Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Ok so this chapter is basically all about Sasuke's feelings and thoughts...like most of the story but now its about what he sai last chapter..:)

I seem to be going through some writer's block and it took me VERY long to write this but i hope you guys like it.

anyways..on with the story..Enjoy!

Chapter 6: To Be Human

It was dark again. I'm guessing late into the night but I lost track of the hours long ago. Time for me now consisted only of dusk and dawn. The last time I lost all sense of time was before my return to Konoha. Time didn't matter where I was. Blood mattered, death mattered, but not time. When I first retuned to Konoha, I was inhuman like that,but that all changed thanks to her.

Flashback

I walked all the way home in the pouring rain. I wasn't cold and I didn't feel the wetness that is usually associated with when one gets rained on. I just walked straight into my room lied down on my bed without even bothering to pull the covers over myself.

If I was intending to sleep, fat chance! I stared at my ceiling and if my eyes could burn holes into things, it would blast right through the roof.

I love her. I love her? What did I even know about love? It was such a foolish thing to say when I couldn't possibly love her. I have known her for so long and never once did I have any feelings for her that weren't strictly platonic and I had been the one pushing her away for years. She was right, I did leave her. It was my choice to leave and if I left, wasn't it because I didn't care enough for her?

But now, I said I loved her. What would make me say it? I don't love. Uchiha's don't love. Did they? I don't remember my parents too much anymore; did they love each other? Did they love me? My brother certainly didn't love and that is something I am sure of. Maybe I had turned out more like him that I would have wanted

My life before returning was simple, train and kill or get killed. Now life is a mix of unanswerable questions and unexplainable feelings.

Why did everything have to be so fucking confusing? Before, Sakura was the one confusing me and now, I'm confusing myself. I don't understand why I told her that I loved her. I'm not even sure of that.

I couldn't lie still in my bed. It was now three in the morning but I needed something to do. I didn't want to think about anything related to that… event..right now. I got out of bed and decided to do some training. That was how I dealt with myself. When I was frustrated, I liked to beat the crap out of something.

When I reached the training field, I got right into fist fighting with different targets. I totally ignored all weapons. I was trying to clear my thoughts but I was failing. With every target I would once again relive that moment when I told her that I loved her and I would be so frustrated that I would break it into a million pieces.

I trained for nearly 3 hours before I was utterly exhausted. The sun was rising and I flopped onto the ground in the middle of the field. Lying down and staring at the sky made me feel calm.

I love her. What if it was true? How would someone define love? I wanted to kiss her and I wanted her to be around me constantly. That was ironic considering that when she did cling to me, I wanted her to get the hell away and now that she seemed to not want me anymore I wanted her to cling to me. Did that constitute love? I wanted to protect her at any cost. Was that considered love? I hated her with other men and she made me feel jealousy, which I had previously never even known. Did that mean love?

Sakura. Pink hair and sea foam green eyes. It sounds so fruitful and disgusting but on her, it was beautiful. So smart and yet sometimes ditzy. Weak and strong. Sometimes adorable and other times fiery. She annoyed me, made me want to rip out my own hair, was so cheerful it made me want to vomit…but I wanted her. Everything that had to do with her was happy and colourful and everything to do with me was pain and dark and brooding.

Everything concerning her was so contradictory. Was that love?

I love her. Maybe it was true. She was beautiful and I wasn't blind. She was intelligent, that was something I noticed in her even when we were younger. She is such a good person, and it used to disgust me. She is so devoting to everyone around her and she is often self-depriving. It's why I used to think she was weak. I didn't understand why someone would care more about others than themselves. I used to think it was a weakness. But now, I wanted to be the one to help her more than myself.

I do love her. As utterly contradicting and ironic and impossible it all seems.. it was true. Even if I didn't want to admit it, and even if I thought I was a world hating, moody, asshole who wouldn't care about anyone but myself, I was….in love with her.

It was now well into the morning and now that I had come to terms with myself, I didn't know what to do with myself. So I got up and went home.

When I got home, I went straight for the shower. As the water poured down in a soothing rhythm, I felt oddly at peace because I now kind of understood myself and my feelings for her.

Sakura has been the only girl and woman that was truly in my life. She was a constant and I didn't realize how much I needed that constant until I came back. While I was gone, it was fine because I knew she was back home waiting, or at least I was able to believe that. When I came back, however, and she was no longer waiting for me as I had expected, it was the first time that I was truly without her. In my life, she had been the only one who had fussed over me and cared about my well-being since my mother died. If I were to love anyone, it would only have been her anyway. She gave me everything I lost and I never realized it. I pushed her away and denied her everything she needed. Now, I realize what I did to her and her reasons for pushing me away.

I turned off the shower and stepped out. I ran a wet hand through my wet hair. I screwed up. I would have never admitted that 4 months ago but things were very different now. I needed a way to fix things but I couldn't approach her again. She made it loud and clear that she wanted to forget me and I couldn't even hate her for it.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like crap. I haven't bothered to shave or do any thing else to my appearance except shower. I looked like a pathetic piece of crap.

I put some pants on and went to sit down on my couch again. Although I understood things I still had the problem that I still did not have what I wanted. In a way, I felt defeated. Maybe I shouldn't try to make her feel for me again. She was right; I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't hurt her again. No matter how much I loved her, I could never protect her from everything, especially the pain that I might cause.

I lay my head back and closed my eyes. All of the things that I would have to do if I was her boyfriend ran through my head and once again I felt insecure. Surely, I wouldn't be able to be everything that she expected of me. But she wasn't like that, my insecurities were my own. She did deserve more than me and that's what stopped me from trying to convince her to love me.

None of this changed the fact that I wanted her to be here with me. I laughed bitterly at myself. I set this up for myself because a few months ago, I would have rather eaten worms than admit what I just did. In the end, that's what screwed me; my inability to except human feelings and human behaviour.

I love her. I love Sakura.

A knock sounded on my door, but I chose to ignore it. I didn't really care about anyone else at that point. Whoever it was, whatever they had to say, it wasn't important.

The knocks became more persistent and I became more irritated. I had better things to think about than the asshole at my door.

They however, wouldn't stop knocking. I swore under my breath and went to go yell at the dumb ass.

"What –"

A blur of pink and green and then someone's lips were on mine. Soft luscious lips that seemed so familiar.

The kiss was so filled with desperation. She kissed me with so much need that the only thing I could do was kiss her back with equal fervour. We kissed until we couldn't breathe and then we pulled away, still holding each other.

"Sakura…" I breathed out. I was completely shocked that she would be here let alone kiss me.

"I hate you," She whispered. " I hate you so much"

She pulled me into a tight hug burying her head in my shoulder. I pulled her face up to look at me. She had been crying, I could tell.

I wiped away her tears softly "I love you too." I kissed her again but this time I tried to express everything that I felt, but most of all, I tried to convey just how much I loved her. This time, she was the one to kiss me back with equal fervour.

End Flashback

Love. I figured out what it was. To me, love meant her. It meant everything that was confusion and contradiction.

Not only did she allow me to understand love, she brought me to understand life. Life was not about pain and suffering and it wasn't about death either. It wasn't about putting yourself ahead of everyone else. Most of all, life was not straightforward and not always clear. That was what made it liveable.

That day and that kiss meant everything that we felt for each other. That kiss was angry, passionate, full of concern, desperation, lust, sadness, happiness, and most of all love. It was everything that we were and it was also everything that life was.

Although at that point, she didn't say it, I knew that she loved me and all of those insecurities went out the door. I knew that no matter what happened or where I was or what I was doing, I would protect her. I would put her first and somehow, if someone that I loved so much was hurt or in danger I would be able to feel it and help her. It sounded crazy but I believed it… I know better now.

She made me human and it was as simple as that.

Hello everyone!

I want to start of by saying that i am SOOOOOO VERY VERY sorry! I know i said i would post sooner but honestly i got sick the night before my last exam which was hell because i was trying to study and today was just the first day after exams that i could even get out of bed..:S so i'm very sorry for not writing sooner

Also..i'm done exams!..yay!..even though i came out of it with a killer fever, i was still very relieved.

There was such a huge response to my last chapter that i felt especially guilty..:s..but thank you all SO much. i loved every single review.

Also, i have decided to name the last chapter "Trying to Say Goodbye" it was from Nekio-chan's suggestion so thanks for that (and yes karma is a bitch..lol) and for everyone else who gave their suggestions they really helped!

To RoseWaters: u are so mean..i love it but i would never make her go out with Neji...i don't like them together:P

unyield-wish 813: i thought u were hilarious thanks for the review i really enjoyed seeing what u thought :)

Setsuna-chan09: i totally agree and thanks

nebulaX: the verge of tears comment made me super happy..that was exactly what i was going for thanks!

dannyXsam-forever: yeah i realized that too when i was reading over it. i'm sorry if it confused you...i'll try not to do that in the future..thanks im glad u like it.:)

critter141151: haha so true..thanks

sasusaku0386: haha..thanks i hope i pass too

Sekiryu: Thanks and yeah i know..angsty is what i was going for...gets more angsty so prepare urself..lolumm im kind of confused about what ur asking..sorry..maybe you could rephrase it and i would be happy to answer!

To all the reviews.. i honestly can't thank you enough for reading and reviewing...i got a lot of reviews for the last chapter and it was so motivational for me to just get through my exams and write another chapter!

anyways..i will definitely see you soon this time!

bye!