Furuba Omake Theatre 2 – Haru's Adventures! Featuring… HARU! (and other less important characters)
Disclaimer: We do NOT own Furuba/Fruits Basket, or any of the characters. We do not (thankfully) own Barney the Dinosaur. We do not own any shop, anywhere, or anything in them… except the Deluxe Assorted Poisons set. XD
Start Scene One!
It was a bright, sunny day in the Sohma residence, and Tohru had decided to invite Haru out to the café (as friends of course, seeing as she's such a FRIENDLY person!).
"Isn't it lovely?" she commented, as they sat down at the table.
"Yes, it most certainly is!" smiled Haru, politely.
They both took a menu, and began to read through it.
"Hmmm… If you don't mind Haru, I just need the loo – could you order the Sugar Shake for me?" (Totally rude of her, but oh well…)
"Sure!" said Haru, as she (rather hurriedly) got up from the table.
A few minutes later, a waitress came over to take Haru's order.
"What would you like, sir?"
"Um… I'll have a sugar sake and – BLOOD PUDDING!"
Haru's tone of voice darkened at the end of the sentence as he changed into his infamous 'black' side.
"I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve 'blood pudding'. And anyway, don't you mean 'BLACK pudding'?"
"NO. Blood pudding. Fresh blood. NOW!" Haru growled, crossing his arms and legs simultaneously in his defiance.
"But sir-"
"NOW."
"But-"
"I SAID NOW!" he screamed, rendering the whole café silent.
Someone dropped their tea spoon, and a baby began to wail somewhere in the background.
"O-o-ok…" the waitress whimpered, and returned to the kitchen.
Time passed.
Tohru was STILL in the Ladies.
The waitress returned.
"HeRe YoU gO!" she said, crashing around between the tables, knocking mugs of hot tea flying, causing the random extras in the scene to scream, and perhaps most importantly, minus one arm.
"No thanks!" chanted Black Haru, snatching the bowl of red liquid with pieces of waitress arm floating around in it, failing to notice the young woman's zombie-fied state.
Be put the disgusting concoction to his lips, took a large slurp and then—
"ARGH!" Light Haru screamed, spitting out the blood, and throwing the bowl into the air so that it landed over a young couple who had been trying to enjoy their date!
"ARGH!" he screamed again, coming face to face with the zombie-waitress.
"Brains…. Brains…" she moaned, and began stroking his head.
"ARGH!" he screamed for the third time, crashing through the glass door and down the road as fast as his legs could carry him.
A while later
"Haru? Haru?" Tohru came back out of the ladies. "Hmmm… He must have got bored waiting for me."
And with that, she stepped over the wailing waitress, and left the café.
Start Scene Two!
After buying a years supply of cream puffs, sugar and for some reason poison darts, Haru was short on money.
So he decided to pay an exciting trip to the bank. (Whooo…)
"Um, hello, can I get some money please?" he said to the person on the other side of the little glass window.
"Sure, how much do you want?" the woman asked, finding his details on the computer next to her.
"ALL OF IT."
"Sorry sir, all of it?"
"EVERY LAST PIECE OF MONEY IN THIS PLACE."
"Excuse me, I-" she looked up, and found herself under threat from a rather large gun.
"O-OK…" she stuttered, scared stiff.
She opened a large safe beside her, and started to count the piles of money as she took them out, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Excuse me, what are you doing?"
She turned back to see the same guy has before questioning her politely, minus the gun.
"I didn't ask for that much – I just want one thousand yen please!" he smiled.
Scratching her head, she thought that her mind must be playing tricks on her, and she began to put the money back into the safe.
Haru began to hum a happy little tune, which sounded scarily like 'I'm So Pretty'.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET ME THAT MONEY NOW!"
The banker found herself at gun point once more.
"I'm sorry sir, but you said-" she cried.
"MONEY. NOW!" Dark Haru exploded with rage.
She nodded, too scared to speak, and unloaded the (now rather soggy) notes that she had just put back into the safe.
Haru began to hum again, but this time it was more along the lines of 'Getting Away With Murder'.
"Um, not to be a bother or anything, but I really didn't ask for that much!" Light Haru said, regaining control of his body.
"Huh? Wha-?" said the banker, turning around again to the innocent eyed Haru.
"I only wanted a thousand yen – ONE THOUSAND YEN." He stated.
"Oh. Sorry." She wiped her tears away, and shook her head, trying to dismiss the thoughts that she was going mad.
Once again, she put the money back into the safe.
"WTF ARE YOU DOING, WOMAN! I WANT MY MONEY NOW!"
Dark Haru let off a gun shot into the air, just for good measure.
The banker screamed, and jumped, hitting her head on the roof of the safe.
"TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT ALL! JUST PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" she wailed, stuffing the notes into Haru's waiting hands.
"What the—" light Haru said, taking one look at the woman, frantically shoving money at him before she disappeared behind a wall of yen.
"That's it, I'm leaving!" He said, dropping the money on the floor, and stomping out of the bank, muttering something about everyone around him being crazy.
Start Scene Three!
"Akito's birthday is here," Tohru had said, "and everyone must buy him a present!"
Haru had moaned, like the others, then left, unsure of what the head of the Sohma family would like.
Basically, anything Akito wanted, Akito got. So there wasn't really much left he hadn't got.
For instance; just the other week, Akito had asked for a mega sized trampoline – without a hope in hell that he'd ever be able to use it himself. But he got it, all the same, and no one else had seen it since.
Rumours were that he'd had it hidden somewhere between the Leaning Tower of Piza and Barney the Dinosaur suit that Akito had stashed away.
Another problem was that Akito didn't like much, either.
In fact, Akito didn't like ANYTHING.
So as you can imagine, it was pretty hard trying to find a present for him.
Tohru found Haru moping about outside the shopping centre, later that day, and decided to help him find a suitable present. She had already bought the most brilliant friendshippy thing ever for Akito herself, but she was sure she could think of something else.
They went into the department store, dismissing everything as they walked past it.
Finally, Tohru saw it.
"What about this, Haru-san?" she asked, holding up a cuddly pink teddy with the words 'Friends Forever' printed on it's t-shirt along with a few (thousand) hearts.
Haru tried not to puke, and smiled weakly.
"OMG!" he suddenly shouted, so that the whole store ground to a halt.
"I'VE SEEN IT!"
"Seen what, Haru-san?"
"THAT!"
He was pointing at a heavy-looking wooden box, sitting on a purple silk cushion. It had a large gold lock with a skull carved into it.
"But – but Haru-san, that's a box of POISON!" Tohru said, shocked.
"Not just any box of poison," Haru said, a glint of malice in his eyes, "this is the Deluxe Assorted Poisons set!" He rubbed his hands together with satanic glee.
"I'm getting it."
"You most certainly are NOT."
"Am."
"Are not."
"AM!"
"Do you really think that Akito will like that?"
They both imagined Akito unwrapping the gift, and immediately offering some of the contents to the whole cast of Furuba.
Tohru said nothing more, and Haru 'paid' for his gift at the counter (which basically meant that he let the checkout girl keep her life in exchange for the box).
Thanks for reading. There will be more deranged happenings next time! See you soon! X3