Author's Note: Alrightie… (deep breath) Here we go with chapter five! This actually makes me kind of happy, as this is the second longest fic I've posted chapter wise. To my lovely, lovely reviewers, and all my other readers, thanks for sticking with me. I love you. Enjoy chapter five!
Disclaimer: I know you understand the depth of the pain I feel when typing these words: Gundam Wing is not mine. If it were, Quatre would be, literally, Cat-re. You know, with ears and a fluffy tail. (prrrrr…)
For Your Info: At long last, this is Quat's chapter. The poor dear has been waiting so patiently to have his breakdown….
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
Everyone has mornings when they don't want to get out of bed. Mine occur almost every day. Normally, though, I can cope with the early hour and frantic morning rushes with a nice, crisp newspaper and a hot cup of strong tea. Yes, the tea… there's just something about the tea that makes it easier to go on.
That morning, however, the morning of our fifth and last day on my sister's farm, my desire to remain in bed was stronger than usual. Never mind the fact that the bed in question was very small, had a pink comforter, and I had to remove a stash of crumbled cookies from under the pillow before using it. That didn't matter in the slightest given what I would have to face up to after I left it.
I had been woken at dawn by the steady squeak, squeak of a rotating hamster wheel, but hadn't even tried to get up. Curled under the pink Cinderella blanket, staring at the lilac colored wallpaper, I came up with two very good reasons as to why I should stay there for the rest of my life.
The first reason was that there was no tea awaiting me downstairs, only coffee, and under normal circumstances that would have been more than enough to justify not emerging until noon or so. The second reason, though, made me want to crawl under the bed and avoid ever coming out.
It was all rushing back with nauseating speed.
Storm. Opossums. Being trapped by said opossums on top of a kitchen cabinet in the dark while Heero threw gas grenades and shot holes in my big sister's floor.
Oh, yes, the floor. The repairmen from the hardware store should be there soon to lay in the new floorboards. I sighed, finally crawling out of my little niece's bed. One more thing to add to the list of petty details that I wasn't going to tell my sister.
Quickly gathering my clothes, I rushed to beat the others to the shower.
Now, if I had thought my sisters took a long time in the bathroom growing up, the thought has since then been far eclipsed by the amount of time my friends spend on their hair every morning. Everyone has their own style, and as such they require a completely different set of hair products of their choice, each one a different brand and fragrance and serving a different purpose.
For Trowa, it's extra-hold gel. For Heero, it's whatever industrial strength soap will clean the mechanic's grease and machine oil residue off him. For Wufei, it has to be slightly perfumed hair oil for extra shine. Duo will accept nothing less than top quality moisturizing conditioner. And if I do have a slight preference for floral and fruit-scented soaps, who can take issue in the face of everyone else's needs?
Normally I don't mind waiting for Duo to braid his long hair or Trowa to gel his coxcomb into place. This morning, however, I needed to get downstairs quickly to brew some coffee and await the repair squad. I also wanted to make sure that there were no dogs or any other kind of interruption present that would delay the new floor. Things would be a bit hard to explain if my family came home and found their kitchen in the midst of an extensive renovation.
Of course, as never fails, I was on the second stage of rinse and repeat when someone flushed the downstairs toilet. A second later the water ran hot. Too hot!
"Whoever did that, thanks!" I yelled, nearly tearing the shower curtain down in my frantic attempts to get out from under the scalding water. The shampoo I had randomly grabbed smelled of cinnamon; it was running into my eyes and stung like hot sand.
"Sorry, Q-man!" Duo yelled back from downstairs.
Of course he was. They always were. But that never stopped them from doing it again. I made a mental note to wash a load of whites the next time he was trying to wash his hair on a time budget.
Eventually, the water returned to a more tolerable temperature and I was finally able to make it downstairs. Sure, my hair was still a mess and the slight waves in back were worse than usual from manually toweling it dry, but sometimes there are more important issues to be dealt with than where Duo has left the hairdryer. Not often, but sometimes.
"Morning, everyone," I mumbled when I reached the kitchen, heading straight for the cabinet where the coffee tin is kept. Not that two of them ever really answer, but they all notice when I don't greet them. Anyway, it's nice to start the day on a pleasant note.
"Good morning." Trowa could always be counted on for a good morning, but then he usually didn't say much the rest of the day. He was at the table with Heero and Wufei. The three of them were sharing a newspaper and, by what seemed some sort of unspoken signal, every once in a while they would suddenly swap whichever pages they had just finished.
"Mornin,' Quat." Duo held the coffee tin. For some reason he had a wide grin on his freshly washed face. "Want some coffee?"
"Yes, please, thanks." Without further ado I reached for the tin.
"Are you sure…?" he asked, pulling the coffee out of my reach.
What was this? Of course I wanted it. He should know by now that I need caffeine to survive. "Yes. Please let me have it."
"I don't know…" He was still holding it away. Getting annoyed, I took the initiative and made a grab for what I wanted. The tin was jerked up, down, and from side to side as I frantically tried to get my hands on it. Finally the braided twerp had the nerve to hold it above my head.
"Come on, Quat, jump for it! Jump for it, boy!"
"Duo, I'm serious, give it to me!"
"It's right there! Jump! You can do it!"
"DUO!" I wailed, rising up on my toes to scrabble desperately at the coffee that hovered just beyond my fingertips. Never mind that I must have looked like a fool, I wanted my coffee! Why was he doing this? What had I done to deserve such a punishment? "Heero! Make him stop!"
"Maxwell!" Wufei finally yelled in his most exasperated voice, slamming down his glass of juice and glaring when it looked like Heero was going to ignore my plea. "Just give him the damn coffee!"
Duo pouted, lowering the tin a fraction. "Aww, but…"
"He's not going to say it, Duo." Trowa mercifully folded his section of the paper and came over to help me, taking the coffee away from my torturer and dropping it into my quivering hands. "It's not nice to torment people so early in the morning."
"What were you trying to get me to say, anyway?" I asked suspiciously as I filled the coffee maker and the others returned to their previous activities.
Duo shrugged, grinning around a mouthful of Pop-tart. "I wanted to hear you swear again."
"Swear?" I was taken aback. "When did you hear me swear? And more importantly, what did you hear me say?"
"You know, that one word you yelled last night that no one's ever supposed to say…?"
I turned my back on them to hide a red face as I remembered. Ah, yes. That word. As I recalled, I'd said it twice. "Ah, no. No, I don't think I remember saying anything bad last night."
"Oh, but I think you did…"
"Nonsense, Duo, nonsense." I could feel the others grinning. Not good. No matter the circumstances under which I'd uttered the illicit word, if I admitted it now I'd never live it down. I was grasping for a topic change when there came a loud banging on the front door. "Well, look at that. The floor guys are here."
Taking the can of coffee with me, I hurried from the room. This might have been the last day of the trip, but it promised to be a long one.
O.O.O.O.O
"Trowa, he's sniffling my hair again…"
"It probably smells good to him."
"It tickles. Hey now, bunny, don't eat it!"
When the workmen requested that we vacate the kitchen, everyone had opted to go outdoors. It was a beautiful day, the storm of the night before a mere memory.
Heero had slunk off into the barn, I suspected to tamper with the farm machinery. Wufei and Duo were playing catch in the yard while trying to avoid both the dogs that kept leaping for the ball and the mad rooster that continued to make angry passes at Wufei's legs. Trowa and I had sprawled under the large oak tree in the front yard, letting his rabbit hop around between us and nibble the fresh grass.
Trowa, his back rested against the tree, read obliviously on in the comic he'd borrowed from Duo. The breeze rustled the leaves overhead. Soft white clouds floated lazily by.
The rabbit hopped again and came into contact with my hand. Eyes closed, absently petting the soft fur, I sighed happily. Now this was what vacations were supposed to be like! Sleep was beginning to threaten when the front door opened and the head workman stepped outside.
"Hey, boy? You may wanna come in here fer a second."
I sighed again, this time for a different reason. Boy? What a rude way to address the person signing your paycheck…. Oh, well. With supreme effort of will I got to my feet, carefully not stepping on the rabbit. They must have finished the floor quicker than they had expected. Pleasantly surprised, I went into the house.
O.O.O.O.O
"No." I shook my head firmly in denial.
"Yep, I'm 'fraid so."
"No, it's not possible! Don't say things that aren't possible!"
"Sorry, son," the man drawled, breaking a piece of a torn floorboard easily in half. "It's very possible, 'specially in old houses like this. Yer sister's got termites. Bad termites. I figure yer friend puttin' a few holes in this 'ere floor's 'bout the best thing that coulda happened ta ya'll. Least now we can fix it afor somebody falls through inta the basement, like."
I peered down into the sawdust-covered mess that used to be the kitchen floor. The undersides of all the boards were riddled with holes and tunnels that the little insect devils had been making inroads in for who knew how long. With a loud groan of resignation, I rubbed halfheartedly at my tired eyes. This could not possibly be happening to me….
"You realize, Quatre," Heero said suddenly from behind me, "that I could most likely solve this problem with a few more gas canisters."
I shuddered, almost able to see a horde of flaming termites fleeing the carnage that only Hee-chan the Destroyer could wreck upon them. Most definitely not a good idea. "Uh, no thanks, Heero. I think we should probably leave this to the professionals."
Heero pouted slightly but didn't argue.
"I figure we can have pest control 'ere by noon," the contractor drawled, kicking small pieces of scrap wood into the hole. "One good spray oughta take care o' the termites. Pendin' cleanup, waitin' for the fumes to dissipate, and layin' in the new floor, we oughta be done by…"
"You have until eight o'clock this evening," I informed him, waving my checkbook pointedly. He followed it with his eyes. "This mess will be gone and this kitchen as good as new when my sister comes home. Also, there will be a pet rabbit, a bird, some goldfish, and a hamster in one of the upstairs bedrooms. Should they be harmed in any way by the spraying I will unleash upon you the man who shot up this floor in the first place, and retribution will be swift and final. Do we have an understanding?"
Heero's eyes gleamed.
The contractor gulped. "Sure do."
"Good." Smiling brightly, I drafted him the first check. "This is for materials. If you'll kindly give me the number, I'll contact pest control."
Things progressed rather rapidly after that. By the time I had ended a rather persuasive call to pest control, the rest of the contractor's construction team had arrived and finished tearing out the damaged floor at a very productive pace. Within twenty minutes after that the termite van had arrived and begun setting out their equipment with gusto.
"I'm afraid you and your friends will have to leave the house for awhile," the woman in charge of the spraying told us. "Unless, of course, you'd like to keep your pets company upstairs for a few hours."
Duo in particular balked. "No way! This is our last day of vacation! We can't waste it doing nothing!"
"What would you suggest?" Trowa asked him, giving the rabbit a final carry 'round before it went into upstairs isolation.
"I think we should go back to the fair. We can ride some rides, play games, eat fair food 'til we're sick… and not in drag…"
"I really must protest," Wufei growled. I could almost see the flashbacks running through his mind. True, the fair hadn't been the best of experiences for us so far, but that may well have been just the circumstances. Maybe if we went back in a purely tourist state of mind and did nothing but look for a good time, things would be better.
"Can anyone think of something else to do?" I asked diplomatically. No one could. "Okay then, Duo, looks like we're going to the fair."
"Woot! Alright!" He was out the door and halfway to the Hummer before anyone else could blink. Apparently he was eager to get started.
Leaving the kitchen in the hands of the workers and what I hoped was a benevolent higher power, we set out to make the best of the last day of our trip. There was, of course, immediately a setback.
"Gyaah!" Duo coughed and choked, backing rapidly away from the Hummer. "Heero, why does the car smell so bad!"
"I sprayed it with vinegar," the Perfect Soldier explained smugly, "to get rid of the bees. As you can see, it was most effective."
"Oh, I get it. So that's why you limped up last night laughing like a maniac and covered in sting welts."
"I was only stung six times! Considering the vast numbers of the enemy force, that should be counted of very little consequence. Besides, you should be thankful I had the consideration to wash the vinegar off myself before entering our room."
Trying our best to ignore the pungency of the vinegar, we all piled in. When Heero revved the engine, a final pouf was heard as the very last of the honeybees were expelled in a small cloud from the tailpipe.
"To the fair, James!" Duo cried, slinging an arm around Heero's neck from behind. Heero smacked him hard. Wufei laughed in that slightly evil way of his. And somehow, despite the fact that thus far our vacation had, in the words of Duo, "sucked cookies," I couldn't help but think that today at least might turn out to be pretty good.
I am officially no longer an optimist.
O.O.O.O.O
"I wanna go on this one, and that one, and that one there…"
Our afternoon at the fair was off to a grand start. Duo chased circles around the rest of us, loudly pointing out each and every ride he deemed worthy of having a go at while simultaneously chattering on about what type of mechanics most likely operated each set of equipment. That intelligence combined with almost hyperactive enthusiasm is what trounces the enemies foolish enough to tackle our cheerful Shinigami.
"Oh, and that one! Let's go on that one, Heero!"
Heero glanced with disinterest at the ride. It was the one that spins a large circular base, and three smaller bases with giant teacups spin on top of that, and you turn a wheel in the middle of your group to make your individual cup spin as well. Heero blinked. "Affirmative. But why is it pink?"
"Only one of the cups is pink. We can get another one. Let's go!"
Dragging Wufei (who was protesting as usual, this time about useless rainbow-colored rides) along with us, we selected our cups and latched the little door gate closed.
"This kind of reminds me of the G-force training we did before piloting for the first time," Trowa commented as the ride began. I made a face at the memory. Piloting was fun, in its own way. Force training for it on the centrifuge was spinningly repetitive to the point of making you nauseous.
"Hey guys, bet me and Heero can make our cup spin faster than yours!" Duo called as their green cup spun by.
"What is the point of that?" Heero asked blankly.
"Just shut up and turn the wheel, okay? Hey, man!" Leaning out of the cup, Duo caught the attention of the man operating the ride. "Faster!"
There were no small children riding at the moment, so the man grinned back and cranked the lever at his elbow. The cups immediately began to blur. I wondered if that had been a good idea.
"We're gonna beat you…!" Duo sang as their cup flashed by once more.
"As if!" Wufei yelled back, and the challenge was on, with no more reason than Wufei hated to be beaten. At anything. Shrugging good-humoredly, Trowa grabbed the wheel and lent a hand. I simply sat back and enjoyed the wind in my face, as three against two wasn't fair.
It wasn't long, though, before I became fairly alarmed. We were spinning at an awful rate. I was clutching the sides of the seat with both hands and still I was being slammed into Wufei every time our cup hit its pivot point. I only saw Heero and Duo in small flashes. Duo's braid was whipping about in every direction. Most likely it was at an acceptable velocity to slice cleanly in half whatever it might happen to come into contact with.
"Uh, guys?" I shouted over the whistling breeze and the whir of stressed machinery. "Don't you think it might be a good idea to slow it down a little?"
"Never!" Wufei cried, and redoubled his efforts. Trowa was laughing out loud for the first time in a long while; no help there. All I could do was sink down inside the cup and not look at anything over the rim. It was all spinning by so fast…
I didn't realize how bad I looked until Trowa commented on it. "Quatre, are you alright?" he asked, appearing somewhat alarmed.
"Huh? Oh, sure, I'm fine…"
"Winner, I swear, if you throw up I'm throwing you out!" Wufei gritted, still spinning the wheel with all his strength.
"I'm not going to be sick!"
When at last the ride began to slow and finally came to a stop, I again ventured to look over the rim. The rainbow lights that decorated the sides of the ride and the area around it were still spinning charmingly. "Wow, Trowa… look at all the pretty colors…" He caught me before I fell flat on my face.
Duo and Wufei were faced off, bracing themselves against the sides of the cups as they glared at one another.
"See, I told you we'd beat you."
"Like hell, Maxwell. We went faster."
"No you didn't! We won!"
"I think not!"
"I think so!"
"I think that it isn't possible to determine the exact speed of rotation and velocity reached by each cup without the proper equipment," Heero finally put in. He was standing straight and didn't appear the least bit affected. I wasn't surprised. "I suggest that you call it a drawn and find something else to do."
Duo pouted and Wufei glared, but they relented and declared a tie. However, the next challenge was called even before we were able to fully make our rather dizzy way off the teacups.
"Bumper cars!" Duo crowed, weaving unsteadily yet unerringly in their direction with Wufei in hot pursuit.
"Do you two even want to go?" Trowa asked Heero and I.
Heero shrugged, presumably indicating that he really didn't care either way.
"As long as it doesn't spin, I'm game," I said, finally letting go of Trowa's very supportive shoulder. "Let's go catch them before we get split up."
The very thought of a competitive Duo and Wufei alone together in the foreign environment of a country fair was enough to give me the heebie-jeebies, and not entirely without reason.
O.O.O.O.O
It turned out that Heero absolutely loved the bumper cars.
We stayed on them for over half an hour, and after the first five minutes or so no one would go near him. I kept one eye on him while stalking Trowa's car around the perimeter of the rink. Laughing maniacally, Heero would chase down his prey with the speed and efficiency of a hunting jaguar, only to slam them mercilessly. Duo thought it hilarious, but I was forced to call a halt when angry mothers began to glare and not allow their children on the ride.
The bumper cars pretty much set the mood for the rest of the afternoon. Heero was now firmly in competitive combat mode, which suited Duo and Wufei just fine. They went from one ride to another, somehow always managing to turn it into a race or competition. Who could make their way through the House of Mirrors the fastest? Who could scream the loudest on the roller coaster? Who could make their shoe fly off the farthest while on the chair swings?
Duo unquestionably won the last round, one of his black high-tops soaring almost out of sight. When we finally caught up with it, it was floating in the Win-A-Fish goldfish pond. The owner, having been hit by the shoe before it fell into the water, was understandably displeased.
"Would anyone else like something to eat?" I asked almost desperately when it appeared that they wanted to start yet another contest. It was getting late in the day. It was hot and humid, I was hungry, and we were running out of little paper tickets for the rides.
"Hey, sure!" Duo grinned hugely, forcing his foot back into the soggy shoe. "Lead on, moneybags. This place is like a country-style buffet."
I very nearly retracted the offer. I may have had the money, but if he was going to make comments like that it definitely wouldn't be hard to let him pay for a change.
He must have read it on my face, for he quickly made a contrite little moue and began to pat my head appeasingly. "Eh, sorry. What I meant to say was, would you please buy me lunch, as I am poor and hungry and have no money at the moment?"
"That's what I thought you said."
"One of the smaller barns near the entrance has been turned into a grill," Trowa offered helpfully, flipping through the small fair map. "If we decide to eat there, we can at least sit at a picnic table."
"Wonderful. I'm sure I have always dreamed of eating in a barn," Wufei grumbled as we promptly switched directions and headed for the impromptu restaurant. But he didn't grumble very loudly, as the obvious second option was sitting in the grass somewhere and eating off our knees.
When we arrived, the lunch rush was luckily winding down. We moved into the line, scanning the hand painted menu boards. It was the usual country fast food fare; hamburgers, hotdogs, french-fries and soda, but it all looked (and smelled) strangely good. Maybe the farm lifestyle was rubbing off on me.
"Mmm, burgers," Duo drooled, little hearts in his eyes. "Coke… corn dog… hot, greasy fries…"
Trowa shook his head slightly at Duo's junk food attachment. He was obviously thinking along the more healthy lines of a fresh salad. I wondered what he would say if I did wind up ordering a hamburger.
"Spare-rib sandwich," Heero mused quietly. "Barbeque pork chop? Or maybe the… Wufei, what are you ordering?"
"Chicken," Wufei growled softly, an evil smirk in place. Perhaps he was still dwelling on the rooster that kept ambushing him? He and poultry seemed not to get along well.
The fried food was beckoning, its call becoming inexplicably stronger. When our turn finally came, four out of the five orders were, not surprisingly, not exactly what one could term "healthy." What was surprising was that Trowa simply shrugged and accepted the fact that, while on vacation, there was going to be grease and sugar consumption by the rest of the party. Taking his salad, he went to find us a table.
"Ketchup, mustard, extra mayo," Duo hummed, flipping the top bun off his hamburger and reaching for condiments. I did the same, helping myself to a bottle of ketchup. Which would not come out.
Frowning, I squeezed the plastic bottle a little harder. There was no result. I could feel that it was still reasonably full, however, so with a sigh I unscrewed the lid and made to pour some onto my cheeseburger. A ketchup-covered beetle slid out, narrowly missing my plate.
My eye twitched.
To give the beetle its due, it was not a roach. Still, the fact that there was indeed an insect in the ketchup it was quite bad enough.
Did I scream or not? That was the question. If I didn't, who knew what we might be eating. If I did, we would either have to leave the fairgrounds to find better food and then pay to get back in afterwards, or we wouldn't be eating for hours.
"There's no more ketchup," I said hurriedly, dumping the remainder of the bottle over the edge of the table. My appetite was firmly gone. I resolved silently that from then on I would never, ever trust house-made condiments, even in the most expensive of dining establishments.
O.O.O.O.O
"That. Was absolutely. The nastiest thing. In the world."
"Wufei, it was one rat. One. And we are, in fact, in the middle of the country, surrounded by easy food. Purely coincidental."
"Easy for you to say, Barton," Wufei snarled, stalking ahead of the group. "It didn't try to go up your pant leg."
I cowered behind, feeling somewhat guilty. I should have pulled the plug after the beetle. Besides that, I had seen the animal run under the table, but I hadn't got a good look at it and thought it was a squirrel lost in the building by mistake. By the time I had the idea to lift the tablecloth and saw the rodent, bold as brass, climb Wufei's pant leg, it was too late. He was not pleased.
"Anybody want to go on the Ferris wheel?" I asked feebly.
"I do!" Duo sang unsurprisingly, pulling Heero along with him. "Let's go!"
"Coming, Wufei?" Trowa asked over his shoulder.
Wufei was stalking away. "Absolutely not. It is about to rain."
I glanced up. Well, it was a little overcast and the wind was picking up, but it didn't look like it was going to rain any time soon. "Are you sure? I really doubt it'll rain in just the time it takes to go around once or twice…."
"No thank you." And Wufei disappeared pointedly in the direction of the gaming booths.
Shrugging, the remaining four of us got in line for the Ferris wheel, forcing ourselves to think happy thoughts.
"Hey, I think I can see the house from here!" Duo yelled from the seat below me as the ride took us up over the trees. "Check it out, Heero."
A lightly admonishing "Baka, you're rocking the car," was all the answer he got.
I sighed, gazing out across the fairgrounds as the ride went slowly in circles. First we went up… then we came down. Up… down… up… down. It was actually quite soothing. Soothing until I felt the car jerk alarmingly and Trowa was no longer beside me.
"Trowa, what are you doing?" I yelled. He had jumped out of the seat and was slowly walking on the frame of the Ferris wheel as it turned.
"Don't worry, I saw this in a movie once," he called as our seat began to descend without him.
"That's awesome!" Duo laughed, looking up and grinning. "Way to go, Tro!"
People walking on the ground below began to look up as well, laughing and waving, enjoying the spectacle of the man on top of the Ferris wheel. He looked so at ease, smiling and waving back, they must have thought he was a trained performer of some sort. Which, I suppose, he is.
Seeing that all was well, I finally relaxed and began to laugh myself. We've been slowly trying to train Trowa into random acts of fun and spontaneity, so seeing him do something so out of the ordinary for no apparent reason was a good sign that our work was paying off.
Our car was moving up again. It was almost level for Trowa to jump back in when the first drop of rain hit me between the eyes. With an indignant growl I wiped it off, glaring at the sky. It would not dare.
"What's the matter?" Trowa asked, leaping lightly back into his seat.
"Just a raindrop," I explained. "So, what movie did you see that stunt… what the heck!"
And it began to pour.
For lack of a better word, it was a deluge. One minute the sky was all but clear, and the next we were being soaked to the bone at the top of the Ferris wheel. It was like being under the shower.
I could hear Duo's indignant screams and curses from the car below us. All around people were shrieking and laughing as they ran for cover. Rides were coming to a halt all around the fair.
"Well," I told Trowa dully, shaking soaked hair out of my eyes, "it could be worse. At least they're letting people off the rides…"
I think by now you might be able to guess what happened next. As if by some divine intervention that had merely been waiting for those words to leave my mouth, the Ferris wheel shuddered and ground to a halt. Trowa and I were at the very top.
"What the hell!" came Duo's screech from below.
I glanced over the side. Thick, black smoke was rising from the machinery at the base of the ride. The ride operator glanced up, met my gaze, and shrugged helplessly.
"Sorry, kid! Nothin' I can do now!"
And the scumbag ran off! He simply ran away to find shelter leaving me, my friends, and nearly thirty other passengers stuck on the malfunctioned ride. I was livid, to say the least.
"Oh NO you don't!" I screamed, waving my fist over the side of the car. The seat swayed alarmingly, but at this point I didn't care. "Don't you even dare! I demand you come back and fix this thing right now, do you hear me?! GET BACK HERE!"
I was ignored.
It continued to rain.
Slumping back into my seat, I dimly took stock of the situation. There was now nearly half an inch of water in the bottom of the car. It might have been wise in other circumstances to begin bailing, but for some strange reason, drowning did not seem so bad just then.
Trowa was a sorry sight. His uni-bang was plastered to his face, nearly covering not just one but both of his eyes. "Alright…" he monotoned after a moment. "Now it can't get any worse."
Obligingly, I reached over and folded the sopping hair back. It gave him a bit of a George Washington hair style, but at least he could see. The first thing he saw, accordingly, he pointed out.
"Look, it's Wufei."
I peered back over the side. Wufei was indeed standing near the base of the Ferris wheel, under the sheltering overhang of a popcorn booth. He was eating an ice cream and had some sort of stuffed prize under one arm. Glancing up from the ice cream he waved, a smug smile visible even from where we sat.
I considered my options and waved back, just once, hoping to convey with a single finger the myriad emotions coursing through me at that moment. I could always dispute the fact by later claiming that Wufei didn't have his glasses on at the time, and therefore couldn't possibly see the difference between the gesture I made and the thumbs up at that distance.
The one in question was laughing now, laughing madly and smugly enough to be heard from our perch. For a split second anger seized me, before something black came arching down and hit the infidel right in the head. It was one of Duo's high-tops.
I, at least, got the last laugh.
O.O.O.O.O
"Hey, Heero, I can see your underwear line."
"Shut up, baka," Heero growled, a faint blush fanning across his face as we all trooped into the Fluff n' Fold. Wet spandex is generally not something one wishes to be caught wearing.
Soaking wet and freezing, unwilling to wait for the ride to be repaired, we had waited for a lull in the downpour and climbed down from the Ferris wheel. Without question we left the fair immediately. There would be no going back.
"Load it up, please," I said, holding open the hinged door of one of the larger clothes dryers. Silently we filled it with wet shirts, pants, socks and shoes. Fishing through the pile of sopping garments, I discovered some quarters that would start the machine. From then on there was nothing to do but wait.
And that is how five retired Gundam pilots came to be sitting in a line in their boxers on a bench in the local Laundromat.
We all sat silently, staring at our clothes going in circles inside the dryer. If we could all just keep cool for half and hour and let the industrial appliance do its job, we could be out of there before anyone said it.
Trowa shifted. Heero cleared his throat.
Oh please don't say it, please don't say it, I prayed.
"My God, this is humiliating," Duo announced. "Now let me see the panda."
I winced. He had to say it.
Wufei instinctively clutched the stuffed prize he had won. "No."
"Come on, I won't hurt it. Just let me look at it."
"No."
"I'll even name it for you!"
"No!"
"From now on it's Mister Chin, okay? Its name is Mister Chin."
"NO!"
I stifled a whine, burying my face in my hands. Cold, damp, humiliated, half naked, in public, with two of my best friends making a scene fighting over a panda toy. What a way to spend a vacation.
"Don't stare, Tommy," a woman scolded, pulling her young son away by the arm. "We don't go near weirdos like that."
"Hey, Trowa," I commented brightly. "Now I know what the seventh circle of Hell looks like."
O.O.O.O.O
The sun was beginning to set when we arrived back at the house.
Clothing now reasonably dry and Hummer washed clean of vinegar by the freak rainstorm, we were all in markedly better spirits. There was now but one thing on our minds: packing up and going home. My family would be back in a few short hours, and we could finally get back to where we belonged.
"Yeah, but it'll be a drag going back to work Monday," Duo yawned as we ascended the porch. "You know, I think with a few more weeks I could really get used to living away from the city… hey, a lizard!"
"Leave it alone," Heero commanded, but it was too late. Duo pounced, then screamed shrilly as the lizard squirmed under his fingers.
"It came off!" he jabbered hysterically, staring down at the detached tail still flopping where the lizard had just been. "Heero, the tail came off!"
"So I see."
"Okay, you know what, that's it. I do wanna go back to the city." And the former pilot of Deathscythe gave the twitching tail one last glare and stormed into the house to collect his luggage.
On a more pleasant note, the kitchen floor had been finished and was in the final stages of drying.
"You'll just wanna stay off it as much as ya can," the contractor told us, handing me the final bill. "By mornin' the stain an' gloss should be totally dry."
"Thank you, thank you very much." The floor was now better than ever, with no bullet holes or termites to be found. It had even been stained to match the cabinets and table set. I was sure Sis would love it. It was with a happy heart indeed that I reached for my slightly damp checkbook… and found, to my utter dismay, that my wallet was missing.
"What's wrong?" Trowa demanded. He can always tell instantly when something is about to go amiss.
"Nothing," I reassured as I wrote out the check. "But, uh, you haven't seen my wallet, have you?"
His emerald eyes narrowed. "You're kidding."
"I wish. Maybe it's on the seat in the Hummer or…" And then I remembered. When the clothes had finished drying I had shaken out my slacks to smooth the worst of the wrinkles. The wallet had fallen out, I had set it on the corner of the dryer while we dressed, and when we walked out I had… left it on the dryer.
I couldn't help it. I began to curse in Arabic. Fate seemed absolutely determined to make sure our one vacation a year ended on the same sour note it had begun. This day could not possibly get any worse.
"What is it?" Heero asked, stalking quickly into the room. "Is the floor unsatisfactory? Do you require my intervention?" He gave the contractor a dangerous smile. The man looked terrified.
"No, Heero, everything is fine." I took a deep breath and tried to be calm. "I just need the keys."
"Why?"
"Because like an idiot I forgot my wallet at the Laundromat, and I'm going back to get it before my sister gets home. I will be right back. And I want everyone packed and ready to walk out this door the moment I get back here!" Fighting the urge to yell 'Or else!' I grabbed the keys and made a run out the door. This madness could not continue.
All the way back to town I kept up a running dialogue under my breath. How in the name of Allah did that woman manage to survive out here? Crazed animals, inclement weather conditions, stores that didn't even accept credit– how did she stand it?!
Luckily, the wallet was still right where I had left it. Its theft really would have been the icing on my proverbial cake. I had stuffed it in my pocket and was leaving the Fluff 'n Fold for the second time that day when I saw the sign. That lovely white and green sign, hovering in the corner of my vision like desert oasis.
It was a Starbucks.
I nearly dropped to my knees in thanks. Diving into the Hummer I was in the drive-up with speed that surely would have gotten me a ticket if a traffic cop had seen. "I need a cup of hot tea. The biggest one you have. No sugar, no milk. Now."
I tipped the girl a five and pulled out of the parking lot in a blissful haze. Tea! At last, after a week of deprivation, it was tea! This was almost enough to atone for the horrid day.
It was getting dark as I left town. Following the headlights down the backcountry roads, I sipped gratefully at the tea and let myself relax. There were some sparse wooded areas to my left. To my right, the last traces of a red sunset still burned. That was one thing I would actually miss, the beautiful scenery and the clear air and the quiet nights. It was all so… very… relaxing…
Apparently it was too relaxing. One moment I was happily driving along minding my own business, and the next I saw the deer.
It flashed out of the woods quick as lightning, right into the road. After that it all seemed to happen in slow motion. My eyes bugged. Desperately I spun the wheel. My foot hit the break. My tea hit the dashboard with an almighty splash, soaking everything. There was impact.
Then it was over.
Very, very cautiously I lifted my head and forced my face to relax from the cringe it had been locked in. I was fine, albeit still a bit shocked, and the Hummer was still on the road. It couldn't be that bad. Firmly telling myself this, I unsnapped the seatbelt and climbed out to check the damage.
There was a huge dent in the passenger door. The antenna had been snapped clean off at its base. The side mirror was gone as well, and, in its place, there was a large clump of brown deer hair wedged in the twisted metal. There was no sign of the animal.
There's no blood, I thought desperately. No blood means that it didn't die. It's still alive if there's no blood, right? I wasn't even going that fast. Deers are tough. There's no way it can be dead.
Then I saw the antler.
O.O.O.O.O
"What's this?" Trowa demanded as I dropped the antler into his hands a few minutes later.
"I killed it, Tro," was all I could manage to say.
"Killed what? Wait… is this a deer antler?"
"I was just driving home and… it jumped right in front of me, and I tried to turn, but… and then I killed it."
Trowa stared at me blankly, the horn still clutched in his hand. Wufei hovered motionless by the door, his eyes wide, the pile of baggage he had been stacking in the entry forgotten.
Suddenly Heero was there. "Are you saying you ran over a deer? In my vehicle?"
"Uh, yeah." I couldn't help it. I could feel myself tearing up.
"Is there a mark?" he demanded, already running for the Hummer. "Winner, there had better not be a mark on my car!"
"Is there a mark?" Duo asked quietly as the front door slammed.
I nodded.
"Big?"
I nodded. From outside came the sounds of infuriated cursing in Japanese. Duo let out a long, low whistle and, for the sake of caution, slunk from the room.
"Alright, listen." Trowa carefully placed the antler on the side table and gave me his full attention, ignoring the ranting from outside. "Quatre. Did you actually see the deer lying there?"
"No. Just that. And the dent. And some fur caught in the metal." Once again the tears were threatening.
"And there was no blood at all?"
"No."
"Then this proves nothing," Trowa said firmly, tossing the antler out the front door. "All this antler proves is that somewhere out there lurks a very stunned deer with a bad headache missing one antler. Deer get into collisions all the time and run away from them. They're very hard to kill, especially if it was only a glancing blow. You did not kill the deer. Alright?"
"Yeah… yeah, okay." Suddenly I felt much better. Trowa watched Animal Planet with semi-religious zeal. He knew everything about animals. If he said the deer had survived, who was I to argue?
The good feeling lasted about three seconds. Heero stormed back into the house holding the antler.
"Who threw this?" he demanded, waving it threateningly. "It nearly took out my eye."
No one moved but Duo, who peeked into the room, saw the coast was not yet clear, and made another hasty retreat.
Heero looked quite peeved. "And while we are on the subject of eyes, I have seen the unsightly dent in my vehicle. Did you know that the mirror and the radio antenna are missing? And were you aware that the entire area of the dashboard and console is soaked with tea?"
"Yes, Heero, I'm especially, painfully aware of that." I was in no mood to deal with being accused of something that was clearly an accident. Yes, I would pay to fix his Hummer, but that was as far as my charity would extend on the matter. "What's your point?"
Fuming, he gave the antler one last wave. "I sincerely hope that deer is dead in a ditch somewhere, to save me the trouble of tracking and shooting it myself!" He snapped the antler easily and launched the pieces back outside.
"See, he isn't blaming you," Trowa reassured, patting my shoulder as the irate former pilot of Wing disappeared into the kitchen. "Oh, by the way, your sister called while you were out. She wants you to call her back."
The spark of happiness again ignited. They must be almost home! We could leave as soon as they arrived and put this nightmare behind us! I nearly skipped into the kitchen, a wide smile on my face as I grabbed the phone and dialed her cell number.
"Hello?"
"Sis! Hi, it's me! Are you almost home?"
"Oh, Quatre! I'm so glad you called. I've been trying to get a hold of you all day but no one would pick up…"
"We, uh, went to the fair. And the Laundromat. And I hit a deer in Heero's car. But none of that matters now that you're on your way home, so –"
"You say you hit a deer?" She was alarmed, to say the least. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine, but –"
Then I heard her husband yelling in the background. "Honey, did he get it? Ask him if he picked it up!"
My mind went blank. Did I pick it up? What in the name of OZ was he talking about?
"Quatre? Bob wants to know if you picked up the deer… what, honey? No, don't be silly, of course he wouldn't know how to clean a deer! Honestly… did you see where it went?"
I felt increasingly ill. I had a feeling I knew where this was headed, and road kill is most certainly not meant to be a menu item. "No, no I didn't. It bounced off the car and ran away, and I –"
"Then maybe it's still out there!" The husband again. "Honey, tell him to go look around in the weeds by the side of the road, that's usually where they fly when ya hit 'em…"
"No!" I yelled desperately. "No, it's not dead! I didn't kill it, I didn't! It just lost an antler and got a migraine and ran away!"
They were ignoring me. Sis was telling her charming spouse to shush, he was ranting about how there was still plenty of room in the deepfreeze, and from the midst of the commotion I heard the sweet little voice of my favorite niece pipe up.
"Mommy, Uncle Quatre killed Bambi!
The phone dropped from my numb fingers. Scenes from the Disney movie flashed through my mind with alarming clarity. Sweet childhood innocence destroyed by human carelessness…
"I am not a Bambi buster!" I screamed, and bolted from the kitchen. Knocking Duo out of the way I raced up the stairs and into Katie's room. I had to get out of there. I was frantically stuffing my things into the suitcase when Trowa appeared.
"Quatre, let's talk about this…"
"Katie thinks I'm a baby deer murderer!" I wailed, trying to zip the bag and getting a pinch of fabric stuck in the zipper. "Trowa, I didn't do it on purpose!"
"I know you didn't," he said soothingly, trying to take my bag away. "Trust me when I tell you that the deer is fine! Your brother-in-law is just being optimistic that maybe he might get a free, albeit disgusting and barbaric, meal. In reality, I'm sure there is nothing more wrong with the animal than a bruised noggin and maybe a small bald spot."
I sniffed. "Really? You're not lying to make me feel less guilty?"
"No, I'm not. You can also ask Duo. He never lies." As if on cue, Duo stepped in.
"That's right, Quat," he said in what was very obviously a carefully scripted and memorized line. "The deer definitely must be fine. Yep, it's totally, absolutely, completely not dead."
I gave Trowa a baleful glare. He seemed to wilt. "Okay, okay, it had a fifty-fifty chance. I just wanted to make you feel better."
Duo grabbed me before I could hit him.
"Beat him later, dude," he said, dragging me back down to the kitchen. "Your sister's still on the phone."
Trowa followed us, and behind him Heero and Wufei. The latter two looked very grim. I became somewhat alarmed. What had happened now? Did they know something I didn't?
"What did she say?" I whispered, holding a hand over the mouthpiece.
Duo fidgeted. "She, uh… she said she wants to know if… uh… she's not coming home tonight." I stared at him. Trowa looked vaguely surprised. The others were silent. "They want to stay on vacation longer, and they wanna know if we'll stay here for another week… or two…"
Without hesitation I hung up the phone. "Everybody get in the car. NOW."
They scattered like squirrels at a popcorn party. In record time the Hummer was loaded and everyone piled in, Trowa hugging his rabbit and Wufei aiming one last kick at the obstinate rooster clawing at his pants.
I shoved Heero out of from behind the wheel. I had a rather different destination in mind.
"Goodbye!" Trowa yelled to the dogs that had gathered at the end of the drive to see us off. They barked a farewell as we roared away into the night.
Within ten minutes we had driven through town for the last time. In fifteen we were back on the highway. Ignoring the road signs, I headed south, toward the nearest big city. There had to be an airport around there somewhere.
Duo looked slightly worried. "Uh, Q-man? I don't think this is the right way home…"
"Oh, but we aren't going home, Duo." I gave him a big smile in the rearview mirror. "Just relax and let me take care of everything…"
O.O.O.O.O
We slept on the plane. Less than twenty four hours later, on a beach somewhere in the south Caribbean, we discussed our options.
The hot sun shone down through our brightly colored beach umbrella, casting patches of rainbow shade across our patterned beach towels. Waves crashed gently against the white sandy shore. Gulls wheeled and circled, crying in counterpoint to the warm wind rustling the palm leaves.
Oh, yes. This was most certainly the life.
"Yeah… yeah, I could take another week off," Duo mumbled from behind his designer sunglasses, half buried in the sand. Heero nodded minutely and dumped another handful on his legs.
Trowa and Wufei were stretched out on the reclining beach chairs on either side of me. Trowa was napping. Thumper, asleep on his chest in the V of a gaudy green and orange Hawaiian shirt, had a few pieces of dried hay from Trowa's new straw hat sticking out of his mouth.
"It's a shame, really," Wufei mused as he sipped the last of his coconut drink, "that we are forced to take a second vacation, simply to recover from taking the first vacation."
"Complaints?" I queried, shaking sand out of my flip-flops.
There weren't any. They were all shaking their heads firmly when my cell phone went off. I lifted an eyebrow in aggravation. Digging through the beach bag, past sunscreen and snack items and paperback summer reads, I finally found it and fished the beeping annoyance out.
"Hmm. Looks like it's Lady Une at Preventer base. I suppose we should probably answer it…"
There was a long pause as we all, rabbit included, swapped looks. At last, Heero gave another small nod, and we all smiled as one. The cell phone made a cheerful "plink!" sound as it arched overhead and sank into the crystal blue Caribbean waters.
"Nah. We're on vacation."
The End
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
(2nd) Author's Note: And there we have it, my friends. After many trials and tribulations, the boys get their long-awaited vacation after all. Finally, they can get some serious R&R. I'm jealous of them. Spring break is still five months away….
Anyways. Thanks for sticking with them (and me) 'til the end. So long, y'all. Hope to see you again soon, on some other hair-brained attempt at comedy. See ya's!