"LEMME GO, DON'T DO THAT, NO, HEADMASTER, NOOOOOOO!"
Severus kicked and screamed and fought with all his ten-month-old strength, driving the Headmaster crazy.
"Severus, child, hold still! How can I put a nappy on you if you keep kicking me!" Dumbledore was at a loss. The child kept fighting him, the small face scrunched up and red with anger.
Severus paused in his tirade, annoyed to find tears running down his face.
"Please, Albus, leave me some dignity. I don't want to be naked and I don't want you to put a nappy on me. Please. I'm begging you."
Unfortunately, Dumbledore wasn't aware of anything but the reduced volume, and seized the opportunity to quickly lay the child down.
Laying stiff, his eyes closed and hands clutched to fists, Severus lost the fight for the last bit of dignity. At least it was Albus. It could have been worse. It could have been Minerva, or Poppy, or, Merlin forbid, Potter.
A knock came on the door. Speak of the devil…
"Ah, Harry. I have a request to make of you," the Headmaster said merrily, "since you and I are the only ones staying at the castle over the holidays, we'll have to look after Severus. Now, here's a Hogsmeade pass. You'll need to bring Severus, as I have no idea what size clothes he needs. Be back by dinner time."
Harry stood silently, the pass in his hand. "Headmaster?"
"Yes, my boy? Is there a problem?"
"Sir…what exactly am I to do in Hogsmeade with Snape?"
"Professor Snape, or right now Severus would probably do."
"Professor Snape will do just fine," Severus growled, his face still pink and wet from crying, "I don't need familiarity with Potter, thank you very much."
"He doesn't sound too happy about going with me…" Harry hedged, when the gurgled reply wasn't accompanied by any sort of smile whatsoever.
"Nonsense! He's a baby. He'll get used to you soon enough. He needs clothes, nappies, whatever is necessary for a baby his age."
"I'm not paying for whatever junk Potter will buy," Severus warned, trying to convey some emotion with the 'agaguhs' that came out.
"I haven't been to Gringotts this summer, sir, I don't have much money here," Harry stared at his feet.
Potter thought he would be paying for the shopping? However justified, that was strange.
Severus sat still in Albus's lap and studied the boy closely.
"No, you don't pay for this, Harry," Dumbledore smiled, "I will. It would hardly be fair to charge those things to Severus's account. The school has a fund to replace possessions destroyed by accidents, but getting the Board to use it for babyclothes will be difficult and timeconsuming. They much resemble the Ministry in that respect."
He handed the cloak-wrapped youngster to Harry. "Do be careful, we don't want any further accidents."
Harry nodded, and carried the still baby out of the office, through the Entrance Hall and outside, where he got the pleasant surprise of a carriage, thestral included, ready to take him to Hogsmeade.
Severus, settled on Harry's hip, sighed. He hated being carried. Why couldn't those people just let him WALK?
Potter had taken him on his lap again, apparently so he could see out the window. Stupid boy. He had been watching the scenery long before Potter was even born.
"It seems we're stuck together, hmm?" Potter said, softly stroking the silky babyhair, "until you grow up again, at least."
Severus looked up in surprise. Did Potter realize he still had his adult mind? But no – the boy was just talking to him because he didn't want to do the babytalk Albus found so delighting. Bless the little brat for that, at least!
"Don't worry I'll stick you all in red and gold," Harry continued, "I won't buy anything you hate, I promise. I don't know if you'll remember this – I hope not – but it will be frustrating for you that you were so helpless."
"You got that right," Severus grumbled, utterly surprised to find understanding where he least expected it.
Harry smiled. "Don't do that around girls," he advised the baby, "scowling and babytalk don't mix well, it makes you look incredibly cute. They would gush over you, Colin would take numerous pictures and your adult self would never live it down."
Of course, Severus promptly scowled at the thought.
Once exited from the carriage at the edge of the village, Harry once more settled a sulking baby on his hip.
"Walker first," he muttered, "You may only be small, but I don't feel like carrying you through the whole village."
Twenty minutes later, Harry had purchased a buggy, and a much happier Severus was strapped into it.
"Finally, someone realized I can sit on my own! Don't have to be friggin' carried everywhere!"
"Aaah, how adorable," the lady in the shop gushed, "you're a handsome little boy, aren't you?"
Annoying woman. Perhaps he could try to tell her that. Finally his tongue cooperated with him enough for two short words. "Zodd Uff!"
The woman immediately straightened and turned to Harry. "Did he just say what I think he said?"
"Only if you think he said 'sod off'," Harry replied with a completely straight face, signing for the purchases to be charged to Dumbledore's account and quickly pushing the buggy with a giggling Severus out the door.
"Okay…clothes, diapers, bottles and other related babystuff, and toys."
The practical items were easily taken care of. That left clothes and toys.
Severus watched anxiously as Harry browsed the racks.
"Ah…here."
Well, it was not red and gold. It was bright yellow. Hufflepuff? He HAD to make clear he would not wear Hufflepuff colors either.
"WAAHHHH!"
"I'll take that as a no," Harry muttered, and returned the outfit to the rack.
Blue.
"WAAHHHH"
Maroon.
"WAAHHHH"
"I have to agree with you there," Harry commented ruefully, "Only mrs Weasley likes maroon."
Severus reached out until his pudgy little hand managed to grab hold of some cloth.
Harry shook his head. "You are not wearing black. Here."
Soft, silvercolored footed suit with a short, green robe. Perfect. Footed was not his choice, but it wasn't likely they would get him shoes and he didn't like having cold feet.
Harry sighed in relief when the baby didn't cry, and added the outfit. Chosing a few more Slytherin colored outfits, he bought a few romper suits, socks, and a warm padded green jacket. He paid, and found a restroom where he unwrapped the cloaked infant, and proceeded to dress him.
"I'm only allowing you to do this because I don't want to suffer being naked and wrapped in your cloak for any longer than absolutely necessary, Potter," Severus warned.
Potter just smiled warmly at him, taking the babytalk as an indication the child was accepting him more.
"I used to do this a lot," he confided in the child, "The Dursleys sent me to babysit for a couple down a block or so away when I was ten. When I started, their little boy was six months old, a bit smaller than you are now. It was fun, despite Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia taking the money I made. I taught him how to blow raspberries; can you do that already?"
Potter was asking for it. He really was. Even Albus wouldn't be able to deny it. He blew a wet raspberry straight into Potter's face, expecting the boy to start screaming in disgust.
Instead, the teen laughed. He laughed! How much more unfair could life become?
"Come on, we'll get you some toys and head back. You will probably need a nap soon."
"I don't NAP," Severus said indignantly. He had decided that once they discovered he didn't need nappies, naps or bottles, they would leave him alone. He'd only have to suffer for a few hours.
After a final stop to pick up a cot, which was transported shrunken, they returned to the castle.
"Well," Severus said, "That could've been a lot worse. At least some fragment of that brain of yours is still functioning properly, Potter."
Had Harry been able to understand the babbling infant, he would've fainted.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
"Ah, Harry. How did it go, my boy?"
"Fine, sir, we got everything, but I think the Professor is tired now. Look."
He wasn't tired! Okay, so maybe he HAD been rubbing his fists in his eyes and sucking his thumb, but he was an ADULT. He didn't need naps, he needed a nice walk and a low table for his cauldron…
Somewhere during his musings, Albus had picked him up and was now cradling him in his arms, humming a lullaby.
How DARE that old man cuddle him like he was holding his grandson. "A-by…" he complained sleepily.
The Headmaster was utterly delighted. "He remembers my name!"
He no longer cared. Sighing deeply and snuggling against his mentor's chest, Severus's eyes drooped and his breathing lengthened out.
"Has Professor Flitwick made any progress with the countercurse, Headmaster?" Harry asked softly.
"I'm sorry to say he hasn't. And quite honestly, I'm not sure if that's such a bad thing. Young Mr. Malfoy will undoubtedly already have reported to his father about what happened, which means Voldemort is aware of it as well. As long as we do not find the countercurse, or Voldemort provides it, he is at least safe from a Summons. Let him enjoy the respite for a bit."
Harry frowned. "But if Voldemort knows the countercurse and sees that we fail to return the Professor to adulthood, then he might try to kidnap him to do it himself."
"True," Dumbledore stroked the small nose, "We will have to be very careful. Tom wil expect us to protect Severus as we aren't supposed to know Severus is a spy for him. He has no Dark Mark now, see?"
Even in sleep, Severus instinctively tried to pull back his left arm when the sleeve was lifted. He woke a little, and gave a small cry in protest. Soon, however, he was relocated to the new crib and covered in wonderfully soft blankets.
Thinking that this was one part of childhood he COULD get used to, he ended his first de-aged day in peaceful slumber.