Furuba Omake Theatre 3 – starring most of the Sohma family. And Tohru. And especially Akito!
Disclaimer: Wedonotownfuruba. Geddit? We love Akito though! XD And Clangers! XD
"It's my birthday today! Finally!" Akito said, stretching (and snapping) to himself.
somewhere else "Testing, testing, one two three!" Tohru said, tapping her microphone. "Ok, everyone, your attention please!" The entire Sohma family looked up at her from their seats (Tohru's on a stage).
"Good news everybody! Today is Akito's birthday!"
Silence. Crickets chirruped. Someone coughed. And then, suddenly, the crowd erupted into a deafening shout:
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Tohru frowned. Why weren't they happy for DARLING Akito?
"Anyway, we all have to go to the house and give him his presents!"
"BOOOOOOO!"
"Um…Please be quiet!" Tohru said.
Everyone (and Napoleon) suddenly realised that they hadn't actually bought Akito a present, and rushed out (See Haru's Adventures for him buying his present).
Leaving Tohru standing in a flurry of falling paper hearts.
Akito's house
"Right then, everyone MUST have brought me a present if they want to be let in!" Akito snarled, spitting at Hatori from his birthday golden throne.
"O-OK Akito…" whimpered Hatori, bowing slightly on his way out of the room.
Just then, Ikumi popped up and said, "Froo-froo ship!"
Then Misuko popped up beside her, and killed her. Ikumi, who was not quite dead, stabbed Misuko and they had the 'going down stabby-fight (in-joke!).
"First pl—get your arse in here!" Akito shouted, swinging violently around on his throne.
Yuki peeped round the edge of the door.
"Come on!" Akito snapped at him.
Yuki crept into the room (we made him really shy) and sat down, as far away as possible from Akito.
"Yuki," Akito growled. "Come closer…"
Yuki inched the chair forward a miniscule bit.
"CLOSER!"
A centimetre more.
This continued for some time, until Yuki was chair-leg to throne-leg with Akito.
Yuki put his present in front of Akito.
Akito stared at it.
"Well…OPEN IT THEN!" he shouted at Yuki, who jumped. Yuki obliged, and a knife revealed its shiny self.
"A knife." Said Akito, quietly. "You brought me, a knife."
"Um…Yes?" Said Yuki, his eyes wide with fear.
Then, found himself with the present sticking out of his chest.
Yuki gasped, as he staggered out of the door.
"Next!" Akito said boredly, inspecting his nails.
An orange haired head appeared at the door.
It was followed shortly by the rest of Kyo's body, who crept in ninja style, before appearing suddenly on the chair before Akito.
"'Allo Akito…" Kyo said, evilly.
"Yes, yes, just get on with it – er…" Akito failed to remember the young Sohma's name.
He looked at his hand, on which Hatori had written all their names for him, but the ink had smudged, and everyone's names just looked like a big smudge.
"Er…Shigurey?" he said.
"It's KYO you dumbass/deaf tit!"
"Damn you Akito…" he growled.
"Whatever Trevor." Snapped Akito, more literally than he had intended.
"Just give me the present."
Kyo grinned at him maliciously, and presented before the head of the Sohma family, a large box shaped gift.
"Yes…" said Akito, urging him to unwrap it for him.
Kyo slowly pulled the wrapping paper off the box, revealing… a wooden box.
"Oooh… It looks so EXCIIIITING!" said Akito, with as much sarcasm as he could muster.
"Open it then – bastard."
Kyo held up his finger, cutting Akito off. He held the box slightly closer to Akito's face, until…
WHAM!
A boxing glove on a spring – Acme make of course XD – had punched Akito in the face, leaving Akito's head swinging wildly on his shoulders, and Kyo in hysterics on the floor.
When Akito's head had finally managed to snap back into place, there was a loud scream of "GET OUT OF HERE YOU EFFING TIT!" and Kyo flew out of the door, hit the wall with a SMACK and slumped to the floor, unconscious.
"Next."
The door flew open, and a pink furry burst in.
"AKITOAKITOAKTIO! I LUUUURVE YOU!" Momiji flung himself into the chair opposite Akito's throne.
"Present!" Momiji thrust it at Akito's feet.
"Ah, good, erm…" Akito looked at his hand. "…Mimojo."
Momiji frowned. But, because he was so sweet, didn't say anything.
"OPEN IT THEN, MIMOJO!" Akito said.
Momiji did.
A fluffy chick hopped out, straight onto Akito's knee…Leaving it (his knee) a snapped-up (or crapped-up, take your pick) mess.
"AWW!" Momiji cooed, watching the chick.
"GET…IT…OFF, MIMOJO!" Akito screamed, so loud that the rooftop almost fell off his house.
Momiji, looking hurt, picked up the chick and ran out of the room, crying.
"Stupid asshole MIMOJO," Akito muttered. "Next!"
"I'M NEXT!" cried a gay-guy/clanger, as he flounced into the room.
He sat on the chair with a flourish, his many frilly skirts flapping around, blinding Akito temporarily.
Ayame then flashed Akito his perfect gay grin, flicked a long strand of silver hair back, and blinked flirtily.
"PRESENT!" Ayame shouted gaily, shoving a tiny present in Akito's face.
"Well… WHAT THE BEEP IS IT?" Akito yelled, sending Ayame's skirts and hair flying in a fury around his head.
Then, Toby from Doctor Who popped up, and said. "IAMTHERAGEANDTHECRAP!" Then promptly disappeared.
"I'LL UNWRAP IT FOR YOU THEN, DARLING." Ayame intoned gaily, patting Akito on the knee, snapping it again.
He took hold of the silky pink ribbon tying it, and pulled it.
A tiny dress appeared.
POP!
The dress exploded – growing a size bigger.
POP!
The dress increased in size again.
POP! POP! POP!
Akito was drowning in pink satin and frills.
"HERE! DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT, DARLING!" Ayame said, pulling Akito out of a particularly large 'lake' of frills, thus snapping his arm.
Akito took one look at the abomination, and was sick, all over it.
"DAAAAAAAAAARLING!" Ayame yelled – shocked.
"HOW COULD YOU?"
"Sor- ST." Akito corrected himself, snarling at the gay Sohma's birthday effort.
"WE-ELL." Said Ayame, "FINE! I'LL JUST GO! JUST LIKE A TOSSED ASIDE GLOVE! YOU'RE DUMPED! YOU BITCH!" Ayame flounced angrily out of the room.
"Yeah yeah…" said Akito, "save it for the psychopaths who'll listen!"
Akito was pretty good at come-backs. Or so he thought.
"NEXT!"
Haru danced prettily into the room.
"Hi Akito!" he said.
"Hello…" looks at hand "…Ha…Ha…KYO!"
"Uh…I'm NOT Kyo!" Said Haru, his black side saying 'NOT'. (Any capitals in Haru's speech are his black side)
"Anyway, I brought YOU a present!" said Haru, putting a parcel at Akito's feet.
Akito sighed, as evilly as possible. "OPEN it then!"
"Yes, of course NOT!" said Haru.
A Deluxe Assorted Poisons ™ set came out.
"Wha…When did I buy that?" Haru said to himself, puzzled.
"I LOVE IT!" declared Akito, then had a heart attack because he'd never said 'LOVE' in his life.
Haru went away.
Akito looked up from the floor.
"Next!" he called. "And bring Hatori with you!"
After Akito had been installed back on his throne, Hatori left the room, leaving Shigure alone with Akito…
"Hello!" He sang, opera style. (We didn't know what voice to give him…)
"Um, hello… my lover, hello my friend… you have been the one for me…" Akito sang, James Blunt style.
Misuko then popped up; shot them both, left a hate message for James Blunt, which included several references to weapons of mass destruction, then left.
Ikumi popped up in a cloud of pink smoke, restored Akito and Shigure back to health for the sake of the quiz, then went to give Misuko a stern talking-to and a killer hug :D
"Shigure…" Shigure said, helping Akito out with his name.
"Right, yes, I knew that…" said Akito, pissily.
"Where's your present then, tit!" hissed Akito, impatiently.
"Ah!" said Shigure, in the way of a scale.
Shigure presented in front of Akito a small box of the boxecular kind.
"Open it then!"
Shigure greedily ripped the paper away, revealing a set of… Ecchi Manga.
"Porn books." Said Akito flatly.
Shigure nodded, his head almost flying off with his eagerness.
"Just one problem."
"What?" asked Shigure, failing to tear his eyes away from the cover of one particularly 'revealing' book.
SPOILER
"I'm a girl."
(We are sorry for any severe disturbance this may have cause you, but Akito really is a girl. Just read Furuba 17 to see! It's in Japanese, but oh well…)
END SPOILER
Next up was Tohru.
She ran in and gave Akito a hug, apologising when he snapped in half.
"I love cherry coke!" Ikumi said.
"Here's you present, Akito!" Tohru said, opening it for him without being asked, because that was the kind of nice/annoying person she was.
A heart shaped frame with diamante jewels stuck round the edge was revealed.
A picture of Akito strangling Tohru was inside.
"Isn't it…Nice?" Tohru said, tentatively. "That was the only photo I could find with us two together…" she trailed off.
camera cuts to outside the room. A smash, a splintering of glass, and a million screams can be heard. Then Tohru stumbles out, clutching her face
Um, yes… thanks! Hope you enjoyed it! They'll be more soon, hopefully! WE LOVE AKITO! XD YEY!