I wish I was talented enough to have come up with these characters myself. But no, those guys at Square-Enix did, and guess what? They own Final Fantasy VIII, and I do not.

Finding Time for Rain

Part II - The Suffering

Why didn't she just go to the party? It wasn't as if she weren't permitted, Cid had personally invited her. She may not have been a SeeD, but when the Headmaster of Garden invites you to a party you really shouldn't pass it up, regardless of the party's signification.

Anyway, she wanted to go, but she wasn't sure if she should.

Because he'd be there. Because she wasn't sure yet if she could face him.

Her tiny bed was blanketed with a thick green comforter and she felt a little too warm for her liking. She'd been given good accomodations for her stay, even offered a penthouse on the fourth level, but she inisted on something small. She wanted her presence here to go as unnoticed as possible and settled for a normal sized dorm. She really shouldn't even be here to begin with.

She'd spent the better half of her life on the move, living on the run. She was tired of it, but she knew how important it was to maintain her anonymity while here. That was another reason she couldn't just come out and tell him who she was. Too much was at stake, as the event that had seperated them was still unfolding to this day. A life of running and secrecy took its toll however. She needed some answers. She needed to fix it all.

Tossing and turning, unable to get any sleep despite the hour, she finally sat up and moved her legs over the edge of the bed. The dorm was dark, but a light was shining in through her window. The moon was out tonight, and its brilliant full face shone a bright white light that was filtered through her yellow curtains into a streak across the floor. She leaned over and reached for the light drapery, pulling one side of the curtains open to get a better view of the heavens.

The stars and the mountainscape were so majestic. The only time she'd ever seen the heavens so clear was while out at sea. That was one thing she liked about her life with those people; the nights could be so full of peace and tranquility on that ship.

What time was it? Almost midnight? She thought again about going to the party, but quickly dismissed it as she'd been doing for the past hour. She didn't own a dress; another reason not to go.

God, it'd been so long though. So long since she had a chance to really enjoy herself. She was almost afraid she'd forgotten how, and that was yet one more reason not to go to the party. Despite all of that however, the urging need to unwind was too powerful a force, and she found herself already on her feet looking for something to wear.

She wasn't going there to be the bell of the ball, there was no need to be too dressed up, right? Well, she hoped not, seeing as how she only had a few skirts to choose from. Finally settling on a black flared skirt which flowed down to her ankles, with a navy petite-sleeve bolero top, she dressed herself by the aid of a small desk lamp, not taking much time to apply make-up and accessories. As for footware, it was either black satin with two-inch heels, or sneakers. Hmm, now there's a difficult choice.

For some reason she found herself rushing to get them on, almost falling over in the process. Why was she in such a hurry all of a sudden? Did she really plan on seeing him? No, she was going for her own enjoyment, not to dwell in the past. "I won't be doing that tonight," she whispered to herself.

Still, she couldn't help but wonder... He had his SeeD exam today, or so she heard. How well did he do?

The man in white stopped her as she stepped out her door. "I see you've decided to go after all." He'd been patrolling the hallway, his partner somewhere out of sight at the moment.

"Yes," she replied to him softly. "I can't sleep, I thought I might as well get some much needed social interaction."

The man's face was anything but assuring. "I see. I won't stop you, but please... consider what it is you are doing."

"I have," she said confidently. Honestly though, she had no idea and was acting purely on impulse.

The man in white drew a deep breath and bowed to her silent request. "Very well then. Would you like some company? I mean, real company?" He was going to join her no matter what, but he was offering to go undercover, so to speak.

She smiled at him with a single shake of her head. "Hm, an informal date? Thanks, but I'll be all right. However, if you must come up with me, please... umm..."

Now he was smiling; he knew what she was trying to say. "I would never do anything to draw attention to you. I'll never be far away, but I promise... I won't get in the way, either."

They shared a brief laugh before she started to walk off, eyes diverted to the floor. She wasn't sure what she was feeling right then. Relief, perhaps? Joy? Love even? Who knows... At least she was sure of this: She felt comfortable and safe when he was around. For now, that's all she really needed from him.

She stopped after she passed him, her back facing his. An inner voice was telling her to express whatever it was she was feeling. And so, she once again smiled before saying, "Thank you. For being patient. For understanding. For being... there when I need you." She turned around and met his gaze. Leaning forward, she planted a small kiss on his cheek and then finally headed off.

She could hear the music and chatter all the way down the hall from the ballroom. With each step that took her closer to the ornate wooden doors, she felt a pressure increase on her heart. Like a cage that was ever constricting, only growing tighter with each beat. So many emotions surged through her, from fear and anxiety, to immense joy and even sorrow. Pushing the large double doors open, it was both a relief and a dissapointment to know that no one here knew who she was, save for a very select few. Her identity needed to be kept a secret, but Hyne.. what she would give just to be able to dance with someone... anyone other than a stranger.

She'd taken a full three steps inside and already was thinking of leaving. Perhaps she shouldn't have come here in hopes of having a good time. That was impossible, she was completely alone. Even amongst so many people, even had she been with the man who'd offered to join her, she'd be all alone in her world.

But she wasn't going to allow that to get her down. She needed to be persistent in her pursuits; all of them. Especially in her pursuit of happiness. That was indeed the sum of her every intention, and it wasn't just for her, but for everyone she knew and loved.

Start small. Start simple. As always, time would be on her side.

She shook those burdening thoughts from her head and quickly focused on the scenery around her. The ballroom was larger than she expected and much more luxurious. She'd hoped that her simple outfit would help keep her in the background, but it now seemed like such a stark contrast to all the extravegant bright gowns in attendance. In all reality, she stuck out, even more than the caterers and waitresses.

With haste she made her way to the few tables in the back hoping to find a seat and perhaps get a glass of wine. Of course, the tables were full and the wine was not free. Lacking the finances to order a single glass, she simply swiped a glass of complementary champagne from a passing caterer and stood alone at the edge of the dance floor.

Everyone looked so happy; as if tonight, not a single worry was present in any of their minds. She knew the reality was, every SeeD member in attendance was almost certainly destined to die before their time. That fact was ever present in their thoughts, even if they chose to ignore it. She knew, because she could hear it when they spoke, she could see it in their eyes, and even feel it in their touch. Denial was something she was very familiar with, and she could detect it everywhere tonight. Her life spent with the men in white taught her much about human nature.

Something else positive about living with those people... she met someone she would come to hold very dear in her heart. They were all special in their own rights, and she thought of them all as family. It was a sad day when she realized their fates.

She took a sip of her champagne and crossed her left arm over her stomach. Why did she come here? It was so obvious that she couldn't clear her thoughts, no matter how desperate she was. She couldn't deny what she truly felt, what she truly wanted.

To see him.

No longer holding back her true reasons for coming up here, she began to scan the room, scrutinizing every face until she finally came upon his. It was like everything around her stopped moving when she saw his eyes; the music faded from her ears and her vision tunnled. Suddenly, she felt her heart pounding and finally broke the connection.

What she'd just witnessed... She should be happy for him. He was with someone, dancing happily; perhaps even in love. Yes, she was definitely overjoyed to see him having a good time, but a part of her wanted to see him alone tonight. Not because she wanted to be the one sharing his dance, ok, not only because of that, but mainly because what she needed to tell him was too intimate for the ears of another. Alas, it seemed her hesitation to come here led to a second opportunity missed.

But... at least he was happy. That provided momentary solace to a large portion of her soul.

"Excuse me." She signaled to a caterer that she'd finished her drink and promptly placed the empty glass onto the tray full of others. "Thank you."

Staying to watch them dance would have torn her apart, even though it was the single most pleasant sight she'd seen in ages. The conflict of emotion proved to be too much right now, so instead of standing there alone, she left the room altogether, now standing on a balcony... alone.

At least the lack of people in her direct line of vision made the loneliness a little more bearable. Solitude in one's thoughts was far better than isolation amongst a crowd.

How many days did she have here? Was her stay indefinite? It didn't really matter, she'd find the time to tell him, but it just seemed that doing so in person would be the best way to go. Although, considering the way things were going, she wasn't sure if she'd ever find the right time.

A cool breeze washed over her, sending her attention skyward. Those stars were perfect tonight. Staring into the vast ocean of space reminded her of just how frail and insignificant they all were. Stars; made of hydrogen and helium, they fuzed into heavier elements at the core then released it all in supernovae. Those heavier elements would go on to make planets and provide the matter necessary to create life. Every molecule in her body, every atom was forged in the heart of a star just like the ones she was observing now. And there she was, making the connection. She was, in that moment, the universe observing itself. And yet, she had an ability that defied the laws of that universe. If she were to represent existence itself, then she'd also be the one to shatter it.

Life was but a dream, and she was neither the dreamer, nor the one being dreamed of. Rather, she was an anomaly. A hindrince in the mechanics of time and human consciousness. She was all too aware of how dangerous she was. And that's why she so desperately needed to fix things.

"Is everything all right?"

She turned to see her bodyguard approaching from behind. She hadn't expected him to join her out here, and given that he was still in uniform, he must only have done so out of great concern. She needed to assure him, so he wouldn't draw too much suspicion. Then again, who the hell was paying any attention anyway?

"Aeric..." she said softly. "I mean, yes, I'm all right." She tried to sound upbeat, but of course it didn't fool the man in front of her. "I just..."

He reached out and took her hand, raising it to his chest with a modest smile. Something in his eyes made her weak, and she found that all of her thoughts melded into one incoherent jumble. This man, Aeric, he'd been the only one in her life she'd ever felt truly comfortable around after leaving her previous life behind. He was always there, as he was now, and he could tell when she needed him without having to ask. For that, she was eternally grateful. But she was too unsure of herself. That was the only thing keeping her from saying the words.

"Maybe you should head back to your room. Get some sleep." Aeric turned his head to glance back into the ballroom for a moment. "I saw him."

She lifted her head at that statement, tears welling up inside. "Me... too..."

"He looks... well for himself. Not much of a dancer though..."

She chuckled as she reached to wipe a tear on her cheek. "No, I suppose not. Ha ha. But then again, neither are you." She stared into his eyes, a big smile contrasting her tired, heavy eyes.

"Oh yeah? Guess it's a good thing I didn't change then, cuz I'd be dragging you out there right now to prove you wrong!" He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, twirling around for a moment under the stars. Their bodies were pressed tightly against one another, and the contact was a welcome relief of tension.

She felt so warm, so safe and secure with him. She found herself staring into his white uniform, his warm breath tickling her forehead. For a moment, neither of them spoke; both just absorbing their time together.

Time. A concept she understood better than anyone, and it was something she vowed to harness. Then, moments like these could last a lifetime. She needed this peace. But she didn't yet deserve it. They had to come first; the people in her past.

Sensing her desire to break away, Aeric released his embrace. "What's wrong?"

"I, uh... I'm sorry. I need to be alone." She gently pushed herself away and started back for the ballroom. What was she doing? She had to tell him what she felt. Realizing what she'd just done, she spun around,but... he was already gone. She stared at an empty balcony, her bodyguard absorbed into the night. That's what he did best; watch from the shadows, making sure she was safe. But it wasn't other people she needed safety from right now. It was her own demons, the guilt and the regret that was eating her alive.

Because it was her own fault, wasn't it? She'd been the first to break away. She was always the one who left, without explanations, and without goodbyes.

She left the party and traversed the halls for a while, not really wanting to return to her room. She was certain that Aeric was following her around, but was partly grateful that she could not see him. The guilt she felt for always pushing him away was too much, and she just couldn't face him right now. There was so much on her mind.

The sound of boots hitting a tile floor began to echo from behind her, and she suddenly felt a tension she could not describe. It was him, she knew it. Unable to deal with Aeric meant she was especially unable to deal with her long lost little brother, so she quickly darted around a corner and pressed herself flat against the wall, the leaves of some green plant sticking her in the face. The sound drew nearer and nearer, and she realized she'd stopped breathing. His shadow emerged directly in front of her, and she closed her eyes. As if that was going to stop him from seeing her.

However, as she waited for the inevitable, she soon noticed the sound had become distant as he proceeded into another hallway. Relieved, she pushed herself forward and cautiously checked the main hall to be sure. There was no longer any sign of him.

"How ridiculous," she thought to herself with a slap to the forehead. "It probably wasn't even him..." But she knew better. She'd been inside his mind before, she could never forget a soul such as his. It was Squall.

Thinking about the footsteps, she realized he was by himself. Perhaps his date was still at the party? What if they weren't even a couple? Either way, it meant he was alone now. Summoning the courage, she found the conviction she'd been lacking a moment ago. It was too important. Regardless of her apprehension, she needed to find him and finally put all of this to rest. She was afraid, absolutely she was, and she had no guarantees, but... For the love of God, it had to be done and there was rarely a better opportunity than this. She couldn't let a third pass her by.

She went after him.

Unfortunately, she didn't know where he went. Spending precious minutes wandering around empty hallways, she felt as though she were wasting time. It was an idea she'd normally laugh at, but in reality, it was Squall's time that was slipping away, not her own. She had to find him before he slipped away, yet again. But where did he go?

It was a stroke of luck and nothing more that she spotted him from the elevator. He changed his clothing and was carrying his weapon with him. Obviously, he was heading for Garden's training center. She needed to hurry.

Try as she might, her legs could not carry her fast enough. He'd already gone inside and there was no sight of him. Now she was faced with a difficult decision. She could wait for him to return, but he'd probably be tired and unwilling to accept her words. Or she could walk away, and wait for another time to come. But there was no guarantee there would be another time to see him in person. Her only option then, go in there and find him, and hope he wasn't in the middle of a battle when she did.

If she was careful enough, she could avoid the monsters, right? If she moved slow enough? "Only one way to find out. I have to do this..."

The training center was like a jungle. The air was thick and humid, and there were all sorts of strange noises she couldn't identify. She couldn't even tell if they were real or not, but assumed they were. Better to assume the worst than be caught unprepared, right? Not as if she could actually consider herself prepared for anything in here.

A few minutes passed without incident. The noises continued to distract her but she maintained her calm and moved with great care not to disturb anything. Just by looking at them, she gathered that even the plants here were hostile. Hyne, what was she thinking? Surely, she couldn't fix anything if she were dead. This whole idea began to seem rather insane, and she felt herself growing with concern. She needed to get out of there, the risk was too great.

Turning around, she was perplexed to find the path she'd walked in on was no longer there. It seemed as if the plantlife had rearranged itself. Completely dissoriented, she began to panic; the beginning of the end for most people in her situation. She fought every urge to scream, and tried desperately to remain calm. There had to be a way out of there, she just had to keep walking and stay calm.

Some rustling sounds circled around her in the brush, but she couldn't seem to get a fix on what was causing it. The humidity was getting to her and all the inexplicable noises tugged at her sanity. She simply couldn't take it anymore, and ran. She ran as fast as she could, incurring small tears in her blouse and skirt, and even cutting her legs on thorny branches. But she kept going, she kept running.

Then something hit her from behind, knocking her to the ground amidst fallen tree branches and dead leaves. Insects were swarming at her hands and arms, and she screamed with fright as she tried to flick them off. Hyne, they were everywhere! Why hadn't she noticed them before!

Another swift blow to her back sent her face first into the dirt, where she rolled over in a mild daze, a painful sting lingering between her shoulder blades. What she saw hovering above her terrified her beyond her worst nightmare. She couldn't form any words, her mind shut down and a more primal function took over. She screamed like she'd never done before.

The attack was imminent. She saw its tail and stinger curl up behind its back in preparation for a strike, and closed her eyes in horror. What was she thinking, coming in here? How was she ever going to make things right with him if she were to die tonight? She couldn't even say goodbye to him... She couldn't even say goodbye to Aeric...

But the strike never came. Instead, she heard someone shouting at her to stay down and keep her eyes closed. She obeyed, never registering the voice within her mind. The sounds of a struggle ensued and she even covered her ears to avoid any knowledge of what was transpiring. She felt it would be better not to watch.

Even after the sounds stopped, she remained there, on the ground with her eyes closed and ears covered. It wasn't until she felt a hand tug at her bicep before she left the safety of the darkness. It was him... Aeric. The other bodyguard was there as well. Did they...?

She turned her head, and then realized that it was not her escorts who'd saved her... It was Squall. He was staring right at her, and all she could manage was a look of shock. Beside him was another familiar face, one she also could never forget. "Quisty...?" she uttered quietly.

"Are you all right?" Aeric asked her in a persistent tone.

She looked him in the eyes and nodded with a faint smile. Although her head began to feel as though all the blood was rushing out.

"You've been stung... We need to get you to the infirmary."

She nodded again with slight dizziness, but as she leaned on him for physical support, the emotional support came from knowing that Squall and Quistis had both come to her rescue. She stared into her brother's eyes for a brief moment, before surrendering to Aeric's aid.

What a fool. How stupid and wreckless she was. What good did she accomplish by going in there? Did she really expect to make it through unscathed? And now her third opportunity had been lost. It was her fault. She shouldn't have been so indesicive. If only... she could be strong. She may have had all the time in the world, but they did not. It wasn't she who would end up suffering the most, it was them.

Just like before, she was solely to blame. Forgiveness, it seemed... would now have to take a back seat to her other needs.