Author's Note: Oh yeah, back for chapter two! Thanks, everyone who reviewed! Just so you all know, I went and watched about twelve episodes of Gundam Wing to brush myself up and help with characterization. As it did years ago, my heart was filled with the urge to snuggle pitiful bishonen. Still, I hope you can't tell any difference that any of that might make between this chapter and the last. Please enjoy, everyone!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters (lucky for them). If I did, Heero would have had full permission to actually have a few emotions, and maybe a laugh that wasn't so... creepy.

For Your Info: This chapter is from the point of view of one displaced Perfect Soldier, stranded far away from his beloved technology in the middle of Godforsaken Nowhere. Yep, that's our Hee-chan!

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

My portable alarm clock went off at oh eight hundred hours. In one efficient motion I cut short its beeping, sitting up and taking stock of my surroundings.

All was as it should be. My gun was still under my pillow where I invariably place it before sleeping. My laptop was still inside its case resting on the bedside table. My other supplies were still at the foot of the bed where I had set them the night before.

Day two of our so-called "vacation" had begun.

Morning sunlight filtered through yellow curtains. My mission partner Duo Maxwell was still asleep, draped across his bed on the other side of the room. He had kicked the blankets off in the night and his head was hanging over the side of the matress, braid trailing on the wooden floorboards. His mouth was open slightly and he was drooling in his sleep, mumbling something much like "does this purse match my eyes?"

I snorted softly. He could sleep through an OZ bombing.

Getting out of bed, I quickly dressed and performed my morning stretches before gathering my laptop and making my way downstairs. Morning rations were in order, and I felt the need to check my email. Preventers could contact me at any moment requiring assistance, so it is most important that I should always remain open to communication.

No one was in the kitchen.

Wufei would no doubt be outside doing his ritual morning katas, and Trowa was most likely tending to his newly acquired animal, but I was not sure where Quatre could be. It was unlike him to sleep late or be otherwise absent before confirming that someone had started preparing breakfast.

Dismissing my curiosity, I placed my computer on the table and crossed over to the refrigerator. Although I am able to go long periods without food, and have on several occasions, I feel it is beneficial to begin the day with sustenance whenever possible. You never know where your next meal might come from, so it is good to be ready in case of emergencies.

I scanned the inside of the refrigerator and frowned. Three large plastic containers containing soil and earthworms. Seven cases of beer in glass bottles of various brands. An improvised notebook-paper sign reading "Do NOT Open!" in red marker attached to the duct taped vegetable drawer, obviously Quatre's doing. Not much in the way of rations.

I closed the refrigerator and looked for other options.

A small bucket of strawberries sat on the counter next to the sink. A good place to start. Biting into one, I continued to scan. There was a basket of eggs next to the berries, so I searched for and found a skillet.

By the time I had fried two of the eggs and washed another handful of strawberries, Duo had awoken. He staggered down the stairs and into the kitchen with a huge yawn, still in his boxers and undershirt. Before I could speak he had gravitated towards the stove. "Mmm, omelet..." he murmured, a hungry look in his eye.

"You can make your own," I informed him, placing my dish of eggs and berries on the table. It was not my job to make the braided baka breakfast. I was looking for something more to add to my meal when Quatre and Trowa came in from outdoors. Trowa carried a pail.

"Morning," Duo said, stifling another yawn. "Where ya been?"

Quatre had a very funny look on his face. "Oh, you know. Around..."

A slight smile flickered on Trowa's face. "We were just discovering," he said, sounding amused, "how to milk a cow. It was quite the... interesting experience." He placed the pail, which I now saw was full to the brim with milk, next to the egg basket.

Quatre made what can only be described as the "icky" face, staring down into the bucket with distaste. "Alright, we got the milk like Sis said. Although, what she expects us to do with it I have no idea..."

I crossed the room took a cup from the top cabinet. "That is obvious," I said, dipping the glass into the milk. "It is meant to be drunk, and it will go well with my other rations." I took a large gulp. It was quite refreshing.

"Eeeww!" Duo yelled, clapping a hand over his mouth. "Heero, that just came out of a freakin' cow! That's disgusting!"

"No," I corrected him, "it is whole milk. It is high in butter fat, which makes it very nutritious. Also there can be no question of its freshness." Topping off the glass I placed it on the table with the rest of my breakfast. Berries, eggs, and milk, all gathered that same morning. A very healthy meal, in all respects.

"So..." Duo dropped his voice to a confidential tone, leaning across the table toward me. "Was it like, still warm?"

"Somewhat."

"Awesome."

Quatre shuddered, shaking his head violently. "I'm beginning to realize," he muttered, "that there's more to living on a farm than they show you in the movies."

I smiled slightly, digging into my breakfast. I could think of a few other things farm life could involve that might not be particularly pleasant, such as animal death or, possibly even worse, procreation, but Quatre looked unsettled enough that I did not mention it.

It was at that moment the screen door slammed.

"Quatre!" Wufei's voice yelled.

"In the kitchen," the blonde called back.

I paused in eating, alarmed. Wufei sounded almost panicked.

I was not wrong. When he hurried into the room the Chinese boy did indeed appear extremely disturbed. He carried what I assumed was his katana, but he held it slightly behind his back and I could not see it clearly.

"What's the matter?" Quatre asked, looking startled.

Wufei appeared at a loss. "W-well, I was outside, practicing my katas, and, you see..." He smoothed his jet hair back with the free hand, trying to regain his composure. "Out of nowhere this... chicken... just comes flying down at me from under that big tree out on the side of the house. Before I knew it I... it was simply reflex and I... took a swing at it and..."

He held out the formerly concealed katana. It was dripping with what I could only assume was not ketchup.

"It appears I have inadvertently cost your sister a chicken. I apologize."

Quatre stared in disbelief. The silence was deafening. As usual, Duo was the first to break it.

"Oh my God, Wu!" he screamed, leaping out of his seat with enough force to make the table rock. My fresh glass of milk teetered and fell with a sploosh. "You just freakin' murdered a chicken! I can't believe you!"

"It was not intentional!" Wufei yelled back in dismay, dropping the soiled sword into the kitchen sink. "It just... lay there for a moment, then started to flop around like it wasn't dead yet, but its head was off and I..."

"Dude, you can't just go around playin' piñata with the poultry!" Duo laughed hysterically. "That's worse than the fridge snakes!"

"Had I been trying to deliberately kill something it would have been you, Maxwell!" Wufei screamed.

Quatre had his face buried in his hands. He was muttering "Oh, Allah" over and over.

After a moment I decided that he had a right to be upset, as it was in fact his sister's bird and he was ultimately responsible for informing her of its demise, and calmly went about cleaning up my lost milk. While I was at it I wiped up a few drops of chicken blood from the linoleum, mindful of Duo's complaints that I should spend less time on my laptop and more time helping with chores. As if he of the television and comic books had any room to talk.

Speaking of the laptop... Reminded of my earlier desire to check for contacts from Preventers, I threw away the wet paper towels and opened the computer case. As I was booting it up and logging on, I kept one ear on the conversation around me.

"Where is the chicken now?" Trowa, ever the practical one, asked.

"Still out on the lawn," Wufei replied. "Why? I'm afraid we can't do anything for it at this point."

"We can pick it up and dispose of it before it begins to decay," the banged one pointed out. "And I don't like the thought of the dogs getting a hold of it. It's unsanitary."

I myself thought it a waste of perfectly good provisions. The chicken was only minutes dead, after all, and could simply be thrown into the freezer and saved for when it was needed. However, I kept this to myself and instead asked, as the rest trooped out to bury the deceased, "Quatre, where is the Internet hookup?"

He stopped, looking confused. "There isn't one."

I blinked. Absurd. "There must be one. I can't reach any wireless networks from here."

"Well, Heero, some places don't have either one. Sis doesn't even have a computer." He turned back to the others, now resolved to complete their morbid task. "Come on, guys. There's probably a shovel in the shed."

They all filed out, leaving me as near a state of shock as is possible for one of my training.

Was it possible? Was I really to be without my window to the world for an entire week? Frantically I dug into the laptop case and found my cellular phone. It was imperative that I contact Preventer base immediately and inform them that my major mode of communication had been disabled.

The cell had no connection.

I moved from the kitchen into the dining room, hoping for better reception. No connection. Beginning to perspire, I hurried to the living room. Still no connection. In a blind panic I ran out of the house and down to the end of the drive. Nothing.

"Nooooo!"

O.O.O.O.O

Reentering the house a few minutes later, somewhat more slowly, I joined the others in the kitchen once more. They had taken care of the chicken. I had coped with my lack of cell phone.

Without asking permission I rang Preventers on the house line. Desperate times do not require permission for something so trivial, and sometimes a perfect soldier must do what a perfect soldier must do.

The others no doubt found my predicament amusing.

"Come on, Hee-chan, relax." Duo took up a position behind my chair and pretended to give me a shoulder massage. "We're on vacation! You're not supposed to worry about work! Let it go... just let it drift away..."

I turned slowly and gave him one of my much-practiced death glares. Unfortunately, he is my most frequent practice subject and had become somewhat immune to it by that point. "This is serious, baka," I snapped. "We are in a virtual communications dead zone! Just imagine what would happen if there was an emergency! We would be cut off, with no way of knowing until it was too late –"

"Now stop it!" Quatre said firmly, slapping a hand down on the carved wood of the tabletop. "Don't start thinking that way. We came out here to get away from pressure like that! Preventers, and the circus, and my company will just have to get along without us for a few days. I trust they're all fully capable."

I looked down, avoiding comment.

"Hey, I know what we can do!" Duo said suddenly, reaching past me for the papers Quatre's sister had left. They were still resting on the table from the night before. "Let's go here to get your mind off it!"

I looked at the proffered paper. On it was the scribbled description of a creek in the woods near the house, and with it a "swimming hole." I glanced at Duo incredulously.

"Oh, come on," he cajoled, waving the paper under my nose. "It's hot today and I wanna go swimming! It'll be fun! Look, it says there's even a tire swing."

I sighed, knowing I was in for it now. If I did not go with him he would have all the more reason to harass me this week. I was also sure that the others would have something to add to the subject that was not on my behalf. "Alright."

"Woot!" He was already halfway up the stairs. "Swim time!"

I followed at a more sedate pace. If we were going to be venturing away from our temporary base, even for a little while, I was rightly going to take a few necessary precautions. No one could stop me from at least being prepared.

We descended again a few minutes later, this time in our swimming trunks. I carried my backpack, loaded with a few small but useful items. Duo had only his towel, slung over one shoulder.

"Meet you on the porch," I told him, and he happily skipped out. I momentarily stayed behind, looking into the kitchen. Quatre was on the phone, probably informing his sister of the chicken's sudden misfortune. No good.

Wufei was nowhere to be seen, but I suspected that Quatre had told him to take his bloodied katana out of doors and out of the kitchen sink before washing it off. The sound of running water from the garden hose below the kitchen window supported my theory. No good there, either.

Finally I found Trowa in the living room, playing with his rabbit. I saw without much surprise that he was trying to teach it to jump through a brightly colored hula hoop. It did not appear to be cooperating.

"I have something for you," I said in my usual monotone, delving into my backpack and handing him a walkie talkie. "Duo and I are heading out. Keep this with you and we will carry the other. They're set to frequency four."

"Roger," he muttered without much concern. The rabbit had begun to nibble the corner of the area rug. The hoop lay forgotten.

Despite my reservations I left the house, not really noticing the screen door close behind me and bounce gently open again. It was after all unlikely that we would have need of the walkie talkies. The chances of two competent former Gundam pilots needing help this far from civilization, and therefor an enemy, were slim.

Duo joined me at the bottom of the drive and we proceeded around the house and towards the woods. I took a moment to admire our surroundings.

The sun was shining brightly in a blue sky entirely free of smog. The grass, deep green and luxuriously thick, felt surprisingly good under my feet. Slightly behind and to the left of the house myriad multicolored butterflies dipped and swayed over a large field of yellow flowering plants.

"Alfalfa," I murmured, unthinkingly quoting the field guide of country flora and fauna I had read up on a few weeks ago. It was a nice enough plant with a nice enough smell, and even I was forced to admit that it made the perfect backdrop for my bright yellow Hummer, parked at the edge of the field.

I stopped, taking a closer look. I did not remember parking it there. One of the others must have moved it from the driveway. But that was not the only odd difference in the vehicle. Now that I observed it closely, it seemed almost as if the paint were moving. Squirming, as it were, writhing and moving right on the surface of the Hummer.

"Watcha lookin' at, Heero?" Duo asked, pausing and waiting for me to catch up.

I was about to answer when it hit me. I gasped, my eyes bulging. "Bees!" I choked out, staring aghast at my Hummer. My adaptable and efficient military vehicle was completely covered in a swarm of bees!

"What? No way!" Duo was back at my side in an instant, also staring in disbelief at the spectacle. He, however, seemed to think it was good thing. "That is so cool! They must have thought your car was just one big yellow flower!"

"M... my Hummer..." I uttered, as close to a whimper as I have ever been. What if the paint was scratched!

Duo scratched his own braided head. "I dunno, Heero, but I think it'll be alright. I mean, they can't get in it or anything, and they're too small to hurt it at all. It should be okay."

Reluctantly I allowed him to steer me away from my precious vehicle. I had to admit that there was nothing I could do, in any case. Trying to frighten the bees away or otherwise remove them from the Hummer would only result in angry bees and numerous stings to my person.

However, if they were still loitering when we returned I did vow to try the garden hose.

On we went.

I ran over the instructions in my mind as I was accustomed to do before missions. We were to follow the road past the house for a quarter mile, then cross back into the woods. The creek should be impossible to miss. By following the creek downstream we should find a small waterfall and, with it, the swimming hole.

Unfortunately, Duo had other ideas.

"Why should we have to walk on the road?" he complained, staring out at the trees. "It's hard and dirty and out of our way, when we could walk right through the cow pasture and be there in five minutes!"

"I think we should follow the directions that were left for us," I began, but he was already crossing the grass toward the field. I frowned, highly annoyed. A year of being without a Gundam pilot's high-stakes orders and he was ready to throw mission protocol out the proverbial window. "Duo, I don't think that's a good idea!"

"Relax, Hee-chan," he soothed, hands already gripping the top board of the fence and one foot braced on the bottom-most slat. The towel was still draped over one shoulder. "We won't bother the cows any. Heck, we won't even open the gate. In and out, real quick. It'll be fine."

He was up and over before I could protest. I had no choice but to follow.

Trailing Duo through the lush, knee-high grass of the cow pasture, I kept a close eye on the cows and tried not to think about what it was possible to step in. I could almost imagine my companion's shrill screams of disgust. The thought almost made me smile... until he began to sing.

"Ol' McDonald had a farm, ee-aye ee-aye ooh..."

Across the field, bovine heads lifted from the grass. They stared at us curiously. As I could feel no outright malice from the herd, I let the singing go. I was still bothered, however.

"And on this farm he had some... cows... ee-aye ee-aye ooh..."

The cows continued to stare. They were not moving, but they were beginning to make me feel slightly nervous. Especially so was the large black animal closest to our current position. It marked our progress with great intensity, a large clump of grass hanging from the corner of its mouth.

"With a 'moo, moo' here..." Duo sang obliviously.

The large black cow began to move toward us. It moved steadily and with great determination. I was becoming agitated. "Ne... Duo..."

"... and a 'moo, moo" there..."

The animal continued to come closer. In moments I could clearly see that it was taller and more muscular than any of the others. More importantly than that, it had a pair of long, sharp horns jutting proudly from its forehead. I now became distinctly alarmed. This had to be a male, and we were smack in the center of its territory, a possible threat to its herd. "Duo..."

"...here a moo.."

The male cow increased its pace, coming faster. "Duo."

"...there a moo..."

It lowered its head menacingly, trotting now. "Duo!"

"...everywhere a 'moo, moo'..."

"Duo, please stop singing..." I was sweating now, attempting to walk faster while looking nonthreatening. I glanced behind me. It didn't work. The animal did not slow, was in fact gaining rapidly. And that was when Duo, all unknowingly, sealed our fate.

"Ol' McDonald had a farm," he sang at the top of his lungs, pulling the bright red towel off his shoulder.

I could only watch as he happily began to twirl it over his head to the enthusiastic finish of the song. My eyes followed it helplessly, a spinning blur of fire engine red. Around and around it went, a streak of crimson in the bright sun...

The animal charged.

"...eeee-aye eeee-aye ooooooooh–!"

"Duo, run!" I yelled, seizing him by the wrist and sprinting for the only cover available; a large shade tree in the middle of the pasture.

"Heero, what the–? Holy shit!"

Duo was the one practically dragging me by the time we reached the tree. We swung up into the branches barely in time, the animal crashing furiously into the trunk just inches under our bare feet. Enraged, it stormed around the base of the tree, snorting and pawing the ground.

"Stupid cow!" Duo yelled from the lowest of the thick branches. He swung the towel at it, trying to scare it into backing down. Unfortunately, the gesture was apparently interpreted as a challenge. "Buzz off! Go away!"

"Stop swinging that thing!" I demanded. "You're only making it angrier."

"What?" When he paused to glance up at me, the animal partially rose on its hind legs, viciously swiping its horns at the towel. At that height, it could nearly touch the branch.

"Duo, that's not safe!" I cried in alarm. As soon as we had gained the tree I had pulled myself higher into the branches, but I saw now that Duo was still much too low. "Drop the towel and climb higher!"

He laughed. "It's okay, Heero, it can't reach me. Watch, I bet I can make it chase it's tail!" He began to twirl the towel behind the animal. Indeed, it did begin to run in a circle, chasing the maddening object.

"Duo, I will not tell you again, get up here!"

"Geez, Heero, will you just chill ou–"

The animal lunged once more, rising higher on its back legs and slamming its horns into the branch. The bough bounced and swayed. There was a squeal of surprise from Duo, who moments later found himself hanging by one hand, dangling from the tree like a ripe fruit in full reach of the rampaging creature.

It was the towel that saved him. The rectangle of heavy red fabric landed squarely on the animal's face, tangling in the horns. While it was thus occupied shaking and pawing its head to be rid of the nuisance, Duo was able to scramble back up to safety.

"Now will you listen to me?" I asked calmly.

White as a sheet, he nodded so quickly his braid smacked him in the face. "Heero, that thing's crazy! It's probably got rabies or something! Make it go away!"

I nodded my agreement. Now that we were temporarily out of harm's way, I was able to fully examine our situation. And what a strange one it was for two former Gundam pilots, trained for every possible threat to our safety... except this one.

The enemy was still circling the base of the tree. It did not look likely to tire any time soon. I estimated the fence to be over sixty meters away. I did not know how fast cows could run, but odds were good we could not beat it there.

Seeking other options, I unzipped my backpack.

The first thing my hand closed upon was my gun. I hesitated. In other instances I would not have thought twice about using it, and this did qualify as a necessary circumstance. However, Quatre's relatives had already lost one of their number of livestock that day, and I did not think it prudent to kill the cow. Much larger than the chicken, it would undoubtedly be the more missed.

The next object pulled forth, a Preventer issue handheld taser, likewise was not practical. I would have to leave the safety of the tree and physically come into contact with the animal to use it. Besides, it was a very large cow. I did not fully trust the shock to do anything more than anger it even further.

That left only one option. I did not relish it, but it seemed that it was going to become necessary. Pulling out the walkie talkie, I radioed for help.

"Come in, Heavyarms," I demanded through the static, unconsciously falling back into our battlefield lingo. "Pilot 03, do you copy, over."

There were a few moments of pops and crackles before a voice answered. "Heero? Is that you?"

"Wufei?"

"Roger. What's wrong? Do you require assistance?"

"Affirmative. Let me talk to Trowa. He knows how to handle large, dangerous animals." I could hear Wufei's unspoken query. "Don't ask. I'll explain later."

After a few seconds I heard Trowa's voice. "Heero?"

"Trowa. What do you know about cows?" I was about to explain our dilemma when Duo snatched the device from me.

"Trowa! We're stuck in a tree and there's this insane cow with huge horns after us and we can't get down! Do something!" he bawled, sounding nearly hysterical. I think his near fall onto the prongs of fate had shaken him a bit.

There was startled silence from Trowa. "Oh. Okay. It must be a bull. They're full of testosterone, so they can become angry very easily. I'll see what I can do. Over."

So Duo and I sat in the tree in our swimsuits watching the bull mill around the trunk, waiting for Trowa to think of a plan. I wished I had some tear gas. What had possessed me to leave both canisters in my duffle bag at the house, I did not know. I should know enough by now to be prepared for anything. Floods. Fire. Nuclear war. Relena invasion. "Expect everything," was a favorite saying of Dr. J's.

After a little while the walkie talkie crackled to life once more. "Heero?"

"Pilot 01 here. Describe your mission details, over."

Trowa likewise snapped back to pilot lingo. "We have located a set of red bed sheets. Pilots 04 and 05 will stand just inside the gate and use them to lure the enemy away from you. They will then jump back over the fence and I will try to entice and keep the animal distracted with a bucket of feed. When your tree is clear, run. Over."

I could hear Wufei in the background throughout, complaining loudly as per his habit. "This is never going to work! Barton, I... are you even listening? Quatre, can't you do something about this? You and I are going to be gored!"

Quatre said something that was muffled by static.

"Well I understand that they are in danger, but that does not make me a matador, dammit!" Wufei yelled in his most exasperated tone. "I know nothing about taming wild cows!"

"It's not a cow, it's a bull," Trowa said calmly. Then to us, "Sit tight, you two. We'll be right there."

Duo grabbed my wrist and yelled into the speaker. "Hurry, Tro! This cow wants us dead, I mean it!"

"It's a bull," Trowa repeated a bit more firmly.

"Trowa," Quatre called in the background amid much scuffling, " should we wave the sheet back and forth or up and down when we distract the cow?"

"It's a bull," Trowa said again, louder.

I was getting impatient. "Affirmative!" I snapped. "You may begin operation cow distraction, ov–"

"I said it's a BULL!" Trowa screamed.

Startled by the outburst and the screeching static that followed, Duo dropped the walkie talkie. It hit the bull directly between the eyes, sending it into another raging, snorting, stomping fury. In moments the walkie talkie was in pieces, the pieces trampled into the grass.

So we were back to waiting, our only communication destroyed. Duo sat in silence for a few minutes, then suddenly giggled. "Hey, Heero, know what?"

"What?" I gritted.

"If one of us jumped on that thing's back from here, we'd have a rodeo! That'd be cool, don't ya think? Wouldn't it? Huh?"

I stared at the boy who had singlehandedly brought about my current humiliating and uncomfortable position. Before I could shove him out of the tree, however, there was a flash of red from across the field. From our perch we could clearly see Quatre and Wufei waving the sheets. Trowa stood near them shaking a pail. All three were yelling loudly.

The bull took the bait.

When it was halfway across the field and well away from the tree, I gave Duo a shove. "Go," I commanded.

Throwing my backpack over one shoulder I leapt from the branch, Duo following closely. He snatched up his towel, now sporting several large rips and tears, and we sprinted for the fence. In record time we were up, over, and panting on the other side.

Straightening, I peered back over the fence. The enemy had forgotten us. There was no charging bull intent on breaking through all barriers to taste our blood.

Satisfied, I turned to my partner. I expected nothing less from him than a full apology for his recent foolishness, disregarding the rules and almost getting the both of us killed. Had the war still been on, Dr. G would have had his hide.

After a moment of gasping for breath, Duo abruptly stood. I waited patiently. Then, smoothly patting his hair back into place, he gave me a charming and altogether calm grin. "Well, that worked out nicely."

I punched him in the stomach.

O.O.O.O.O

"From now on, when I say not to do something, I expect you not to do it."

"Yeah, yeah."

"This includes but is not limited to climbing fences, swinging things at angry animals, and shoving me down a steep embankment, even in a playful manner."

"Whatever, Heero, whatever."

We were trooping down the center of the creek, ankle deep and sometimes deeper in ice cold stream water. Both of us were covered in mud, leaves and twigs from our spill down the side. Had we been on a reconnaissance mission it would have been the perfect camouflage. Duo had of course jokingly pushed me, and I had obligingly pulled him along by way of his braid when the soft bank soil crumbled beneath me.

"You are aware that loosening up can, on occasion, lead to having fun?" he asked me.

"If being treed by a charging bull, running for my life, and tumbling twenty feet down a hill into forty five degree water could be classified as fun in any way..." I began.

"Oh, never mind," he grumbled as we reached the swimming area.

A waterfall roughly the height of an average man spilled over a rocky ledge. Uneven stone steps carved naturally by the rushing water led down the side of the fall, into a large pool which I immediately entered despite the cold to wash off the mud and debris. The water came up nearly to the top of my chest.

"Banzai!" Duo yelled as he left the flying swing made of thick rope and a decrepit tractor tire. He landed directly on top of me. Why I have gone so long without fulfilling my almost daily death threats, even I do not fully understand. Dr. J would be so disappointed in me.

Half stalking, half swimming away from the braided hurricane, I looked around me.

This was an ideal area for an emergency base. Pure, clear water almost completely shaded by tall trees, only touched here or there with a sparkling sunbeam reflecting in its pools. The occasional frog leapt from a rock or fallen, moss-covered log to swim away downstream. Dragonflies flittered back and forth across the water's surface. I could make out the tracks of deer and some sort of large wading bird in the mud at the waters edge.

Duo was happily cavorting near the center of the pool. I supposed that this was one of those simple, natural delights that those of us raised on colonies do not get to experience often. That in mind, I admitted silently that I could try just a bit harder to enjoy myself.

Suddenly though Duo let out a "Yipe!" and stopped splashing, glaring intently down into the water.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Something just touched my leg."

"It was probably a frog," I stated.

"It didn't feel like a frog. It felt... pricklier. Maybe a fish?"

"Not likely." Other than this particular spot, I doubted that the creek was deep enough to support fish. "Just ignore it. I doubt it is a threat."

"Yeah, I guess." But Duo did not move, and in another moment stifled another yelp. "There it was again! It's messing with my toes now!"

"Don't move," I told him with a sigh. "Let the water settle and I'll see what it is."

We both remained still for some minutes, letting the natural flow of the stream return the water to its previously clear state. When all the sediment had once again settled to the bottom, I took a breath and went under, carefully to avoid clouding the water again. At once I located the source of my friend's annoyance and, closing my hand firmly around it, brought it to the surface.

"Whoa!" Duo exclaimed when I held it out to him. "It's a mini lobster!"

"Crayfish," I corrected. "Commonly known as crawdad." The thing was latched onto my thumb by its largest pincher. It hurt mildly, but not nearly enough to be harmful or even distracting. It disengaged, gave a powerful flip of its tail, and disappeared back into the water. "Satisfied?"

"Yep. Hey, what's under here?" Losing interest in the crawdad, Duo disappeared behind the waterfall.

"Anything?" I asked, mildly curious. I could hear vague splashing, nearly drowned out by the fall, and Duo's voice, strangely echoing and muted by the curtain of rushing water.

"Yeah!" he answered. "There's a ledge in here... it's kinda like a little cave! I can sorta stand up, even. Eww, it's all drippy and slimy!"

"Then come out," I suggested reasonably.

"Nah, it's okay. I just wanna see..."

I could see his shadow moving behind the water. The crawdads were at it again, tickling my toes. A frog croaked. Then, from under the waterfall, a horrible scream.

Duo leapt out from behind the spray headfirst, landing back in the pool with an enormous splash. "My foot!" he yowled, kicking and thrashing the water to white foam. "Something's got my foot!"

I saw with some alarm that there was indeed something hanging from his right foot, being propelled in a circle due to his excitement. I hoped he had not stepped in some sort of trap behind the fall.

"Hold, still," I commanded, grabbing his leg as it kicked up out of the water. This inadvertently caused him to fall backwards and submerge, but I was able to see the problem clearly.

There was a turtle biting his middle toe. Its sharply pointed beak and unique markings identified it as a young snapping turtle, it's shell the size of my hand. The toe was bleeding, and I did not think Duo should be upside down in the water for long. The turtle needed to be removed. Placing my forefinger and thumb on either side of its beak, I squeezed gently. I wanted it to let go of its mistaken prey, but I did not want to accidentally break its jaw.

My approach worked. The turtle popped loose and fell into the water with a 'ker-plunk!' I hauled Duo upright, pounding him on the back as he coughed and cursed. I let him vent his anger for a moment while I decided what to do. The toe wound was not serious, but perhaps standing in the water was not such a good idea considering creek microorganisms and bacteria.

"We should go back and find something that will disinfect..." I began, when a sudden severe pain from the region of my swim shorts effectively distracted me. My first thought was of torture, electric battery clamps attached to one's most sensitive area in the attempt to make one tell all... Investigating it immediately, I pulled forth another crawdad.

Through his pain, Duo sniggered.

Momentarily forgetting both self control and propriety, I lobbed the crustacean as far upstream as I possibly could. It went quite some distance. "We're leaving," I said pointedly, picking up my backpack. "Right now."

For once, Duo had no complaints.

O.O.O.O.O

An unfortunate episode involving leeches later, we arrived back in the kitchen of our temporary base, one of us with a severe limp. No one else was in a better mood.

For some reason the screen door had not latched properly and, while the others were outdoors investigating the barns and playing catch with the dogs, the house had miraculously filled with a swarm of flying insects.

Trowa had immediately seized a flyswatter and Wufei had gone for the aerosol can of poison under the sink, but there had been no dent made in the enemy until Quatre had decided to suck them into the vacuum cleaner. Now as Duo and I sat at the table bandaging his foot, they were cleaning up the remainder that had died via swat or poison.

"And what would you bet," Wufei grumbled, "that we'll be sweeping up their tiny little corpses for the rest of the weekend?"

I pulled a stray salamander out of Duo's braid while he was distracted. Maybe it would be prudent to offer him first use of the shower. As he limped off up the stairs to the bathroom, however, my countenance became grim.

I did not know what lay in store for us in the remaining three days of our "vacation," but I did know one thing. Beginning tomorrow, I would be much, much better prepared.

That thought firmly in mind, I followed Duo upstairs. The first thing I needed to do was check my ammunition...

O.O.O.O.O

To Be Continued.

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(2nd) Author's Note: Whew! Writing is a good summertime activity, because you move little and conserve bodily coolness. Anyhow... What horrible, hillbilly-esque fate still awaits for our city-boy heroes? And, more importantly, will they really be forced to do... that?! Find out soon in chapter three!