You Can't Love a Werewolf
Chaptah fouuuur.
Disclaimer: Jo is my hero.
Authored by: Padfoot, maybe?
Note: Uhm. Yeah. I re-wrote the ending. It's muuuch better now. xD
He was numb. He could not think. He could not feel. He could not see.
This could not be happening. No. It just couldn't. He had really gone out of control. He had killed her. Remus had always had nightmares, constantly, since he was bitten, about biting people. But he had never really thought it would happen. And to someone he knew. To someone who loved him more than anything in the world. He could not handle it.
Tears clouded his vision as he shook his head, one hand on her shoulder. Sirius still stood silent behind him, just staring and breathing slowly. "Wait," Remus turned around to look at Sirius, who whispered, "shush. Look." He didn't know what Sirius was telling him to look at, but looking at him he noticed that tears were falling down his cheeks as well. "Did you see that?" said Sirius urgently. "She needs to go to St. Mungo's."
Without hesitation, Sirius took off his jacket and threw it at Remus, instructing him to wear it, then pushed him aside and took hold of Tonks's right arm and apparated off to the magical hospital. Remus was still kneeling on the spot, in front of blood-soaked grass, frozen in place. Sirius's dark jacket lying, stationary, in front of him. The tears wouldn't cease now. But he had to get back to her. What was Sirius talking about? Was he not seeing the same things Remus was? Tonks was dead! He killed her!
His brain jogging back into motion, he remembered the blood on his arms and chest as a slight breeze blew past him, feeling the air through his shirt. Grabbing Sirius's jacket and zipping it up, he dissaparated to Sirius and Tonks.
Remus reappeared in a crowded reception area to find Sirius, Tonks in his arms, running up towards the first green-robed Healer he could find. He dashed towards them. "Help," Sirius said to the man. "She's been bitten… by a… werewolf." Remus was next to him but he made no sign of noticing his presence.
The Healer stared at Tonks for a few moments as though trying to think of what to do. "Follow me," he said, turning around and ran towards the stairs, heading up to the first floor, for 'Creature-Induced Injuries.' Remus rushed after the man, who seemed to understand that Tonks was in critical condition. Sirius was following them as fast as he could without harming the woman in his arms.
They had reached an empty hospital room Sirius laid her down carefully onto a bed, making sure not to irritate her wounds. The Healer had called for other assistants and another Healer, than he was examining the bite mark and the deep cuts down her back, as Remus and Sirius watched in fear.
Sirius had made the call to go to St. Mungo's when he had seen her take a short, shallow breath. Sure, Tonks was indeed unconscious, but she wasn't dead. She was still breathing, and still had a slow pulse—but that can only keep her alive for so long…
As the Healers began administering potions to keep her stable and ways to treat the wounds that had been left unattended for so long, Remus's mind was racing. What would happen? It was his fault. Tears still rushing down his face, he was thinking about her. Nymphadora Tonks. She loved him, but he did not love her. Why? He asked himself. He never really had a reason—sure, there was a huge age difference, and of course he was dangerous. But why didn't he love her? He never gave a reason as to why he didn't love her—but reasons that they shouldn't love each other.
"You'll need to leave," a different Healer than they had approached on the ground floor said gruffly, looking at them. He was wearing the usually lime-green robes, and he was short and rather stocky, with short dark brown hair, and beady black eyes were looking at them through the bushy eyebrows that hung over them. "She's in critical condition as it is, she cannot have any visitors. Please com—."
He didn't get to finish, as Sirius interrupted, "But we're family."
"I'm sorry, sir," the man began, respectively, "but we can't have anyone other than medical staff in the room at this time. You're free to wait in the lounge until we can get her more stable, but right now it's just unnessacary for you to be in the room at the time."
Sirius scowled at him. "Oh, sure," he snapped, his eyes red. "And what if she's dead by then, hmm? No, we need to be here. She needs us."
The other staff members were rushing about the room, putting various things on her cuts and bandaging them up, the Healer they were talking to seemed very overall nervous. "I apologize," he said, and Sirius knew he meant it this time. "But you cannot be in here. You are free to go home and come back later, sit in the lobb—."
He cut him off again, "We'll be outside."
Sirius took Remus's arm and led him outside the hospital door into the hallway, and it was a good thing, too, because he couldn't move. At least, his mind didn't want to. And just as they shut the door, Remus fell to the floor next to the door, sobbing. Sirius didn't even go to confert him; he just stood on the opposite side of the door that had the numbers '152' written on them, staring off into space. Both of them still had her blood on them. Sirius had it all across his chest and arms—Remus had it on his arms and some on his legs, not to mention the bleeding from his own scratches.
She's hurt, I hurt her. She's hurt, I hurt her. She's hurt, I hurt her. It wouldn't stop ringing inside his head! Over and over again, his own words taunted him as he sobbed dryly into his hands, depressed. Even if Tonks were to survive, she would be a werewolf—and hate him for it. It was his fault. Why hadn't he remembered that it was the full moon? He shouldn't have been out! Why didn't he remember? He was the only one to blame, the only one.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sirius spoke, but it wasn't a kind question, he didn't really want to know how Remus was coping with Tonks's condition. Remus looked up at him, his eyes red and puffy, his hands wet. He didn't reply. "I mean, really," he began, "how could you be that foolish, Remus? How could you FORGET? WHY DIDN'T YOU GET HER OUT OF THERE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"
Remus looked at him, bewildered. He stood up, facing Sirius, eye-to-eye. "It was a mistake," he whispered, his voice unsteady. "I told her to go once I realized, but..." Remus's voice trailed off.
"And why didn't you know earlier?" Sirius said, unblinkingly. "Usually you're moping around for days before the full moon!"
"I don't want to talk about it here, Sirius," implored Remus, looking at him plainly, both of their eyes still wet. "They don't know it was me," he whispered, so quietly it was almost inaudible. "If they find out—I'll probably be locked up. People don't trust me, especially during times like these. I don't want to go to jail, Sirius. I don't want to be sent to Azkaban. Isn't it punishment enough that I have to see her suffer? I feel as bad about it as you do."
He made a short snort that told him that he heard him but didn't really believe him.
"Really," he said, honestly. "I'd do anything to take it back."
Sirius averted his eyes to his thumbnail, thinking. "What happened before that, Remus?" he asked, randomly, taking a step backward, as they were almost nose-to-nose before.
Another tear fell down his face as Remus recalled the other half of his guilt. Her last memories with him, the man she cared about most in the world, were of his rejection. He didn't answer.
He stared at him for a few moments, as though deciding what his answer would be if he would just speak to him. "What did you tell her?" Sirius questioned, eyes widening at the thought. But Remus turned the other way and hung his head slightly, still silent. Sirius followed his friend down the clean, empty hospital hallway. "Moony?"
"I told her the truth," he mumbled, turning away again as Sirius's hand rested on his left shoulder. "Said I didn't love her… yelled at her to run…" More tears as Lupin held his own arms.
Sirius didn't reply. He just stared at the blank floor, standing on the opposite side of the hallway. "Why?" the edge of anger was still in his voice. Remus looked at him, confused. "Why'd you say that you don't love her?" Sirius said slowly with his eyes closed, urging himself not to yell again.
The werewolf stood up, breathing deeply. "What kind of question is that?" he retorted.
Sirius stared at him, silently telling him just to shut up and answer the damn question. "Well," he began, thinking. Sure, he could live without her in his life. He could live without the cheerful, clumsy, ever-changing woman in his life. No more plates falling to the ground, no more spilt drinks on the coffee table… Yes, his life would be a lot simpler and quieter without her around. She was best on her own, not chasing after old men that were too dangerous for her. But was that really his only reason for not loving her? The usual age difference, not any money lying around, and the dangers? When really, he loved having her in his life. He loved the mess, the carefree nature, he loved her…
No, no. It could not be happening. He promised himself he wouldn't. She would not be safe if she lived with him. Well, not anymore, so that excuse is gone, he thought to himself. They were perfect for each other, just simply born at the wrong times and with a few other inconveniences.
A sob escaped his lips as he rushed to the door, muttering as he reached it, "You're right, Sirius. I do love her."
Big huge thanks to Fluffy, 'cause yep. She's the one I wrote this for, she DESPISED TONKS WITH A BURNING PASSION that none of you can comprehend. So I had the ingenious idea to write a fic in which Remus does not love her back, and, in turn, ends up accidentially killing her. After Fluffy read chapter two, she began feeling a tad bit sympathedic for dear Nymphadora, and gave me most of the plotline ideas you see in the last three chapters. Thanks Fluffy!
Chapter five will be the end! Oh noes!
Written under the influence of... oh. I dunno!
You read it- You loved it- Now review it!