Daddy's Girl
Chapter six
Saffron was still confused. Tiny little human brains…
"So…this thing," she pointed to the TARDIS console. "Is psychic?"
"Yep," I answered, as I wired up the last few circuits needed to do this.
"And you can use the psychic energy to get into the Doctor's head?" she went on.
Christ, how many times? We'd been through this already. "That's right".
"And it's completely safe?" the last question was asked mostly for Saffron's own reassurance. I sighed, turning to face her.
"No," I admitted, truthfully. "No it's probably not. Likely die in the process".
Her face went from worried, to confused, and swiftly furious. "You didn't say that before," she hissed. "You said it was completely safe. You said!"
"I know I said!" I hissed right back. "I said because I didn't want you to worry! Look, I'm sorry," I lamented. "But I have to do this".
There was a silence between us as we got her bearings. She broke it.
"Why though? Why can't you just let him wake himself?" she wasn't asking, she was pleading. She knew why as much as I did. And she didn't want to. She wanted me safe, here. I smiled, just a little.
"Because I can't sit and wait," I told her. "He could be dying for all I know. So what am I supposed to do?"
She couldn't answer that and she knew it. "No stopping you is there?"
I shook my head determinedly. "Nope," I told her. "No way in hell".
She laughed dryly, a funny look on her face. There was a pause, then-"I never knew your mother," I looked at her, surprised. Why on earth did she bring that up?
"But Jack talks about her sometimes. A lot," she went on. "And sometimes…I don't know…sometimes I think you are an awful lot like her. From what I've heard, she was determined as anything, and nothing could keep her away from him," she nodded to the Doctor.
"I could," I answered, quietly with a tiny sad smile. "I did".
Saffron blinked and her mouth fell open so she stood there, like an absurd sort of fish. "What did you say?"
"Anyway," I said, turning to the two beds, which had been moved in here by me and Jack. On one, was him, my dad. His head was wired up to the Control panel, still asleep of course. The other was for me. I lay down on it and began to wire myself in. "Can't stand here nattering all day. There's wandering about in other peoples heads to be done!"
Saffron took my hand and squeezed it. "Do you want me to stay with you?"
I considered her question whilst reaching up with my other hand for the appropriate control. "Please," I said. "I wanna know there's someone waiting for me when I come back".
"'When'?" She questioned, worriedly. I nodded.
"When," I said, finding the lever at last and pulling it. "Wish me luck!"
And she was gone.
Have you ever heard silence? Real silence? The TARDIS was full of it, just this ongoing quietness that almost swallowed me up. It seemed to last forever, eternity passing by.
And it ended all too soon.
Everything started. The noise! Noise, light, light everywhere it hurt! The past, all that was, is…could be, everything all at once. Pain behind my eyelids, I saw everything. Time, space, it was around me, it was in me. It was me.
I was the TARDIS.
I screamed.
And it was gone. All of it, like a sudden hush.
I was facing down in a kind of fabric material. Smelled kind of like...tea. I let myself up, shaking and had a quick look around.
"It's a house," I said, my eyes widening. "I real house. Inside his head, with doors and…" I wrinkled my nose. "Carpets". I shuddered. "That's just terrifying".
"You say that like I wanted to be here," a muttered voice came from the doorway. I turned to see him, leaning casually against it, as though my wandering about his dream was completely normal.
It felt normal, was the weird thing. I'd expected that hen I saw him, I'd get angry, or hug him or something. But I didn't.
"I dunno," I shrugged. "Maybe you do. Maybe you're going a bit….domestic? In the old age? Maybe I should buy you an apron"
He closed his eyes. "How did you get so rude?"
"I guess I must be my daddy's girl".
He smiled as he flopped down on the couch, whilst I looked about the room, frowning. "Interesting," I muttered. "Most people dreams are ever changing, nothing stays the same and yet you…" I sat down. "Yours is so very normal".
"Does it disappoint you?"
"It surprises me".
There was a pause. Quite peaceful here. Very unnerving.
"Well I don't know why it's like this," he broke the silence, quite suddenly. "Rather be home. With the TARDIS. And you. And…" he stopped.
"And what?" I prompted him, curiously.
"Nothing, no one," he hastily corrected himself. But then the room grew smaller; the walls seemed to close in before falling all together and disappearing. We were now outside, on a planet I remembered visiting when I was a kid. Could only have been about five years old. I looked down to where I remembered us being. There we were, with Jack, in this sea which had frozen all at once. We were laughing and joking as I remembered. But there was someone else. A middle sized blonde woman was giggling along with us.
"So that's it," I whispered. "That's why you'd rather be here. With her, instead of with me".
"That's not true," he said, his head bent.
"Isn't it?" I asked. "There's nothing keeping you asleep, is there? Not really. Except that here, you can bring her back,"
I looked out at the small blonde figure of my mother, being smothered in dad's coat as he let her borrow it in the incredible cold. He watched too.
"I do want to wake up," he said.
"Then do so!"
"I can't. I've tried, and I can't, I keep trying and maybe I'll get lucky but-"
"Try harder!"
"Not that simple!"
There was quiet. "Should have brought me with you," I muttered. "Shouldn't have left me at Jacks. You shouldn't have gone alone".
"I had to," he replied. "I didn't want you to get hurt".
Suddenly I was furious. "Better than being left! What if you'd died, hm? What if you hadn't come back and I'd been left, what was I supposed to do? Stay with Jack? Take the slow path? What?" I was crying by now and he pulled me into his arms.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "For everything".
There was a short silence as I sobbed on his shoulder before he spoke again. "How did you get here, anyway?"
"I tapped into the TARDIS itself, used it to get to you," I told him, knowing he wouldn't like it.
He didn't. "You could have been killed!" he hissed, but somehow, didn't manage to be angry. I shrugged.
"I wanted to take that chance. I couldn't let you down".
"Why not?"
"What do you mean, why not? You've never let me down. Not really".
He drew back, frowning at me. "Is that what you think?" he asked. "Really, is it?"
I nodded; not understanding is concern, nor his surprise. "Is there any reason why I shouldn't?"
He sighed, letting his arms drop to his sides. "Not that you know of," he said, staring at the ground.
I went cold. "What do you mean?" I demanded. "What do you know that I…"
I couldn't finish. I suddenly felt sick, nausea making me double over. Lights flashed behind my eyes and I think I may have fell to the ground. Agony crept up my spine and in my head. I couldn't cry out, I couldn't even breathe. And I so wanted to scream, as my father faded away from me and I was nowhere. And everywhere. If I'd been able to think, I'd have worked out that the TARDIS connection must have faltered and I was being pulled back to my own body, but there was no more room in my head for rational thought as it pounded and throbbed and I burned up from the inside.
And then…
Normality. I screamed, at last, more with shock as the pain had gone. I sat bolt upright and screamed as hard as I could. I took some deep breaths to steady myself and looked about. I was in the TARDIS. On a bed. Yes, I remembered, I'd wired myself up to the Doctor to get inside his head. Saffron and Jack were on either side of me, I couldn't hear them. Parts of everything that had happened in the last ten minutes came back to me. The house. Carpet. The beach, frozen, crying. I pushed past them to see the Doctor.
No change.
I'd failed.
Jack spun me around. "Jenny? Jennifer, can you hear me?"
I nodded. "Hi Jack," I smiled, weakly.
"Oh thank god!" Saffron breathed, a hand was clutched to her chest. "Jenny, honey, what happened".
I shook my head. "Didn't work". I said. "I let him down,"
The words made a tiny spark in my memory. What was it?
You've never let me down. Not really
Not that you know of
Again, I felt cold as Saffron wrapped her arms about me. What exactly did he mean by that?