Daddy's Girl

Chapter Eight

When I arrived, Jackie squeezed the life out of me. But she saw something was wrong immediately after.

"What's going on?" she asked, seriously. "Where's the Doctor, where is he? What happened?"

What happened? What didn't? In truth, I have no idea how to answer her question and need to take a moment to consider. "There was a bit of an…accident. He's not well…"

She doesn't wait for any more and pushes past me to see him. She checks him over, all his vitals and both his hearts (We already established a long time ago that he didn't have two of anything she'd be interested in) before turning to me. "What happened, where were you? Why'd you come here?" she asks one question after the other. She doesn't know, of course, she thinks I'm here because he's been hurt.

Why am I here? I hadn't really considered before. Why was I so curious, what made it so important, when he was lying injured and, if Jack was right, maybe even dying? Was it because I thought I could maybe get him back? No, that was stupid. What then? Maybe because then I'd have something. I'd know something for when he woke up.

When.

And I would know that it was no-where near as bad as he made out.

"Jackie, I'm not here for him. There's nothing else I can do for him now," I tell her. No point in saying how serious the situation is. "I just need some answers. And I can't get them from anyone else".

We sit beside the console and I tell her everything, what he said in the dream, the letters, everything. She listens to every word. Some of it she knows and some if it shocks her, but as I go on, she becomes more and more doubtful. She knows what I'm going to ask of her already. It's clear when I ask that I've confirmed her doubts.

"What did he mean, Jackie? When he let me down, what was he on about?"

She avoids my eye and stands up. "I don't know sweetheart. Maybe you should-"

"Jackie," I interrupt her. She knows she isn't fooling me for a second. With a sigh, she sits back down again.

"It was a long time back…" she begins. "When you were only about….ooh, a week old?"

To make him change his mind

Jackie sat by the window in Rose's old room, which was now substituting for the baby, who was now sleeping in her cot. She rarely cried, only when she had to. Jackie still didn't know her name; the Doctor had declined to mention if she had one yet. In Jackie's mind, she was Michelle. But maybe that would change.

Jackie cried. She cried for Rose, she cried for "Michelle", but mostly she cried for the Doctor. The Doctor who seemed part broken man, part child. He'd been using the spare room for sleeping. At barely spoke to her, hardly ever seen outside the room or the TARDIS.

And he still hadn't held the baby.

Jackie jumped as suddenly, the Doctor himself was standing beside her, looking down into the cot. There was the strangest look on his face. A kind of mixture of deep sadness and regret. She turned away from him.

"Shouldn't do that," she muttered, not for the first time that week, as she hastily wiped her face. Neither said anything for a moment as the both looked down at the sleeping baby. Finally, the Doctor spoke.

"I'm going away, Jackie," he said.

Jackie looked at him in surprise. "Oh…" was all she could think to say. Moments passed, and suddenly a thought struck her. She turned to him, wide eyed. "You're going to change it, aren't you? You're going to make it so she never got pregnant".

The Doctor's face didn't change, but his eyes flashed with surprise and…guilt? Could the Doctor be feeling guilty? "Jackie, I-"

"I don't want to hear it," she hissed. "I don't care. You can't do this to me, Doctor, you can't!" tears came again as she grabbed a hold of the lapels of his coat. "You can't play with people's lives like this!"

He carefully prised her hands off him and she fell to the floor, sobbing. He looked down at her regretfully for a moment, before turning for the door. "I'm sorry," he said. "But I can bring her back."

Jackie sat for a moment, before grabbing the baby. She ran out after him, by the time she caught up, he was already unlocking TARDIS doors. She pulled him around and held "Michelle" out.

"Look at her," she begged. "Look! Rose wouldn't want to live if the cost was her child. Please, Doctor. I'm begging you; you can't take my daughter away from me, and then bring her back at the expense of my Granddaughter".

The Doctor looked at Jackie with haunted eyes. "And what sort of life is this, Jackie?" he hissed, angrily. "Is she," he gestured to the baby. "Going to live like me? With everyone around her dieing, with her world being torn apart. What about when I'm gone, what happens then?" his voice became thick with emotion. "What happens then? Is she supposed to lose everyone she loves? Travel the universe alone? Like me?" He shook his head. "I won't do that to her, Jackie. It's better no life at all, cause what sort of life can she have anyway?" He went to turn away again, but Jackie wouldn't let him. She grabbed him back, still holding the baby.

"Can't you giver a chance, Doctor? Look at her; she's your daughter. Why can't you love her? She doesn't have a name, Doctor," she whispered. "She doesn't even have a name".

He looked down at the now woken child in her arms. She blinked up at him, curiously. His face softened for a second, and it looked as though he might change his mind.

"Jenny," he whispered, softly. "Her name is Jenny".

And this time, as he opened the TARDIS door, and slowly it dematerialised from the Powell Estate, Jackie made no attempt to stop him.

There was a silence as Jackie finished. I felt cold. Numb inside. I didn't expect to be like this. I expected…I don't know what I expected.

"So that's why he doesn't want me," I muttered. "He wishes I didn't exist. So they could be together".

"Oh, Jenny, sweetheart," Jackie said, sympathetically. She reached out and took my hand in hers. "You mustn't think that. He came back, didn't he? He decided he was wrong and-"

I jerked my hand from her grip, shaking my head. "If he'd gone through with it, he'd have caused a rip in the timeline. He couldn't have saved her. He has to have me instead," it felt as though I was telling myself instead of her. My hands were cold and shaking. I wrapped my arms around myself.

Jackie sat beside me in order to do the same, but I shrugged her off, tears forming in my eyes. She looked hurt, but kept trying to convince me, even so. "How do you know he didn't just come back 'cause he wanted you?"

I shook my head, ignoring her. I didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to have 'Maybe'. "How far did he get before he realised, hm?" I asked her, my voice starting to crack. "How long before he realised he could never bring her back? That he was stuck with me? On his way there? Just about to stop…whatever he had to stop? Tell me!"

She shook her head. "I don't know, darling. I'm sorry, I don't". She went to hug me again, but I pushed her away once more. It wasn't her fault. Wasn't anyone's, but I couldn't take her pity.

"You knew!" I hissed. "You knew and you never told me! No-one did!" We stood staring at each other for a moment, before I turned and ran from the room. From the house.

"Jenny!" she shouted after me. "Jenny, listen I'll tell you the…" I ignored her, her voice cut off by the door slamming shut. I kept on running. Out of the estate, to the TARDIS. A place I'd once called home. To a man who, up until just now, I'd trusted almost without question.

I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it, closing my eyes. I stayed quiet for a few moments, before opening them. I took a few steps closer to the table where he lay, still wired in to the instruments that Jack had used to check his progress. He looked so peaceful lying there. I carefully took his hand in mine. It was so cold, like a doll.

"How could you?" I asked, quietly. "You left me. Twice. I was just a little baby and you were sure you weren't going to give me a chance. Is that how you feel now?"

No answer, of course. How could he, he was ill. Maybe dying. I carried on, regardless. "Well, is it? And then you left me alone, in Jack's time, with no idea where you were or if I'd ever…" I broke off, tears coming again. I took a deep breath in order to get my bearings, before trying again. "Well you can be happy now!" I hissed, angrily this time, with more venom. "'Cause you've left me properly. In a few days you might die. I hope you're glad, now you don't ever need to see me again. You bastard. You can just be with her. That's what you want, isn't it?"

Again, no reaction. I nodded, as though this proved something. "Yeah, I thought so".

I went to turn away again, when I saw something, from the corner of my eye. Movement? His right hand twitched, his head shook itself, his face screwed up for a second and then, finally, one tired eye snapped open. Then the other.

"Is that really what you think?" He whispered, dryly. "What did I miss?"

I just stared, open-mouthed as he sat up and stretched for a moment, taking in his surroundings and clothes. Finally his eyes settled on me.

"Hello," he smiled, before suddenly noticing my tear streaked face. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, eyes wide and face white. He stood up properly, eyeing me.

"You used the TARDIS to get into my head," he noted. "You could have been killed".

I almost smiled, in spite of myself. Some things never do change. "Saved your life". I pointed out. He nodded, thoughtfully.

"True," he agreed. "Don't do it again". I laughed, again, in spite of myself. But he was still eyeing me, thoughtfully.

"I seem to remember you saying something to me, as I woke up," he frowned. "And I asked if it was really what you thought. What was it?"

I shook my head, suddenly scared to confront him. "Nothing, it wasn't-"

"Liar," he interrupted me. "I always know when you're lying. I didn't raise you to lie".

My cheeks suddenly flared red and I was angry again. "You didn't want to raise me at all!" I snapped. He took a step back, put off by my sudden change in mood.

"What gave you that idea?" for a second he looked genuinely bewildered, and I was tempted to back out now. But then my anger flared up again. To hell with backing down, I thought.

"I know, dad," I said. "I know about when I was a week old, and you went back in time to stop my existence".

This time it was his turn to be speechless. His mouth dropped open and his pale complexion became almost pallid. "How did you find out?" he asked, in a barely audible whisper.

"Does it matter?"

"Suppose not".

I went on. "The point is, I worked it out, too. You couldn't stop me being born, because then you'd have created a rip in time, you said, like when mum stopped Pete from dying. You couldn't bring her back, you're stuck" I broke his gaze, staring at my shoes, instead. "I know why you don't want me".

He stared at me for a moment, the shock still clear on his face. And then, without warning, he laughed.

I looked back it him. "It's not funny!" I said, indignantly.

"Sorry," he replied, sobering up very suddenly. "I know it's not. It's really not, it's just...Jenny..." He reached forward for my hand.

"Is that really what you think?"