Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Ok so last chapter was dramatic and this one is even more dramatic. I started writing earlier than i normally do..hooray for me and you...but then it ended up taking twice as long to write this chapter...(A REALLY long time)...i kept getting stuck and lost in the middle

Anyways..Confessions coming up..:D...yay!

Enjoy!

Chapter 5

Even at that point in my life, I had no idea how much she meant to me. Yes, I knew she was one hell of a kisser and yes, I knew that I was attracted to her..but that was it. All I felt for her was attraction and this sense of attachment because she had been the first girl to grab my attention like that. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Maybe if I had known, I would have been able to stay away.

Flashback

After that whole incident, I decided to go against my gut instinct of running after her and I went home. I was more confused then before and I wanted answers but I wasn't an idiot, she definitely did not want to talk to me now. It's not like I even knew how to confront her, she had pushed me away twice now, and there was only so much bashing a man could take on his ego. Anyway, she would have to face me eventually, in three days to be exact.

So I spent the next few days and nights hardly drinking or eating or sleeping. I couldn't stop replaying every image in my head and repeating every line she had said to me.

'I'm sorry….I can't do this with you.'…Do what? I said I wanted to be with her so was she saying she didn't want to be with me?

'…I can't do this with you.' No, she said she couldn't do this. Why can't she? Was she already with someone? But then why would she go out on a date with some other guy? So what did she mean?

That's how I spent the three days before our scheduled appointment, in a cycle of questions and constant questioning of the meanings behind her words. This is why I never bothered with women, why do they have to be so damned confusing? Never in my life have I felt this insecure about where I stood.

It just wasn't supposed to be this way! I opened up, what more did she want? Whatever she wanted me to do, she sure was pushing it. Did she know that I was Uchiha Sasuke? Because that is the extent of the emotions that an Uchiha expresses.

When the day of our appointment rolled around, I was stressed and I had had enough of only being able to make up reasons for why she had said what she said. I wanted answers and was more than ready for her to arrive. I showered and got dressed and sat down on one of my couches.

Silence bombarded me. Well not complete silence, there was the incessant ticking of a clock that I didn't even know was there before. Where was she? Sure, it was only 9 am and she wasn't expected for another three hours but like I said, I was rather frustrated which also translated into impatient.

I literally sat there for those three hours, watching the ticking clock turn, ten..eleven…twelve……….and then one…..and two. Damn, she sure picked a nice day to be late. I told myself that I wouldn't lose control like I did last time. I wouldn't get up and chase after her; it just wasn't who I was. I was stubborn, that was for sure. I just sat there waiting until finally the clock read 5:47pm. So I guess she's avoiding me. I was pissed off…not that it wasn't expected. Who wouldn't be pissed off after waiting for 8 hours and 47 minutes for a girl, who was supposed to answer all the annoying questions that have been bugging you for THREE DAYS?

Ok, truthfully, I thought she was going to come over like she always did except this time, she would apologize for being so crazy these past few days. I thought she would come and say that of course she wanted to be with me and that she had no idea what had gotten into her. I expected her to be grateful that I had told her everything that I did three days ago.

Well that didn't happen. Not even close and I was fed up with waiting. Perhaps that's why I was even more frustrated than I would normally be. So what did I do? Open my door and slam it shut as I walked briskly to her house.

I reached her door in a matter of minutes and knocked loudly. I heard some shuffling inside before she came to answer the door. She was dressed in a yellow tank top and pink and yellow plaid pyjama pants with her hair up in a messy sort of way. Once again, I forgot my frustration; she was just too adorable at that moment. Then I saw her face and she looked angry, sad, weary, surprised, and many other things, none of which were happy.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked her again….wow…déjà vu.

"What do you mean?" She asked nonchalantly.

"What do you mean what do I mean? You were supposed to check up on me 5 hours ago. Don't tell me you forgot!" She really knew how toannoy me.

"No, I didn't forget." She replied.

I gaped for a while at her answer. She put me through all that waiting for no apparent reason!

"Then why the hell didn't you come?" I asked angrily.

"Well, it's like you said, it's pointless."

Was it just me or was there a major role reversal here? Suddenly she was the one acting cold and only replying in three syllable answers and I was the one freaking out. Things had certainly taken a turn for the worse and there was definitely something wrong with me. But that wasn't the point right now.

"So did the town finally stop asking you to spy on me?"

"No."

"No?" I asked, my anger reaching a boiling point

"No." she stated simply.

"What the hell do you mean!"

"No, They still don't trust you completely, but you're pretty much healed and you like you said, you don't need a babysitter."

"You can't just stop coming! It doesn't make any sense, how can you if the Hokage still wants someone to look after me?"

"I'll just write my reports to her like I always do, saying you're fine and you haven't been showing any suspicious behaviour."

"So you're just going to lie?"

"Why does it matter to you? Isn't this what you wanted before? Now you've got what you want so can you go now? I have other stuff to do."

She moved to shut the door on me but I was faster than that. I stuck my foot in the doorway just before it closed. "Wait, why all of the sudden are you going to stop? I mean if you wanted to before, you could have just stopped coming then."

"It didn't matter before but now I'm getting busy."

"That's bulshit." I pushed my way through her door and let myself into her house.

"Whatever. Can you get out of my house, I have other stuff to do!"

"No, you and I both know you're trying to avoid me and I just want to know why."

"I'm not avoiding you!"

"Really? Then why couldn't you just stop by and tell me you were going to stop the check ups?"

"I was busy!"

"Haven't you learned that you're not a very good liar? Just tell me why you ran away then." I stepped up to her giving her, letting my anger flare a bit.

"I….I…."

I finally had the upper hand again. And I wasn't going to let her get away.

"Why can't you be with me?"

"I…..because I just can't"

She was like a deer caught in headlights and suddenly she had tears in her eyes. Her mood had changed so suddenly, that I didn't know how to continue getting my answers.

"Sakura, just tell me…I….I'm sorry that I got angry at you…I meant what I said before..I want you to be with me."

She shook her head and wiped away her tears "No, I can't"

Those words again, the ones that always frustrated and confused me to no end. "What does that mean? Why can't you?"

"I….you….I-I don't want you anymore!"

"Why not?"

"Can't you just accept the fact that I've moved on!"

"No, because I don't believe that's true"

"Well it is!"

"Then why would you let me kiss you? I know you liked it just as much as I did. Look, stop denying everything I say and just give me one good reason as to why you can't or don't want to be with me!"

I knew that I had caught her again. She couldn't look at me so she looked at the ground and when she spoke I could tell she was on verge of crying again.

"I…I just can't be h-hurt ...again."

That was definitely a stab in the gut, a stab that I deserved and I feltan undescribeablepain somewhere in my chest. It rapidly started to seem very arrogant of me to expect her to welcome me with open arms. I did ignore her, reject her, make fun of her, and betray her. If I were her, I wouldn't even be talking to me…but like I said before, I'm selfish. I wanted her and I would do whatever it took to get her even if it meant swallowing my pride.

"Sakura, I'm sorry for everything I did and for how I treated you. I know I deserve that but I can't let you go."

"It doesn't matter if you're sorry, it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be with you."

"I didn't leave because I wanted to hurt you! I had my reasons for leaving that had nothing to do with you! I'm sorry if they hurt you but I don't know what else I have to do."

"Nothing. There's nothing for you to do. No matter what your reason for leaving, you left. Not only did you leave me but you left Konoha, and Naruto and Kakashi. Did you think about anyone besides yourself when you left? I have never seen anyone turn their back on their friends so easily. I can't let myself get involved with someone like that. Even you know that I would just be setting myself up." She said in a sad, defeated manner.

Guilt. Again the same guilt trying to take me over and suffocate me. I never used to have this feeling until she came back into my life. She was troublesome but I had to have her."I know everything you're saying is true. I know that I deserve everything you throw at me. I'm truly sorry. Please …..can we just start over? I won't hurt you again."

She was crying now. "Please don't ask me that."

"Why?"

"I know you're sorry and I don't want to hurt you but I don't want this anymore. I just never want to be hurt like I was the day you left. I wish I could trust you, I really do. But no matter how much I try, I can't forget the pain. As much as I would like to deny it, I'm still hurting from all those years ago." Tears ran freely down her pretty face.

I have to convince her. She doesn't know the guilt that creeps up on me every night that I push away every morning. I betrayed so many people and I never expected to feel this. I was desperate; I knew I was going to lose her soon if I hadn't already. I didn't care about my pride or my ego or anything else. I had to convince her. "Sakura..please…" I sounded pathetic but I didn't care.

"No, Sasuke…please just go home..please" Tears continued to slip down her face.

"Sakura, I swear to you I won't hurt you. I swear. I don't want to hurt you."

Through her tears she said, "How can I ever be sure that that's true? You might mean that now, but like you said..you didn't mean to hurt me before but you still did..what if that happens again?"

"It won't!"

She looked up at me and said sadly, "How can you promise me that? How are you so sure?"

"You..you've never meant so much to me." I said looking straight into her eyes. I knew this was critical. I knew I couldn't let something stupid like my superiority complex get in the way. No matter how confused or frustrated or insane she made me, I still wanted her, which meant I had to tell her things that I couldn't even admit to myself.

Her eyes told me that she was fighting with herself. I knew that internally, she didn't trust herself anymore although she seemed so adamant to push me away on the exterior.

"Sakura, I know it's hard for you to trust me and I wish I could fix the past so that you didn't have to get hurt but I can't. But that doesn't mean that I can't change now. And as much as you deny it, I know you want to be with me too."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because she went from sad to angry very quickly.

"What do you know about what I want? Obviously nothing, because I've been trying to tell you that I don't want you anymore but you seem to think that by staying here, I'll change my mind. Just LEAVE!"

"No! Every time you get stuck in a situation you don't want to be in, you run away. It won't work with me so deal with it."

"I'm not running away. I've told you so many times that it's getting ridiculous. I – Don't –Want – To – Be – With – You!"

He didn't want to resort to this but she left him no choice. "Then tell me that you don't love me."

In truth, he didn't know her answer but he figured that if she said she didn't love him he could change her mind or maybe he might get lucky and forget about her because of her obvious lack of affection. It would probably be the former though.

She was shocked to hear his demand. Her anger dissipated and just as abruptly as before, her mood switched back from angry to sad. "please.." She begged in the smallest voice he had ever heard from her. "please…just leave"

"I will if you tell me that you don't love me."

"It doesn't matter…just leave…"

"It does matter –"

"No, because love is nothing without trust." She said sadly.

"What if I told you that I might be in love with you?" I whispered

"I would tell you to stop lying." She whispered back.

"But it's not a –"

"Enough! Stop! Just stop." She had had enough. She didn't want to hear anymore so she pushed me out of her house. "You've hurt me enough. Please just let me live one day without thinking about you…please..." And then she shut and locked the door.

"Sakura I love you!" I yelled through her door.

It had started to rain while we were arguing and I was now drenched but I couldn't feel anything

End Flashback

Love. Has anyone figured out what it is? What did it mean? Did I even know when I said that?… no, probably not. But I said it because whatever I felt for her, all that weak desire and desperation, all those feelings that made me beg and plead and explain myself to her had to be caused by something. The only explanation I had was that it was love. People always told me that it was a foolish thing to love but no one ever mentioned that it crept up on you like a silent killer.

But it was already too late to save me. I had confessed to the one thing that I thought I would never have the inconvenience to experience. The confusing part was that I didn't mind experiencing it; the painful part was not having her return my confession. No matter what, she will always be recognized for the achievement of drawing out an emotion that was supposed to be impossible to draw out of wicked people.

What would my life be like now if on that day when she didn't show up I decided to go to sleep instead of go to her house?

Maybe if I had stayed away, I wouldn't have to wait here day and night like a pathetic little fool.

Love. If it weren't for that god-forsaken thing I wouldn't have gone. I wouldn't have experienced all the things in my life up until now that made me human. I wouldn't have experience true happiness…. nor true pain.

hello again!

haha..sasuke's in love!...oh sakura how could you deny such a hot man is beyond me!..lol..jks

Anyways...i'm over 10 000 words!...wow!...i can't believe i've actually written that much! And i'm loving your support!..thank you all SO much!

Wolfs:...i laughed when you said you were confused because sasuke feels exactly the same way..but now, both of you get it..lol.. :P

Sakura5584: i will never be tired of your two thumbs..lol...i love them..feel free to keep using them. :)

Setsuna-chan09: of course i'm gonna continue!...so please keepreading and thanks

Heartless Ghost: Now you see that it's all part of the the master plan...lol...answering your questions sooner would have given away this chapter...but i hope you like this one too and that it explains things for you.

sasukeluva:thanks for the suggestion..i hope sakura's as rejecting as you wanted her to be...lol...you have an evil mind...just like me...and sasuke will suffer..don't worry..:P

To everyone else:you guys have no idea how motivating your reviews are...i love all of your comments and i'm really happy that you like my fic :)

And now...the semi-bad news...:(...exam time is rolling around and my schedule is so incredibly tight that i'll be lucky to not fail..:S...i'll probably be able to squeeze in one chapter next week...but imnot guaranteeing anything because thats almost right before exams...but don't worry.luckily, if i don't write it'll only be forone friday...but maybe if youguys review enough, i'llget it in..(hint hint :P)

great...now im a review whore...lol..jks

see you later!

PS..if u haven't noticed..i don't have a name for this chapter..and i can't think of one..if you want to submit a suggestion please feel free to as a review or if u don't think that i need to have chapter titles u can suggest that too (seeing as how i'm pretty bad at the title stuff). and if u have any questions...please feel free to ask..and i'll answer them if i can:)