge. Tuvok, Paris and Kim looked back at me.
"You three. I need you to try and find some way, any way of transmitting a signal outside the city ship or breaking Voyager out of here. I estimate you have approximately 15 minutes. Do your best, no-one will blame you if it cannot be done."
I began to walk to the Cargo deck. I had no illusions about how successful this last ditch attempt would be, and it was important for me to be there at the end. As I walked, I tried to drink in every last detail of Voyager, to remember who she was and what she looked like. I brushed my hands along her cool walls, imprinting the feeling into my consciousness.
When they came for me again, I was not surprised and felt no fear. Haluk, the Voth guard had already threatened me, no worse than any threats I had faced before. I was sure it was only a matter of time before someone more senior called for me. And here they were.
Janeway
"Who will I be speaking to?" I asked the morose Voth guard who was escorting to me. The main tactic of command was always to gain a little more information, in every situation. It is true, knowledge is power.
"You will be placed in front of Minister Odala." Responded the guard curtly, and for the rest of the short journey, silence prevailed.
I stood in front of Minister Odala, her authority radiated across the room. I was amazed again by just how similar the Voth were to the Hadrosaur model we had created on Holodeck Two. I paused, silent. I sensed it was better for me to take my lead from her, rather than to force the issue.
"Sal. Open a communications link with the Voyager. This conversation should be heard by your crew, Captain."
I felt deeply uneasy, but maintained my Captain's inscrutability, and did not let my unease show.
"Captain Janeway, your crew member, Chakotay, has been found guilty of conspiracy to spread Heresy against Doctrine. Your ship, your crew, your very existence, perpetuates a heresy which is a poison to our society. You have created obscene images to disseminate this heresy, you mistakenly compare ourselves to you. Chakotay knowingly assisted a fugitive of the Voth and interceded at his trial to defend the indefensible.
I have already passed sentence on your crew and ship. However, before I have that sentence enacted, I believe it is a courtesy to formally serve it upon you, as representative of your crew and ship. This is why you are here." The Minister pronounced these words in an imperious manner. She knew her authority and wore it like a robe. But I could not allow this to stand.
"Your citizen, Gagen, kidnapped my crew member and dragged us into this whole situation. Now you will punish us for our species' origins? We will not be sacrificed for the continuation of your lies." I was angry, I spoke with anger. I would like to think that I achieved some kind of dignity in my anger, but I do not believe so, in hindsight.
"You do not understand" replied Odala, in the same imperious tone of voice. "You have no choice. You are here as a courtesy, I could have simply had you drugged and taken away."
I interrupted again, with increasing desperation
"You may lock us up, but you cannot bury the truth. Eventually the theory will come back to haunt you, and you will realise that the evidence is overwhelming. If you lock us up, you will define your race as backward. For all your technological advancements, you are afraid of the truth. You cannot use my crew as a dam to hold back scientific discovery."
"Yes, Captain, I can"
And with that, she gestured to the guards. Two reached out and grabbed me, pinning me still.
"Captain Janeway" that voice, that hateful voice "It is my judgement that you and your crew have been guilty of conspiracy to commit heresy of Doctrine. I have already spoken to Chakotay, and now I speak the same to you. You and your crew will be taken from your ship to a detention colony, where you will spend the rest of your lives. Your ship will be destroyed, this disgusting heresy will be promulgated no more."
I opened my mouth to retort again. I had to, my crew were watching. Before I could find the words, I felt a burning sensation in my shoulder, then a fierce warmth which spread out from the wound. They had shot me. I went dizzy, my vision blurred and circles sparkled in front of my eyes. I fought to resist, began a new sentence, but I was able to say no more that "you" before my legs gave way and I collapsed onto the floor. The last thing I saw before falling into the blood red pit of unconsciousness which was expanding below me, was my crew, in the cargo bay, collapsing themselves. I heard a scream, from them or from me, I do not know, then I fell into the wheel. Everything was red, black and white, flashing, twisting, shrieking. I could not control myself, I felt extremely nauseous, frightened and disorientated, then mercifully, the blackness took me, and I went under.
Gagen
I was with them when they awoke. We were all in the transit prison on the lower flank of the CityShip, where they take prisoners before dispersing them to the colonies. I had gone voluntarily, I had not been drugged, aside from the sedatives they inject, to keep their prisoners nice and compliant during the processing procedure. The humans had all been drugged unconscious. It was inevitable I suppose, after they saw the announcement made, the human crew attempted to escape. From what I hear, they overwhelmed many guards, caused many casualties before being overwhelmed by anaesthetic gas. I suppose the futility of the situation had not overwhelmed them yet. I was envious of them for that, I wish I could still fight, but I just could not find it within myself. Instead, I was resigned to my fate. Oh, how I envied their fight!
There were nine bunks in this cell. I found it curious that the guards had kept the senior staff together. There was the woman, the leader, the one Chakotay called Janeway, Chakotay himself, the one with different facial features who had first detected Veer and I on the Voyager, another man who appeared to be human, two who were nearly human except with odd ear shapes and one who was obviously non-human. He had been the cook on the ship, I remembered him. Finally, another woman with very obvious cranial ridges, who snorted in her sleep as though she was fighting unconsciousness itself.
The first to awake was the dark skinned humanoid with the pointed ears. It was eerie. I had heard talk that these drugs were very hard on the system, I was expecting them to experience discomfort at the very least upon wakening. Instead, he opened his eyes, looked round quickly as though assessing the situation, then sat bolt upright on his bunk, looking directly at me, sitting on the floor across from the bunks. Upon seeing me, he clearly identified me as the enemy, and sprung up, putting himself between me and his unconscious crew. I spoke
"Be calm" I was trying to be as pacifying as I could "Be calm, I am not the enemy. I am the scientist Gagen who was on your ship in the beginning of all this."
The dark man paused, looking perplexed. I began to realise that for all his poise, the drugs had affected him to some extent, confusion blossomed in his eyes.
"How can I understand you?" He asked
I held up my wrists. One the left was the damning blue band, denoting a prisoner sentenced for heresy. On the other was a shining metal band, the tracker/translator/monitoring band. I pointed to it
"this contains a translation matrix. You are wearing one too."
He looked down. Then, seeming to collect himself, hearing the others groan slightly as consciousness returned to them, he began checking on them. I had been keeping an eye myself, making sure they were still breathing, but, not being an expert on human biology, I was glad to hand the responsibility to someone else. Instead, I hung back, waiting, not wanting to anger them in their confused, semi-awake state.
B'Elanna
I groaned, feeling my stomach roil. Something was wrong, but what. The air smelt different, something had happened. What did I remember? I replayed the memory in my head; beamed aboard the city ship, Voyager boarded, herded into Cargo Bay Two, Captain Janeway on the comm, then gas. Fighting, screaming, battle cries, more gas, sickening, falling, collapsing, spinning out of control into the void. Being taken!
I jerked upright, regretting that I had never learnt the Klingon techniques for controlling bodily functions as my stomach heaved and I retched. I looked around, seeing a prison cell, crudely made bunk beds. And one of Them, sitting, watching me.
"What do you think you're looking at?" I lunged at him.
He moved quickly, scampering out of my way in a very undignified way. I was about to go after him when I heard the shout
"Lieutenant" Tuvok barked at me "Sit Down!"
I glared at the lizard like Voth again before sitting down. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a just-conscious Janeway nod slightly at Tuvok, before easing herself up off her bunk and moving over to the Voth. I caught only snatches of their conversation
"Where are we?"
"This is probably the main transit prison for this city-ship. From here, we'll be dispersed to colonies."
Janeway's voice dropped slightly and she asked something I could not quite hear. I could guess at the question, though, from the response
"Get out!" laughed Gagen "We could, but for one important difficulty. This whole area is not connected to the main body of the ship, not any way you could walk through, anyway. There is a vacuum outside. You may get out of this room, but if you tried to get out of this prison, you would suffocate"
Janeway looked frustrated at this
"But what about emergency gear?"
Gagen shrugged, "maybe"
She turned to me, conscious that I had been listening.
"B'Elanna, start looking for anything useful"
I began at the door. The action distracted me from what was happening, and I was calmer.
The door was a simple one. Very low tech, I was surprised. Just a solid door, made out of some sort of metal, with a bolt on the other side. We could probably force it somehow. I looked around, solving the problem in my head. The bunks! Of course, the metal frame bunks were probably collapsible, we could use a pole to force the door.
I looked around the cell, Neelix and Kes were still out, but Paris was awake and upright.
"Tom" I called to him, and he jumped up. I could see in his eyes that he was not dealing with this well, he had an aversion to being imprisoned since New Zealand. Maybe the action would help him, as some small part of my brain told me it was doing for myself.
"We need to take a bunk apart, pry open the door."
Tom looked at me for a moment, then came over. Together we began looking at the bunk, trying to work out how we could separate it. I could feel myself getting more and more frustrated, I tried every technique to calm myself, the breathing, focussing, everything. It was not working. So I stood up and kicked that damn bunk as hard as I could. Tom joined in. We kicked, harder and harder, jumping up and down on the metal. We became more frenzied as we felt it bend. Finally, a snap. A piece about a metre long had been freed. I jumped some more, flattening the end of the metal into a point, before carrying it to the door.
Together, Tom and I shoved the metal into the gap, feeling it slip over and over again. Finally, we got a small purchase and began to push. The metal pole bent like carbon as we pushed it. We were making no progress on the door, but we had to keep trying. I let loose a torrent of Klingon swearing at it, we were both sweating. It was almost a relief not to be in uniform, the loose tunic and pants we were wearing absorbed the sweat and kept us cool much more effectively than those heavy Starfleet uniforms.
Tom stopped suddenly,
"It's getting warmer" he said, gesturing to the pole.
I ignored him at first, then shrieked as the pole burnt my hands. I scooted back away from the door as it came crashing open and a gang of guards entered the cell.
"Come with us" they ordered
I swore at them in Klingon. Clearly somehow it translated, as one picked me up and carried me out, leaving the others to deal with the rest of the crew. I kicked him, screamed, hit him, it did no good. He carried me into the darkened corridor.
Harry Kim
Another prison, that was where we were. And whilst it seemed peaceful, I could not escape the fear I felt. I was fighting to control the memories of Akrotiri, the Chute, and a quick glance at Tom told me he was feeling the same way. I could not think about it for too long, however, which was a blessing. The guards were grabbing B'Elanna, picking her up as though she were nothing, a mere sack. They were ordering us to follow. I was nearest the door, well, excluding the Saurian and B'Elanna. So I glanced at the Captain before making my move. I caught her eye as she nodded, she looked frightened. I had never seen that look in her eye before, and as I followed the guard and B'Elanna, I felt the fear begin to infect me further.
We walked together down a long, dark passage. I suppose the Voth had better night vision than us, as they could see the way whilst we were blinded. At the end of the passage was some kind of airlock. I was first, I could see that we were entering some sort of ship. I baulked, tried to turn, to run. I don't know why, I suppose the experiences of Akrotiri had affected me more than I was willing to acknowledge. Then I heard Chakotay's voice, he had been walking alongside the Voth scientist, talking with him.
"Be calm, Harry" he whispered to me. I felt a power in his voice, a soothing yet angry sound.
I took a deep breath and walked forward, into the dark.
I was in a fighting stance as I passed the threshold of the airlock, my mind was now expecting violence, pain, anger. I was immersed in the throes of an intense flashback, Akrotiri had been just like this. Onward into the blackness, then the chute, the pain, the desperation and hopelessness. It took every ounce of control for me not to collapse. But there was no violence, only the blackness and the pinprick glimmers of a few eyes looking at our group with curiosity, not hatred.
Once we had all entered, the lights were flicked on and the room swung from cool darkness to blinding hot white light within a heartbeat. We all groaned, even B'Elanna stirred from where she lay on the ground, her eyelids abused by the sudden influx of light. I could see we were in a metal room, I could feel the slight vibrations in the floor which indicated we were on a ship. I knew we were going to be sent to a colony, I guessed this was the colony ship. But where were the others? Were we really going to be separated and thrown like chaff to the winds?
Clearly we all had the same thought at the same time, as the Captain and Chakotay began exchanging panicked looks. At that moment, however, the airlock opened again and the rest of the crew began filing in, bewildered, angry, crying, all sorts. Samantha Wildman looked awful, cradling her baby close to.
Tuvok, ever the calming influence, began doing a headcount, his professionalism influenced all of us, and we began organising ourselves according to Starfleet training, dividing into sections, competency areas and so on.
We had just started to feel like we were taking control of the situation when the airlocks slammed shut, the vibration increased and we began moving. There was nothing to indicate where we were going or how fast. Like the rest of the Ops staff, I just sat on the floor, bewildered, feeling very lost.
Tom Paris
I knew we were going into Transwarp almost as soon as I felt the ship buck and vibrate. With a discretion I had only acquired since joining Voyager, I whispered the information to the Captain. She nodded, concerned but like the rest of us, powerless. I then went on the prowl, looking for any weak point, any advantage. With B'Elanna conscious but still weak and disorientated, I felt I owed it to her. And whilst she may be a fantastic engineer, no-one knows ships quite how I do.
Nah, I was just kidding myself. It's a funny thing about me, I always have to feel in some kind of control. I suppose that is why I like piloting, the control. I spent the whole time on the way to the Starfleet penal colony talking to the pilot, annoying her, maintaining control.
At least I understood prisons though. I knew how they worked, I was not afraid of what we may face, not then anyway. As long as we had Voyager, we had a chance.
Though I had to smile at the Saurians, all lying on the floor, resolutely pretending to be asleep. I suppose we frightened them, I couldn't blame them, though.
Harry Kim
In the beginning, Voyager had meant something to me, maybe more than it had ever meant to the others. She was my first ship, my very first posting. She was beautiful, she was mine. Well, at least, partly my responsibility. I had read everything I could about her class, her systems. I loved her from the start.
Of course, she changed everyone after the Caretaker. Everyone loved her after that, they hated her too. So many things about her, how she would test us, how she would save us. Her complexities attracted danger like flies to honey, but saved us again and again.
So, you can understand that it was, for a second, a relief to see her as the large cargo bay door opened and she was revealed in space, hanging against the black cloak of the endless spatial night. Had she come to save us, one more time?
No, we had betrayed her, and the Doctor with her.
The light blossomed inside her, and for a split-second, we had no idea what we were looking at. She bloomed like a flower as the light expanded, then lost cohesion and broke up. Further, smaller explosions blossomed inside her, her nacelles broke free, then blew. Her nose pointed towards the transport ship, almost as though she was saluting us in her death throes, ever the lady. We could all catch sight of the inscription across her
"USS Voyager NCC 74656"
Then that too, expanded into flame, and all that was left was some disparate debris, floating aimlessly in the sky. She was gone.
A little bit of our lives died with her. Though we would not admit it, our chance of reaching home died that day, with her. But part of what defined us as ourselves, out here in the wilderness, was taken with her. It seemed so final, so callous. I struggled to adjust to the fact, somehow just saying
"Voyager is gone"
Did not work, did not fix it in my mind. I started smaller, the bridge was gone, the messhall was gone. The emotion welled up. Finally I remembered, my clarinet was gone. The PADD from my mother was gone. Again, I summoned every shred of self control to maintain my composure, but I felt my eyes moisten. Embarrassed, I looked around defiantly, only to find everyone was in a similar state. Samantha was just cradling her baby, openly sobbing.
Our attention was distracted as we saw a Saurian approach the forcefield, accompanied by two others. He stood, nodded to the others, then ran. We expected him to bounce off the forcefield, but he ran straight through, and hung, outside, vapour boiling off his skin as he asphyxiated. One other Saurian lined up to do the same thing, but a quick-thinking crew member grabbed him and stopped him. I moved over, anxious to hear what was going on
"Why?" Asked the Voyager crew
"This is our last chance. I don't want to go to a detention colony. I am old, I would not survive. This way will not hurt" Replied the Saurian, calmly.
"But, why not try?" Asked the Voyager member again, uncomprehending
"You do not understand, it is cold. It will hurt, it will be hard, there is nothing there, no hope, no value, just work, cold and death. There is no escape, no getting away. Just a very slow death. This is the easy way out, in all senses. Why do you think they allow it?"
Maybe I should have noticed, maybe I should have intervened. But I saw no warning sign. Lieutenant Kasawa was just as upset as all of us, no more so. He was young as well, and had left a wife and new baby on Earth. I had always been aware he had taken it badly, we had spoken a few times. As the crew member released the Saurian, Kasawa moved to stand beside him, and as the Saurian jumped into space, Kasawa followed. We watched in horror as he spun, lifeless, in the vacuum, the three bodies uniting in death, the look of surprise on each one.
This terrible event brought the Captain back to her senses.
Janeway
The ship, the crew. All falling apart, all going. All I could see before me was the spinning vortex of black and red. But my command instincts took over, the crew were waiting for me. If I lost it now, they would surely follow Kasawa, into oblivion. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, harder than the Caretaker, harder than anything, and set in motion a chain of events.
Though, I suppose it was really Chakotay who took action first. Through my haze, I heard him shout,
"Everyone! Listen up."
But I could tell by his face he had nothing to say, he had no words. It fell to me, it was my responsibility now
"Stay calm." I began
"I know what has just happened to Voyager is terrible. But we are still alive, most of us. Let's stay calm and wait and see what happens."
A rumble indicated something was about to happen. With a grating noise, the cargo door shut again, sealing out the sights, the death, the debris. With a grumble, the ship sped off again, back into Transwarp.
"We must organise and stay together when we arrive. We must work together if we are to survive. We are still Voyager, whether Voyager is here or not! We must carry on being strong. We must carry on being Voyager!"
Barely ten minutes after I had spoken, the ship juddered to a halt once more and a tingling sensation announced that we were being transported. Another day, another challenge. As the transporter took me, I tried to remain calm. We could survive, we had to.