Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

another week, another chapter!

This one starts off slow, trying to establish more of Sasuke's character but its pretty dramatic at the end! yay.

Enjoy!

Chapter 4 : First Kiss and Sunsets Part II

Flashback continued..

I stood in the shower and let the cold water run through my hair and down my body. At times I felt numb from shock at what I had done; other times I replayed the scene in my mind remembering her lips on mine and how satisfying and frustrating it all was at the same time. Then I would remember the look on her face, and I would be back to the numb feeling.

She said 'I can't..' Why did she say that? What did she mean she couldn't? None of it made any sense to me. I have never had to approach a female the way I did with her, they just came at me and then I'd push them aside, so why did she make me feel so desperate?

I sank back on the shower wall and closed my eyes, why was everything so different now? And what was I supposed to do now? Should I look for her?…no!..she ran off…let her figure things out. I had better things to do than look for a crying girl. I hate crying.

When I was sure the cold shower had had the desired effect on me, I turned it off and wrapped a towel around my waist. I went to my fridge and took out some alcohol, something I had bought for myself. I sat in front of my TV. Dust had collected on it; that was how long I had left it unused.

I'm here, in my house, with the silence that I have always wanted…. but it was just so quiet that I could hear everything in my head. I slammed the bottle down…where the hell is that damned kunoichi?

Needless to say I was dressed and out my window in two seconds. It's not that I actually wanted to talk to her or cared about how I made her feel for that matter, it's more that I want to make sure she's not in any physical harm. After all, she was my former teammate…at least, that was what I was telling myself…I do that a lot it seems.

My first guess was the hospital. If there was one thing I learned about her is that she loves her job. I asked one of the nurses there if they had seen her but she told me that Sakura had the day off. Ok, well there's always the Ichiraku. I went to the ramen house only to find Naruto and Hinata. I didn't feel like getting into a conversation now so I left as fast as I could. …This was irritating…where the hell was she?

Logically, I checked her house next. I knew she probably wouldn't open her door for me if I just knocked, so I went up to her window. She wasn't in her room but just as I had suspected, she kept the window unlocked. That woman is really going to get herself killed one of these days! I went through her entire house and she still wasn't there! Damnit! What the hell is she doing? Now I was really becoming pissed off. I only wanted to make sure she was ok so why did she have to disappear?

I got out of her house and decided to look in the streets of Konoha. Where else could she be? Could something have already happened to her? She was strong, but strong enough to fend off an attacker? I was thinking and looking at the same time and all of the sudden I heard a shriek.

"Sasuke-kun! Long time no see! How are you?"

Great, if there was someone who I wanted to run away from me it would be Ino.

She giggled her annoying giggle "Oh Sasuke! Don't worry I'm not after you anymore! I'm with Shika..where is that lazy bum anyway? Anyways, a lot of things have changed since you left you know. Sakura can have you now if she wants you."

The mention of Sakura's name reminded me of my search. "Do you know where she is?"

"Sakura? No, I haven't seen her all day. Isn't she at ho-"

I didn't stay to hear the end of her question. It didn't matter. All that mattered right now was that Sakura wasn't at home, she wasn't at the hospital, she wasn't at the Ichiraku, and no one knew where she was. Where was she? I found myself asking for the thousandth time.

On top of everything, what Ino said kept replaying in my mind. 'a lot of things have changed since you left you know. Sakura can have you now if she wants you.' Two things bothered me about her brief little speech. A lot of things had changed? Like what? Well I certainly hadn't expected Ino and Shikamaru to be together but at least she was off my back. That was something I was sure happy about. But the phrase made him feel something..guilt? These people were once the people I had considered friends and now I wasn't there to know what was happening with any of them. I left and consequently, I wasn't able to fight with them, and protect Konoha, which I had loved as a child.

And her second statement, if Sakura wants me?.. Did she? She sure didn't seem like it. She hasn't reacted at all like she used to and she even went out on a date. But how could she just forget me so easily? More importantly, did I want her to want me? Why else would I be looking for her? But why would I? I have never cared about anyone before and now this for a girl that I once couldn't stand? It was all too confusing to absorb and in the end I just forced myself again to think that I was just worried about her physical well being.

There was one more place that I remembered she liked when we were younger. I wasn't sure if she would be there but I had to look somewhere.

I made my way back. Back to where we had begun as Team 7. Where I would see Naruto grinning like a fool, and Sakura smiling peacefully or sometimes glaring at Naruto. Where we would wait there, as a team, for Kakashi to drag is ass in hours after we had agreed.

That's where I saw her, just past the bridge, and in the clearing where we had often practiced as a team all those years ago. Her hair was blowing behind her, and there was that one streak of pink in the sky that matched her hair completely because the sun was starting to set. I found it hard to admit but I had seen pretty Sakura and sexy Sakura and now I was seeing the beautiful Sakura…so classically beautiful that for a short while it made me forget how annoyed I was for having to look all over Konoha for her. That was the one moment that I allowed myself to be so unlike who I really was. And then I walked up right behind her.

"What do you think you're doing?

She jumped, clearly not expecting anyone to find her, "How'd you find me?"

I shrugged, "Just a hunch I guess."

There was an awkward silence. Sse wasn't speaking and what was I supposed to say to a girl who ran away because I kissed her?

Finally she sighed, "What do you want?" She tried to wipe away tears before I saw them but she was too slow.

I let the initial shock of seeing her in this new light fade and let the more asshole version of me come out again."Why couldn't you just be like any normal person and go home? What did you think you were going to accomplish by just running away without letting anyone know where you were?"

"I just wanted to get away from everyone for awhile.Why do you always have to talk to me like I'm a child? Why do you always make me feel like I'm still 12?" She sniffed and wiped away more tears before turning around to face me. She stood so close that I wanted to kiss her again but I knew that wouldn't fix anything. The she repeated in a calm and demanding voice "What do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you! I just wanted to make sure that you hadn't been kidnapped or killed!" Why the hell did she keep asking me that!

"No, what do you want? Why do you care about everything? About who I went out with and where I go when I leave your house? I'm nothing but the medic who takes care of your wounds so why do you care?"

It was my turn to back away…how was I supposed to answer that when I couldn't even admit the answer tomyself. "I don't care! It was curiosity so sue me!" That sounded like a lie to me and I was the one saying it.

Now that she had started, it seemed like she wouldn't stop. "I don't understand why you would just call me desperate like it meant nothing to you! Were you deliberately trying to hurt me? What did I do to piss you off already!"

She stopped and took a deep breath trying to calm herself. And I just looked at her. I couldn't explain my behaviour but I didn't think it would affect her like this. I didn't want to see her like this. I hate crying. I hate seeing her cry and she wasn't even crying now. She looked….broken. Her eyes were broken and I hated it all because..what could I do?

She spoke again, this time quietly, "What gives you the right to call me desperate? So what if I was? You said it like it was my fault, like it was something I could change when you were the one who left! I was there begging you to stay at the gates remember? I was there pouring myself out to you because I didn't care if you rejected me again, I just wanted you to stay. I truly loved you did you know that? Did you know but still leave? And now you're saying that I'm desperate…well I was desperate. Desperate for you to just be there. Desperate to find another person to make me feel the way I felt for you. Desperate to forget you. So sue me I was just desperate to get you out of my life!"

Again, I had nothing to say to her. All of what she said was valid and I couldn't argue about anything. She loved me. Was I aware that she loved me? Probably not. I wasn't aware of much except for revenge back then. And if I were aware, what would I have done? I didn't care about anyone. I always vowed to take revenge on my brother for being a heartless murderer but was I any different? I betrayed the village and most of all I betrayed her without even realizing it just the same way my brother betrayed my family.

She wanted to forget me that badly and there was no defence that I could give. She would probably be better off forgetting about me, but I'm selfish and I can't let her go.

While I remained silent, she continued after pausing to hear if I would answer. "I wanted to forget you so badly but in the end you just ended up hurting me again. Why did you kiss me? I don't understand at all! You were the one who left me! Why would you turn around and do something like that. Was it because you thought I was a whore…another girl you could just sleep with and then toss aside?"

This time I could answer. Even though it's against everything that I am, I had to take things back. She made me feel bad and she made me want to apologize for everything. Damn her.

"No! That's not what I meant. I don't think you're a whore and I was just pissed off and I said something just because I needed to say something back! I don't have answers to any of your questions because I don't know what the hell is going on! I left you I know, and the village and everything I had known to pursue my brother. That was all I could think about. I'm never unsure about anything and yet I have no answers now. Ever since I came back, you made me feel and think about so many things that I couldn't have been bothered with before and I have no idea why. I don't know why I kissed you or why I care about these random things. I'm just as confused as you are."

She looked at me and I could tell she was trying to process everything I had said. I didn't want her to cry because of me even if it meant going against myself to tell her something, anything that I did know.

The sun was setting and I stood there staring at the way the wind blew her soft hair around carelessly behind her. At that moment I was so confused about everything but I was sure about one thing. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I leaned down and kissed her again.

This time, I wasn't feeling that desperate passion like before; I felt something more than that. I kissed her slowly trying to make her understand something through the kiss because I couldn't explain it in words. She was reluctant at first but she gave in. It was the most peaceful I had felt in years, just feeling her lips against mine. I tightened my arms around her waist and she had her small hands against my face and neck pulling me in as she had done earlier today. Reluctantly, I pulled away and traced her face with my hand, wiping away any stray tears.

"I have no idea what's going on with me but I want you there. That's all I know." I said and kissed her again. She was utterly intoxicating and it always seemed like I needed more but she stopped me. She pulled away and turned her head to the side.

I was confused, but I hada bad feeling. I used my hand to turn herface to me.

She looked at me, "I'm sorry….I can't do this with you." She said softly with new tears in her eyes before she walked around me and back to the village.

Once again, I stood there staring at the spot she had just been.

She loved me. Past-tense.

End Flashback

Just like that she was gone again. At that point, I thought she would just forgive me for everything. I thought she would run into my arms because I managed to open up to her slightly. But that was clearly not the case.

That was the first time that I had ever apologized or explained myself to anyone, the first time that I had ever tried to share my feelings with anyone and the first time that I had those feelings. She brought out a lot of firsts in me. That was why she was different from all the other girls; she made me feel for her.

I had caught her watching the sunset. That was another first, the first time I noticed the way she reminded me of the sunset, just like the one I'm watching now.

That concludes another chapter. :)

sniff sniff..poor sakura..so torn.

Just as a warning, I'm posting this now, but i night re-edit this chapter later cuz honestly i can't get out of this habit of writing really late and i write much better when i'm totally awake but i don'thave the time..sorry its probably annoying.

so..what did you guys think? I know..sasuke's getting a bit OOC but honestly, he can't be a block of ice when im trying to make him fall for sakura...that just wouldn't work!...besides..i kind of like this new kind of romantic side of sasuke...and the shower sasuke too ;)..lol

anyways..please review!...i'm addicted to them now...i really love hearing from you guys!...and once again thanks to everyone who read this and reviewed or put it on favs or anything else i really appreciate it!

see you later!